Here Comes the Sun // One on One with the Elusive Harry Styles
The world-famous ex-trapeze star, who has traded the sky for the sea, gives Aerial Magazine an exclusive interview about everything under the sun.
For those of us who dwell on land, it's easy to forget that more than seventy percent of the earth is composed of ocean. Sixty percent of our bodies are also composed of salt water. It's a powerful life force, a chaotic mystery, powered by tides, wind, the rotational force of the planet and the sun. The ocean is a universe as cosmic and vast as outer space, right below our feet and our noses that we'll likely never fully traverse in our time on this planet.
Becoming acquainted with merely the surface of the ocean is something that a lot of us may never experience, but will instead gawk at with a sense of awe and amazement. Because it's risky, it's daunting, it's unpredictable. It's a terror. And one must be a terror themselves to outsmart it, or at least be radical enough to try.
Born and raised in England, Harry has led a life that most of us will only ever watch on film screens or read about in books. He dropped out of high school and fled home as a young teenager to join a traveling European circus, working his way up from shoveling elephant droppings and slinging cotton candy to becoming the world's most renowned trapeze artist. Even then, Harry withheld a high degree of secrecy, never giving more than single-phrase answers in interviews and avoiding public speculation at all costs. That tendency only increased when he disappeared without a trace for over a year, only to resurface in California with a new gig and a new trapeze partner in tow. And then the pattern repeated once again, but this time with a whole new surfing career and outlook on life.
Credit is due to Mr. Styles for pioneering a major and possibly permanent shift in surfing and tournaments. Before Harry had made a splash in the world of professional surfing, most surfers defaulted to long, eight-and-a-half foot boards for their practice and competitions. Longer boards are slow and not as easy to maneuver, but their large size does facilitate paddling and wave-catching. Shorter boards are quick, easy to turn on and flashy in the waves. However, that also means they require a lot of extra experience to ride, as they're more difficult to paddle due to the fact that they create less foam in the water. Less board space also means less balance and less area to stand on, making them harder for beginners to learn on.
From what Harry has shown us, once the short boards are mastered, the air that can be caught and the tricks that can be accomplished are well worth the training and potential danger. Which is exactly why the professional surfing realm is rapidly following in his footsteps in order to keep up. Proving himself once again to be an adrenaline-junkie and trendsetter, simply by following his heart.
On a typically balmy, sunny summer day in Los Angeles, Mr. Styles and I meet at a quiet beach spot of his choosing. He's already there when the photographer and I arrive, with a pink Mini Cooper parked in the sand and his surfboard strapped on top. Styles explains that he's been here for hours already, riding waves under the sunrise and then eating a large meal before napping in the sand with his T-shirt draped over his face. In the backseat of his rental car, there is a horribly tattered copy of J.D. Salinger's Franny and Zooey which he claims to have read over a dozen times, two open and squashed packs of pink cigarettes, a couple changes of clothing, a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses, suntan oil and a well-loved journal that appears to be on it's last leg.
At first, I am nervous to be in his presence. Not only because of the unspoken energy he exudes, but because the opportunity to be in his presence is unheard-of and a first for one of the most paradoxically prominent and elusive athletes in the industry. Why he chooses to speak with Aerial Magazine here and now is an utter enigma, but I try to allow that pressure to roll off my back. Mr. Styles' last official statement was with the Associated Press in 1965, three years prior, to announce his departure from the circus as well as an indefinite departure from the spotlight, without a promise of return.
It left the whole world with leaking buckets, filled to the brim with watery inquiries.
Admittedly, I entered this interview hoping that the mystery of Harry Styles would be solved. I didn't expect it to leave me with more questions. Not about him, but about myself and those around me. As if Harry were delivering a quiet message from some secret interstellar black hole that I didn't realize I was waiting for. It took several hours, but upon finally returning home later that evening, I'd realized I felt energized. Renewed. Humbled and awakened. Grateful.
A sparrow of the air. A silver bullet of the sea. Mystery man. Heartthrob. Fashion trailblazer. A quiet strength in public. Loud and vulnerable in private. Most likely to steal your girlfriend. Harry wears many hats. Some of which are rumors and fabrications due to the insurmountable stealth he has managed to withhold throughout the past ten years. But some of his "hats" are obvious to anyone with a pair of working eyeballs.
