We decided the Go match would be in five days.
I counted the days carefully. It seemed that my schedule became more and more busy recently. I had numerous more meetings with the Emperor and his Council, or occasionally their guests, the next full moon I had to meet with Zhu Hua and some other members of the Hu clan who were possible candidates for the seat of successor, and in five days was the Go match.
"Are you feeling fine, Priestess?" Mei asked me. I looked up from the wooden board dotted with black and white to her face.
Mei was a girl sold by her parents to work in the palace as a child and she had been my closest maidservant since I was of age. I always liked her because of her gentleness when combing my hair and dressing me, but also because she was educated. She could play complex games, talk about the books I read too, and tell me about the outside world.
"I don't think I can win against you," I sighed. "I can't believe how good you are at only seventeen-I wonder how good you'll be when you're an adult."
"You flatter me," she said, looking away. "I'm nothing but a servant."
"But your intellect surpasses some of His Highness's advisors that come," I teased. She laughed.
"Thank you. Also there is a way, Priestess. If you focus on the closer pieces first and ignore the corners, which I'm leading you to do, you might overtake me."
I smiled. "Are you sure you should be giving your enemy advice?"
"Don't you have an important match?"
My hand stopped midair.
"Mei-do you know about it?"
She looked at me slowly, her large eyes innocent.
"Not exactly-but I won't tell. I would like you to trust me, if you can."
I think about what she could possible mean. She knows about the match? Or that Rui is visiting me? Or maybe about Rui, Zhu Hua, and Yang Jun? Maybe even about going outside?
Should I ask how much she knew?
At the same time, though, that would be incriminating myself.
"I'm sorry if I've upset you in any way," she apologized. I realized my hand was still in the air and quickly put the piece I picked up down.
"No," I whispered. "It's fine."
"I understand it might be rude of me to say so, but if you feel like you have no chance of winning in the middle of a battle, the most important thing is to not let the enemy know that. Be confident. Take risks. Do something unexpected."
I looked at her in surprise.
"You mean for Go?"
She smiled.
"In games, and in life."
***
By the time five days had passed, Mei and I had practiced enough to the point I could beat her two out of three games.
That night, like before, all three of them snuck into my room after I had my dinner.
Me and Rui sat across each other at the table, the board between us, with Zhu Hua at my side and Yang Jun on his.
This time Zhu Hua ate the plums on the plate on my table, and Yang Jun drank some of the tea I had prepared. Both of them were watching us duel while relaxing, as though we were fighting crickets and they were betting on us.
The room was dark and the dim yellow lantern light made me nervous. I tried to find something to talk about.
"Did you train these five days? Maybe with Yang Jun?"
"Do you think Yang Jun is better than me?" Rui asked, his eyes never lifting from the board and rolling around his black pebble in his fingers, thinking about where to place it.
"Is he not?" I thought the scholar would be a chess-master.
"I'm not, actually. I always lose to Rui. I can only win against Zhu Hua," Yang Jun said.
"And that was before I learned the rules," Zhu Hua said, laughing casually. "I most certainly can beat you now."
"Maybe." He sipped his tea without offense.
"Then you didn't train at all?" I asked Rui again.
"Train? Of course I have. My life relies on this game."
I tried to laugh. "That's an exaggeration."
For the first time during the game, he lifted his head and looked at me.
"Li Xiang, it's not. Now I suggest you start paying attention too, or else I'll win."
I stopped talking. The tension in the air was too much. Minute after minute we would pick up a playing piece and put it on the board. Soon the only sound that filled the room was the sound of Go pieces being put down. If it wasn't for that and the flickering of the lights, I wouldn't be able to tell time was passing at all.
Both of us managed to stand our grounds. By the time an hour had passed, though, I was beginning to lose. Rui surrounded more territory than me, and within a few more moves, I was trapped.
"I've lost," I said the moment the game was decided.
I put down the piece I was holding in my hand and looked up to Rui with a smile.
"It was a good game," I said.
To my surprise, he didn't look happy. In fact, he looked worked-out and sickly. His eyes looked sunken in and he had dark circles, not to mention his lips were dry and cracking.
"You don't look well, Rui!" I quickly grabbed a cup and poured some tea. "Drink some tea, you need to have some rest!"
"Oh, he really does look terrible," Zhu Hua said, brows ceasing.
"That's why I was adamant against it." Yang Jun said.
"Against what?"
"He stayed up all night reading Go tutorials by the old masters," Yang Jun said. "I didn't think he'd really only sleep three hours the last few nights-"
"Is that true?" I asked, horrified. "Shouldn't he see a doctor?"
"He wanted us to keep it a secret!" Zhu Hua hissed at Yang Jun. Her face was dark and her voice was surprisingly low and angry.
"Zhu Hua-" I held onto her shoulder to calm her down. "Please don't be mad at him!"
"Whatever, it's fine," Rui said faintly, finally speaking.
"But it's the honor of a man-"
"Honor doesn't matter, she was concerned," Yang Jun responded calmly. "And I am too."
"Thank you, Li Xiang and Yang Jun. and Zhu Hua, too. I'm sorry for worrying you guys," Rui said. Then he turned to me. "And I'm sorry for being rude before. It was hard to concentrate, but now that I won, I feel great." He grinned.
His face was pale and he still looked awful, but the happiness was evident.
He wasn't lying.
"So this time will you go outside with me, Li Xiang?"
I bit my lips.
How in the world did he expect me to refuse him after this?
I had already taken him for granted, both for breaking my promise the first time, and putting him through so much the second.
And I had so much more to apologize for-for saying I wanted to cut off all ties with him, for threatening him at the petty belief he didn't think of me as a friend.
Wasn't it obvious? I was no temporary toy. No one would go this far for a temporary toy. He was a true friend.
"I-I never wanted you to do this," I said softly. "I don't understand why you tried so hard for my sake."
Rui looked at Zhu Hua and Yang Jun, and then laughed, but not unkindly.
"Don't you want to go outside too? Even though you speak so highly of books, is it not because they are your only window to the outside?"
He was right. Why had I never noticed?
I suddenly remembered it, how growing up, I always sat on my veranda, hand reaching out to catch the raindrops, or snowflakes, sometimes watching the birds chirp as they perched there, or the petals as the drifted into my room. I brought a hand to my eye.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"For what?"
"For not giving up on me. And also for winning, because I think I wanted you to win too. That part of me that I hid away-" I began to sob, "you've freed her. You've freed me."