THE SECOND I WAKE UP, THE memories of last night flood back into my brain. i groan as my head aches so bad. i grab a tablet out of my drawer and put it in my mouth chugging water from a random bottle i found beside me. i'm still in yesterday's clothes. i look beside me and pick my phone up. ah shit...
johnE😒💙
please don't take what happened yesterday to heart.
you weren't thinking straight.
huh..? what is he talking about. holy- no no no no no. the image of me running to johnny and kissing him pops up in my brain. i just ruined our friendship. i kissed him without telling him how i feel, i'm glad i didn't tell him because now i know he doesn't feel the same way.
i quickly text nadia and annie telling them i got home safe. if john wasn't at that party, i would've fallen asleep on the street.
i regret kissing him.
i can't face talking to johnny about this, i'll act like i don't remember
kenzie
i'm sorry for ruining last night for you.
what happened yesterday?
johnE😒💙
oh nothing, you just got really drunk
kenzie
did i do anything stupid?
'typing'
a minute later and it still says 'typing'
johnE😒💙
nope, can't wait to snitch on u and tell maddie ur dumbass got drunk
kenzie
fuck you 🙄
i can't believe johnny's not going to tell me that i kissed him yesterday. my phone buzzes again,
johnE😒💙
hehe
johnE😒💙
wanna get coffee later?
i can't face him now, i look like a mess, and i'm just too embarrassed. i shouldn't be considering johnny is my best friend.
kenzie
sorry, i have to study
johnE😒💙
for what?
kenzie
english
johnE😒💙
how about after that?
kenzie
sorry i'm busy after that :/
johnE😒💙
k bye.
he knows i'm lying. of course he knows.
after a long hot shower and a lot of thinking, i wear some sweats and a cropped shirt. nadia walks in our room. "hey... i saw johnny downstairs, i thought you would be with him" she says as she looks for something in her drawer.
"alright nads..." she looks at me and raises a questionable eyebrow. i pat the spot beside me on my bed indicating she should sit there.
she plops down, her curls bouncing with her, oh god i wish i looked like her
"i kind of kissed johnny after the party yesterday" i play with my fingers
"bitch what!?" her hazel eyes grow so wide i'm afraid they might pop out.
"why?"
"how?!"
"MACKENZIE ANSWER ME!" she yells so loud
i get startled, damn she's scary
"i- ok, i got really drunk yesterday so johnny took me home. and i don't know what i was thinking, i just kissed him..."
"...i'm pretty sure he didn't kiss back because he was so shocked. and he asked me if we could hangout today, but i lied and said i have to study"
nadia opens her mouth to say something, but i stop her
"he asked me about it today... and i said i didn't know what he was talking about"
she looks away, thinking. if only i could've used my brain yesterday. none of this would have happened
"tell him how you feel" nadia says
"are you kidding?" i laugh and then realize she is being dead serious. it feels like i'm having a family meeting with my parents
"you're so fucking blind kenzie. do you not see that he has feelings for you aswell"
"do you have any proof?" i say hoping she won't yell at me
"well, he flirts with you so much. he hasn't gone out with anyone in the past month, i'm thinking because his feelings for you have increased way more. he doesn't care about any girl the way he cares about you"
i take a minute for all that to soak up.
johnny... having feelings for me?
my train of though gets ruined by nadia talking again,
"just talk to him."
i nod my head and grab a granola bar.
she smiles and grabs her things and heads out again. her black boots clicking against the floor.
* * *
6:43pm, i'm standing outside johnny's dorm. debating whether i should knock his door or turn around and forget it.
i tap my foot on the floor. i think about nadia and that if she was hear she would beat my ass.
i knock softly on his door. after a few seconds he swiftly opens the door, his hair is messy, he looks tired... he doesn't smile when he sees me. he's wearing a maroon nike hoodie with grey sweats
"hey... can i come in?" i ask hoping he will say yes
he opens the door wide enough for me to enter, i carefully sit on the end of his bed. i see his laptop open, he was watching brooklyn nine-nine. without me?!
he sits on his bed and doesn't look at me. he's using his phone. normally i would expect him to tease me about something or flirt.
i quickly think on what to say and do. i really don't want to talk about the kiss. i gather my thoughts and finally say, "stand up"
he looks up from his phone annoyed. his green eyes shining into my boring brown eyes.
"huh?" he looks scary when he is serious
"i said stand up" i take a deep breath as he stands up beside his bed. i copy his actions and stand infront of him. i smile and lean in. i go on my tippie toes and wrap my arms around his neck.
yup. i'm hugging him, i feel like actions speak more than words. i feel his hands on my back. he pulls me in closer. i breathe in his scent. i don't want things to get carried away, so i slowly pull away after a few seconds. my arms are still around his neck.
there's that smile. his perfect white teeth.
what the fuck, why did god have to make him so perfect?
"did you, mackenzie frances ziegler just hug me by your own will?"
"shut up"
i smile and look down. "i wanted to say thank you, about yesterday."
"that's what i'm there for" he leans against his desk and folds his arms.
"no really, i don't remember exactly what i did or said yesterday, but i do know that i meant it and i don't regret it" i hope he understands what i'm saying. what i'm trying to say is, i meant it when i said that i love him and i don't regret kissing him anymore.
he smiles and says, "good"
"now that everything's cleared... you're watching brooklyn nine-nine without me?!"
i scream and hit his shoulder. he puts his hands up in surrenders
"i'm sorry"
i feel like hugging him again, if i would've known that hugging him back would feel so good, i would've done it a long time ago.
i kick my shoes off and lay down beside him. he puts his arm around me and plays with my hair. i press play. the warmth of his body hits me.
i look up for a second, and smile at him. "i'm sorry if-"
he rolls his eyes and says, "be quiet i wanna watch!"
damn his jaw line is sharp, and how the hell are his eyebrows better than mine. i've never admired him that way. i look back down and sigh in relief
i'm glad we're back to being normal, but i think nadia's right. i should tell him how i feel.
well, not now
🥺