Chapter 46: Aftermath
"Ms. Dovermal." I called, grabbing my teacher's attention as I walked up to her desk.
"Yes, Sebastian?" The low drawl and slow raise of her left brow was a signature Dovermal reaction, so I felt no insult hearing it. I stepped in front of her and put on my best smile.
"I decided to go into a career of magic." I told her simply, my best smile not stretching very far in my current mood. "I am going to make magical studies my major next year."
Ms. Dovermal, to my surprise, lit up. A smile came onto her face and she stood up, patting my shoulder happily.
"Oh, that is such good news!" She grinned excitedly, eyes wide and searching my face as she spoke. "It would have been such a loss to the magic community if we lost such a talented man like you."
"Thank you Ms. Dovermal."
"There really is so much that you can do. Such a variety of careers! There is . . . "
Ms. Dovermal went on to rant about all of the things I could do now that I had changed my mind and how great of an adult life I could have. I decided not to check the time no matter how long she went on and allowed her to speak.
In the past couple of days, I hadn't had a lot of mental energy, and that included caring about whether I would be late for my next class. It took me only a few hours after it started for me to realize that it was because of Dean. I missed him, my soul missed him, and both of us were tired of being away from him.
But unlike any of the times before, this wasn't a simple forgive and forget. This was a life-changing move that he was making, and I still wasn't sure how to feel. Ms. Dovermal eventually let me go, and I went on my way to my next period. The hours went by in a slow and sluggish speed. It was hard to know if that was me or my soul. Either way, when it was time for me to eat lunch with my friends, I already wanted to be in my room fast asleep.
And that alone made me stick out like a sore thumb. Everyone around me was happy. Not just a normal "feeling pretty good right now", but glowing with happiness. For starters, Harvey and Sam had recently mated. They hadn't told any of us about their plans, but the next thing we knew they apparently had sex and Sam was sporting a bite mark on her shoulder.
Thulani and Dipi had gone on their date, announcing shortly after that they were dating. And a group that Warlo and Nick both stunned had just come out with a comeback that had "a super sexy concept" that the boys were living for. All of those around me were in high spirits, and I was the guy who had been sulking for four days straight.
"Seriously Seb, you have been in such a poor mood for so many days straight and haven't told us why." Sam complained, pouting as Harvey rubbed a comforting hand over her bare shoulder. "Maybe we can help you out, but you have to tell us first."
I scowled, shaking my head so a few hairs could fall over my face.
"No offence guys, but I really don't want a panel of all of you weighing your opinions in on this issue. I just want to be able to mope and think on my own." I explained to her and everyone else at the table. Seeing how none of them seemed to happy about my decision, I added something else on at the end. "If none of you guys can handle that, I can find somewhere else to eat lunch today."
The conversation quickly moved on from me to other topics, and I listened silently as my friends conversed. I had to get myself ready. I would be seeing Dean in my next class.
~~~~~
"Kaitlyn and Joseph." He called out, sitting as he waited for the pair to come down with their project in hand. It had started. Pair by pair, Dean was calling down his students to turn in their vampire projects. I had no fear about the assignment per se, Sam and I worked our butts off and I had confidence in what we produced, I was nervous about going down to give it to him. Based off of the tradition that Kaitlyn and Joe just solidified --thanks guys-- both of us would have to go down there to turn it in.
The two of us barely looked at each other in the eye when I walked in or out of the room. When Sam wanted me to ask him a question regarding our project the day after it we fought, the short clipped and tight words that we exchanged were nothing like the light and play exchanges we had just two days before. And my fear was that this would just be another one to add to the list of terrible interactions I had with my mate.
"Sebastian and Samantha." He stated, his voice lower in volume than any of the times before. I tried to ignore that fact and, with Samantha's help, carried our assignment down to Dean's desk. He was organizing what previous students had given him before around the top of his large desk and the floor, making a perfect excuse to not hold eye contact with either of us.
I placed down the majority of our things right in front of him, feeling my heart pounding away nervously in my chest the entire time, but Dean didn't even look up.