Harry is indeed intimidating upon first glance. He walks with confidence and enunciates with his hands. He threads an impressive pearl necklace of profanity that is strung together by a pink thread of cotton candy, which he chainsmokes like he's being sponsored by Crush Cigarettes themselves. His tobacco smells of baking waffle cones and he dresses like a scoop of Neapolitan ice cream, frosted with a cool sprinkle of jewelry. It's as if the past, present and future can simultaneously be seen in his bedroom eyes, but he's too privy to burden anyone with all of that pain, so he chooses to keep it to himself. He feels familiar even though we've never been in the same room before. And once I'd gotten over the shock and allure of his appearance, my mind slowly humbled and allowed me to begin absorbing his wisdom. If you're paying close attention, it lingers like a sunburn. Because Harry speaks in pastel jewel-toned shapes, not words.
You'll see what I mean.
Aerial Magazine: Hi, Harry.
Harry Styles: What's happening, man?
AM: Thank you for taking the time to sit down with me. You've competed in ten tournaments this year, which leaves one last competition in Spain in order to qualify for the World Surfing Championship in Aguadilla, Puerto Rico, coming up in October. Are you scared of the contenders?
HS: Yeah. And no, it's cool. Should I be? Honestly, I'm mostly scared of sharks. I'm just razzing. Take that shit out. That was a terrible way to start.
AM: Alright. Let's ease in with some ice breakers first. You're stranded on a desert island for an unknown amount of time. Which three musical albums do you have?
HS: Three? Okay. In the Groove, Safe as Milk and Forever Changes. Also, The Piper at the Gates of Dawn, Face to Face and Surrealistic Pillow. Really digging Electric Ladyland and Os Mutantes right now, too. Oh, and Astral Weeks. Begin Here, Disraeli Gears, Beggars Banquet, Revolver and Pet Sounds are always on solid standby, too. Shit, I can't choose just three. You're asking too much of me. That's fucking nuts. Maybe I'd be better off just covering my eyes and pulling three at random. Are there even record players on deserted islands?
AM: Not without electricity, I suppose. Great albums, by the way. I love The Piper at the Gates of Dawn. I listened to that album for six days straight when it was released.
HS: And on the seventh day?
AM: I rested.
HS: Hey, what three albums would you bring to a potluck funeral in the south? No, I'm pulling your leg. You can keep asking the questions. But I'm going to be thinking about that for the rest of the day. Probably something with lots of trumpets?
AM: And an electric organ. Okay, how about three foods?
HS: Peanut butter, apples and OJ.
AM: Three personal items?
HS: Ciggies, sunnies and my journal.
AM: Three people, dead or alive, aside from loved ones, friends and family?
HS: Dr. Martin Luther King, Nina Simone and Marlon Brando. Somehow, I feel like the four of us could put our heads together and figure out how to get the fuck off that shit-island.
AM: Solid Crew. You're a fairly recent addition to the pro-surfing world, yet you've climbed your way to the top at whiplash speed. Over the past year and a half, you've won high titles in Hawaiian Pro, Mavericks, Oi Rio Pro, Gold Coast Open, Sunset Open, Carve Pro and Tahiti, amongst many others. Before this, you were a world-renowned trapeze artist for two different circuses throughout the course of seven years. What made you want to dramatically change careers?
HS: I had to. My first partner was injured, but pressured into performing by our ringleader anyway. She slipped and fell during a performance in '63, breaking her neck and dying instantly. I blamed myself and still do when things are particularly dark. It was nearly impossible to return, but I was lured back in Malibu under false pretenses against my better judgment. And at the time, I didn't really want to leave that job either. But Russell Buchanan is a money-hungry, lying, manipulative, criminally misogynistic piece-of-shit that trapped me when I wasn't ready and cut me loose when it was too late. He uses people, then discards them when he stops seeing dollar signs on their foreheads. Soulless fuck. I wouldn't be surprised if he was embezzling cash, just saying. Maybe someone should investigate that soon.
AM: That's going to print.
HS: Rad.
AM: And I'm deeply sorry to hear about your first partner.
HS: Thank you.
AM: Your most recent trapeze partner, Vivienne Surefire, has her own touring, bustling solo act now. Do you ever wish you were a part of it?
HS: If I was, then it wouldn't be her bustling solo act, would it? She deserves everything she's earned and I don't get to stick my slimy fingers in her career. I don't even get to have a wet dream about it, because it's not mine. It's hers. And she's far out at what she does, without anyone's help.
