Cyan almost broke down again when Elliot came into his room later that night.
"Cyan you fucking idiot."
But he didn't cry, Instead, he laughed weakly as Elliot wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close to his chest.
"You sound like Carter."
"Maybe because Carter is rational."
"Not all the time."
Silence passed between them as Cyan balled Elliot's shirt in his fist. He wanted nothing more but to stay like this until he fell asleep and wake up to Elliot by his side the next morning but he had heard what Elliot had told him at the lake.
Baby, it's too late.
And Cyan didn't want the word to mean what he thought it meant. He didn't want Elliot to go to prison because Cyan knew he wouldn't be able to live without the man in his life. Elliot had been one of the only things keeping him alive and that obviously didn't turn out very well when he was gone.
"You'll be fine Cyan," Elliot suddenly whispered, as if reading Cyan's mind and continued on before Cyan could get a word in. "Not immediately, I realize that, but in the end you'll be fine. You have so much more to live for than me and dr-"
"I don't..." Cyan interrupted, uncurling his hands from Elliot's shirt and pulling away to look at him. "I have nothing to live for if you leave. Y-you promised Eli. You said that you'd come back and get me and that we'd go home and go back to the way things were. You promised." Cyan could feel the threat of tears but he was so sick and tired of crying all the time, so he held them back and bit the inside of his cheek until it bled while watching as Elliot glanced over at the closed door. He didn't say anything and the silence made Cyan continue on.
"Is this because there are bad people after you because I'm used to it Elliot. I can handle moving city to city and watching my back and being in danger. I can han-"
"Cyan."
"-dle hiding out and I can keep a gun on me at all times. I don't care if I have blood on my hands Elliot, whatever it takes to just stay with you. You're better than all of them, you'll figure ou-"
"Cyan it's not me!" Elliot snapped, causing Cyan to go quiet. He ran a hand through his hair and the dark eyes that made eye contact with Cyan held nothing but seriousness. "It's you they're after. Who Angelo is after."
"Your family's rival?" Cyan asked in a whisper, but not receiving any acknowledgment. Instead, Elliot stood up from the bed and ran both hands in his hair once again.
"I can't risk having your life on the line Cyan, especially with a man like him. Once I'm out of the picture, rather through death or imprisonment, you'll be safe. You're no threat to them so they won't come after you. I was prepared to die so imprisonment is nothing."
"To you but I need you!" And the mixed emotions from Elliot's words ran through Cyan, anger seemingly more predominant in that second. "I don't care if my life is on the line, I want you!"
"Well I do care. This isn't up for discussion Cyan, I've made my mind up."
Cyan was shaking. Rather it was from anger, fear, or the start of a meltdown, he didn't know but he couldn't stop the trembling that ran through his body. Because Cyan already knew that he couldn't handle not having Elliot. Elliot had so much faith in him getting better but he was lying to himself.
"I'll kill myself."
Elliot sighed and walked back over to the bed. "Cyan-"
"And if someone stops me I'll try again and again and again. Only you care about my life being on the line Elliot. Not me."
Cyan's back was met with pillows below as Elliot had pushed him back, Elliot's thumb running over his neck as he hovered above him. Narrowed eyes stared into Cyan's but he continued on in a whisper.
"You take the pain away Elliot. I just want the pain to go away."
And at his words, Elliot's features softened, his hand dragging down Cyan's arm to take his trembling fingers into his own. Tilting his head slightly, Elliot's lips brushed softly against the males before moving down and kissing below his ear.
"You're only masking the pain, it'll never go away Cyan."
Cyan gripped Elliot's shirt once more with his free hand, burying his face in Elliot's shoulder. He closed his eyes.
"So mask it or let me die."
~
"Yes. Yes. No, keep an eye on him and keep me updated. Bye."
A click of the call ending filled the space before a small voice piped up. "Wasn't Mason supposed to be watching you and taking you to prison."
"Now you want me to go to prison? You're not very decisive are you?"
Cyan shrugged slightly, not in the mood to give Elliot the dirty look that he wanted to. "No it's not that, I'm just wondering how he allowed you to be alone."
"I'm very convincing."
"Apparently so am I."
