Nick scanned the final item and turned to the customer. 'Would you like a 5p or 10p bag with that?'
He took the customer's money, handed them a receipt and sat back with a sigh. In a week, everyone he knew would be returning to college, except for him. He would be here. Alone. It was nobody's fault but his own, and he didn't even care about completing his A-levels, but he still felt a certain degree of bitterness about it.
Out of the corner of his eye, Nick saw a customer approach. He straightened up and put on his best smile, turning to her, and froze at the familiar face.
'Nick?' The girl before him had shoulder length, honey blonde hair and hazel eyes, and was, unmistakably, Dave's ex, Linda Langmann.
'Hi, Linda.' Nick kept his smile in place. He knew all too well how this went. This was the moment she would start teasing him about having to work at Tesco, make fun of his uniform, call him poor. He refused to give her the satisfaction. He was entirely unprepared for what actually happened.
'Oh my gosh, Nick! It's so good to see you!' Had the register not been between them, she looked like she might have hugged him. 'How are you?'
'Er . . .' Nick swallowed. 'Er, I'm fine. You know. Working. You?'
'Never better. It's been a strange year, but . . .' She bit her lip. 'Listen, I never said. I'm really sorry, about the way I acted towards you, how I treated you. And you have no reason to believe my apology is sincere, but I promise you, it is. I'm a very different person now than I was back then. I hope you can believe that.'
'Oh. Er, it's okay. You're forgiven, I guess.'
'Oh good!' She smiled, looking genuinely relieved and happy. 'I'd been hoping I might run into you, actually, just so I could say that . . . Been in France most of the summer, and going back to college soon, so . . . I'm a boarder, you know.'
'Heard a rumour, yeah.'
'All girls' sixth form. I was upset at first, but honestly, I think it's the best thing that's happened to me. I've learnt a lot about myself.' She checked behind her, to see if there was a queue forming, but the shop was practically empty. 'So, how's Dave?'
Nick averted his eyes. 'Oh . . . We're . . . We're not together anymore.'
'Oh, no! You were so cute together! What happened?'
'Rather not talk about it.' Nick scanned her items without looking at her.
She paid and said, 'I'm sorry. Looks like I upset you. Are you okay?'
'Yeah.' He gave her his customer service smile again. 'I'm fine. You have a good evening, Linda.'
Linda smiled. 'Thanks. You too.'
As she turned to leave, Nick said, 'Hey. You look good, with your natural hair colour. Looks better than the platinum thing you had going.'
She smiled. 'I know, right? No idea what I was thinking back then. See ya, Nick.'
* * *
It was raining when he stepped outside after helping to close the shop. He didn't have an umbrella, but the rain felt pleasant enough and he walked home, hands in his pockets. His uniform was soaked by the time he got in.
'Hey, how was work?' asked Zoë from the sitting room. Nick stopped in the doorway. She was snuggled up on the sofa with Richard Javelin, watching television. Their relationship had been official since around March, and he had recently moved in with them. Nick liked Richard. He was good to Zoë, and he was good to Nick, as well. Besides, after everything that had happened, his sister deserved all the happiness she could get.
'Work was okay,' said Nick. 'How's your evening been?'
'Not bad.' Zoë smiled.
'Relaxing,' Richard added. 'Not a slip of paperwork, which is all a bloke can ask for, really.'
'Slow crime day?'
'Slow crime summer. It's like all our delinquents actually took a holiday, for once.'
Nick nodded. 'Hey, I'm gonna take a shower. It's pissing down out there.'
He fetched clean clothes from his room and went to the bathroom, where he stripped out of his uniform and hung it to dry. Then he got in the shower, letting the hot water wash the rain out of his hair.
It had, quite frankly, been a dismal summer. He had spent much of it alone, while Matt and Stuart were away for their respective holidays, and nobody else was talking to him. Not even Mel, though she hadn't blocked him on social media. Unfriended him, but not blocked him. That, at least, was a good sign, even if she had yet to forgive him.