"Thank you." He muttered, pulling them closer to him so he could briefly take a closer look before moving them off to the side. When Sam dropped the last thing in front of him, he looked up at her with a soft smile and nod. "Thank you". He repeated.
I decided not to take that as an insult or rejection. Sam walked away and Dean called the next pair, but I hadn't moved. I planned on moving, but a thought had been nagging on my mind. The two of us hadn't properly spoken since our fight. The next morning, after Dean texted me that we would have to talk about this eventually, both of us stopped texting each other. Those good morning texts I had brought up in my yelling were gone before Dean had even left.
I never knew what were Dean's exact reasons for not reaching out again, but I knew mine. I was trying to remain mad at him, remember? But, despite my best efforts, I was still starting to see from his point of view, and forgiving him little by little. The more I realized how wrong my attacks had been, the more I wanted to run back to him, begging that he forgive me so we could enjoy the time that we had together before he went.
And it also made me wonder. Maybe he was staying away from me in hopes that I would cool off, waiting for my signal that I was ready to speak to him again. Whatever the reasoning was, I wanted his attention again. Badly. I wanted to see his bright yet smouldering eyes pinned on me and only me again.
I wanted . . .
My hand went out before I knew exactly what it was doing. Stopping it before it touched Dean, I quickly spoke.
"Dr. McCain." I said formally, grabbing his attention and bringing it to my hand. "Uh, thank you for the assignment. It was, uh, a welcome challenge."
Dean's eyes finally lifted up to mine, and I nearly swooned to have them focused on me again after all this time. Dean placed his hand in mine, shaking it gently with an expression filled with clear surprise.
"You're welcome." He replied, voice quiet before he raised his volume to sound normal. Our gazes were locked and our hands firmly gripping one another. I began to stroke the back of his palm with my thumb and his expression of surprise slowly became one of apology.
"Sebastian." He muttered lowly. His eyes began to pierce into mine sharply, almost as if they were aiming for my heart, and he leaned forward. He was going to tell me something. "I-"
Dean cut himself off when he noticed the students waiting behind me, then he thought of the fact that the entire class had probably witnessed our exchanged. He leaned back and pulled his hand out of mine. I turned away and went back up to my seat, but I noticed the pleading look that he sent me as I went.
I still was not sure what I would say to him the next time we spoke, but that interaction eased the weight that had been resting heavily on my soul. I even cracked a smile.
~~~~~
Dipika and I sat steps away from the pond, eyes fixated on the waterfall in front of us. Dipi's legs were crossed, her body turned toward mine. I had my legs sprawled out, leaning my upper body back on my palms.
I had asked Dipi to come out here after we had spoken through our mind link an hour before. She had encouraged me to talk about what had been going on, but I felt uncomfortable talking about what went down without seeing my sister's place. So, we met up at one of the most private but also special places in my eyes. The waterfall.
It had been a while since I'd been back here. And to be here and once again bring this beautiful waterfall my sad self was a bit odd. This place was everything to me because it brought me my love, Dean. It was in front of this waterfall that I found out his identity and had my first sexual experience with him.
So it was now in front of this waterfall where I would counsel with Dipika and decide what I would do about our relationship. It was a nice full circle, and I only hoped that this wouldn't be where our story ended.
"So, why did you respond with so much anger and fear, Sebastian?" She asked me. Her tone reminding me a lot of a shrink but I let it go. Her question pulled me out of my thoughts and I was forced to attempt to organize them well enough to answer her question.
"Well, Dean told me that he was going to be leaving. I was angry that he was leaving so soon and, I don't know, scared of how our relationship and we would change after so long." I told her, thinking back on how I felt and my thought process as I had been fighting with Dean.
"You couldn't just wait for your mate for a couple of months?" Dipi asked me accusingly now. Definitely not sounding like a shrink. I sighed before I started to explain.
"Dipi, for what Dean is researching, he will have to be gone for at least a year, probably longer."
