With just as much difficulty as she had had the previous seventeen times, Hazel clicked ignore on the incoming call from Hawk.
He had made his feelings very clear, and if he wanted to go back to being fuck buddies, well, that wasn't going to happen.
She walked into class in her I-don't-give-a-shit sweatpants and tshirt sat down, ignoring Josh's imploring looks. Something landed on her desk, and she barely suppressed a sigh. She unfolded the piece of paper and her lips twitched at the simple message.
You okay?
She turned in her seat and sent Josh a small smile and a nod, but he narrowed his eyes.
Unsurprisingly, in another five seconds, another note landed on her desk.
Let's try this again, no bullshit. You okay?
Hazel surprised herself when within seconds tears were gathering in her eyes.
"What the fuck?" she muttered, wiping one from the corner of her eye.
She again turned to Josh, looking confused and a little lost. He smiled sadly and nodded.
"That's what I thought," he whispered. "Come to McDonald's with me for lunch."
She hesitated then conceded with a small nod.
"I'm guessing you and Hawkins split," Josh started, after they were seated with the food that he had insisted on paying. Not that it was a lot, McDonald's, but still. The gesture was sweet.
"Yeah," Hazel sighed.
"Why?"
Hazel hesitated then shook her head.
"Because he's...he doesn't feel it anymore," she said, sneering to mask the hurt in her voice.
Josh snorted and Hazel's head snapped up.
"What? Look, sorry, Hazel, but that's total bull. That might be what he told you, but I promise that's not the truth."
Hazel scoffed.
"Look, no offense, but you don't know anything about Hawk, all right? He used to be a total player, and I knew eventually he would get sick of me."
"Again, Hazel, no offense, but he's lying. First of all, no one would get tired of you. I know that you're just going to wave this off or something, but you're smoking freaking hot, all right? Second of all, you're funny as shit, and I know that you're smart. I could go on, but when you and Hawk get back together, I don't want him to kick my ass."
"We're not getting back together," Hazel said.
"Oh really?" Josh asked. She nodded. He tilted his head towards the door and raised an eyebrow.
"Then why is he glaring at me right now like I kicked him in the balls?"
Hazel froze and slowly turned to look at the door, where Hawk was standing and indeed, glaring at Josh.
"Fuck," she muttered.
"Go talk to him Hazel. And this time, don't let him bullshit you, yeah?" Josh said softly.
Hazel looked at him imploringly.
"You don't mind if I ditch you?"
"Nope. And I'll even tell the office you got sick, so you have the rest of the day off. I know, I'm kind of amazing."
Hazel smiled softly.
"You kind of are."
She got up and started to walk away, but Josh stopped her with a hand on her arm.
"Um, I'm not completely sure, but in movies and stuff, this is usually where my character says that if things don't work out between you and Hawkins, I want to take you out. Now, while this is true, I'm scared as shit of him, so if you guys don't work out, I'll probably just wait like five or six years until you haven't seen him for a really long time to take you out. So, don't be offended if I don't ask you out right away, okay?"
Hazel chuckled and nodded then started walking away again. By the time she reached Hawk, the smile was gone from her face and she stared up at him with impassive, dead eyes.
He bent down and looked into them.
"You're. Fucking. Dating?" he ground out.
She scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"Like it's any of your business."
He snagged the back of her neck and leaned forward to forcefully press his lips against hers. Her hands clenched into fists at her sides and she kept her lips firmly closed, no matter how persuasively he worked his own against them.
"Kiss me back," he murmured, trying to unseal her lips with his tongue. She made no response, verbally or physically.
"Dammit, Hazel, kiss me back," he growled desperately.
She finally pushed him back, ignoring the pain etched over his features.
"Is there something you want to talk about, Hawkins?" she asked.
He flinched and shook his head.
"I changed my mind," he whispered.
"About what?" she asked.
"I don't like you calling me Hawkins."
She met his eyes for the first time since they broke up and his heart broke all over again because they were still...fucking...dead.
"Tough shit. Now do you have something to talk about or are we done here?" she asked.