This time, Elliot shot Cyan a dirty look, clearly in a better mood than Cyan. Cyan hadn't wanted to stay in the hospital and despite Eliot's determination to separate from the male, he wanted as much time with Cyan as he could get. Because his mind was still made up, just postponed.
So when Cyan begged him to take him away from the hospital, Elliot had caved. To everyone else, Elliot had kidnapped him, but that obviously wasn't the case.
"Where are we going," Elliot asked, in the passenger seat of Cyan's car that he had forced someone to bring him, glancing over at Cyan who was keeping his eyes on the road. Changed into one of Elliot's hoodies and sweats that been in the car already, Cyan pulled his right leg up in the seat and made a turn down an empty dirt road. He ignored the man.
Rolling his eyes, Elliot looked out his window. "I shouldn't have let you drive so soon after trying to commit suicide."
"I'm not going to crash us. If you thought I was, you wouldn't have given me the keys."
"I have my dumb moments."
"No, you don't," Cyan muttered, glancing at Elliot just as he cracked a smile.
"I trust you Cyan."
Cyan bit his lip and slowed the car down.
"I ratted Romano out."
"I know."
"I cheated on you with Sam."
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
Elliot's smile had faded away, his eyes meeting Cyan's. "Did it help?"
"He listened to me." Cyan gripped onto the wheel tighter. "Where were you Elliot? I needed you."
"There was a matter I needed to handle overseas, you know I wouldn't have just left you permanently. I would never do that to you Cyan."
"Why though?" Cyan asked.
The sudden silence that filled the car had made Cyan nervous, his foot going to the brake as he stopped the car. Why the hell had Elliot gone overseas in the first place? It wasn't an uncommon thing, Elliot going quite often when he needed to plan how he would bring his cartel shipments in, but he always seemed to tell Cyan when. This time he did not.
"Eli."
Elliot ran a hand through his hair. "I told you before Cyan. I kept trying to tell you and you wouldn't listen to me."
Cyan furrowed his brows. "Why did you go overseas Elliot?"
"Cyan it's not important right now, I'm not going to stress you out so soon after you just came out of the hospital. I'll tell you later alright."
"We don't have later," Cyan pressed. "This is the last time we're going to be together Elliot so just tell me."
Elliot sighed, sitting back in his seat and running his palms over his eyes. He didn't want to say anything, that much was evident, but eventually, he caved.
"Kelly was the one who fucked up. When I left you and told you that I had people fucking up in the system, it was him."
"I don't unders-"
"He was the one who told the police where the apartment was. He gave them everything they needed to come and find us and if that wasn't enough, I found out that he was the one who ran his mouth and told everyone you were associated with me. It's why Angelo is after you now. It's why I was forced to turn myself in. It's why this is going to be our last time sitting in the car like this together because he had feelings for you that he never admitted."
And even after Elliot's explanation, Cyan couldn't wrap his mind around the facts. Elliot wouldn't lie about this, he had no reason to, but Cyan refused to believe it. First, it had been Vanessa and now Kelly? He wouldn't betray Cyan like that, he couldn't...
"Cyan?"
Cyan had believed that he had picked the right people to hang around with and one by one they were slowly leaving him. Why?
"Cyan say something."
But he couldn't. He just sat there, his eyes fixated on the Mercedes insignia on the wheel and listening to the soft music of the almost silent radio. Why were they leaving him? Why was everyone leaving him?
The feeling of Elliot's hand on his shoulder was what broke the trance that Cyan had found himself in, jumping to turn towards the older male and noting the furrowed brows and eyes that held anger in them. Elliot was pissed at Kelly but that anger only grew at Cyan's next soft-spoken question.
"What did I do?"
Because this was all Cyan's fault. Everything bad that was happening had to be his fault because that was the only reasonable explanation.
"Cyan you didn't do anything, you just can't trust people. People will backstab you for their own personal gain and disguise it as helping you. You need to stop blaming yourself for the fucked up shit people do to you."
Elliot put the car in park before turning the key and pulling it out.
"Why are yo-"
"You drove us to Candice."
And sure enough, when Cyan turned to see where they were, the calm lake could be seen from a distance and trees were blowing in the wind softly. It was completely different than the thunderstorms and harsh winds that it had been days ago.
