Don't ask me what I was doing there. I don't know the answer.
Maybe I came because my best friend told me it was going to be fun.
Maybe I came because my brother said I never get out of the house anymore and I wanted to prove him wrong.
Maybe I came because I was tired of staying in the shadows, hiding my true self behind a wall of my own making.
Whatever the reason, I'm glad I went.
Who knows who I would be now if I never went to that party.
A few months earlier...
Night has descended, shrouding everything in a veil of darkness. Headlights shine like stars as they zip by, threatening to blind me with their brightness. The car races down the asphalt, speeding away from my house.
I try not to glance over at the person driving, the person who wouldn't let this rest.
My best friend Tori switches lanes expertly, examining her reflection in the rear view mirror. She looks effortlessly gorgeous, per usual. I feel plain and awkward next to her in my favorite pair of ripped skinny jeans and a faded grey T-shirt featuring a band I like.
I rub my hands up and down my arms like I'm cold, drinking in Tori's outfit. Her long, tan legs are exposed thanks to the rather short miniskirt she has on. Her tight red tank top sets her auburn hair on fire.
Tori is supermodel-gorgeous. Her hair falls in flawless curls just like those on the girls in shampoo commercials. Sometimes I wonder why we're even friends.
"I think it's great that you agreed to do this with me," Tori says, tossing me a glance. Her smile is the kind that makes those of the opposite gender melt.
I cross my arms over my chest playfully and say, "You threatened me to come to this party."
She chuckles. "Okay, maybe a little persuasive technique was involved. But I promise you this will be a thousand times better than just sitting on your couch in your pj's, watching some Hallmark movie with a box of Oreos."
I purse my lips together. "Maybe I would have switched it up tonight and watched a Marvel movie with Cheez-Its, you never know."
Tori rolls her eyes, taking the next exit off the highway.
The party is being thrown by one of her older friends, a girl out of college named Maggie. It's about a forty minute drive from my house, but Tori insists it's worth it. "Mags throws the best parties," she's told me about a million times since bringing up the party.
I bite my lip nervously, messing with my hair, which hangs loose and curly past my shoulders. Maybe I should have done it up nice or gotten it cut before the party.
Glancing at my reflection in the window as Tori puts on her turn signal, I feel so utterly plain that it makes me want to beg my friend to turn the car around and take me home. But I don't because Tori has been looking forward to this party for forever. She was so excited when I finally agreed to go with her and I can't break her heart like that.
We take the next exit, pulling off the highway. I fiddle with the hem of my beloved T-shirt, suddenly feeling extremely anxious. I'm second guessing every decision I made this afternoon when I meticulously planned out my outfit. Something that looked nice on me, something that wasn't leggings and a sweatshirt. Yet something comfortable.
Tori is dressed up more than I am, but not by a lot. Seeing as she's the kind of person who dresses up to stand out, I'm feeling fairly secure in my outfit choice. It'll help me blend in.
"Your first real party! Oh, I'm so excited, Izzy!" Tori makes a right after the exit, turning onto some back road I've never been on before.
Trees zip past the window, looming like giants in the darkness. I wonder what horrors could be hiding behind them, shivering down to my Converse-clad feet. Suddenly, I wish I had my sweatshirt to shrink into.
"Uh, yeah, exciting," I mumble, realizing I should add something.
Thankfully, Tori doesn't catch onto my tone, her high spirits still intact. "Oh, I can't wait to introduce you to some of my friends! My party friends, that is."
She tosses a loaded glance at me, a mischievous smile creeping onto her face.
I groan aloud, burying my head in my hands. "Tori, no, I've told you a thousand times I don't need you to set me up with people I don't know."
She presses her painted-red lips together unhappily. "I don't see you with any other boys," she points out.
I recoil from her words, dropping my hands. "I don't want a boyfriend right now. Some of us aren't as needy as you," I snap back a little too harshly.
The effect of my words is instantaneous. Tori's face shuts down completely, slamming closed like a door.
Realizing the full weight of my careless statement, I blink in shock. I can't believe I just said that to her, no matter how frustrated I was at the moment.
"Tori, I'm so-"
"Sorry?" she finishes tersely, her gaze locked on the road. Her hands are clenched around the steering wheel, her knuckles bone white. "Don't be. It's what you were thinking. I'd rather know that you really think of me as some dependent, clingy, spineless brat."
I frown, digging my teeth into my lower lip. "You're not a brat," I contradict, playing with the ends of my hair. "And you're definitely not spineless. Remember when there was one last push-up bra in your size and there was another girl holding it? You fought her like a pit bull for that bra. I swear, she looked absolutely terrified."
That cracks a smile from her, but just barely. "Well, I wasn't going to just let her walk away with it; I needed that bra for my date with Theo that night."
Tori and Theo had one of those on and off again relationships. They started going out in sophmore year when we were in high school.
Tori was one of the popular girls who made everything they did look effortlessly beautiful. Theo was on the football team, one of the only two sophomores on the starting line. Of course they would get together.
They broke up after winter break in junior year when Tori found out Theo cheated on her with cheerleader Audrey Perkins at the holiday party her parents threw. But they were back together again for prom, kissing and slow dancing like nothing had ever happened.
In senior year, they broke up again because Tori made out with soccer star Isaiah Janson in the boys' locker room. But by the time Valentine's Day rolled around, they were exchanging kisses behind the the curtains in the auditorium.
It made no sense to me, but seemed to make perfect sense to them. It just became an unspoken agreement not to mention the complications of their relationship and I never attempted to cross that line.
"Are you still dating him?" I imply casually, hoping I'm not intruding too much into Tori's confusing love life. There are still some things that I would rather remain buried a secret between them. I don't want to know every single detail of their relationship. "I mean, now that he's at the University of Washington and you're at Stanford? How long of a drive is that?"
