day twenty-nine - apoligize
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Someone was knocking on the door. Steph and I were both reading at the time, surprisingly. Steph was reading the same book again, and underlining sentences with her pencil. She complained to her doctor that she wanted a highlighter so she could highlight quotes and whatever, but he wouldn't let her. So she threw a mini-fit and then calmed down and used a pencil instead. I, on the other hand, was reading a dumb requirement book for school. I had been trying to read it for the past week or two, to no avail. It was so boring and I hated reading, so I was getting no where. Today I had set out to actually read some of it, because I would already be so behind when it came to school and I at least wanted to get something done.
Steph looked up from her book and obnoxiously yelled, "Come in!" and then started reading and underlining again.
I heard the door creak open and I looked up, not sure who I was expected to see. It was Calum; he was half in the room, half still behind the door, like he was nervous to come in.
When Steph saw Calum at the door, she suddenly slammed her book shut and stood up. "Hi Calum. You know what? I'm in the mood for a shower. Yeah, I'm gonna go take a shower. See you later, Vicky. Bye, Calum." Steph said in a rush, before squeezing past Calum at the door. I knew she didn't really need to take a shower, but whenever it came to me and Calum it seemed we always needed to be alone. Whether it be to just be with each other or get upset and scream at each other, we liked to be alone.
"Hi," Calum said, still awkwardly standing at the door.
"Hey," I said, thankful I had a reason to stop reading. Calum just kept standing at the door, not making any effort to move. So I got up, and leaned against the wall as he finally walked all the way into the room and shut the door.
"Um, hi," Calum said.
"You already said that," I pointed out.
"Yeah," He said.
Things had really never been this awkward between us. I didn't know why they were now. Calum just seemed really nervous and that made me worried.
"How are you?" I asked, trying to get some kind of conversation going.
"Listen," He ignored my question, leaning his shoulder against the wall next to me. "I, um, should have done this awhile ago."
I nodded, telling him to continue on. He moved from his current place next to me to in front of me, and that became even more awkward. It really felt like he was going to kiss me (not that I would have minded) but he had said he should have done this awhile ago and we already did it awhile ago.
"Victoria Jane," Calum said, and I didn't bother to ask why he used my first and middle name (I didn't even know he knew my middle name. I had probably told him during 20 questions or something dumb like that) or why he even said my full name in the first place. He knew I hated it but when it rolled off his lips I liked the sound. "I don't know where to start."
He was so close to me. I could feel his warm breath down my neck and I could practically feel his heartbreat (or maybe it was my own.)
"Victoria Jane," Calum started again, taking a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For everything that I ever might have done in the slightest to hurt you. I don't know if this will be enough but I damn hope it will be. I was stupid, Vicky, I was really stupid. I meant so much to you and I treated you like shit, I really did. And I promise you, that you are not a replacement. You are everything. And I'm so sorry I didn't realize that before. She's dead, and I still called her my girlfriend. And I can't imagine how that made you feel. And I know I shouldn't have let you in like I did when I still couldn't get over the fact that she wasn't here anymore. But, god damn, I'm glad I did, because I can't imagine life without you anymore. Life's just . . . nothing without you anymore. And I mean that, Victoria, I really do. And I really think I do love you. I hardly know what that means anymore but God, this has to be love. I don't what else it could be. And I don't know if you love me anymore after what I did to you but I hope so, I really do. Because you're my every thought and everything decision I make revolves around you. . . I would be so damn lost without you, Vicky. I wouldn't know what to do with myself knowing that I lost you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
We were both crying. I was crying just because I never thought anyone would ever do something like this for me, in a million years. I don't know why he was crying, maybe because he was sad or maybe because I had started to cry or maybe for some other reason. And now that he had finished talking he had cupped my face but hadn't kissed me. He just held our faces together so our noses touched. We were both still crying, a lot, actually. I was trying to get some words out of my mouth but I was too much in shock and it was hard to form sentences while crying.
"Calum," I had finally managed to say, "I love you."
It was the first time I had said it to him. I had told him I might of loved him even when I knew I did, but never those three little words. And it just felt so right in that moment to say them, because I believed they were true. And they were.
