Cara's P.O.V.
I didn't want to think. The anxiety of knowing that my parents could soon find out about Hannah and how they would react ate me up inside. I felt like I would suffocate so I turned to the comfort I've used in the past. I just wanted to get lost into the feeling. The pain from the scalding water turned into numbness. All I wanted to do was wash away the feelings of fear and disappointment after Luna's visit. To scrub out the nagging voices in my head that told me to hide or be rebellious.
"Cara, stop!" Hannah's voice rang out.
It was as if I was snapped back into reality once the water was turned off. I was standing in front of the kitchen sink in a daze as Hannah stared at me in horror. She took my hands in her's.
"Your hands are all red." Hannah gently stroked the back of my hands with her thumbs.
I looked down at my hands and they were raw and red. "Oh."
"What are you doing?" Hannah's eyes stared at me in worry.
"Trying not to think," I stated.
"About what? Your sister?" Hannah pulled me toward the chair by the island before she went and grabbed a paper towel for me to dry my hands.
I couldn't bring myself to look at her at this moment. I didn't want to tell her why. I was scared of what her reaction might be. I knew Hannah dealt with her parents not accepting her sexuality. She would understand how I was feeling. The thing was that Hannah was stronger than me. I couldn't take my parents' disapproval. I would shatter into a million pieces if that happened. I felt like I was pulled into two different paths. One path was my parents and their approval. It was the only happiness I knew until I met Hannah. Being with Hannah, showed me a different kind of happiness I never knew before. I didn't have to accomplish certain goals or be someone I wasn't to make her happy. She liked me for me. I was still confused by it. I didn't think I was likable.
"Cara?" Hannah held my hands out as she dried them with a towel.
"Why do you like me?" I couldn't help but stare at her like she was an alien from another planet. How was she real?
"What?" Hannah tilted her head to the side and placed the towel on the island.
"I just don't understand why you like me?" I repeated. "Even I wouldn't date myself." I was so set in my ways that I am surprised that I haven't driven Hannah crazy. The shoe rack we had by the door, had to be organized by color and shoe style. Everything on the counter or table had to look symmetrical. I had to have dinner at six o'clock because it was enough time between when I had my last meal and when I normally get ready to sleep.
"I found your actions and words to be adorable," Hannah answered. "You were one of the first people that didn't care that I was a model and you liked me for who I was and not for how I looked."
"So...you liked me because I ran away from you?"
Hannah chuckled at my question and pulled me into a hug before placing a kiss on my forehead. "Yes, I had to be the one to chase someone for once."
"So if someone else was indifferent to you then you would like them too?" I felt myself melt into the hug. I am still surprised by how much I loved her hugs. She made everything I thought I disliked before likable.
"Yeah, but she would have to be as cute as you," Hannah responded.
I could feel my face heat up. I have grown accustomed to the point where I do not argue with Hannah anymore about her calling me cute, but it still made me feel embarrassed.
"I like how I can still make you blush," Hannah whispered in my ear.
I could feel myself getting hotter and I couldn't move away from Hannah because she held me tightly in her arms. Instead of fighting, I surrendered to her hold. For a few silent moments, I just enjoyed the safety of Hannah's embrace.
"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Hannah's voice was so soft but so incredibly clear that I couldn't pretend that I didn't hear her question.
"I'm...scared," I admitted.
Hannah pulled away from me and stared at me in confusion. "Of your sister?"
"We're both kind of scared of our sisters," I said with a laugh.
"I think I would take your's over mine," Hannah replied. "I think your's is easier to handle."
I thought back to my time with Amanda and quickly nodded my head. Luna had an image to maintain so she wouldn't be crazy. Amanda did not and she just didn't care.
"So..." Hannah stared down at me as she moved a strand of hair from my face.
"She doesn't want people finding out about us," I said with a sigh. "She doesn't want to be associated with us because it might hurt her career since Korea is so conservative."
Hannah's jaw tensed at my answer. She exhaled slowly. "I think I might prefer Amanda now."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but me too."
"Well, what do you think?" Hannah held my hands in hers.
"I think she's overthinking it. We're in the States, so she doesn't have to worry," I answered.
Hannah nodded. "And if the media over there did find out?"
"I don't think it will be an issue. There are celebrities that support the LGBTQ+ community and they're fine," I stated after some thought.
"Then there is nothing to worry about," Hannah answered.
"Ye...yeah..." I turned my head away from Hannah, my eyes focusing in on the door. Not that I wanted to happen all the time but why couldn't Amanda be here to interrupt this moment?
Hannah placed her hand underneath my chin and turned my head to face her. "That wasn't the issue. Was it?"
My eyes widened at her question. What should I say? What could I say without sounding like a coward?
"When you were talking to your sister, I did some thinking. I was so caught up in the moment when I found out you liked me that I didn't think about you and your family," Hannah stated. "The way your sister reacted, I knew how worried you would be."
"I agree. I didn't have a second thought about my family and how they would react if they found out I was dating a woman," I replied.
"I should have expected this," Hannah said sadly.
A knock sounded on the door. Hannah and I gave each other confused looks.
"Someone is not doing their jobs if they keep letting people come up without letting us know," I said with irritation.
"Cara, it's me," Jane called out. "I have some good news!"
"At least it's Jane," Hannah answered, relief in her voice. She stepped to the side as I hopped off the chair and walked over and opened the door. Jane grinned back at me. Her black hair was in tight curls this time. She switched out her regular black suit with a navy one.
