As I'm writing this, I'm having my third mental breakdown as we reached the month of August. Yep.
I cannot fathom how anyone could have gotten through their adult-teen life without much trouble--I mean, it's quite unfair how some of us had to struggle to even live. But anyways, this day have been the worst one so far.
The older I got, the more I realised that it's hard to find your own potential—your strength and your weaknesses, what you can or can not do—I mean, these things are vital for the sake of our future but, it's so. . . hard. Sometimes, I hate myself. I hate that I am incapable of many things, and I hate that what they said is true. I know that we shouldn't rush other people's timeline into yours but it breaks my heart to see that everyone's gotten what they've wanted and then, there you are—left behind wondering, what the fuck am I supposed to do to get that too?
Don't I got what it takes? Am I not enough?
Or, do I just have a bad luck?
All my life, I've always gotten myself into--let's just say some. . . unlucky things. I almost always have an opinion over everything and I trust my instinct deeply. Mostly because they've never been wrong. Like today, for instance, I failed to secure a good part-time job. Repeatedly. If I were to tell you about all of the unlucky things I went through, the list would've reached Pluto by now. But, okay, I was exaggerating but you get the point.
Now back to the topic, as you get older you'll realise a lot of things. Like when you were a kid, you might've thought that being an adult is fun and you get to do a lot of things and yada yada yada but as soon as you reached your 20's, you realise that that was bullshit. The older you become, the harder it gets. Life is like a fucked up fan controller—the harder you try to fix it, the more fucked up it gets. And now you're left with option two; which is to get a new fan controller.
I'd like to think that mentality is like the fan controller to my life. For example, if my mentality is fucked up then my life will be fucked up too. So I guess, in a way, how you think correlates to how your life will turn out. It's basically just the same concept like the laws of attraction in Physics, if you say "something" will happen then that "something" will definitely happen.
But then again, I'm not some sort of a smarty-pants.
So yeah, mental breakdowns is like the writer's block and your life is the novel. It's just another stop sign in front of you to hold you back from whatever it is that you're doing but sometimes it also means that you're pushing it too hard, and you need to rest.
Remember, your brain gets tired too. So don't push yourselves too hard.