"A year is a long time." Dipi commented, humming as she bit down on her bottom lip. "And you said there's a good chance he'll be gone longer?"
"Yeah." I muttered, chin falling down to my chest where I stared down at my blue jeans. While I appreciated her taking the time to understand what was going on, I needed to address what had been truly bothering me. "I just- I feel like I overreacted."
"Then you probably did." Dipi replied, earning a glare from me. "Okay fine. Since I have clearly been in a very long and successful relationship, I will give you advice."
This had me chuckling and perking curious about what she would say next.
"I think you need to look deeper into that fear aspect there because I think it goes a lot deeper than the surface issues at hand." Dipi told me, a serious expression on her face. I was a bit confused though.
"What do you mean, I was reacting to the problem at hand."
"With emotions pulled from other areas of your life." Dipi added, getting an unconvinced look from me. "Look, I have to just get to the point. While years may feel long to us now, they would surely feel shorter if they were unlimited. And, even if you don't want to admit it, Dean is definitely going to marry you. And even if you guys weren't going to live forever, for the love of your life, you could wait an eternity. So why would you think that a couple of years apart will break the permanent bond that you had already started to create?"
I now felt a little defensive against my sister and quickly brought up some of the same reasons I had used all of those days before.
"But there are so many stories about people breaking up because they were tired of waiting or didn't feel like their relationship was as strong anymore." I told my sister, a frown on my face as I thought back to those numeral sad tales. "Who is to say that Dean won't feel that way after a year or two away from me?"
"But does that necessarily mean that you two are going to be like them?" Dipi asked me, getting no reply as she momentarily stumped me. "Sebastian, just because the Dean didn't bring up those negative possibilities doesn't mean that he never thought of them. He might have considered all of that but decided that he could make it through for you."
"How do you know that though?" I asked her in response, leaning forward accusingly as I spoke. "All he would say is how big of an opportunity it was and how it important it was to him? Is that supposed to make me feel secure in his value of me? Is that supposed to make me believe that he cares about me enough to stay with me when we haven't seen each other in seven months and there is some blonde that he could be with right now?"
Dipi sighed deeply now seeing that her current approach was getting us nowhere. She paused for a moment.
"Look, I understand where your reaction came from." She began gently, voice calm and slow. "But, it might have been a good idea to not have just accused him of every crime in your book and spoken to him about what his thoughts were."
"But he already told me what he thought." I replied, brows drawing together. "He wanted to go because it was a big opportunity that could change history."
"Not about the expedition!" She sighed, rubbing a hand against her forward before her eyes came back to mine, fiercer than ever. "About the time apart! About how you two would maintain your relationship and what you would do until he came back and when he came back."
Her words shocked me as they were something I had never considered before. It took me so much by surprise that I leant back, simply blinking at her with my mouth agape.
"All you did was tell him how scared you were that you two would drift apart and never let him tell you if he thought about it as well. Or what he thought you two could do to stay together."
The conversation that Dean and I had come back to me as clear as day. I had never once asked him how he planned for us to keep our relationship alive while he was gone. All I could think about was what could go wrong and how selfish he was being.
"I never did do that." I whispered aloud to myself, eyes widening as realization set in. "Holy crap! The whole time I thought that he wasn't thinking about the possibilities and me and I thought that he was being selfish when I was being selfish! I did and said everything I had because the guy that was finally paying attention to me and giving me love seemed to be leaving and taking that love with him!"
Dipi sat wide-eyed as I vented and shared some of my darkest secrets to her at once.
"I am a terrible person!" I yelled, standing up and marching over to the pond's edge. "You hear that waterfall?! I am a dick of a human being, and even worse of a mate!"
"Sebastian, no you're not-" Dipi tried to protest, but her words fell on deaf ears. My eyes began to burn as my thoughts ran.
"He's too good for me! I know that he is too good for me, I always knew. Since we first got together I feared that he would find a reason to leave me and this was it! This was his chance to finally get my 18-year-old mess of a human off of his perfect butt! Why would I ever encourage him to go when I knew he would just take my heart with him?"