AM: Would you go back to the circus if she asked you to?
HS: She wouldn't ask me to do that.
AM: Why not?
HS: When the universe screams in your face over and over again that it's time to move on, then it's time to move on. The universe carries us to a certain degree, but it also developed the ability for our brains to rationalize for a reason. We have the gift of being able to step back and think for ourselves and draw big, fat lines to carry ourselves, too. This isn't a game of free will versus determinism. Our lives are both, because nature is both. I'm capable of what I'm capable of and I can push myself or not. I can choose this direction or that. It's freedom within limits and everyone has different freedoms and limits. Our experiences guide us, our intelligence advises us, our resources limit us, our inspirations compel us. Does that make sense?
AM: Sure. You're done with the circus. [Harry laughs hard at this]. Are you still in touch with Vivienne after your fallout?
HS: Can you stop a hurricane?
AM: I'll interpret that as "yes." Your life seems to be fast and hectic between traveling, working, public appearances, rare promotional spots and your ever-growing fanbase. What makes you pause? What makes you slow down?
HS: It's kind of hard for me to sit still for very long. I read a lot on airplanes. I find places to play pool. I smoke. I write. I meditate. I fucking snack hard, then I crash out.
AM: How do you handle the attention from your fans?
HS: They're not just my fans, man. They don't exist solely for me. They're people with common interests and I love them. I don't feel the need to handle anything. I just talk to them.
AM: How has being famous made your life better or worse?
HS: I'm happy with what I've achieved and am grateful for everything that's happened, good and bad. I don't think too hard about how my life is now, because then I start thinking about how it could have been different and it's not different, so what's the point in speculating? My life is my life and I don't see the point in gloating or complaining about it. It just is. Like how your life or anyone's life just is. Our work is in appreciating and understanding the things that affect us, and then honoring and improving them for the people around us.
AM: I appreciate that. What are your thoughts about family? You're on the road a lot; do you miss yours when you travel?
HS: A healthy family nourishes one another equally and consistently. I also think a healthy family is rare. It's okay to put up hard boundaries when you're being malnourished. It's okay to accept the family you were born into, with all of their strengths and weaknesses, and then choose your second family. And yes, I do. I miss my mum and my sister a lot.
AM: Do you want your own second family?
HS: Uh... [Harry laughs and lights another cigarette]. It's not solely my decision to make. We'll know when we know. I'm stoked on what I've got and I'm always ready for more. I don't want to say the wrong shit, I'm just sitting here in my business casual. Who sent you?
AM: Well, if you did settle down, where would you want it to be?
HS: [Long pause] Maybe Biarritz or somewhere in the South of France. Los Angeles. Or Baja, I guess. But I don't think that's ever going to happen, you know? I learned the hard way that I don't stay in one place for very long. I'm not the stagnant kind. There's too much to know.
AM: The hard way?
HS: Nothing worth discovering is easy.
AM: After the year you've had, with one or two new tournaments every month, I bet you're ready for a long break. What are your plans after the World Championship?
HS: Eat gooballs and grilled cheeses and tail Jerry Garcia around? I don't know, I'm happy wherever there's sun, waves, love, baby pancakes and mimosas.
AM: Aside from your past trapeze tricks and your current surfing lifestyle, how do you express yourself creatively?
HS: Talking shit. Grooving. Sex.
AM: Are there any events that you would change if you could go back in time?
HS: Nope.
AM: Not even the surfing accident that caused your head injury in 1965?
HS: I'd be a completely different person if I didn't crack my head open and leave part of myself on the ocean floor.
AM: It's surprising to me, and the world, that you had the fearlessness to return to surfing, or the circus for that matter, after that.
HS: Fear doesn't ever leave you. It just moves around, morphing shape and attaching to different things. It never fully withdraws, it just finds new meaning. New dominion. You have to keep looking in and sharing what you've discovered, you know? I think that's the only way to refine it. Self-excavation unearths a lot of nasty shit, but sometimes you have to level houses and start over when they're beyond repair. And ghosts never abandon their grounds. But sometimes if you ask them nicely, they'll leave you alone for a bit. You're the common denominator of all your problems. It's not all your fault, but you're responsible for any improvement that happens or doesn't happen. Get me? Besides, what are the odds of something like that happening again? Actually, don't answer that. That was rhetorical. Next question.
