3rd august, saturday, 2019
dear diary,
Two days ago I auditioned for the theatre society of college and I'm sure I sucked. I chose this society because singers, instrumentalists, actors and writers, all are welcome. It seems like a place where all of my talents can grow.
I was terrified initially. I've never sung openly in front of people. I fervently shake my head each time even my close friends ask me to sing. This time, though, what carried me to that stage was the fact that I was ready, like I had promised myself to be. And it did help my confidence as I'd predicted. But I can't say that I've overcome my stage fright just yet.
One thing I've learnt from being a part of the audience is that those who are watching really don't care about the people who are auditioning. I've known this all along, obviously. When I'm the one watching, I only remember the people who were good, and the rest are forgotten, unless someone fucks up majorly. I might even laugh at a bad audition, but that's it. The story ends there (unless the watcher is a bully of some sort).
Before going up there, this is what I was thinking about. I told myself that I could expect the same of my audience. What was the harm in auditioning?
So I stood on the stage. I was aware that I hadn't practiced the day before, and that there were chances of me being off-key. But when I started, I had no idea what I was doing. I don't know whether I was on-key or not. I felt a bit disappointed as I sang, thinking that my voice sounded shaky. My legs were trembling. I think my high notes were off. Anyway, it more or less came out how I had practiced it.
When I had to act, I forgot what all I had been thinking while on the bleachers—she needs more volume, her expression is not good enough, stuff like that. I just did what came to my mind. And I made many of the same mistakes.
They gave me lines, and then situations. The lines didn't correspond to the situations at all, but I had to say them as I acted. No other dialogue was allowed.
So when I had to behave as if I had injured my foot and say, "I have lost my dog," at the same time, I pretended that the situation was real. That is the key to acting, in my opinion. And I think I did well. In some situations, I had to pause to prepare myself. Some situations I didn't enact well. I was like one of those people who had used the same expression in all situations. But overall, I felt satisfied. Let's see what happens.
UPDATE: I just got a text saying that I've been selected!!! Gosh! Tomorrow is the first official day of theatre practice! I will write more about it tomorrow!
❄