The hours I had spent trying to break the cuffs off my wrist throughout the next couple days had only resulted in a small dent on the bed frame. No one else had come to visit me since Peter had left, besides to deliver me meals, which I was very thankful for. It gave me time to think. If I could get the restraints off I could easily escape, but if not I would have no choice but convince them that they were slowly turning me.
That plan was not the most desirable to me as I had begun to fear that I may actually start turning. Peter had already gotten me to question whether or not I had actually lost my memories due to a head trauma or if Hydra truly had brainwashed me. As I absentmindedly hit the cuff against the bed, I desperately tried to remember something, anything from my life before Hydra.
All I received were a few flashes from which I could make absolutely nothing out of. They were mostly of Peter: him smiling at me, him in the Spider-Man costume with his mask appearing to be in pain, him looking over at me with concern. There were a few times a flash of a different Avenger would pass by, but they were just as random and confusing.
I became more and more frustrated, desperate to escape from the cell and return to somewhere familiar. It didn't matter if Hydra was not what I had been told it was, it was a place where I knew who I was. I was their assassin, nothing more. I didn't have to worry about my past, I didn't have to struggle trying to recall people who claimed that they loved me. All I had to do there was follow orders blindly, it was a simple life.
Clearly I was not going to be able to break the cuffs off of my wrists as there was nothing better to bang it on than the bed frame. Instead I would have to break my hand to get them off. I had proved to be able to heal faster than a regular human and I had been studying regenerative magic so there was a chance that I could fix the broken bones.
Preparing myself for the blinding pain I was about to experience, I placed my right hand on the ground and lined my foot up above it. As I was bringing my foot down upon my hand with as much force as I could muster, I was rudely interrupted by Loki, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."
I rolled my eyes as I brought my foot back to the ground beside my foot and then looked up at him, "and why not?"
"Because those restraints aren't the only thing that is suppressing your magic. Breaking your hands may allow you to get your cuffs of, but you will not be able to escape this cell. So you might as well spare yourself from the pain," he explained, placing the meal that he had brought me in the tray to be let into my cell.
I rose from the ground and approached him, "why are you here, Loki? I thought you were supposed to be helping rule New Asgard?"
"The Avengers came to Thor for help catching you and I happened to overhear. Your skills are impressive, (Y/N), but unfortunately are no match for a master of magic."
"And why are you still here? I was captured three days ago, I think your mission is complete."
"I am staying until you break through this brainwashing. I have been mind-controlled before and I know it's not pleasant, so I am going to help you."
"Well, first of all, brainwashing and mind-control are two separate things. And I've not been brainwashed, I suffered a head trauma that caused me to lose my memory. I serve the organization that I work for by choice, not because they have brainwashed me into thinking it's the right thing to do."
He gave a small little smirk, "you can continue thinking that, (Y/N), but you'll remember eventually and recall that Hydra is not exactly known for creating a better world, but instead one fueled by fear."
"Like the earth that you wanted to reign over?"
"Ah, I see that you have studied up on me," he replied, although he didn't seem at all affected that I had reminded him of his painful past.
I shrugged, "I had to, you and the Avengers are all threats that stand in the way of a better world. I needed to know about you, about your weakness, so that I could overtake you when the time came."
"I wish you luck with that. And try not to break any body parts while I am gone," he responded as he strutted away from the cell.
I obediently ate the meal he had brought to me, knowing that I needed to keep up my strength up if I planned on escaping at some point. As I ate the migraine-like pain returned to my head and I knew that Hydra was getting impatient with my lack of progress. Part of me was willing to let Hydra take my life, but another part knew that I would be able to find a way out of this prison and it would be a waste of their best assassin.
Grabbing one of the other sheets of paper Steve had given me, I wrote another message to Hydra: I have the situation under control. Will pretend to befriend them and escape. I immediately shredded the message so that the Avengers couldn't read it. My plan didn't seem to be good enough because the pain only worsened to the point where I blacked out.
Flashes of memories played before me while I remained unconscious. I recalled a birthday party, but I must have been quite young as I barely made it up to Tony's knee and certainly was not as graceful as I grew to be. The smile on Tony's face warmed my heart and for the first time that I could remember I felt happy, I felt loved. He picked me up and placed a kiss against my cheek, wishing me a happy birthday.
