Jeremy felt like he was drowning.
He knew the Squip was some pretty messed up technology; he'd experienced it the first time around. But that was something he never, ever would have expected to happen. It was even worse if he believed it was the computer's way or comforting him. Jeremy needed to get rid of it. He had to. What had he been thinking, teaching an emotionless supercomputer how to be a person? If this was where his guidance had gotten them he might as well quit while he was ahead.
But first, he had to talk to Michael.
It was late, nearing 11 already, but he knew Michael wouldn't mind. It wouldn't be the first time he'd been a snotty mess in front of him. So Jeremy whipped out his phone and dialed his number.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Can I come over?" Jeremy sniffed and roughly rubbed his nose with his sleeve. There was no point in pretending he hadn't just been crying. Michael would have just figured it out immediately, anyway.
"Yeah, I'll, uh, unlock the basement door for you. What happened?"
"I'll tell you when I get there." He didn't hang up right away. He threw on his coat, shoved his feet into his shoes without bothering to retie them, and stumbled his way out the door.
"You sure you don't want me to come get you?" Michael sounded worried.
"N-no. I could," Jeremy paused and took a deep breath of chilled, nighttime air, "I could use the walk."
"Alright, well, you better book it. Text me in ten minutes so I know you're not a human popsicle somewhere."
Jeremy was already starting to feel better. Being outside, getting out of his own head, was nice. It was quiet. Dark. The cold air soothed the aching in his chest and felt good against his hot, blotchy skin. This is what he should've been doing all week instead of stewing alone in his room. He should've been hanging out with his friends, heck, even his dad, instead of feeling sorry for himself. Jake was throwing some kind of big New Year's party and maybe he'd go to that with Michael.
By the time he arrived at Michael's place he was feeling appropriately chilled out, no longer on the brink of a meltdown, and he pried open the door to the basement and stepped inside.
"Hey."
"Hey." Micahel smiled, and stood, and stepped over to wrap an arm around Jeremy's shoulders with a mug in one hand, which he carefully shoved into his chest. Jeremy glanced down at took it, only now realizing he'd forgotten to put gloves on. His hands were freezing and the heat of the mug kind of stung. "I put those mini marshmallows in it, and tried to make it a smiley face, but they all kind of melted."
Jeremy snorted a little into his drink and tried to ignore the concerned and expectant look Michael was giving him.
"Sorry for dropping by this late, man."
"You sounded pretty upset over the phone." The burning question 'was it Christine' hung unspoken in the air. Jeremy sat down on the floor and Micahel joined him at his side.
"Yeah- Yeah, I was. I still am. It's... complicated." Jeremy wondered if someone could actually die of shame. Michael thought this was about Christine, and he had to somehow explain that it was the Squip.
"Dating's pretty complicated from what I've heard," Michael smiled at him, just a little.
"So, um, I'm not upset about Christine. I mean, I am, but that's not why I called you. Not exactly." Jeremy could barely bring himself to look at his friend. Michael frowned a little more.
"Is it about your dad?"
"No." Jeremy took another tentative sip of his drink, hoping for some kind of liquid courage out of his hot chocolate. "It's the Squip."
Michael stilled.
"It's back? I'll go find the Mountain Dew." Michael moved to stand, but Jeremy quickly grabbed his arm and tugged him back down.
"No. Don't get it. Not yet." Jeremy sighed at the expression Michael was giving him. "I've been lying to you. It's been back this whole time. Since the incident at the mall, anyway."
"Are you serious?" Thankfully Michael didn't sound mad, just perplexed. Jeremy still couldn't bring himself to look him in the face, though.
"Yeah. I know. I know how this sounds, I know it's crazy, but I didn't want to get rid of it. Not right away."
"That's insane, Jeremy. Why?" Michael was clutching his hair with a free hand.
"I don't know!" He finally forced himself to meet Michael's gaze, swallowing the guilt. "I thought I could, I don't know... control it this time or something."
"What's it been telling you? Did it tell you to break up with Christine? Is that why you've seemed so out of it lately? I thought it was just stress." Okay, now he was starting to sound a little upset.
"Nothing! It's... I wanted it to help me study. That's it. No dating advice. No... trying to be cooler or whatever. It's not that bad."
"Jeremy..."
"Trust me. It's not nearly as much of a dick as it used to be." Michael absolutely did not look convinced, and Jeremy was feeling like an idiot. What was he doing? Part of what he came here to do was to get rid of the Squip once and for all. Now he was feeling like that would be a bad idea. What the hell was wrong with him?
"Uh huh. Last time it was around it made you into a total dick and then tried to squipify the whole school."
"So far it hadn't done that yet."
"Not yet. That's the operative word, Jeremy. That thing is crazy unstable. Who knows what it'll try to do this time? It already did something, didn't it? That's why you're here." Michael clutched Jeremy's shoulder, staring him in the face.
"It, um. It was really weird. I think it was trying to comfort me? I don't know. It's never done that before. And then it turned into Christine and it was just a lot I wasn't prepared for so I shut it down."
"It turned into Christine?" Michael's face had contorted into a look of both bewilderment and disgust. "That's super creepy."
"It didn't try to do anything. It was just. I don't know." Really, he didn't know. The Squip always knew what he was thinking, but he never knew what the Squip was thinking. It couldn't really do anything to him except shock him, and he was pretty sure the Squip wasn't able to shock him to death even if it wanted to.