"I-I didn't mea- I don't know why I came here."
"Come out the car Cyan," Elliot said simply as he opened his own door and got out. Without much of a fight, Cyan climbed out too and followed Elliot as he walked towards the lake.
"Aren't you worried?"
"No," Elliot said, making the short distance until they were in the clearing. "I won't let you go near the water this time."
Elliot took Cyan's hands into his own and pulled him down to the grass with him. Pulling him into his lap, Elliot held Cyan with a protective hold and buried his nose in the other's hair.
And for a small moment, Cyan relaxed into Elliot's chest, listening to the soft crashes of the lake's water and Elliot's steady heartbeat through his chest. More than anything he wanted to stay this way. He needed to stay this way for his own sanity.
"I wanted to marry you Cyan." Elliot suddenly said, breaking the silence and causing Cyan to let out a mix between a cry and a laugh as he turned his face away from Elliot's chest. The happiness that he would've felt at the words were overwhelmed with sadness at the fact that, as nice as the idea sounded, it would be too late for him to do it.
"You're an asshole for telling me that," Cyan whispered, a small smile on his face as Elliot laughed.
"I wanted to let you know I had plans for it."
Cyan wrapped his legs around Elliot's waist tighter and curled his fingers around the string of Elliot's hoodie. He was quiet for a moment, the smile slowly going away as he thought over the other's words. Marriage. What would that have been like...?
"Tell me about them."
Elliot closed his eyes. "I would've been an asshole about it." He said with a knowing smirk. "The proposal. I would've scared you into thinking that something bad happened to me and have some of my people pick you up and throw you on a plane to some island way far out. Then I would've met with you after you got off."
"I would've been pissed."
"Good, I like it when you're mad at me."
Cyan hit his hand against Elliot's chest, not able to contain the smile from Elliot's laugh once again.
"But I would've made it up to you later though. I would've attempted to teach you how to swim and we would've gone somewhere with a waterfall and stayed there until the sun was setting so that we could have a picnic on the beach like those corny chick flicks that you used to watch when we first met."
Elliot quickly grabbed Cyans wrist just as he was about to hit him again, and entangled their fingers together. He pulled away, getting up so that Cyan would fall back onto the grass, before hovering over him and pinning his wrist to the ground. Cyan's heart raced against his chest as Elliot leaned down to his neck, pressing his lips against the small of his neck and continued on.
"And I would've taken you down to the sand like this and told you how much you mean to me and how you've completely changed my life for the better..."
Cyan could feel his breath starting to get uneven, his free hand going towards Elliot's hair until the male moved up to grab that one as well, pressing his lips to Cyan's palm.
"...then I would name everything I loved about you and whisper in your ear how perfect you were until you're forced to see yourself how I see you and believe my words."
Elliot guided Cyan's hand down the fabric of his hoodie and coaxed his hand inside of the front pocket. It was warm and soft but did nothing to stop the trembling in his fingers because Elliot wasn't just sticking his hand in there because it was cold. There was something inside of it and the familiarity of the shape had taken Cyan's breath away.
His world had stopped and he could barely hear the words from Elliot's mouth over the blood rushing in his ears. Tears threaten to blur his vision as he grabbed the small item and pulled it from his pocket.
"And despite everything that's about to happen and how this isn't how I want to propose, I still want to marry you Cyan."
The ring glinted against the moonlight, the metal cool against Cyan's fingers, and it took Elliot to grab the ring and slip it on his finger before Cyan lost it completely.
He had believed that drugs were the only thing that could cause happiness and while they had, not one of them had given him the feeling that ran through him at that moment. None of them had given him the intense euphoria that blinded Cyan and stunned him into speechlessness.
"Will you marry me?"
Cyan broke down in tears, getting out of Elliot's grip and throwing his arms around him. He nodded his head repeated, unable to stop the flow of tears that refused to stop even when he tried to rub them away against Elliot's clothes.
"I love you Cyan."
~
"W-wait, st-sto, ah-"
Cyan dropped his head down into his hands, biting down on his knuckles hard and closing his eyes. Inside of a penthouse in a hotel where Elliot knew the owner, the air around then was hot, despite the cold room temperature. Cyan struggled to even out his breathing, having Elliot thrust into him every attempt he would make.
