While Lex drove, I settled more comfortably, sliding my bag down between my feet. It was strange to be so close to him in such a confined space.
Usually, when you're in a car, you have this feeling of being safe, especially when you're driving. That's why you so easily curse and shout at terrible drivers. You're under the impression you're in a safe bubble, protected from the outside world, and no one or nothing can get to you. Despite my abuela's best efforts, I cursed often; but I rarely insulted people. However, while driving, I turned into a spiteful Karen with the mouth of a sailor, coming up with the most creative and blasphemous curses.
Right now, however, I wasn't feeling safe at all. I was stuck into the bubble with the danger, and the outside felt more sure, despite the night falling and the downpour. To add to the discomfort, the silence was a bit awkward, and I wished we could have music or something to not only lighten the mood but also distract me from his very close presence. Given how smart the car was, there had to be some music-on-command functionality. Right?
Feeling bold, I called the AI's name as he'd done for the GPS, and when it answered, I gave her a command with a clear voice. "Play some music, please," I tried, hoping it was an actual thing.
"Resuming current playlist," the feminine electronic voice answered. Oh, no! I thought she would choose something random, but when I understood I would have a glimpse at Lex's tastes in music, the idea somehow made me panic.
No! No, no, no! I didn't want to learn more about the man. As it was, I already knew he was hot as fuck, he was probably the smartest man I'd ever met, he could melt my insides with the sheer intensity of his gaze... I didn't need to have a glimpse into his personal preferences. It seemed like dangerous knowledge right now. It was uncertain how much more I could take before giving up and throwing myself at the man. There was no way I'd allow more information about him to take any more room inside my brain. He already had a place way too substantial in there.
At the same time, another part of me acknowledged that knowing what such a man listened to in his free time was utterly interesting. I hardly imagined him listening to music at all, and knowing he had a running playlist in his car was certainly a surprise.
Well, they did say curiosity killed the cat, but I wasn't a cat in this scenario. Lex was the cat. I was the pathetic little mouse, desperately trying to avoid the fucking cat. Or rather, avoid fucking the cat. Not that the cat would ever be interested in me, anyway.
Wondering how he felt about my bold request for music, I turned toward him. He didn't seem too affected, as a slight grin appeared on his face. It was my first time seeing him really smile, and it made him seem more human, more approachable. "I don't mind. But you might regret your decision. I've been told I have terrible tastes in music."
Oh, this should be interesting...
My curiosity was properly piqued, and when a song started, I focused on finding out what it was. The intro was familiar, but I couldn't place it. When a more pronounced melody started, I recognized the tunes. Was it— No, it couldn't be. A man began to sing, quickly backed up by women, and I bit my lip, struggling to quench a fit of laughter.
Of all the songs on this earth, it had to be Rasputin, by Boney M?! When the chorus started, I let out a giggle, unable to hold it back.
"Are you making fun of me?" he asked, apparently slightly offended.
"I'm sorry, it'll pass. I just really wasn't expecting that," I explained, putting my fingers in front of my mouth, in a failed attempt to hide my wide smile and muffle my giggles.
"What were you expecting?" he asked, his mood slowly drifting into curiosity.
Taken by surprise by his question, I tried to think of an answer. What kind of music did I imagine Alexander Coleman listened to during his free time? Well, classical, for sure, then maybe a little of jazz, the calm and boring type. I wouldn't tell him I thought he listened to boring music, though.
"Not that," I answered, opting for the diplomatic answer.
With a broad smile still on my face, I looked out of my window, listening to the catchy tunes. Without making a sound, I mouthed the lyrics, enticed by the singers' enthusiasm. Ra-ra-Rasputin, lover of the Russian queen. There was a cat that really was gone! Ra-ra-Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine. It was a shame how he carried on...
"You made fun of me, yet you do know the words," he noted with unmasked amusement.
Busted, I turned to him with a lopsided smile. "Of course, I know them. I just really didn't think you would enjoy it to the point where you'd listen to it in your car."
"Maybe we should stop with the music before another song starts," he proposed, apparently preoccupied. Oh, I absolutely had to know what the next song was. Before he could do anything, I quickly pushed the next song button on the touch screen.
To my amazement and hilarity, Build me up Buttercup resonated in the car. A new series of giggles escaped me, and I listened to the band perform their famous song.
"If you're going to mock me the entire way, I'd rather we go with silence," he argued as we were stopped at a red light. His hand went for the screen to stop the music.
Oh, no! I'd managed to offend him. Instinctively – clearly without thinking – I went for his hand and prevented him from pressing the button. "Sorry! I swear, I'm not making fun of you. I love those songs, I'm just really surprised," I tried.
My fingers were wrapped over his wrist, and my right hand was just resting on the back of his. I couldn't help but notice that his wrists were as thick as my ankles, and the skin of his large hand was strangely warm under my palms. If there was, indeed, any correlation between the size of a man's hand and the proportions of his appendage, I didn't want to imagine how hung Lex was. He had this big dick energy, so it made sense that would take root from somewhere.