"You didn't straighten your hair," I said.
"I decided to go natural and I was rushing here to tell you the good news," Jane replied as she stepped into the apartment.
I closed the door behind her as she slipped off her signature black pumps.
"Hey, Hannah," Jane said as she walked toward the kitchen.
"Hi Jane," Hannah said as she forced a smile on.
Jane glanced at Hannah and then back at me. She looked like she wanted to say something, but stopped herself.
"What kind of good news?" I eyed Jane skeptically as I followed her to the kitchen.
"There's another production company that wants to turn your first book into a movie," Jane stated.
I frowned and shook my head. I did not want to go through this again. Life was already getting a little more complicated for me and I didn't need something else to worry about.
"Waittttt." Jane held her hand up before I could say anything. "The production company is small and they focus mainly on films about women. The producer is a fan of your book and she really wants to make it happen. I've already let her know about your worries. She said she is opened to working with you and easing your fears. She would love to meet you and talk about her plans."
"I...I don't know about meeting someone," I said as I went to stand next to Hannah.
"I'll be there with you and you won't have to say anything if you don't want to," Jane replied. "You can just listen."
"This sounds like a good opportunity," Hannah added while she reassuringly placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Okay, I'll hear her out," I said reluctantly. It was better to meet with someone who wasn't my brother.
"Fantastic," Jane said with a clap of her hands. "Now, what's going on with you two? I can feel the tension in the room."
Hannah and I glanced at each other.
"Luna was here," I said.
"Yay........" The happiness in Jane's face quickly turned into shock when she saw the serious look on my face. "Oh........oh no, no, no."
I nodded grimly. It was great that she surprised me so that we can celebrate our birthday together, well early birthday. I just didn't want her to find out about Hannah like this.
"This makes sense. When I came in, Tommy said that Miss Lee stomped away on her heels and I just laughed at the idea of you wearing heels," Jane said.
"He let her up here because she thought she was me! We don't even look alike!" I was going to have a lot to say to Tommy about this. Luna and I were twins but we weren't identical.
"In some angles, I can see the similarities," Jane said with a shrug.
"Also what is so funny about me wearing heels?" I folded my arms against my chest and glared at Jane.
"You hate heels and won't come near a pair," Jane answered.
Hannah nodded in agreement. "You called them misery on a sole."
"Well...yeah, but it wouldn't be funny," I defended.
Jane rolled her eyes and turned her attention back on Hannah. "What happened after the big revelation?"
"She freaked out and then she wanted to talk to Cara alone," Hannah answered.
"She mentioned my parents," I said.
Jane winced at my words. "Mama Lee is scary and blunt. Papa Lee is like a robot, unreadable."
"Mom supposedly found a nice Korean boy for me," I whispered.
Hannah and Jane turned to me with wide eyes.
"Say again?" Jane leaned in toward me.
"Yes, please," Hannah added, eyes widened in worry.
I swallowed the hard lump that formed in my throat. "Mom... is...trying to set me up with someone."
"What, but you got a whole meal right here." Jane gestured toward Hannah.
"What?" I stared at Hannah in confusion. "I'm not going to eat...." I quickly looked away when I realized how bad that would have sounded. From the corner of my eye, I could see Hannah smirking beside me.
"Well, I know your parents won't like the whole female part and the not Korean part," Jane stated. "But we can kind of fix the last part."
"You're losing me," I said.
"Me too," Hannah added.
"Hannah can learn Korean and the culture," Jane said. "It will help a lot."
"They did say they wanted to be able to communicate easily with their children's significant others," I agreed. "That's why they prefer someone who is Korean." Although my parents did know English, they weren't completely fluent.
"Let's say I learn all of this. It still doesn't help with the fact that I'm a woman," Hannah said.
"That's the scariest part," I said. Remembering all the things my parents have said in the past about people being gay, made me shudder. I still remember the utter shock I had when my dad told me that homosexuality was a western idea that they brought over to other countries.
"They might not like it at first, but they might change over time," Jane said. "In my thirty years of life..."
I stared at Jane in confusion. "Jane, you're not..."
"Like I said, in my thirty years of life,' Jane reiterated firmly. "I know from experience what traditional Korean parents can be like. My dads' parents raised up in arms against him for marrying my Nigerian mother. Their grandchild wasn't going to have pure Korean blood and all that stuff. Over time they came to realize that they didn't want to miss out on their child and grandchildren's lives."
"But what if they never accept us?" I grabbed ahold of Hannah's hand.
"Then it is their loss. You have done all you can to live up to their expectation Cara," Jane said softly. "Now it's time for them to live up to yours."
Jane's words of wisdom slapped me in the face. I have never thought about that before. All my life it was me trying to live up their goals. All I ever wanted was for my parents to say they were proud of me. That I was a good daughter. The parents I wanted were the ones that would support me and not look down on me. I could feel the tears fighting their way from the corner of my eyes and I did my best to shake myself from that feeling.
Hannah gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.
I looked at Hannah at my side and then Jane who stood in front of me. Even if I didn't have the support of my parents, I already had a great supporting team at my side. Even if I break, I knew I was going to survive.
Author's note: I'm so sorry for the long wait. It's been a crazy couple of month for me. There's been so much change and problems in my life that I really needed to take time away. I'm slowly starting to get back into the process of writing again and I hope that I can finish this story soon. Thank you to everyone who has been waiting. I appreciate your patience.