"Where's Crystal?" faint whispers wake me up.
"She's in my bed, chill will you!" I can hear Ryan raise his voice slightly.
Not wanting to face anything I turn over pulling the blanket further over my head. Trying to get back to sleep, thoughts begin to creep. Last night, the party, alcohol and I am in Ryan's bed... oh bother.
I wonder if we...
"Babe are you awake?" Ryan asks as he re-enters the room, he shuts the door behind him. I smile at myself.
The mattress dips a little, I can't help but grin as he leans over me playing with my hair.
"Uh huh!" I muffle into his pillow.
I sit up beside him, my eyes wander to his naked torso, tanned and muscled.
"Are you alright?" He asks, his voice soft and small. He entwines his fingers with mine.
"Ryan... Did we you know?" I ask nervously avoiding eye contact. I can't remember what happened after we danced, and the last thing I want is my first time to be something I cannot remember.
"Sex? No we didn't." He laughs, I let out a well needed sigh of relief. He pulls me onto his lap and I rest my head on his naked shoulder. His scent makes me feel relaxed.
"We were too drunk and passed out for that!" He whispers into my hair.
I drape my arms around him and simply lay on his shoulder breathing on his neck. I'm lucky to have him.
"You didn't bite me last night," He says with mischief in his tone.
I sit up almost panicking, I look at his clear neck feeling relieved.
"You wanted me to?" I attempt to flirt, it's hard when the image of blood draping down his neck taunts my mind.
"You looked so hot last night, with your fake fangs and little dress," his tone is soft as he chews on his lower lip, his eyes wander from my face and down my neck. I want to bite this lip and pounce on him and kiss him a thousand times and then some, I refrain myself and simply watch him.
"You like what you see?" I laugh at him, he looks back up at me with a full smile, his lips looking soft and ready to kiss.
"Maybe... I think we should get ready," He sits up too but keeps a hold of my hand.
"Ugh, why can't we stay in, be lazy and cuddle," I whine a little, I just want him to myself cozy indoors.
"That is a good idea but if we did that I wouldn't be to help myself, or even stop myself..." He breathes slightly heavily.
"Help yourself with what?" I question watching him as he climbs off the bed.
"Help myself with you," He bites his lower lip again staring at me as I pull the covers from my body.
"What wouldn't you be able to help yourself with me, what couldn't you stop yourself from doing?" I find my emotions heightened and every inch of me wanting him.
"You know exactly what I mean," He laughs reaching into his drawer. He's such a gentlemen, he grabs a t shirt, I watch him this time I'm the one chewing my own lower lip as he pulls it over his head, onto his shoulders and down his body.
"Crystal if you want me just ask," He teases sending me a wink.
"Why would I ask you something you already know?" I too rise from the bed, he doesn't reply just stands watching me, this time I'm the one making the moves walking towards him.
His eyes linger on my lips as I stand before him, I stand on my tip toes, wrapping my arms around his neck, his breathe tickles my lips, tilting my head he smiles and lowers his. My eyes close as our lips meet. His fingers graze my neck.
I can feel him smile as our lips begin to move in sync with one another.
"Looser what are you doi-oh," Olivia barges into the room, Ryan groans and pulls away but still holds onto me. We both glare at her.
"I'm sorry, I kind of have a habit of disturbing you guys uh," she says apologizing, damn you girl.
"No kidding!" Ryan fake laughs.
"Did you find out what they were doing today or what?" Marcus walks in, he scrunches his face as he sees me and Ryan in an embrace.
I move my arms from around his neck, but he doesn't loosen his grasp on my waist.
"This is awkward!" Olivia announces hopelessly, I shake my head at her.
"We are spending the day together, alone, the two of us." Ryan tells them.
"We are?" I ask surprised, he turns to be smiling and nods. I feel my cheeks burn up a little as I smile like an idiot. Alone time, finally
"Gross, can I at least borrow my best friend for ten mins?" Olivia asks.
Ryan groans loudly he lets go of my waist reluctantly. Olivia automatically grabs my hand and drags me away from Ryan and his room, I look back at him and pulls a pet lip, I want to kiss him and hold him. She pulls me into her bedroom shutting the door quickly behind her.