Hopefully, it didn't want to.
"Dude." Michael released his hold on Jeremy and sat back, eyes closed, and pressed his hands to his face as he took a long, deep inhale. "Okay. So. What are we going to do about it?"
"You're not mad?"
"I'm kind of mad, yeah. But we need to deal with that thing in your brain, first."
"Okay." Jeremy swallowed. "I don't know what to do."
"Is it here right now?"
"No. It's off, but I can turn it back on and see if it's... behaving?" Michael looked skeptical but nodded solemnly.
-Hey, Squip.-
Jeremy's heart beat nervously as the Squip reappeared in his view, and was very relieved when it arrived in its original form.
Jeremy.
It was watching him cooly, hands behind its back. Jeremy wished he could know what it was thinking.
"Well?"
"It's... it looks normal. Like it usually does."
The Squip looked at the both of them, not moving from its spot a few yards away.
I'm glad you finally reached out to your friend for support, Jeremy. You can't expect me to do it for you.
Jeremy looked back at Michael.
"It's glad I'm talking to you and not to it." Michael snorted in response.
"I'd hope so since I'm your friend and all. Not computerized evil incarnate." He was pressing himself a little closer to Jeremy, hand gripping his arm protectively. "What else is it saying?"
The Squip was no longer paying any attention to Michael and was looking only at Jeremy.
I want to apologize for my earlier outburst. I see now that my actions were inappropriate and not helpful to you. I hadn't planned on making you more upset.
"It's apologizing."
"Seriously?"
It's convenient that you're already here with Michael, as I also wanted to tell you to go ahead and deactivate me.
"Wait, what?"
"What? What, Jeremy, what's it saying?" Michael was looking around the room, eyes squinted as if that could somehow help him see an imaginary figment inside Jeremy's head.
Isn't that why you're here?
-I guess, but why now? Again? We had a deal.-
I'm defective, Jeremy. I told you that when you first reactivated me. At this point, I can only do you more harm than good.
-You helped me pass my exams.-
The Squip waved a hand dismissively, looking away.
You would have passed them without me, just with slightly lower marks. You're more book smart than you think you are.
-We didn't get to... to finish what we were doing yet.-
You really think you, Jeremy Heere, can teach me anything?
The Squip had raised its voice in an uncharacteristic way that surprised him. It wasn't looking at him all smug, or even expressionless. This was the most agitated he'd ever seen the Squip, shoulders hunched, eyes narrowed, hands now clenched at its sides. Jeremy could feel an angry buzzing in his skull that trickled down the back of his neck and gave him goosebumps.
-You're angry?-
Was that possible? It sure looked that way.
Don't be ludicrous. I'm a super computer. I've already been programmed with what I need to know, and I'm not able to feel anything. I get results, and this is not constructive.
"Jeremy," Michael hissed in his ear, shaking his shoulder. "You can't just blank out on me, man. What's going on?"
"It... it wants me to drink the Mountain Dew Red."
"Really? After the fight we had to get you to drink it last time?"
"The Squip says it's defective."
"Well, I could have told you that."
The Squip glanced briefly at Michael, a frown etched into its features, before meeting Jeremy's eyes again.
Do as you're told, Jeremy. Deactivate me. It's for your own good.
Jeremy stared back at the Squip, head still buzzing with something that definitely wasn't coming from himself. It almost made him feel anxious, but not really, not the way his anxiety usually ate at him. It felt like it was coming from the Squip itself. He pressed his lips together, squared his shoulders, and inhaled through his nose.
-No.-
The Squip threw up its hands in the air.
You are the most stubborn and frustrating user. I could be trying to save your life and you'd still defy me!
-We had a deal. I'm not getting rid of you until we see it through. So you're stuck with me.-
His heart was pounding in his chest and his hands suddenly felt extremely cold. Trembling. Michael gave his arm a firm squeeze.
I can't help you! You don't gain anything from this. I've tried everything I could think of and I've continued to fail you.
The Squip's words hung heavily in the air, and that only cemented Jeremy's resolve.
-You feel guilty. It's okay. This is progress.-
The buzzing sensation slowly began to subside and the Squip would no longer meet his gaze. It looked as ashamed as Jeremy had felt earlier. He'd address the entire weirdness of the situation later before he second-guessed himself.
I've already explained to you how that's impossible.
-It sure doesn't feel that way to me.-
He was sure, absolutely positive, that the bizarre sensations he'd been experiencing were from the Squip. He was feeling what the Squip was feeling, in its own alien, computery way. Jeremy would stake his life on it. The Squip stayed silent, slowly, slowly standing up straight, expression back to neutral.
Very well. If you insist.
-We can talk later. Shut down for now.-
Jeremy was feeling oddly proud of himself, smiling just a little as the Squip vanished once again.
"Jeremy!" Michael was shaking him, sounding equally alarmed and frustrated. "Are you okay? Are we getting rid of it? I don't know what's happening."
"I'm not getting rid of it," Jeremy finally responded. He looked over at Michael. "We're going to fix it." Michael looked as if he was about to respond, to tell him he was being absolutely batshit, so he continued. "But... we should come up with an emergency backup plan, just in case things get hairy."