The music had provided a distraction strong enough for me to forget the physical attraction I felt for him, but it was now coming back all at once, hitting me like a freight train. As if his skin on mine was burning me, I released him instantly, sliding my hands under my thighs, in an attempt to keep them away from temptation.
With my eyes firmly set upfront, I could feel he was observing my profile. Eventually, I found the courage to meet his eyes. His expression was unreadable, as usual, his gaze locked onto mine. The exchange didn't last long, but it felt as if his gray irises could see past my brown ones, staring straight into my soul, reading my thoughts and desires. The mouse and cat thing felt very, very accurate, and I felt ridiculously small and defenseless in his intimidating and commanding presence.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn't look away from his entrancing eyes. It was clear that I should, that I needed to hide the magnetic pull this man had on me. He already knew I found him hot, and he had no business knowing he ignited the lewdest desires in me. That absurd physical enthrallment was my skeleton in the cupboard, my shameful secret.
A car honked behind us, and Lex broke our connection to glimpse at his rearview mirror, then at the traffic light that had turned green. He resumed our course, and the rest of the ride was done in absolute silence. The music was still playing, but it wasn't enough to appease the tension. Even when another strangely out-of-character song started, I barely noticed, my eyes locked on the passing streets out of my window.
We reached my building, and he stopped in front of its entrance. Eager to leave, I put my hand on the handle. "Thank you for the ride," I mumbled, turning to him. "Sorry for the detour."
He kept looking forward for an instant, before turning to me. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."
With one last forced smile, I pulled on the handle to exit the car. It was still pouring cats and dogs outside, so I ran to my entrance. I forced myself to not look back and entered the familiar lobby. I waited for the elevator, holding my backpack tightly before me. Nothing tonight had gone the way I'd planned, and instead of spending time with the man I fancied, I'd spent the entire evening with the one I so desperately wanted to avoid.
When I entered the elevator, I pushed the button automatically, and I winced at the chaotic sight the mirror sent back. I looked like a wet poodle. My hair was terrible, both flat and frizzy, and my mascara had leaked a little, leaving a blurry mess on each side of my eyes.
Well, given my luck when it came to this man, it seemed about right that I'd look like I came out of The Exorcist when he was at his best, wearing a dapper suit and all. Turning away from my reflection, I waited until the doors opened to my floor. It was a little after ten, and I was probably going to cross Tamika. Taking a deep breath, I entered the apartment, ready to face the reprimands she would most certainly throw at me.
Despite the small part of me that felt slightly relieved, I did regret missing the date with Oli. He had it all planned, and it seemed unfair I would cancel at the last minute like this. I hoped he wouldn't be too disappointed. It wasn't as if we were on a schedule. We still had a lot of time to get to know each other and attempt that date.
As suspected, Tamika was on the couch when I entered, reading a book. Thanks to her heightened field of vision, she spotted me immediately, and firmly closed whatever she was reading with a dry thump. Oh boy, here we go...
"What happened?" she signed, reaching me in a blink. Knowing it would be far from sufficient, I still tried to justify myself.
"I got caught up at work."
"I swear, I just knew you were going to find a way to chicken out of your date with Oli."
Someone who has never been scolded by someone with hearing impairment, can't really imagine what it's like. Tyler and I used to fight all the time, like normal siblings, and for a while, I would close my eyes to shut him off and keep them like that, no matter how much he would shake me or insist. At the time, I'd been too young to realize how cruel it was, but as soon as I'd understood, I'd never resorted to such techniques ever again.
Tammy was signing with firm gestures, her facial expressions particularly intense, to help make her point. When I was done reading her hands, I met her eyes, and what I found made me feel guilty. She wasn't exactly frustrated, rather disappointed.
It was unclear why she was so involved with Oli and me becoming an item, but from what Dakota had told me, Tammy was quite the matchmaker. Maybe her lack of success in the dating area meant she felt compelled to make up for it by being a solid supporter and mental coach. Since I considered her a friend, I didn't perceive her behavior as annoying, but rather as proof she cared for my well-being.
"It wasn't like that," I explained with a wince. "I showed my app to Lex, and it took much longer than I thought. I just didn't see the time pass. Oli is okay, we'll just reschedule."
Finally, she seemed to understand my complicated situation and gave me a compassionate smile. "So, did he like your app?"
I told her with enthusiasm everything that had been agreed upon, the money, the fact that we would start working on it on Monday... I also told her my desk would be temporarily relocated, but I didn't tell her how concerned I was about it.
No, my problem with Lex was my very own cross to bear. I wasn't the first person in the world to desire someone absolutely inappropriate, and like so many others, I would overcome it and hold my ground.
Regardless of how attractive I found Alexander Coleman, I was too smart a woman to risk my career, my dignity, and my head over him.