"What's up? You just ruined a Cryan moment, and they don't happen often!" I let out.
"Cryan? So you use the ship name I gave you guys?" She says excitedly waggling her eyes brows.
"Yeah but not in front of him of course, he would disown me," I frown at her.
"I slept with Marcus last night." She confesses, I stand stunned.
"Oh wow, what happened to waiting? Were you drunk?" I ask sitting down on her bed.
"No, you were too busy with Ryan last night to notice that we skipped the party and well we talked and I was ready so we you know..." She laughs nervously.
"Oh my god, that's great I am so happy for you!" I hug her, she hugs me too.
"I assumed that you Ryan did last night too...?"
"No, we were too drunk, I think we will, well I hope we will soon I mean the way things are going I don't see why not? I like him, I really like him a lot!" I confess to her too.
"Oh girl you got it bad, it's okay I'm the same with Marcus, last night proved his feelings!" She is practically glowing.
"How was it??" I ask excited for her, we are girls and we love to gossip.
"I don't kiss and tell!! You know me..." She laughs nervously. I wait...
"I'm kidding, it was magical, smooth and it was incredible it hurt a little but he made everything feel so... so right!" She finally tells me.
"Oh my that's so awesome,I am so frickin' happy for you!!" I tell her.
"Thanks, I also want to talk to you about Ryan, Marcus is worried about him and thinks he might be getting ahead of himself and is taking on too much," her voice is suddenly low and hollow.
"Too much of what, me?" I feel myself becoming worried and nervous.
"I don't know, he didn't say what exactly." She shrugs.
Once my chat with Olivia is over I return to Ryan's room, Marcus passes me sending me a wary smile. As I enter the room I find Ryan sitting on the edge of his bed, with his head in the palms of his hands. He is breaking at the seams, and I hadn't even realized it. I'm such a selfish person.
He doesn't look up, or show any signs of awareness of my entrance, instead of announcing myself I sit beside him. He doesn't move, I sit closer to him and put my arm around his back. I rest my head on his shoulder, I can feel his heavy breathing. I'm so close I can almost hear his heart thudding against his chest.
He lifts up slightly, looking at me, his eyes are red but neither of us say a single thing. I reach out to his hand, he lets me as I entwine mine with his. He squeezes gently, and I smile at him. He reaches over to pull me closer, I'm nearly on his lap. He wraps himself around me, burying his head into my neck. We sit embraced together, sharing each other's company silently.
I want to ask him if he's okay, or what's on his mind but I get the feeling that now isn't the right time. And this time we are having now, he needs this more than I do. We stay like this for at least ten minutes. Ryan pulls away stretching, pushing away the possible cramp he was getting. He turns to me, he pulls himself full onto the bed and sits crossed legged, I emulate him.
He holds my hands, swishing his fingers over my knuckles and in random circles on the back of my hands.
"Are you okay?" I finally find the words, he may not want me to ask but I care and I cannot leave him like this without knowing what's making him feel so damn low.
"I don't know," He sighs heavily.
"Is it something I've done?"
"No of course not, it's something else, a whole load of things..." He avoids making eye contact instead he focuses on our hands.
"Is there something, anything I can do to help, at all?" I want to make him smile, make him happy, I just want him to be himself again.
"You've helped enough really, if anything you make me feel better just by being around, you make me forget about the bad stuff, you make me feel free," He says looking up at me, his eyes meet mine, I feel like my insides are melting, I didn't realize I had this effect on him.
I smile at him, moving closer I reach over wrapping my arms around him. I hug him tightly, he plants a soft kiss on my neck, it sends tingles down my spine. He clearly isn't comfortable talking about what is bothering him right now, and well if he doesn't want to tell me straight away I won't push him. All I can do is show that I am here, and he can talk to me whenever he wishes.
"We need some fresh air," He mumbles.
We reluctantly pull a part, I just want to stay close to him. Breathe him in and feel his warmth against me. I put on another of his shirts, and a pair of Olivia's Jeans. On our way out we don't see anyone, he keeps close to my side.
We walk hand in hand through the park, his grip is tight but not tight to inflict pain. He stops at a bench in front, we sit down together. We've barely talked, but I don't mind, it's nice to just enjoy each other's company.