He had no Mel. No Chas. No Ellie. Stuart was his, though, Stuart would always be his, and he knew that. Matt was . . . complicated. He didn't judge. He was in no position to. And he had been there for Nick, picked up the pieces after the break-up. But it was still awkward, because of Alan, who was, if possible, even angrier with Nick than Dave had been. He knew that Alan and Matt had had a huge fight about it just after it all came out, though they had made up fairly quickly. Nick was grateful for that. He didn't know how he could have lived with himself if he had their break-up on his conscience as well.
And then, there was Brian. Nick wished he could say that he hadn't seen him again. That he'd learned his lesson and stayed away. But in truth, only a week had passed between Dave dumping him and Nick getting drunk alone one night and ringing Brian. They had met up sporadically all summer, to shag and get high. With Brian, Nick could forget. At least for a little while. And there was a certain irony in that. After all, Brian was the cause of it all. The cause, but not to blame. That was all Nick. And that was the worst part. The self-loathing.
No. Not the worst part. The worst part was that he missed Dave so much that he could hardly breathe. He dreamt of him at night. Saw him in crowds, though it was never him. He had seen neither hide nor hair of him all summer. When he got off alone, which he seemed to be doing a lot lately, Dave was all he could see. And every song he had tried to write that summer had been about him.
He had failed all his AS-levels but one. Now, all he had was his music.
After his shower, he went back downstairs and watched TV with Zoë and Richard for a bit. He didn't really pay attention. Didn't really pay attention to anything lately. When he went out into the kitchen to get a bite to eat, Zoë followed him.
'Hey. You okay, sweet?'
Nick smiled at her. He knew it didn't look very genuine, but he did it anyway. 'I'm fine.'
Zoë crossed her arms across her chest. 'No, you're not.'
He shrugged, looking away. 'Does it matter?'
'Of course it matters! You're my brother.' She sighed, running a hand through her red curls. 'Listen, if I'm going back to uni in a couple of weeks, I need to know that you'll be all right.'
'Zoë.' Nick turned towards her. 'I'll be fine. Richard will be here. I'll be working, and playing music, and you'll be here half the time anyway, right?'
'I just wish you'd talk to me. And I wish you wouldn't go to Birmingham and see that guy so often . . . I mean, can I at least meet him soon?'
'He's not my boyfriend, Zoë. We just hang out. It's . . .' He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. 'Look, I need a distraction sometimes, or I'm gonna go insane. He's a good distraction, okay?'
She threw up her arms in frustration. 'Fine! Fine. Just . . . If something were really, really wrong, you'd tell me, right?'
Nick looked at his sister. She looked so worried where she stood, the look in her eyes pleading, and he felt immeasurably guilty. As if he didn't feel guilty about everything else already. He took a step forward and put his arms around her. 'Of course I would,' he murmured. 'Please, don't worry about me. And I'm sorry I'm so distant. I just . . . I still need time. I need to figure things out. I thought I knew exactly where I'd be at this point, and now it's all different. But I'll be fine.'
Zoë sighed, hugging him back. 'Okay. I'll try not to worry so much. But you're my baby brother. I'll never stop worrying completely. You understand that. Don't you?'
He nodded. 'Yeah. I do.' They pulled apart, and Nick didn't really feel hungry anymore. 'I think I'm just gonna go to bed. Bit knackered.'
'All right. Night.'
'Night.'
He couldn't sleep, however. He had known he wouldn't be able to. Too many thoughts in his head, too many images of Dave, of his friends, of Brian. And it hurt, all of it. He tried to find something else to occupy his thoughts, and his mind turned to Linda. She had changed so much, it was like she was an entirely different person. She'd been . . . nice. Actually, genuinely nice. She had apologised. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought he'd hallucinated.
Trying to sleep was futile. When he was sure Zoë and Richard were in bed and asleep, he got up quietly, got his stash out of the locked box under the bed, and tiptoed downstairs.
The night was warm, and he walked to the park in PJs and flip flops. It had stopped raining.
Sitting down on on a bench kept reasonably dry by the foliage of the tree is was under, he proceeded to roll himself a joint. Brian had taught him how, and had given him a few grams of weed to take home the last time they'd seen each other. Nick didn't smoke often, not really, but on nights like these, it helped him sleep.
