Here's your review. Sorry for the long wait.
Please note that I am not familiar with Carrie, at all.
This review is not based on the story of your book, but the storytelling, the plot, the grammar, and the characters;
Happy reading!
Not Edited!
(1) 9/10
I really, really like your cover. It looks more like a draw than anything and I love that about it. The red eyes really add a nice touch to it - it makes me think about her coming back from the dead (like a vampire who is known to have red eyes; sometimes), all the people she killed and the pain she caused. The trail of blood running down her face adds even more drama - I can't even tell if she's crying blood tears or if she's bleeding from a wound. It's bloody brilliant.
I also love the cross which I guess is from her grave (makes reference to the cemetery because she's dead).
The font used for the title is also good, I like where it is placed.
Now, here's what's bothering me and why I didn't give you 10: the author's name and the sticker.
After looking for a while, I finally noticed that there wasn't an author name on the cover. Besides the title, that is one of the most parts of the cover! You need to add it. Even if the original story isn't yours, you have characters of your own and the writing (words) is yours.
Put your name on that cover!
The sticker doesn't bother me that much because it actually goes with the cover, but oh well. I just think it looks "cleaner" without stickers.
(2) 9/10
Well, it's a fanfiction story so it's only normal for it to be named Carrie. I like the fact that blood of redemption was added to the title. It adds that creepy side to it.
I had a look and when you search Carrie your book is actually on the top 15 which is a really nice thing.
(3) 6/10
Alright, your blurb ok. The words you used and the punctuation, in general, are a bit confusing and some sentences are awkward. Much like in the last review I posted, the structure is just wrong. It's like a really big, chunky paragraph - it just isn't appealing to the eye. I feel sleepy just by looking at it.
I suggest you take a look at the last review I made. There I explained how to structure a blurb step by step by separating the paragraphs accordingly. You can do it this way: you start by a sentence, then you have an opening line at the beginning, then you have the middle, then you have 'the towards the end' and then, finally, the end.
Another way to structure - it's like this (Example from one of my favorite books on Wattpad):
Let me break it down for you: instead of a sentence, you have a dialogue. However, it can't be just any dialogue it has to be THE DIALOGUE. The author needs to be smart and choose a dialogue between characters that mark a part of the book and shows a little bit of what's to come.
In your case, I'd probably choose a passage in which Carrie says something about what happened or a passage in which Sue and Carrie finally meet...I don't know.
Next, it is important to give the reader a teaser of what's to come. Your blurb fits that part, but here is how I would've written it:
Dialogue between characters (or a sentence)
Opening: After Carrie White's rampage of destruction through Maine in two-thousand-and-three, the town of Chamberlain has desperately tried to settle back in.
Middle: Four and a half years later, the sins of the past are still fresh in their memory. Now, Sue Snell and her new friends Sean and Raymond Ford are back in Florida completely unaware that Carrie has come back from the dead.
'Towards the End': Even though the proclaimed Angel of Havoc still hasn't forgotten about what happened, she is now in a path towards redemption. This story is about how Carrie tries to make everything right.
End: Can she do it before it is too late? Or will she succumb to darkness once and for all?
Now go ahead and do your thing.
P.s - I'd mention that Stephen King owns Carrie on the blurb.
First thing I noticed was the unbalance between the number of reads and the number of votes. I suggest you put a note such as "remember to vote" at the end or beginning of your chapters. Otherwise, readers just won't remember to vote.
Now, let's start with chapter 1.
You seem to overuse the ellipsis(three dots). I noticed it right away. It's really distracting and completely unnecessary. Tell me, do you really think that is needed? It isn't. Either use commas or change the structure of your sentence. I liked how you started, but I was just lost. I had no idea who the monologue belonged to.
After the monologue, I thought that what you wrote was beautiful. It flowed easily and it was really hooking. The way you lead us to Carrie leaving her grave was very cleaver. I missed the gory details though - I mean the details about her appearance. There were some but they were not enough. I wished she had caught her reflection on a puddle and described it. Was there a thick, crimson liquid running down her pale cheeks, blonde hair tainted by mud, blue eyes now red and lost?
*Notice above how you use the ellipsis over and over again.
So after Carrie left the cemetery, a man and his family found her and called an ambulance for her - that part was well written.
The transition from then to Rita wasn't suitable, though. It felt rushed and it wasn't until I read more that I understood that we were reading about another character. I wish you had given us more background about this character, as well. At the end of the chapter, she asked Carrie to stay with her while she pretended to be her mother, but I had no idea about how she looked like which added into people believing that she was her mom. I mean they would've to look alike, right?
So, at the hospital, we learned about another character. Sue who was giving birth. Once again the transaction wasn't the best. Maybe you should've written that in another chapter. Plus, the line that separated the change was aggravating. That's why I advise you to only write only about Carrie and Rita. Then, write about Sue in another chapter. You went back and forth between them quite often.
Also, everything is just cramped and the chapter. Try to keep your chapters between 2,000 to 2,500 words; max. 3,000.
I didn't expect us to fast forward four years into the story. I liked the sentence you wrote at the beginning, but I wouldn't write it in bold letters - italics would be just fine. No need to capitalize "HAS" - we get it.
Carrie seemed very depressed in this chapter and I felt for her. Four years did nothing for her mentally. The dialogue between her and Rita portrayed that very well.
Above, there is a screenshot of one of the passages in the second chapter which was her talking to herself (?). Again, the same issue with the bold letters, the ellipsis...it just ruined a beautiful paragraph. You need to edit that.
Grammar wise there were a lot of issues regarding past and present tenses. You changed quite often and it was extremely distracting. I mentioned one that really got me which was on the first chapter when you wrote "She was alive" when you had been writing in the present tense before - knowing that you switched between past, present, past and then present again.
I liked Carrie's character and Rita as well so far. I didn't read past chapter two because I wouldn't understand. In my opinion, you really need to watch the movie to be able to understand.
The plot seems to be developing very well, you just need to edit the chapters, work on your transitions and your punctuation.
You are a very food writer and you have good ideas. I suggest going through a book on how to edit your chapters. That would help you.
That's it for you, angel.
Remember to leave me a comment on the "Experience" chapter. Come back whenever you want.
I'm out.