I wasn't sure how I had initially gotten roped into Sunday brunch with Nikki and her friends, but by now bottomless mimosas and french toast had become a staple in my weekend plans. The fact that I even had "weekend plans" was still a foreign concept to me, though it had become Nikki's favorite task to dress me up like she would dress up a doll.
Nikki had stopped wearing her wigs, claiming that colorful hair was suddenly too tacky for her, and she was now rocking a short blonde pixie cut. She returned to our table with more mimosas, and Raquel eagerly grabbed two. Fallen leaves danced across the patio deck in the crisp autumn air. I pulled my sweater tighter over my chest as I reached for my drink. Raquel nudged me, almost spilling my mimosa on the plum-colored dress I borrowed from my sister.
"Listen babe, all I'm saying is my brother is very single and you are very much his type." Raquel didn't slur her words, but I could tell she'd had one mimosa too many as she pulled on the sleeve of my cardigan.
"Raquel, I already told you I'm not interested in dating anybody." I yanked away my arm. Nikki giggled from the other side of the table and shook her head.
My phone buzzed beside her, and an unknown number with a New York City area code popped up on the screen.
"I think I should take this," I said before sliding myself out of my chair and walking to an empty corner of the patio.
"Hello?"
"Hi, I'm looking to speak to Natalie Owens," a young woman's voice chirped on the other end.
"Yes, this is she," I responded. I started to pace around an empty table.
"Hi Natalie, this is Marlene Hunt from the Hunt Agency, how are you today?"
I stopped pacing and felt my heart thump heavily in my chest.
"Oh, um, I'm...I'm great, thank you. What can I do for you?" I tried to keep my voice steady, but my nerves were firing on overdrive. I'd submitted my manuscript to over 15 agents in the last two weeks, but Marlene Hunt was at the top of my list.
"Well, I've just read through your manuscript, and I have to say I'm enthralled with your novel. The voice of the characters absolutely shines, and you've artfully crafted a story and a romance that is both sweet but so heartbreaking. I've never encountered a writer that's written so honestly about such taboo subjects like substance abuse."
"Thank you," I breathed out. "That really means a lot to me."
"The story feels incredibly personal."
"It is," I nodded, choking back tears. Happy tears, I think. "Very personal."
"Well, I'd love to represent you and champion this novel for you. We can set up a Zoom call to go over it in more detail if you accept."
"Oh, of course, absolutely," I replied, not bothering to hide the excitement in my voice. "I'm available any time."
"Perfect, my assistant will email you and we'll be in touch."
I hung up and clutched my phone tightly in my hands. I looked back at the table of Nikki and her friends cackling like crazy hyenas. I decided I would wait until I was alone with Nikki to tell her. I didn't want to share the moment with anyone else.
When I finally told Nikki on the car ride home about my call from Marlene Hunt, Nikki squealed so loudly that I thought I had burst an eardrum.
"Well obviously she liked the characters, one of them is based on me after all," Nikki held her head up with a coy grin.
But what I didn't tell Nikki was that Brody was her favorite character in the story, because despite all of his problems and struggles with addiction, he tried so hard to be a good guy, and it made her want to root for him. It made me want to root for him too - the real version of him.
I turned onto our street and slammed on the breaks when I saw a black Jeep Wrangler parked at the curb in front of our house. My breath hitched in my throat, and I felt like someone had just stomped on my chest. I wasn't sure how long I sat in the middle of the street, but a loud horn honked behind me and shook me out of my initial shock.
"Jeez Natalie, just drive," Nikki said, smacking my arm.
I tried to swallow the lump that formed in my throat as I slowly maneuvered past the car and into the driveway, doing everything in my power to avoid looking at the dark-haired figure slumped in the swing on the front porch. I turned the car off, but sat still and rigid in my seat.
"Nat, you need to get out of the car," Nikki said.
"I don't want to talk to him," I snapped. "Tell him to go away."
Nikki sighed and put her hand on my shoulder. "You need to."
I looked at my sister with wide eyes. I opened my mouth to protest, but Nikki stopped me.
"Don't fight me on this," she continued. "Forget everything I've ever told you about boys and relationships. I clearly didn't know as much as I thought I did. But what I do know now is that you shouldn't deny yourself what could possibly be love and happiness for maybe even the rest of your life. You won't know unless you hear what he has to say."
I bit down on my lip as I stole a glance in his direction. He crossed his arms over his chest and slowly rocked back and forth on the hanging swing.
"Look, if you want to tell him to go fuck himself afterwards, then fine, but you won't know until you talk to him." Nikki sighed one last time before getting out of the car. She walked up the porch, and I watched the two exchange a few words before Nikki disappeared into the house.
My heart throbbed in my ears as I shakily got out of the car and walked up to the porch. He jumped out of the swing when I approached him and brushed off his green camouflage jacket.
"Hey Nat."
His voice was exactly how I remembered it, and it made me want to come undone.
"Hi Brooklyn."
He smiled when I said his name, and every nerve in my body shuddered. I blew out a heavy breath and leaned against the railing of the porch.
"You look pretty." He kept smiling at me, and part of me wanted to smack it clear off his face, but the other part of me wanted to fling my arms around him and feel the warmth that radiated from his body.
"Thank you." The cold air stung my chest as I struggled to find my words. "What are you doing here Brooklyn?"