AM: Rumor has it that you suffered a bout of pretty serious amnesia following your head injury. How did that affect you?
HS: It slammed a couple doors closed and blew some new ones wide open. Then slammed them closed again. Then opened them again. The damage to myself and those around me was fucked up. I didn't process my trauma properly or listen to anyone's warnings before I'd flung myself into a tidal wave without any muscle or oxygen. I don't necessarily regret anything I've done, because hindsight has taught me a lot about how to proceed in the future. But that entire experience was just like a fever dream within a nightmare within a dream, and I went through several versions of recovery before I'd started to feel like myself again. A new rendition of myself.
AM: Sounds surreal. I'm glad you're alright, man. You've fallen off of the grid and out of the public eye twice since your entrance into the limelight. The first time was back in 1963 and the second time was in 1965. Where did you go? What did you do?
HS: You know when you drop something, the best way to recover it is to relax, step back and watch it fall, right? It's easier to find and pick up. And do you ever notice how it's a person's instinct to slow down and breathe when we are about to go through something that we anticipate to be painful? Like when you pull a bandage off of raw skin, get blood drawn, or walk barefoot across sharp rocks. It's a lot different than experiencing blindsiding pain, like when you burn yourself on the stove or get a paper cut, where your instinct becomes to yank yourself away as fast as you can. Blindsiding emotional pain should be treated exactly the same as a burn. Your first instinct being to yank yourself away and your second instinct is to nurture the bleeding wound slowly. The wound should be protected and become priority. You know, take time unringing the bell in your own psyche. Except we don't do that with emotions, and it's a learned behavior that comes from generations of shame. Reflecting on how you treat yourself and how you interact with the strategically placed elements around you is the key to unlocking hidden doors.
AM: Perceptive. Did you feel concern over how the public would view those decisions?
HS: No. Why should I? Humans don't exist as objective entities. Anything someone else is saying or thinking about me is their subjective experience, so whatever they project is a reflection of what is going on inside of them. Not me. They don't know what's going on inside of me.
AM: So then, what's going on inside of you? What do you see when you close your eyes?
HS: Warm cherry pie. Sweet honey streusel. Cookie crumbs and holy mountains. Jamborees, smiles, boom-booms and slowdowns.
AM: Alright, and what's the first thing you think of when you wake up each morning?
HS: Usually I have to remember where I am. Then my stomach starts lip flapping.
AM: You're pretty inked up. Do any of your tattoos have special meaning?
HS: Everything has meaning if you dig far enough.
AM: What will be your next coup? Trapeze, surfing, what's next?
HS: Accounting.
AM: Finally, if "love" is the answer, what is the question?
HS: "Why?"
AM: The expression on your face makes it seem like you might have a particular person in mind when you ask yourself that question.
HS: Vivienne fucking Surefire. But when is she not?
AM: Is the infamous, perpetual bachelor confirming a rekindled romantic relationship with his ex-trapeze partner?
HS: And how. But I haven't been a bachelor since I've laid eyes on her, if I'm honest.
AM: Listen closely. That's the sound of a thousand hearts breaking.
HS: Life is real fucking rough, man. I get that. I'm lucky I have a person who supports every single thing I say and do. They'll find theirs, too. Vivienne is the human equivalent of cutting that perfect first slice of cake and finally getting a glimpse of what the inside looks like. All those hidden, pretty fluffy layers of chocolate glued together with cherry buttercream. The residual scent of burnt rosy smoke extinguishing and all that. She's a brick house, stone fox, badass bitch that puts up with my funk. I wouldn't trade that for shit. I don't think there's a better feeling than realizing you don't live in the same dimension that you used to. And it's even more powerful to see that same growth in another person and recognize that you've done that together. That you couldn't have done it as powerfully or extensively if you weren't together. The fact that she excites the shit out of me isn't random. Vivienne's connected to my purpose and I'm going to continue to follow my purpose. She's way too good for me, but she hasn't figured that out yet for some reason. Let's not tell her, yeah?
AM: It'll be between you, me and the world. Thank you for everything today and good luck in the World Championship. I'm impressed by your awareness and grounding. It seems like you really know how to take care of yourself.
HS: Hey, thanks a lot, brother. I've learned a lot for someone who never learns.
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