Dipi opened her mouth to reply, but I was already moving on to my next thought.
"But it's his dream! Of course, I know what it is like to want to follow your dream more than anything else, yet I wanted to pull him away from his? What type of person am I?!"
"A NORMAL ONE!" Dipika screeched, drawing my attention back to her. She had to pant for a moment to regain her breath. "A completely normal one Sebastian. It is normal to be selfish a lot of the time."
"But what if I'm selfish 100% of the time that he and I are together? What if my insecurities and immaturity never get better and Dean is stuck with this immature, imperfect, mess of a magic-user for the rest of eternity? I am keeping him from his passion because I think that he is using it as an excuse to break up with me! Do I really want to chain him to a person like me? Do I really want to do that to him?"
"Do what?" Dipi asked me incredulously, walking around to stand next to me with her hands thrown on her hips. "Give him the best relationship he could possibly imagine? Sebastian, have some confidence in yourself. You are a catch. Dean obviously knows it and if you can't take his or my word for it, then take the universe's. You two are mates for a reason you know."
Looking over at my older sister, I was met by the sight of her comforting and encouraging smile and returned it with my now watering eyes.
"What if that reason is wrong?" I asked her, my voice shaking a bit.
"Then I don't know what is right."
"Dipika." I whined, turning around to plop my butt back on the grass.
"What? I was just being honest." She told me, coming to sit down next to me again. I turned to her, pursing my lips as a thought came to mind.
"Then tell me this, Dipi. Am I immature and selfish?" I asked her, seeing the way that she faltered for a moment, debating how she should respond.
"Well . . . yeah."
"Then I don't deserve him." I responded quickly, finding the connection simple and easy.
"Who said that he isn't immature and selfish too?" She asked me then. My brows furrowed in confusion.
"But he's perfect."
"And I bet he sees you the exact same way." Dipi's comment did little to help my already spiralling thoughts. I had already shaken off the truth of it before the sentence had finished leaving her mouth.
"But he should be with a person who compliments him. Someone who will make him happy, you know?" I told my sister, seeing how she was going into shock at the way I was speaking about myself. "Isn't that what mature and smart people do for those they love? Let them go?"
"Sebastian, if you start to actually acknowledge what you got and how great of a person you are, then you can make him and yourself happy." She said, placing one of her hands on my shoulder. Her comment got through to me, but I nibbled my bottom lip unsurely.
"I just am not sure . . . " I trailed off, eyes focused on the grass below us.
"Look, no one can give you the confidence to truly accept the good that comes in your life. If you always think that you don't deserve it, you will never be able to enjoy any of the love or blessings that you receive." Dipi explained before picking up three blades of grass. I looked down at them curiously, watching as she placed them on her palm carefully.
"Okay, the way I see it. You have three options. 1: Break up with him and be miserable because you lost a guy that is 'too good for you'. 2: Stay with him and be miserable because you refuse to accept the guy who is 'too good for you'. Or, 3: stay with him and realize that you do deserve every ounce of love that man gives you. Use that third option and you just may be able to go 10 years without seeing each other in person because your love and security in your relationship is too strong to ever be broken. The choice is up to you Sebastian, only you can make it."
I sighed heavily, falling onto my back to look up at the starry night sky. That was a lot of pressure resting on my shoulders, and I didn't think that I liked that responsibility. But, at this point, it was a decision that I had to make.
"Thanks for talking to me about this Dipi." I told her, smiling at the cheeky grin she sent me.
"Any time, bro. You know I got you." Dipi laughed when I shivered at her use of bro. "What, I can still use it to annoy you from time to time you know."
"I know."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know if I like this Chapter, but it is finished with and that is what matters.
I wrote the entire thing today so you guys can feel grateful, I won't stop you.
Anyway,
What did you think of the people in this Chapter?
Vague questions because my brain is tired.
Anywhore,
Vote, Comment, Share, Follow, anything else you can do with this book and I will see you next Chapter.bye!!!