He cleared his throat and rubbed at his face with shaking hands. His cheeks reddened in the cold. He looked raw and unguarded, like he was back to being the same vulnerable kid licking his wounds I had met all those months ago.
"Can we uh...can we go for a walk?" he asked.
I gave him a curt nod, and I followed him in silence down my front steps and out to the street towards the beach. I kept my arms crossed and my head down, doing anything I could to shield myself from him. When we got to the edge of the street where the beach met the concrete, I felt like I could breathe. We sat down in the sand, a breeze blowing through us as we looked towards the ocean.
"I practiced what I was going to say like ten times in the mirror this morning." He rubbed at his face again. "But it's just...not coming out. Not coming out the way I want it to."
I kept my arms crossed tightly over my chest in an attempt to keep myself from unraveling in front of him.
The silence between us dragged on, until finally he let out a heavy breath before he spoke. "I know that I won't be able to tell you enough times how sorry I am. For everything."
He raked his hand through his already disheveled hair. I had to turn away, picking up a stick and poking at the sand with it.
"Okay," I replied tensely. "And?"
Brooklyn chuckled dryly and shook his head.
"Just let me get this off my chest, and then if you never want to see me or talk to me ever again afterwards, that's totally fine. I get it."
I swallowed hard. "You have two minutes."
"When I met you, I had no intention of staying sober. That's the truth." His words stung me the way tears were stinging the corners of my eyes. "In fact, the day after I got out of rehab, I went and got high."
I couldn't stop a sharp gasp from escaping my lips.
"I know you don't want to hear that, but I need to be honest with you."
"Okay." I tried to steady myself. "Go on then."
Brooklyn rubbed the back of his neck and looked at me with the faintest of smiles. "I don't know when this happened, but eventually, I wanted to be with you more than I wanted to get high. When I woke up in the morning and reached for my phone, my first move was to text you instead of texting my dealer."
"That's so romantic," I said with an eye roll.
Brooklyn chuckled. "Well, for a while it worked."
His grin faded, and a darkness glazed over his eyes that made my heart clench. "But then I got selfish. I wanted you, I wanted to pop pills, I wanted to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, I wanted to sleep all day and not give a fuck. I thought I could have it all, and for a little while I got away with it. You only saw what I wanted you to see."
"So our whole relationship was a lie." I laced my words with venom to hide the heartache in my voice.
His breaths were shaky, and he rubbed his eyes before continuing. "No, of course not. The way I felt about you was real. More real than anything else I had in my life." He sniffed and rubbed his nose with the sleeve of his jacket. "I can't tell you enough times how sorry I am, Nat. The more that time went on, the more I realized that all I really wanted was for you to be happy. I still want that. Even if you hate me, even if you want nothing to do with me. I'll still do everything I can to make sure you're happy."
The air came whooshing back into my chest.
"What makes this time different?" I asked as I turned to face him. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and I could feel him reach out for me, but I turned away.
"Answer me Brooklyn. Why is this time any different?"
Brooklyn sighed and rubbed his eyes again. "The reason rehab doesn't work for people the first or second or third time they go is because they go when they're not ready. I know I sure as hell wasn't. They're not prepared to give up that part of their life, mostly because they have nothing to move on to. But I realized I have a lot more than most people do. I have my sister, and my mom and my dad."
He smiled at me, and it made my knees weak and my heart swell. "And I have you."
"Me?" I choked out.
"Yeah, you." He kept smiling at me, and the gleam in his eyes matched the ocean. "I love you Natalie. I love you so much that every single day I spent without you put me in real physical pain. I even saw you in my dreams. I'm not asking you to love me back. I won't be surprised if you don't, even if you maybe did once. But the worst mistake I made throughout all this bullshit I put you through was not telling you I loved you when I knew I did."
He sighed and took a breath. I wanted to reach for his hand, but I kept mine at my sides.
"You don't have to believe me, but all I'm asking for is one more chance to prove it to you. I'm fully prepared for you to tell me no, and that's fine. But if I let you go without at least trying, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."
I pulled away from his gaze, looking out into the ocean. Lately I had come to realize how much life was like the waves. The water comes in fast and heavy, and the moment you think you're about to drown, it pulls back. The hardest lessons in life teach us the most. They come at you just like a wave, crashing down on you and threatening to pull you under with the tide, and sometimes you think you're not going to make it...but then you do. You come up for air, you see the sky, and you move on. You're okay.
"You know, when you left I finally started writing again," I said softly, as if I was speaking to the ocean, not him. "I wrote a book about you. About us. There's fictional bits, but the heart of the story came from us."
He offered me a coy grin. "I bet it's great, and not just because it's about me."
I let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I'm hoping maybe someone somewhere will read it and relate to it. Maybe feel like whatever they're going through, they're not going through it alone." I paused and swallowed back tears. "I got an offer for representation earlier. I'm going to accept it."
"I'm proud of you. Really, I am."
I nodded and hugged my knees to my chest. "Thanks."
"I have one question though. Your book...how does it end?"
I shrugged and finally looked over at him, and in that moment I knew. I knew despite the heartbreak and turmoil, he was exactly as I'd written him to be. Someone you wanted to root for. Someone you wanted to love...and I did.
"Guess we'll have to find out, won't we?"
END.