Part 7
Ben became a little distant towards me, he’d spend hours in his room doing god knows what, and he’d always ignore me when I knocked on his door. Dad eventually started going to work again, so we couldn’t play checkers together. Despite my inability to see, I mastered the art of blind checkers. Dad put stickers on the black checkers and the black spots on the board. After twelve years of playing it, I was already familiarized with where all the pieces go, where the next square is.
But I couldn’t do anything but play with a pencil and paper and stab the paper with the pencil, not even knowing if I’ve broken to lead yet.
“I can’t see.” I mutter.
“What am I drawing?” I ask myself, letting the pencil scrap against the paper. “What are you drawing Jade?” I ask myself again, feeling anger rise inside. Frustration was taking over and I was getting annoyed at this.
“What are you drawing? You’re so hopeless, you don’t even know what you’re drawing.” My lips pressed into a thin line, and the pencil would hopefully stab the paper. I felt defeated, grabbing the paper in a fist and throwing it away. My hands slammed against the wooden table, my head falling and banging against it.
Ben wouldn’t come out of his room.
Noah stopped visiting. It’s been three weeks. Three weeks. I don’t know what I did, truthfully I was blaming that kiss. Was I so terrible at it, that he will never talk to me again? I can’t think, that thought just stopped me. I liked Noah, I liked Noah a lot and he can’t just do that to me, make me feel useless and helpless, like I’m a needy girl desperate for attention and care. I hate it. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate my life.
“Where are you?” I whispered, my head lying against the table. “Why won’t you come see me?” And I could feel the hot wet tears pool around my cheeks.