"M-more," he whispered despite it.
Fingers sank down into Cyan's hair as his head was pulled back up and the pained moan was stopped by the disappointed cry of Elliot stopping his movements.
"I can't hear you."
"El-Elliot...pl-please."
"Please?"
Cyan took another shaky breath as he tried to move his hips back, only to have Elliot slap his ass hard and grip onto his hair tighter.
"Please what Cy?"
Cyan was feigning now, wanting nothing more but for Elliot to slap him again and fuck him into the bed. He trembled, barely able to hold himself up on the bed and struggling to make coherent words as the handprint stung against his skin.
"H-hit me ag-again. Fu-fuck me harder please." Cyan begged out, grunting as he was let go and dropped back down on the mattress. Listening to his pleas, Elliot thrust deeper and harder into him, another crack of his skin being hit causing Cyan to cry in ecstasy and sink his teeth back into his ringed finger.
He writhed and moaned until he couldn't take it anymore and when he felt his release coming, he gripped the bedsheets hard and screamed out Elliot's name.
"Eli..." He muttered quietly through half-lidded eyes as he saw the man move from off the bed and go to lift him up.
Burying his face in Elliot's chest and closing his eyes, Cyan allowed for the male to carry him away from the comforts of the bed and to whatever unknown place that Elliot had in mind. That unknown place, however, was soon found out by Cyan as he felt Elliot lower him into warm water, opening his eyes to see the large jacuzzi style bathtub around him.
"Don't let me go," Cyan said as Elliot attempted to pull his arm away, receiving an arched brow.
"I'm getting in too,"
"Let me hold your hand while you get in."
"Why so needy?"
Cyan shrugged, moving slightly as Elliot got in.
"Maybe it's the near-death experience."
Elliot leaned against the edge of the tub, holding Cyan as he crawled to lay on the male's chest. The water was a warm welcome to the otherwise cold bathroom and the soft swishing could've lulled Cyan to sleep at that moment.
"We could leave..." he finally whispered, a sigh passing through Elliot's mouth.
"Cy."
"Eli we could. We could go away and hide and never be heard from again. We wouldn't have to worry about the police or Angelo and anything ever again, just us and maybe a dog."
"A dog?"
"I never had a dog."
Elliot shook his head and stroked the small of Cyans back.
"Your life is in danger rather we try to leave or not. Angelo isn't just going to stop looking for me just because I stop everything and he will pull you into this entire mess because he's spiteful. He will kill you Cyan."
"But we could be happy before that."
"Listen to me Cyan." Elliot started slowly, leaning his head back and looking at the ceiling. "You have so much more potential then you allow yourself to think you have and you cant throw the rest of your life away constantly watching over your shoulder and in fear of your life. So this is what's going to happen and you will listen and you better not fight me on it."
Elliot sat up quickly, grabbing Cyan's shoulder and locking his own narrowed dark eyes into Cyan's startled ones.
"Cyan you need to get clean. You need to get clean and you need to let your brother help you because that man fucking adores you and I have never seen him cry over anything except the days you were unconscious. You need to let Mason help you because he probably has far more resources than you can get alone and you need to get your life together. Work at Carter's shop, get your own place, go to school and be the most fucking outstanding citizen you could ever be because if I ever catch you in prison I will kick your ass."
"Don't threaten me," Cyan mumbled, going to lean back on Elliot so that he could relax again but having the male grip his shoulder harder and force him to pay attention.
"I'm serious Cyan, my life was thrown away as soon as I was born into my family. There's no changing my actions but you can so fucking do something with it."
"Ellio-"
"As soon as I leave, have Mason take you to the Groveland Correctional facility. Let it be the first thing you ever do because you deserve happiness Cyan. You deserve it just as everyone else does."
"What does that even mean Eli, why?"
"Just do it Cyan."
"You're confusing me, stop it."
Elliot sighed and rested back, hugging Cyan close to his chest.
"Promise me you'll just do it. Promise me you'll do what I say."
Tired and comfortable in Elliot's arms, Cyan just nodded as he closed his eyes. "I promise Eli." He whispered.
I promise.