He lit the joint and leaned back on the bench, taking a hit. It made his feet feel pleasantly heavy, his head clear and quiet. And it made him feel calm. He needed that calm. Not forever, just . . . now. Summer was nearly over. Real life was about to start again. He might find himself having to interact with Dave in one way or another.
Dave would be eighteen soon. Nick had imagined that they would be together for that. Now, they wouldn't. Nick wouldn't get to celebrate with him, kiss him, make him feel so good . . . Never again.
He finished his joint and stood back up. A few raindrops hit his nose as he emerged from under the tree, setting off towards home. It was just a light drizzle, and when he got back he went straight to bed again. He brought himself off, slowly, silently, Dave's name on his lips as he came. Then he fell asleep.
* * *
Matt found him at work the following day. 'Hey! Got time for a break?'
'In a sec.' Nick finished ringing up his customer before closing the register. 'Jen? I'm taking a break.'
'Okay!' came the reply from the next register over.
He and Matt went outside. It wasn't raining today, but the sky looked like it might start any minute. Nick had once again neglected to bring an umbrella. If it rained, it would be his hubris that caused it, he thought with a smile.
Once outside, Matt gave him a tight hug. 'You been doing okay?'
Nick shrugged. 'Under the circumstances. How about you? How was Greece?'
'Hot,' said Matt. 'And far too lacking in Alan. Pretty, though.' He was, once again, beautifully tanned. How someone with as fair a complexion as Matt normally had could tan so nicely, was beyond Nick's comprehension. Nick himself did not tan so much as sizzle.
'When'd you get back?'
'Yesterday afternoon.'
Nick grinned in spite of himself. 'Alan came straight over, didn't he?'
'Maybe.' Matt shrugged, though his expression belied his feigned indifference. 'You seen Stu at all?'
'Not for a couple of weeks,' Nick replied, hands in his pockets. 'As I understand it, he's visiting family in Cornwall.'
'And what about you?' Matt pulled out a cigarette and lit it. 'What have you been up to?'
'Working, mostly. Richard took us hiking in Shropshire for a week. Other than that, just been to Birmingham a couple of times.'
'To see Brian?' Matt's face was unreadable.
Nick shrugged one shoulder, looking away. 'Yeah. It's been nice. I know you don't exactly approve, Matt, but . . . Look, I need someone. Right now, that someone is him. Don't know what else to say, really.'
'I get it,' said Matt. 'I do. Just, be careful, is all I'm saying. He's good at making people fall in love with him.'
Nick shook his head. 'I'm not in love with him, and I never will be. We have fun, is all.'
'Okay,' said Matt.
Nick changed the subject. 'Zoë's going back to uni.'
'Really? What's she studying?'
'She's finishing her veterinary medicine degree. She only had a year left when . . . When Mum got sick and she had to quit to take care of me. I mean, it was either that or foster care, or go with my Dad to Plymouth, so . . .' He hadn't really talked to Matt about this too much. 'Richard moved in, few weeks ago. And with me having a job, and Richard being so stable and reliable, she finally felt like she could get back to it. It's in Nottingham, so it's a bit of a commute, and some nights she'll have to sleep there, so she has a room in halls.'
Matt smiled. 'That's great. I'm happy for her. And you. And Richard, I guess. That was a bit quick, though, wasn't it? Him moving in?'
Nick shrugged. 'They started seeing each other back in January. After the Café Underworld gig, remember? And he'd already been in our lives for a while before that, if you think about it. I think it's good. He's good for her. He's good for us. After Craig . . .' Nick had eventually told Matt what had actually happened with Craig. Matt was basically his best friend, and he deserved to know. 'After what happened, it would have been hard for Zoë to trust someone new, but he pulled it off. He's a genuinely nice person, Matt. And he loves her.'
'Then that's all that matters,' said Matt. 'I'm happy for all of you.'
Then he changed the subject, launching ahead into an account of an epic lover's spat between two American tourists he had witnessed at the Acropolis. Nick smiled. This was good. This was normal. It would do.