I'm standing with all the blue lions discussing the coming battle.
The inevitable conflict with Edelgard and her army is tomorrow and there is an ever present feeling of anxiety that has invaded every corner of Garreg Mach Monastery.
As Dimitri is finishing an admittedly terrifying speech about the coming battle- showing no mercy and all that, It finally prompts me to make a decision. I don't think it's the kind of decision anyone would make lightly, nor is it one that comes easy to even me, but.. I just can't watch this anymore..
I just can't. I physically may not survive this cursed worry that threatens to consume me fully. Although I was initially concerned about my students- my friends, I found they all seem to be in fairly good spirits, all things considered...
Except for Dimitri that is.
Worrying about him is consuming most of my thoughts and my heart has begun to feel like someone's merciless hands are squeezing it ever tighter in a relentless grip, and every time they squeeze I can not only feel my heart twinge and ache but my breath get squeezed right out of my lungs all in one go.
Dramatic, I'm aware. But in the time I've spent here at Garreg Mach I have come to care for many people. And this caring thing is very new to me. It's all very new to me and I am experiencing most of these emotions for the very first time. It's admittedly a little hard to keep up with at times.
Thoughts of why I am here, not just at Garreg Mach but why I live at all, have been plaguing me for awhile now. Gerald is certainly gone and he was my only connection in this world, I followed him wherever he went, it was the natural decision to make. I loved him. I was here for him. But then he left this world and I remained. I remained at Garreg Mach and I remained alive. Alive and seemingly without aim. Sothis was with me but then in a way she left me too, though I still feel her presence if I focus on it.
No. I shouldn't have a reason to live, but I do. It's the students. More specifically it's MY students. And that beautiful one with the blue eyes. Who's eyes have grown duller by the day and mood more chaotic ever since he confirmed his suspicions that Edelgard was the Flame Emperor.
I have been watching a caring, considerate and sincere man change before my eyes and have felt powerless to stop it.
My heart only just started to truly beat, to truly feel, everything is so new to me- and now I must feel such heartache- again it feels like someone is trying to pull my heart from my chest. That grip is tight and unrelenting.
I'm not here for Geralt anymore, I'm here for him.
I had wanted to join Edelgard when she asked me as the Flame Emperor but Dimitri clung with absolute certainty to the idea that the Flame Emperor was somehow connected to his family's death. I felt like I couldn't push it any further after hearing his side. Even then I could feel how truly fragile he was.
So I have examined my own morality and made my decision.
As Dimitri and the rest of the Blue Lions have each had their say and discussed their thoughts and feelings about the battle ahead a second of silence goes by and I take that chance to speak up.
Stealing myself I ask for everyone's attention. The room fills with a heavy silence, they can all hear the seriousness in my voice.
"There is something I have decided to do... I have examined my heart and found that this is what must be done..." I trail off for a moment as worry threatens to shake me before deciding to just get to the point.
I ask them to gather outside the front of Garreg Mach where Edelgard's army will have no choice but to try and enter from. And when they are within our sights, I ask that they hold their positions and let me walk ahead.
"Then, when I give the signal, close your eyes for.. (I consider how much time I should really need) 10 seconds .." I ask.
My request must sound confusing, mad even. Felix begins to prod me for an explanation but I just ask him to trust me. Dedue looks like he wants to question me further and holds his tongue, but Sylvain seems oddly for It along with most everyone else despite a few pairs of questioning eyes.
They genuinely trust me. It takes me off guard to feel how deep their belief in me goes. I'm not sure if I really deserve their trust but I'm going to protect them all the same.
They all seem at least a little confused, understandably, but they collectively agree. Dimitri is looking at me with an expression I can't pin down, a mix of emotions- confusion, anticipation and something else I'm not familiar with. I have no doubt he is trying to figure out my goal but I say nothing further.
——————-
It's afternoon and golden hour has set in, painting the sky's canvas vibrant orange hues and bathing the field and surrounding hills in its soft glow. Sunlight no longer lending its warmth to the place where I have been bound to for hours.
I feel my body temperature drop, warmth beginning to leave me as they finally arrive.
The conflict is here and as I've asked, my army is holding their position many metres behind me.
I step forward. Two army's finally facing off. In foolishness I squint, trying to take in the individual faces in the enemy's front line. Some of them are scared, some full of resolve, some vacant, some determined.
