CW: This will be obvious to anyone who has read Berserk but just in case, mentions of trauma, rape and death. Nothing explicit but it is vaguely alluded to.
"Casca!" Guts screamed as she fell to her knees. Her scream broke off into a fit of coughing that left her gasping for breath. He dove to her side and she collapsed into him.
Her eyes were wide with fear and her words came out stuttering and messy. "I can hear them, I can, they're screaming," she whispered, pressing her hands over her ears. "I couldn't save him. Couldn't. I wanted to. I had to. I couldn't," she shook her head frantically, tears leaking from behind tightly shut eyelids.
Guts reached out for her but stopped himself at the last second, his hands hovering inches away from her. He clenched his fists in frustration and let his arms fall to his sides. "Casca," he breathed, unsure of how to help. "There's nothing you could have done."
"I should have been better," she insisted. "I, I should have tried harder." Her words were interrupted by hiccuping sobs and Guts found himself stuck, not knowing how to console her. He knew she wouldn't be back to normal immediately but this was not what he had expected.
Casca continued to speak, "He didn't have to die, Judeau, he," hysteria crept into her voice and when she opened her eyes again they were unfocused.
She raised her head weakly to look at Guts but her gaze was directed at something far beyond him. "I," her hyperventilation slowed down and she trailed off uncertainly.
Guts' expression grew into one of confusion. He didn't pick up immediately on what was happening, unused to seeing those dark eyes so empty and lifeless. Then it hit him and he finally allowed himself to reach out and grab her by the shoulders.
"No," he said forcefully, gritting his teeth. "No, look at me," he tightened his grip and stared intensely at the girl he had worked so hard to bring back. His words stumbled over each other as he calls out desperately. "Stay focused Casca. I did not travel halfway across the fucking world just to lose you again. Look at me!"
The moment he said that Casca's expression morphed from despair to something resembling frustration. "You did, didn't you," she mumbled, meeting his gaze at last. "After all this time." She raised her hand weakly and jabbed a finger into his chest but her hands were shaky and there was no force behind her words. "After all this time, you're still risking your life, getting hurt. All for me."
Her body trembled as another wave of sobs hit her and Guts felt tears of his own threaten to spill. "You idiot. You fool. I remember now. More and more I remember. Fighting monsters. And that damned armour of yours." She jabbed him again and Guts noticed some strength returning to her. "You could have died," she said accusingly.
Guts looked away, "I almost killed you wearing that thing, and you're angry because I could have died?"
"Do not change the subject," Casca insisted. "You never change do you?"
"What else do you remember?" Guts asked, immediately doing exactly what Casca had told him not to do. He truly did not ever change.
Casca drew her hand back towards herself, "I remember," she trailed off, staring at the ground. "I remember my time as Elaine. How much everybody cared for me, and how much trouble I was. I remember our time together as the Band of the Hawk. I remember the end, the demons and."
She paused her rambling then continued with a sombre finality, "Griffith."
His name made her freeze and Guts instinctively stiffened up in a defensive manner. Casca's hands flew up to her head and she doubled over as another wave of memories hit her. "Griffith," she said again, breathless and forced.
Guts' jaw clenched as he watched Casca, helpless to do anything to ease her pain. He felt his nails dig into his palm on one side while the whine of metal on metal could be heard from his other.
"His hands, I can still feel his hands," Casca choked, clutching at herself. She drew further into herself and away from Guts which made Guts' heart hurt. "He's just staring at me," Guts could feel anger bubbling inside him as she listened to her words and his head was starting to hurt from holding back tears.
"I'm sorry I couldn't stop him," Guts said, a rare tone of defeat in his voice.
Casca forced herself to calm her breath and straighten up once more. She raised her head shakily to look up at Guts. "He hurt you too, didn't he."
Guts shook his head, "Who cares what he did to me, you had it worse. And that bastard is going to pay." He paused then added, "Or maybe we could settle down and try our best to live. We'll discuss further when you're feeling better."