As he flexed his jaw, Hazel found herself transfixed on that muscle that ticked right next to his ear. She shook herself out of it and took a deep breath.
"Yeah, we need to talk. Come with me," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her to a car.
Hazel almost asked if it was a rental, but she didn't want him to think she cared.
He opened the passenger side door and after she was buckled up, he went to his side and just sat there, taking deep breaths.
"I-" he stopped and looked out his window. "I don't really know where to start."
Hazel raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. She sure as hell wasn't going to help him.
"After the whole...pregnancy thing, I was freaking out."
"No shit," she scoffed.
"Okay, but...not in the way you're thinking. I started thinking about spending the rest of my life with you and...God, Hazel, it felt so right."
Hazel's eyes widened and her head snapped over to look at Hawk.
"What?" she breathed.
Hawk's lips tipped up into a little smile and he turned in his seat to face her.
"Hazel, I'm not...baby girl, you could do so much better than me."
He was confused when her eyes froze over and her features locked up. Panicked, he quickly continued.
"You could have your pick of any guy, any guy at all. One who isn't bipolar, and doesn't fight for a career. So, I said all that stuff about me not feeling it anymore because I know that you would say that I was wrong."
"So you're saying... that you threw everything away because of your insecurities?" she asked in a dangerously soft voice.
Hawk didn't respond.
Hazel looked away and didn't speak for several seconds.
"Then why'd you come back?" she finally asked.
"W-what?" Hawk sputtered. There were a bunch of responses he was expecting, that was not one of them.
"If you think I could do so much better than you, then why'd you come back?"
"Because I'm selfish," he admitted softly. "And I love you."
She jerked like he slapped her and turned her glare on him.
He almost wept with joy, because even though her eyes were filled with anger, they weren't dead.
"Do you?" she asked. "Do you love me?"
She leaned forward until their faces were inched apart, and he could see every emotion burning in her eyes.
"Or do you somewhat love me?" she whispered.
He closed his eyes.
God, but that had hurt her. He hadn't realized how much at the time, but that had killed her.
He moved so that his forehead was touching hers and he tangled his hand into her hair so she couldn't move back.
"Hazel," he said in a rough voice, opening his eyes. The green was on fire, and Hazel gasped. "I love you...so much."
Hazel's lips parted, remembering.
"I love you so much."
The look on his face after he said it showed that he hadn't meant for it to slip out, but it had. Hazel smiled at him and leaned up to give him a kiss.
"Hazel," he whispered, pulling back from her a little. Her eyes widened, he had never pulled away before.
He held her face in the palm of his hand.
"I love you...so much," he said adamantly.
"I love you too," she answered back, thinking that she hadn't said it outright yet and that was what he was looking for.
"No, Hazel, that's not-" he broke off and looked away before looking back at her.
"I...love...you," he said, slowly, enunciating every word, wanting it to sink in, "so much."
She paused and stared at him for a second, taking in the heated look in his bright green eyes, and she started to get it.
He loved her, so much.
"Hawk," she whispered.
He kept one hand tangled in her hair, and used the other one to tilt her head. He slanted his own and moved forward so his lips were touching hers. Just touching. He wanted her to make the first move.
He watched the conflict in her eyes, and he saw the second she made her decision.
She closed her eyes and parted her lips, parting his in the process. He gave her five seconds, in which she lightly touched her tongue to his bottom lip, before he took over. He pressed in harder and took the kiss deeper, and she responded in kind. Hawk pulled back after a few seconds and pulled something out of his jacket pocket.
"Hazel," he whispered, "a friend told me that it's better for you to know I love you, even if I get hurt in a fight, than for you to think I don't. So, this..." he flipped the ring box open and showed it to her, "ensures that you always know how much I love you, no matter what happens."
Hazel brought a shaking hand over her mouth and sucked in a deep breath.
"Holy shit, is that-"
"An engagement ring? Yes. Don't worry, I don't expect us to get married any time soon. Like, I'm assuming you want to wait until you get out of college, but I just want you and everyone else to be very clear on the fact that I will marry you someday."