"I have been really moody lately, and I'm sorry." He sighs.
"It's alright, we all have our off days," I smile at him.
"Crystal, you're amazing truly amazing you know that right?" He laughs, it doesn't sound completely real, almost forced.
Not knowing how to respond to that I squeeze his hand, his brow furrows, and his lips curve into a frown.
"Why do you put up with me? I'm a mess and I'm in a dark place, and I can't tell you. You could do much better." His voice is limp.
I inch myself closer to him, with my hands I tilt his head towards me, I rest my forehead against him "You're mine, and whatever this is we will get through it!" I breathe. He sighs with what I can only guess is relief, he closes his eyes and we rest against one another.
I can't push him for his secrets, not when I have my own.
~.~
I'm sprawled out on Ryan's bed, waiting on him. I'm glad we decided to have a lazy day, unfortunately he had to go and get some ice cream, sweets, crisps and every else unhealthy. I love food but I don't want us to be a part from one another. Not when he's slowly beginning to open up to me, I would hate for him to withdraw when we've both come so far.
I feel a little nervous, I offered to go with him but he insisted on going himself. All these secrets, they can't be good for either of us.
The door handle twitches and the door opens, I hope it's Ryan. I almost frown when Olivia walks in. Ryan hasn't been gone that long, he wouldn't be back so soon.
"I thought I'd give you some company since it's just us in the house," She smiles sitting down on the bed.
"Where's Marcus I thought he was staying over?"
"He is staying but Ryan said he didn't want to go to the shop alone and insisted that Marcus went with him." Her words sting me, I guess he just doesn't want me around.
My phone vibrates on the dresser, Nicholas is calling. Before answering I send Olivia an apologetic look.
"Hello?" I say into the phone
"We need to talk, it is important. Come home!" He pleads, what is wrong with him?
I rise from the bed grabbing my jacket "Okay I will be there soon!"
"What's up?" Olivia asks concerned.
"Somethings come up, I have to go." I tell her before I quickly leave her in Ryan's room.
I feel a huge invisible weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I escape Ryan's house. I begin to shake as the secrecy begins to taunt me. Taking a huge deep breathe I try to tuck all my feelings away, at least until I return home.
It's not long until I'm on a bus back home, But even then I have to help Nicholas, so once again I will probably have to put my own emotions aside.
I let myself into the house, quickly I shut the door behind me. Leaning against it I slide to the floor, finally I am safe in my own home, I can be myself and let everything go. I should probably go look for Nicholas but right now I just can't bring myself from the floor.
I'm starting to think perhaps answering that call from Olivia when I first woke up as a vampire wasn't such a good idea. Perhaps it would have been better if I just left my old life behind and vanished as a vampire, to live a vampire life. Then maybe I wouldn't sat here, feeling hurt and burned by Ryan and his secrets.
I'm nothing but a hypocrite, I too have secrets; I'm also to blame. Too many secrets can ruin a person...
I feel my emotions begin to cave in. Burying my head into the palms of my hands I feel the thick liquid escape my eyes. I have had enough.
"I thought I'd find you here," I hear Nicholas walking towards me, I don't bother looking up or even replying.
I feel numb as Nicholas scoops me up in his arms from the floor, like a child I let him and bury my bloody tears into his shirt; hiding my face. It sees like a lot of time has passed when he places me on the sofa. I force myself to sit up and wipe my face. Crying used to make me feel better, but now it seems that is no longer the case.
Nicholas leans in closer to me, stroking my hair his lips wear a sympathetic smile. He's pitying me, great.
"I thought that things were too much for you, so I got you away from it."
"So you don't even need me?" I pretend to care.
"Don't act like you're not thankful, you would have broken down if it wasn't for me!" He snorts, he's right. Refusing to let him know, I wrap myself around him.
He gives me a light squeeze as I hug him. I'm glad he got me out of there as he did. I'm starting to feel a barrier wedge between myself, Ryan and Olivia. Right now I just need someone like myself to understand.
"I want blood." I growl into his neck.
"You don't need it, you fed the other day!" He whines.
"I don't care if I don't need it, I want it!" I demand raising my brow until he sighs giving into me.