This is not easy.
Nothing is ever easy with these people.. But I have already made my decision, there's no turning back. Edelgard wouldn't turn her army around and just leave and neither would Dimitri, I know that much. Gods I wish they would just do that tho, turn around and just be friends. Talk it out, really listen to each other... but sometimes things aren't easy, most of the time they're not easy and even tho you can see a way for things to be better sometimes no one else is willing to listen.
So here goes;
For my students,
For Dimitri.
I can't let him take this step when I have the power to help him.
I see them gather in the distance. They're here.
I give my signal; turning to the students- covering my eyes in a flash, I bring my hands up over my eyes before letting them rest back at my sides. I can see now all their eyes are firmly closed. A smile that is meant to be reassuring plays on my lips for a brief moment before I turn my head back to the opposing army.
I take a step forward and Edelgard speaks, she warns me of her resolve and of the danger I am in. I tell her that I didn't want to make her my enemy either.
I can feel the vibrations in the ground as the enemy begins to approach slowly.
And then I shut out all other distractions. I focus on Sothis. I know she's there, I know she never really left me.
I call to her with everything I have.
"———".
And my body starts to raise into the air. I feel myself growing lighter and lighter and at the same time I feel heavier then I have ever felt in my life. I reach for Sothis's power this time, and feel it well up within me.
The enemy is moving slowly, getting into position, It hasn't begun to charge quite yet. Edelgard is being her usual thorough self and is analysing my play before making her next move.
But it's too late. Too late for Edelgard- for any of them.
By now I have risen a few meters in the air and the power I've been channeling has begun to take shape.
Flames. Blue and white in colour. First they start at my hands, flaring to life like fiery ribbons they twist and swirl around me growing and shifting, dancing to a song void of sound or perceivable melody. I can barely feel the heat even as they then double, triple in size.
Oh, 6 seconds to go-
They shoot, cutting through the air at impossible speed, engulfing the apposing army before they even have time to react. If you had blinked you would of missed it.
There are no screams, no shouting, no crying out in pain. There is nothing. The fire burning too hot and too fast to give them a chance. They don't have any time to register what is happening to them. I don't see Edelguard either. I wasn't watching her. How could I.
In an instant and before the useless countdown is even over the, battlefield is left empty. You couldn't tell anyone was ever even here, if it weren't for the burn marks scaring the field.
I turn to my students just in time to see them opening their eyes. I watch their faces, studying them. I see the confusion in their eyes and meet them with my own, which betray no emotion.
My eyes brush over Dimitri's face and I feel all the strength from my body leave me as I am pulled apathetically to the ground, mind going blank.
When I come to I am still on the battle field. My students surround me, their faces mixed equally with concern and confusion. They're talking to me but it's like they're really far awat, only muffled sound escapes from their mouths. I just frown lost in the situation.
And then voices begin to cut through the fog one by one.
"Professor what happened" Annette asks in her usual innocent and unassuming way. But her voice comes out so sharp and clear that the sound is almost disturbing to me.
"Yeah, so we all closed our eyes like you asked us and when we opened them the entire apposing army was just... GONE! Was that... did you have something to do with that professor?".
I can only imagine that Sylvain sounds no different from normal to the others but I feel his words, specifically his last sentence, warble throughout my head as he continues to prod me for answers. The rest look on at the empty field in front of the Monastery, as if they are unable to look away.
It's about this time I suddenly become incredibly aware of strong arms supporting my frame and like being woken from a dream I realise they are the only things stopping me from slamming right back into the ground.
Dimitri is holding me close to his chest. I can feel his breathing, it's slow, almost shallow- but his heartbeat is thumping in my ears so hard it's impossible to ignore... or is that my heart, I can't even tell.. between my stomach doing some absolutely sick flips and the pounding in my ears, I can feel myself begin to crash.
Finally, I answer Sylvain's question;
"..I did" I state, and to my surprise I am unable to put much feeling into the words as they fumble off my lips.
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Chapter 2 to come soon, again this is my first try at writing Fan fiction and I cringe at my current writing but I've always wanted to post fan fiction so I'm just going for it.
It's not heavily proof read either so please have mercy haha.
Hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a favourite or comment if you like it, I would really appreciate it - 🍵