When Tori first told me she wanted to go to Stanford University, I just about laughed in her face. A gorgeous fashionista like Tori, going to one of the hardest colleges to get into in the nation? It was just impossible. But I quickly realized she was serious about this. She told me she wanted to get into their Computer Science program and that she needed help studying.
So we got down to work, doing all nighters on Fridays and Saturdays at the library, pouring over information. We were exhausted for weeks, but it was worth it when Tori raced over to my house one day, an envelope from Stanford clutched in her hands. We sat down on my couch and I held her hand tightly as she opened the envelope.
When she read the acceptance letter, she shrieked and wept for joy. My mom burst out of the kitchen and asked us what was wrong because we were screaming so loud.
Those were the good times, before we split our separate ways after high school. Fortunately for us, I attend Berkeley so we're only an hour's drive away from each other.
"Thirteen hours, roughly," Tori replies almost immediately. "Actually, we're no longer dating. He said he couldn't do a long distance relationship or some crap like that. He'll come crawling back, I promise you. No one can stand to be without me forever."
I force a small smile, not wanting to get too in depth about what, exactly, went down between the two of them. As a person who has never had an actual boyfriend, I'm not sure I would understand it.
I've been on one or two dates in the past, and went with a boy to senior prom, but I never really dated any of them. It was more of a one time thing to see if they were the one. And the answer was the same with all of them; no.
Tori squints to peer at the road sign on the next intersection, leaning forward. Satisfied with whatever she sees, she turns on her blinker, getting ready to make a right.
A deer flashes out in front of us mid-turn and Tori slams on the brakes. The deer runs past unharmed, leaping into the safety of the woods.
Eyes wide with shock and fear, Tori sits still for a second before pressing the gas pedal. "That was way too close," she murmurs, watching the sides of the road carefully now should another deer jump out in front of us. I'd be lying if I said that I'm not watching too.
Letting my racing heart still, I lean back in my seat and tip my head back. Once I've calmed down a little, I glance over at her. Her hands are clenched tightly around the steering wheel, her knuckles white with the strain.
"Hey, Tori? Which of your friends are coming to this party?"
I don't ask the question I really want to, dancing around it. But of course she picks up on that.
"A few you know," she says, casting a quick look at me. "Sydney, Peter, Erin. Michael and a couple of his friends. You know he has a band? He's bringing them."
I bite my lip sharply to keep from saying something I'll regret.
For all of Tori's talk about getting back together with Theo, it's not hard to see that there's a little something between her and Michael. And I think that's good. I like Michael a whole lot more than I like Theo.
Unlike Tori's high school boyfriend, Michael is actually a decent person. Of course Tori has gushed about his band before and how good they are, but I've never actually met any of them. I think one of them is... Avery or Aspen or Aiden or something. I'm ninety percent sure at least one of them's name starts with an A.
Tori catches her lower lip between her teeth in concentration as she scans one side of the road. "The turn is somewhere here..." she mutters to herself. "But it's always so hard to find..."
Straightening up in her seat, she slows down and makes a left onto a driveway I would have completely missed if she hadn't spotted it. We roll down the paved asphalt, weaving in between trees. The trees' branches crowd together, blocking out the moon so the only source of light are the headlights. They illuminate our path, showing us a few feet of driveway in front of us.
Suddenly, the trees thin out and a house appears in front of us. Cars are lined around a loop in the driveway, parked on stretches of grass between the asphalt and the trees.
Tori maneuvers expertly between them, squeezing into a spot between two trees. Killing the engine, she sits back and hunts through the darkness for her jacket. She hates bringing purses to parties but she needs to put her stuff somewhere so she always carries a jacket.
I fiddle with the holes in my jeans, playing with the frayed strands. I have everything I need, minus the fact that I really wish I'd brought my sweatshirt. My phone and chapstick are in my back pocket and I have a hair tie on my wrist.
Tori drapes her jacket over her arm, sliding her car keys, phone, lipstick and other various things into its pockets.
One hand resting on the door handle, she glances over expectantly at me. "Ready?"
I swallow hard, feeling like there's a lump of cotton stuck in my throat. Unable to speak, I just nod.
"Don't worry," she says, flashing me a reassuring smile, "stick by me and you'll be fine."
She pops open her door, swinging her legs around to the ground. Taking a steadying breath, I open my door and step out, slamming it shut behind me. Tori meets me at the back of the car and we walk side by side up to the house.
It's a huge Victorian, the front lawn manicured to perfection. What appears to be Christmas lights are strung up outside, setting off the multicolored lights coming from inside the house. People are on the front porch, sitting on the outdoor chairs, red plastic cups clutched in their hands.
One girl perches on another guy's lap, laughing as he tells some kind of story to a group of people listening intently. Her face is flushed, her eyes bright. Her blonde hair hangs down to her waist, wavy in an effortless way that tells me it's natural.
When she sees us, she slides off the guy's lap and makes her way towards us.
"Tori!" she exclaims, throwing her arms around my best friend. "You're here!"
Turning her blinding smile towards me, she says, "Izzy, isn't it?"
I nod, confused as to how this girl knows who I am. Then I realize I know her. This is Sydney, one of Tori's college friends she parties all night with. I met Sydney last summer at the pool party Tori made me drive over an hour for. It was a birthday party for some friend of a friend or something.
"Michael's band is performing tonight," Sydney informs us, looking directly at Tori. The sly, mischievous look on her face makes me believe that I'm not the only one who's noticed Tori's involvement with him. "Or they will, when their drummer shows up. He got stuck in traffic or something."
She hooks an arm around Tori's neck, drawing her close. "Michael's inside," is all she adds.
Tori turns to me, Sydney's arm falling off of her. "C'mon, Izzy, let's introduce you to everyone."