"I could see you, you know," Casca said. She reached up slowly and placed a hand on Guts' face. As she did so, Guts found it surprisingly easy not to flinch and even leaned into her touch, ever so slightly.
"Your eye." Her voice was heavy with regret. She lingered for a moment then moved her hand across his chest and down to his left arm, "And this. Although I suppose it has come in handy during our many fights, hasn't it."
"Now you're changing the subject," Guts said gruffly. He raised his other arm cautiously and placed his hand over Casca's. When she didn't move away, he let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding and at last his face too, became tear-streaked.
The two stayed there for a long while in silence. They knelt in silence, tears falling onto the dirt creating small stains of mud. For a while, the only sound was the wind whistling through the trees and birdsong in the distance.
At that moment, the world shrank to just the two of them.
"I can't believe you're back," Guts whispered.
Casca didn't answer right away and Guts was almost worried he had somehow said or done something wrong when she surprised him by throwing her arms around him in a hug. "I missed you."
"I missed you too." Guts paused then spoke so softly it was barely audible, "Can I kiss you?"
"You're asking?" Casca replied, raising her head slowly.
Guts shrugged, "Well yeah, I mean. After everything, I figured-" Casca cut him off by pulling him down towards her and planting a kiss on his lips.
When they pulled apart at last, Guts was smiling. Really smiling, for the first time in what felt like an eternity. Casca was back and maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay.
Then Casca mumbled something and Guts forced himself to focus again. "What was that?" he asked, looking down at her frail form, cradled in his arms.
"I said," Casca repeated straightening up, "This isn't fair. Now I'm never gonna be even with you."
"What?"
She had a pained expression, "You have more scars than ever because of me, what am I ever gonna do to compare with that?" Before Guts could even think to reply, Casca reached up and slapped him.
Guts flinched at the blow but more out of surprise than actual pain. He blinked at Casca in bewilderment as she stared him down. "You need to stop getting hurt because of me," she insisted dejectedly.
For a moment there was silence as Guts slowly reached up to touch his face where she had struck him. And then he burst out laughing. A loud booming sound that cut through the forest sending woodland creatures scattering. A sound that hadn't been heard in years.
Casca screwed her face up in annoyance but it quickly softened into happiness when Guts pulled her into a hug once more. "You're back," he repeated over and over again like a prayer. Reassuring himself as much as he was convincing Casca. "You're really back."
"I am."
They kissed again, more desperate this time, hungrily. Making up for time unimaginable spent so close yet so far.
"You really are in need of some training though," Guts murmured in her ear, biting back a teasing smile. "That slap didn't hurt nearly as much as it used to."
Casca laughed, still half crying. "Shut up," she said lovingly, "Do you want me to hit you harder?"
"I'd like to see you try."
"You won't have to wait long, I promise. I'll be back in shape in no time, you'll see."
Guts just pulled her closer towards himself. "Sounds like a plan."
***
Isidro peeked out from behind a tree and squinted at the two figures, kneeling in the distance. "What are they saying? I can't tell from here."
Puck buzzed around his head, "Want me to go take a closer look? I can be very stealthy."
Ivalera sighed and grabbed onto Puck, holding him back, "You will do no such thing, give the two some privacy will you?"
"She's right, get back here boy," Schierke agreed, pulling Isidro away as well.
"Hey let go," Isidro complained, wriggling out of her grasp. As he did so, he lost balance and fell out from behind the tree. Groaning, he looked up just in time to see Casca reach up and slap Guts across the face.
He leapt to his feet and rubbed his eyes in disbelief, "Woah, what was that? Casca just slapped him! And he's laughing? Should we go help him?"
Schierke shook her head in amusement, "You are such a kid."
"What are you talking about?"Isidro demanded indignantly.
"Never mind," Schierked said, slumping to the ground. Her expression was peaceful as she spoke, "Casca truly is back, and that's all you need to know."
To Be Continued? (I haven't decided yet)