Taehyung's P.O.V.
The wind calmly whistles its cries, gray clouds looming across the surface of our polluted atmosphere. Dead leaves fall and soar through the air, it's colors of orange and red constantly reminding us that winter is coming.
I tightly grip onto the bouquet of flowers in my hand, kneeling down against the grass. With a silent prayer in mind, I gently place the flowers on her grave.
In memory of our
Little Sibling
November 25th
6:35 PM - 7:04 PM
Even if your life lasted for
a few moments, you will
forever remain remembered
in our hearts
My fingers curl against the grass, the wet dew spreading onto my skin. I let out a sigh and inhale the cold breeze.
"Happy birthday..." I whisper to her resting place, talking as if she was standing before me.
"Today, you are..." I mentally count the years that have passed by in my head before smiling. "You are three years old... Imagine how you would look like right now... You'd probably be a strong, happy girl, dancing around... in a white dress..."
I smile softly, fantasizing about all the little things that could have happened if she survived. Thinking about how things could've been... could've been better.
Suddenly, I feel two taps on my shoulder, making me flinch. I look up at whoever tapped me, then immediately let out a sigh of relief.
"Yuggun!" I take a moment to calm myself down. "Jesus Christ, you freaking scared me."
She laughs lightly, then kneels down beside me. "Long time no see, huh?"
I nod, grinning. "Yeah, been a couple of weeks... What brings you... uhm here?" I ask, looking around the cemetery.
Yuggun only shrugs before plainly saying, "Came to visit my gramps." She then points over towards a grave that's just a few rows behind us. "I was about to leave until I saw you."
"Your grandpa...? I'm... I'm sorry for your loss," I quietly respond.
"It's fine. It's been years since he's passed. So I've moved on," she says. I smile softly.
"What was he like?" I question hesitantly. She thinks for a minute before bringing her attention back to the conversation.
"He was chill type of guy. You know, those type of grandpas who didn't care if he caught you watching porn or eating a full box of doughnuts in the middle of the night. Whenever I was sad, he would always take me out to go fishing or walking at the beach during sunset. He always gave the right advices and knew exactly how to cheer me up." She giggles to herself at the memories of him.
"He sounds like a nice guy," I say. She nods.
"He was... when I was little and I was being bullied for liking girls... he would teach me how to deal with them in the right way. But sometimes his tricks never worked. So one day, he showed up to my school and it was just... That day was the day when I learned that not all heroes wear capes."
"What did he do?" I tilt my head to the side in curiosity. She pauses for a moment, reminiscing in her thoughts.
"Well, he showed up in class, barging through the doors and startling everyone in the room with his almighty aura. When I saw him, I became super embarrassed. I hid myself under the desk and everyone seemed to figure out that he was my grandpa. The teacher asked what he was doing here but he ignored her and walked straight over to me.
"Before anyone could laugh or say anything, he picked me up and pointed to everyone, glaring at every single one of them. He began lecturing everyone in class about how wrong bullying was and threatened them that if they didn't stop picking on me, he would give them the painfullest wedgie they ever experienced in their entire life."
I burst out chuckling, making her giggle along as well. "Did it work? Did it stop them from bullying you?"
She nods. "No one dared to bully me or anyone else again."
"Man, I wish I had a grandpa like that..." I say. "He sounds super cool,"
"He was... Not the same for my grandma though. She was a bit strict and very traditional. Thought that being a woman was far more important than being independent. She did teach me a lot of things though... I think I wouldn't be the person that I am today without her constant nagging or picky behavior." she says. I smile at that. She then turns the focus onto me.
"What about you? I assume you're here for the person who lies before us but... I gotta ask, who exactly is 'Little Sibling?'" she questions and points to her grave.
I blink at her for a moment, thinking if whether I should share my reason for being here at the cemetery. Yuggun did give her reason though, so it'll only be fair if I shared her mine.
"You know my boyfriend, right?" I ask.
She nods. "Your boyfriend who's in coma, right?" I sadly nod.
"His name is Jeongguk and this..." I refer to the grave. "This... is his little sister's grave."
Her eyes flicker with slight sadness as she scans the words written on the tombstone. I can see the confusion in her eyes as she looks at the grave.
"She lived for a few minutes before... passing. The doctors said she was born weak and a bit too early... so health issues occurred and well... she passed... We never got the chance to name her." I explain quietly.
Yuggun spends a few minutes processing what I had just said before turning to face me with a look of sympathy.
I bite my lip before looking at her grave, my fingers curling and ripping the strands of grass off of its roots. My thoughts begin to gather together into thunderstorms, thoughts of "what if's" and "maybe's." These storms that have sewn themselves to the flesh of my brain darken and multiply. A feeling of despair and slight frustration builds in the insides of my heart.
"Was her death recent?" Yuggun suddenly asks, noticing how tense my body has become.
I pull myself back to reality for a second, nodding slowly. "If she lived, she would be three years old right now." I whisper.
Yuggun stays silent for a while. By the look on her face, she doesn't seem to know what to do. She then brings her hand to my shoulder and rubs it comfortingly.
"It's funny..." I say barely above a whisper. "Jeongguk never really learned to let her go. Well, he did let the idea of her not existing on this planet anymore go... but the realization that she was gone didn't seem to leave his mind. Sometimes he would often wonder about how our lives would've been if she had lived... how different his family would be right now. Whenever we talked about having kids together, I could tell that his mind would drift off to her... It's funny... now that he's gone too, I can't help but wonder about her as well..."