The scene changed again, this time I was older. I felt heartbroken, although I was not sure why. Pepper Potts burst into my room, her eyes read from crying, but with a relieved expression on her face. She sat down next to me and informed me that my father had been found. I felt excitement and relief well up inside me as I threw my arms around her. The car ride was a blur, but as I watched Tony descend the airplane ramp, the vision became clear again and I could feel the wetness of tears on my cheeks. I tried to brush them away, angry with myself for showing such weakness, but I couldn't change the memory. Again, Tony enveloped me in a hug, but this time it was only with one arm as his other was in a sling.
Scene shift. I stood in front of Natasha, feeling terrified of her. I mentally scolded myself, telling myself that I was strong enough to face her, I had magic and she did not. Yet I remained scared as she told me to try to pin her to the ground. She was obviously going easy on me as I even though I clearly had no idea what I was doing. But she remained encouraging, to a point, and even allowed me to pin her down at the end. She applauded me and went through a few more moves with me before I found myself somewhere else.
I was laughing, my heart bursting with happiness as I looked around at my family. Family, that couldn't have been the right word. I was surrounded by the Avengers, by the enemy. I tried shaking my head clear of these thoughts, but the scene persisted. Everyone seemed a bit beat up, making me realize that it must have been after a battle. Yet they all seemed enthusiastic and elated to be having a simple dinner together. It was a feeling I found myself craving, but of course it had to be taken away as the scene changed.
"H-hi, I-I'm Peter," the curly haired boy spoke to me as I shut my locker door and was about to turn away.
Shocked that he had spoken to me, I paused briefly before replying, "I'm (Y/N), (Y/N) (L/N)."
Another shift.
"I know you know me already, but we haven't officially met. I'm Spider-Man," Peter introduced himself while in the suit.
I smiled beneath my mask, although I knew that he couldn't see it, "I'm Shadow, I guess."
"You guess?" He inquired, cocking his head slightly.
I shrugged, "well, I didn't exactly come up with the name myself, that's the name the media gave me. I suppose that means I have a lot in common with Iron Man. Did you know that his suits are actually made out of titanium alloy? His whole superhero name is actually just a lie."
"I don't really blame them, Iron Man has a much better ring to it than Titanium Alloy Man," Spider-Man joked as we began to walk across the rooftops together. "You know, I think we made a pretty good team back there, maybe we could continue working together. The bad guys wouldn't stand a chance."
"They don't stand a chance regardless of if we're working together or not. Oh and back there was called me saving your ass after you almost got a woman killed. You can't just alert the enemy to your presence if there are so many of them. I get it if there's two or three, but there is no way you could've fought off all of those men and keep them from shooting the hostage or, worse, both victims."
"All the more reason for us to work together then," he replied, shocking me by his optimistic response. "If I'm with you then you can stop me from doing stupid things like that again."
God, why were all of my thoughts now focused solely on him? He was the enemy, he was a target. Yet, his dorkiness made my heart flutter and I felt an urge to protect him from anyone trying to hurt him.
"May-maybe we could do this again sometime?" Peter stuttered, seeming extremely nervous of my response.
"I would love to, just let me know when you're available," I assured him, finding my eyes interlocked with his gorgeous brown ones. He began to lean towards me, making my heart race in my chest. I let my eyes flutter closed as his lips made contact with his. The kiss was slow and sweet, Peter being extremely gentle with me. My fingers entangled in his hair as I held him close to me.
We pulled away, both slightly out of breath, staring into each other's eyes. I leaned in again, needing to feel the sensation of his lips on mine once more. Our lips moved in sync with one another and our tongues began a complex dance. I felt as though I was going to explode from happiness, never having experienced such a sensation before this moment.
I wanted this moment to last, I wanted to feel like I was loved and wanted by someone. But I couldn't, this was the enemy. I began fighting with the visions, desperate to remind myself that I was a Hydra operative. These feelings of love and belonging made me weak. I couldn't afford attachments and I certainly couldn't afford to be loved when I killed so many people for Hydra.
"Make it stop!" I yelled, finally being able to penetrate the visions that filled my head. I realized that I had screamed out loud as I came to my senses. Even in the darkened cell, I could make out the figure of Loki playing with something on the outside of my cell.
"What the hell did you put in my head?!" I demanded, frightened by what I had just scene.
"I didn't put anything in your head," he replied simply, his nonchalant attitude making me want to slap that confident look off of his face. "Wanda did, however, remind you of some of your memories, perhaps that is what you are referring to? Are you scared of finding out who you really are, of discovering that your beloved Hydra lied to you?"
"They didn't lie," I growled, trying to convince myself of that same fact.
"Then why would you betray your family?"
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(A/N): Nice long chapter for you tonight! I hope that you all enjoy!