"He chose the sweetest words to get her heart, and the most poisonous actions to break it"
"Why does it hurt so much?" I whined into my warm pillow. Rashawn flexed his hand in a sassy motion as he sat infront of my closet mirror on the floor. "Girl it's not the end of the world. I told you about him and you did not listen. yo ass wanna learn the hard way" He said sternly as if he was my mother.
"Boy, fuck up" I glared up at the ceiling ; feeling all types of mixed emotions. I couldnt be mad at Tymir or that girl because I knew they'd end up being one sooner than later. "Let's go to a party. yay!" Rashawn cheered turning his upper body to face me. I turned my head to him and stared at him in thought.
"Sure. We ain' doin shit."
Rashawn was busy applying makeup while I thought endlessly in the shower. After being finished with getting dressed and doing my hair plus makeup, I waited downstairs for rashawn as he was STILL applying makeup on his face.
Hearing footsteps descend the stairs, I looked up and Rashawn came into view. "It takes preparation and steadiness to look like a bad bitch" He puckered his lips, swaying his hips to show off his outfit which consisted of black ripped jeans, a crop tye dye shirt, and black converses.
I wore a fitted tye dye dress with pink clear sandals and light clear, pink sun glasses positioned at the top of my head. Calling a uber, we got there in no time.
Rashawn did most of the greetings as soon as we got there due to the fact I knew no one and everyone at this party was clearly from Kingston. "Hey Gizelle" a deep voice spoke from behind, causing me to turn around and smile.
Jacque stood at 6ft, towering above me with a goofy grin as if he was high. "Hey Que" I said softly, wishing that I'd act normal and not flirtatious with a boy I felt nothing for. He grasped my hand abruptly causing me to jump slightly before pulling me in the direction he began walking in.
Then appeared his friends on a black cushioned couch. I studied everyones face until I seen shawn and sat beside him while Jacque sat on the other side of me. "My nigga que like you" He said into my ear. I pursed my lips while nodding, confirming I heard him over the loud music. He passed me a perfectly pearled blunt. I put it between my lips, inhaling a good amount of smoke before exhaling, and quickly inhaling again.
The first hit, hit the shit out of me. I felt like coughing but fought back eagerly from doing so. Shawn passed me a shot glass that had brown liquid inside. I quickly took it and pushed the liquid down my throat causing me to dislike the burning feeling in my chest once swallowed.
"Ahh.That shit burnin'" I said rubbing my chest. Shawn and que laughed at my reaction. "It's Henny, Gizelle" Que yelled into my ear. I felt a small effect waver inside me as soon as Que did that. A hot sensation burned in the pit of my stomach as I glanced at Jacque. He was unaware of my sudden attraction towards him.
I placed a hand over my heart, trying to feel the heat radiate from inside cause I felt hot all over. Shawn passed me another drink and I couldn't refuse. I was off weed and henny and I wasn't even here for a whole hour.
As the blunts were passed to me each time in rotation, I received a total of 5 shots. My legs couldn't stay still and my nerves jumped ever so slightly. I breathed out heavily in a drunken state, watching everybody around me conversate, relax, or dance.
Jacque's hand brushed against my knee, causing me to slightly feel tingly and turned on. "You okay?" He asked searching into my slit open red eyes. I gave him a goofy smile and put up my thumb. He smiled and leaned back beside me. Even in my zone, I managed to see the one person I tried getting off my mind with drugs and alcohol ten feet away from me.
He was with her, of course. I watched intoxicatingly as he held an argument with his girlfriend. She didnt seem interested in what he had to say. She went to walk away, causing him to pull her wrist back to him.
She slapped the shit out of him, making my eyes widen with enjoyment. I wish I could slap some sense into him. He was left alone in the corner with people swarming around him but not as much to where I couldnt see how his jaw flexed.
I was breathless when he searched around the room, for someone. I couldn't get myself to look away even when a small voice in my head told me to. Even when he stared directly at me.
I felt nothing but knew if I was sober, I'd feel everything. His glare softened up when he looked at me. In no possible way did I feel not turned on by his far away presence. One second he was giving me a staring contest and the next he was heading somewhere.
A hand latched onto my arm as soon as I went to stand up.
"Where you goin?" Jacque asked, loosening his grip. I told him I needed to pee and he let go immediately. I almost fell by how fast I got up and felt Jacque's finger tips brush against my skin, notifying me that he was about to catch me.
I walked off without saying a word. I mumbled to myself incoherently, not even knowing what the hell I was saying but It made me giggle regardless. I stumbled out the front door and into the cool night air.
I watched as people watched me but didnt care. I was on a whole different planet. "Bitch where did you go?" a feminine male voice shouted from behind makin' me slightly jump in my skin. I whirled around lazily to see Rashawn's figure moving side to side as if he was about to fall.
"Bitch what are you on? you smoke crack? is crack what you smoked?" He said conceringly but we both knew he was amused by my intoxicated state. "Boy fuck up" I rolled my eyes, itching at my titty when no one was looking.
"ew bitch in front of people?" he said distastefully. I sucked my teeth, rolled my eyes and turned around.
"Im too on" I said with a sigh, almost losing my balance. "Bitch stay right here, yo ass need aqua" he said. "Nigga don't leaaaaaaave" I said shouting in slow motion. I was leaning back at the same time not even realizing I was gonna fall flat on my back.
And thats what I did.
I stared up at the stars, blinking slowly, and listening to my heart beat race within milliseconds. I closed my eyes, knowing I was too fucking high and Id prolly have a heart attack. When I reopened them, I settles my view onto a face that was recognizable the minute I laid eyes on it.
"Looking for me?"
"....Yes".
He grinned.
My heart fluttered and coochie moistened instantly. I should've known Id fold under pressure by him. I was just hurt and lost about Tymir and here I was, giving him my hand to pull me under the sea.
"Why did you hurt me as if it meant nothing to you?" The question slid off my tongue without me hesitating to think of asking or not. His expression changed but I knew he wouldnt tell me the truth. The truth was written in bold letters, I just didnt want to look at them.
I didnt want to face to truth that he'd never belong to me. I sighed as I got no answer from him. Rolling my eyes, I got up and he moved away from me. I think that sobered me up to the point I wanted to go home and cry til I fell asleep.
"You made me like you in such a short time span. And you left me on the side line with no type of fucking closure. Just like the others. Leaving me to pick up the pieces as If im not tired of bending down to pick them up. I hate youuu soo FUCKIN MU-"
There were no words left to say. The heat burning sensation from the alcohol in my chest soon burned in the pit of my stomach as I locked lips with the person I tried making myself hate. The way he felt on my mouth made me think of sinful thoughts. I was off drugs and him, and nothing could pull me down.
"Come with me" He said convincingly into my ear as I breathed in a full lung of oxygen the minute we stopped kissing. The alcohol pushed back the right decision and presented me all the wrong choices.
I nodded my head slowly and we were soon in his car.
"Why does it feel like me and you won't last?" I asked staring at the road ahead of us. He stayed silent while driving, giving me one glance before staring ahead again. My eyes lingered onto his wrist as a tattoed name appeared as we passed each street light.
"Why do you think that?" He said calmly. I slipped my shoes off and held my legs to my chest and rested my chin on my knee. "because..You're never gonna leave that girl alone, are you?" I replied softly, waiting for an answer as I stared at him..
He hid his reaction very well but he focused too much on his expression than answering my question without hesitating with an answer. But he already did.
"Take me home, please".