A moment of silence passes, leaving nothing but the muffled breathing of the Earth roar in the wind. Eventually, Yuggun breaks the silence.
"Well... what can we do now except... except move on? She's gone and she's never coming back. Everything about her is in the past... and maybe everything about Jeongguk is to. Don't let the idea of her failed expectations get to you. It'll only make things worse." she says.
"I know I know," I turn to face her, stuffing my hands into my pockets. "I told that to Jeongguk many times... but he wouldn't listen though... I just - I can't help but think that maybe if she lived... maybe if she lived for a few more years, she could've prevented Jeongguk's accident."
Yuggun gives me a confused look. "How so?"
I shrug. "Maybe- I-I don't know... C-cause at the time, me and Jeongguk were busy trying to shape our future together. We were busy with work and keeping our house together, getting that good start in adult hood that every couple should have.
"However, our job required the idea of traveling to different places or different parts of a city quite often, since we sometimes had to attend photography conventions or photography sessions... Jeongguk ended up getting into that coma because he had to travel to a convention... and on his way home his plane crashed."
"And... what does that have to do with... Little Sibling?" Yuggun confusedly asks.
My hands ball into fist as I bite my lip again. "If she was born... if she just survived... maybe Jeongguk would've said no."
She gives me another puzzled look so I elaborate further.
"Maybe Jeongguk would've said no to going to that photography convention cause... if she would've survived, she'd be one years old at the time. And Jeongguk likes helping out his family quite a lot, it's in his nature to help them out... His family doesn't seem to have enough time to take care of a baby because like...
"Jeongguk's mom is busy with work almost everyday. She could call a day off to take care of the baby but having to deal with a child could literally drain a person. Jeongguk's dad is just busy 24/7, he can't take a day off. So if the baby survived, maybe Jeongguk would've stayed to help his parents take care of his little sibling, preventing him from going onto that... terrible plane crash. But now that she passed, stopped breathing and left Jeongguk alone with a clingy guy like me, there's no child to take care of! Meaning that Jeongguk doesn't have a reason to reject the photography convention, which leads to that plane accident that still traumatizes me to this day and now he's in a goddamn coma! So now we're even more separated- leaving me to feel all alone and dazed and lost, empty and having no fucking feeling at all and-and I don't know, just I don't know! Maybe if she survived, maybe if she lived, she could've stopped Jeongguk from going onto that plane and changed our future and we could've still be together! We could be living together, all safe and warm. Me and in his arms and he in mine, loving each other and sharing our life with our little sibling. But no, she just had to go! But why'd she have to go?!
"Like, wasn't there something the doctors could do?! They couldn't save her or what?! I m-mean what if! What if they killed her?! It could be their fault that all this bad shit just had to happen! But it could also be her own fault that she died! L-like- I- what if?! What if?! If she lived! If she just fucking lived, he would be here, right now! If she just fucking lived a little longer, stayed a few more years he would still be fucking alive! Why did she had to fucking go?! Wasn't there something else the doctor's could do?! Wasn't there something or someone who could save her?! Wasn't-Wasn't there something they could do to save him?! There had to be something that could've stopped him from getting into that stupid coma! There had to be something, there has to be a reason why they're both fucking gone! There-there has to be! If the universe hated her so much, then sure, g-go ahead and fucking take her life! I- fuck- But at least s-save him! At least do something to save him- I mean- How cruel can this world be?! L-Like they took your grandpa! Aren't you mad that the world took him?! Aren't you fucking angry? Aren't you-"
The look on Yuggun's face is filled with fear and concern, her brows narrowed and her eyes filled with nothing but worry. That's when it clicks in my head that I've been rambling. That I'm panicking and... and crying. I notice the tears that have trickled down my cheeks and a wave of embarrassment washes over me. Her mouth is agape and tears seem to prickle the edges of her eyes. At this moment, I just want to disappear, for me to wake up and realize that all this was just a dream... that I wasn't awake.
I give out an embarrassed, weak chuckle and turn away from her, trying to hide my face. "... sorry. I'm so sorry..."
"Taehyung..."
Humiliation begins to eat me alive, making me beg for all of this to just fucking stop. For time to stop moving, for reality to stop bending. For the tears to stop flowing and falling, for my heart to stop beating.
"I think... I think I'm gonna go..." I whisper, taking a few steps away from her. She reaches over to me.
"Tae..."
That nickname... that nickname Jeongguk used to call me all the time makes the salty feeling of wanting to cry even more sting my eyes, painfully jabbing at my throat. I cover my mouth with my shaking hands, mustering up the courage to finally look up at her.
"Tae... are you... you okay?" she asks softly, her hand reaching over to my shoulder.
I pull away before she could touch me and sharply say, "Don't call me that name."
She stands there, fear and shocked as I am. She opens her mouth to say something but quickly closes it. I shake my head, not wanting to talk to anyone anymore.
The need to bury myself into the gray fog that clouds my head thickens, the need to be left alone engulfs me.
I look at her, one last time, before sprinting away.
Sorry I've been dead for the past few weeks! This chapter actually took some time to write since I had the idea for this chapter but I didn't know how to exactly write it. I probably rewrote this chapter maybe five times, wondering which P.O.V. this should be in or what time this chapter should take place. But I'm sort of satisfied with how this chapter turned out even though I know it has a lot of mistakes (that was weird to say XP). I hope you guys still liked it, though.
Anyway, that's all I have for now unfortunately. I'll see you guys hopefully soon. Fighting!
-KookieYama