I think it was also a way of saying I accepted his apology. Maybe I had already forgiven him but I just was waiting for him to confirm it and apoligize. And of course I forgave him, his apology was the most sincere I had ever heard.
We were both still crying and his face was still pressed to mine. I don't know how long we stayed like that; it could have been five minutes, it could have been an hour. And then, out of nowhere, he started to laugh. In the midst of all this he started to laugh, a hiccupy crying kind of laugh. He used his thumbs to wipe the tears off my face as he said, "Look at us. We're such a mess."
I started to laugh too, and we laughed for a little bit until he took the oppurtunity to kiss me since his hands were still cupped around my cheeks. And then we were still a mess, just a mess of tears and giggles and chapped lips; a perfect kind of mess.
And we were fine. We were back to the old Vicky and Calum. The ones who liked to hold pinkies and write their names next to each other on the paper and just look at it. I had missed this, I had missed us.
Calum soon left, just as Steph was coming back from her shower. She walked in and then saw me standing by the door, and I hardly noticed her because I was in some sort of daze.
"You've been crying," Steph said immediately, walking over to me. "Vicky, don't cry over boys. Boys don't deserved to be cried over. It's not worth it."
And I started to laugh, and Steph probably thought I was insane. I kept laughing, because I was just really happy and Steph thought I was crying over Calum. Which I was, but not in a bad way.
"I wasn't crying," I said, "Well, I mean, I was, but not crying crying."
Steph somehow understood right away, and she said, "Happy tears?"
I nodded, and then she screamed, "Aw!" and made me sit down on my bed and tell her everything that happened. So I did, and then she interrupted me in the middle of my story to say, "Wait, so did you have sex?"
"No!" I shouted, laughing. "No no no."
"Damn!" Steph said, "You should have."
I just shook my head and rolled my eyes, lying back on the bed. Then I decided since I was in a good mood, I would finally write back to Cierra because I was a sucky friend and hadn't written her a letter in so long.
Cierra,
I'm sorry I haven't written to you in so long, stuff has been complicated?? But now it's all good!! I hope you're doing good and stuff, I hope you met some cool kid that you cuddle a lot with. I don't know why I felt the need to say that but you've been asking for a cuddle buddy for awhile now, so. I love you a lot!!!
Peace Love Rock N Roll, (how lame)
Vicky
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Calum and I were sitting in class, trying to plan out how in the name of God we were going to try to run away.
I didn't really have to worry, I was the one getting out for good, after all. But we needed to worry about Calum
and how we were going to sneak him out.
It wasn't as easy as we thought it was gonna be. It wasn't like there was some sort of back exit you could just sneak out of.
We had been sitting there for a good fifteen minutes discussing what we wanted to do, with nothing that seemed that it was going to work in the slightest.
"This isn't gonna work, is it?" I said, sighing.
Calum shrugged, saying, "It might not, be we can always try."
"Even if you manage to get out, won't they just bring you back anyway? Won't they call your parents or something?"
He rolled his eyes at me. "Who cares. I wanna be a rebel for once. I wanna runaway from here, even it if means for, like, three hours. And I'll be with you."
Now I rolled my eyes at him. He always found ways to be cheesy with me, and as much as I hated it, I was a sucker for it.
"Hey, why don't we just both runaway? Sneak away during the night? We can go to Disney World or something." Calum said, smiling.
"I'd rather not walk that far, thank you."
"Then we'll walk to the airport," He decided, still smiling at me.
"Fine, to the airport," I agreed, laughing.
"Yes, okay, Disney World it is." Calum said. "And it'll be all exciting 'til we get to the airport and realize that we don't have enough money to go there."
"But I mean, who needs college anyway?" I laughed, and we just both laughed at the fact we would both choose Disney World over college, but who wouldn't, anyway?
After awhile, Calum spoke up and said, "Hey, Vicky? Are you my girlfriend?"
It was weird he had asked. I had never really seen him as a boyfriend but I think we had silently established we were something more than friends.
"Yeah, if you want me to be." I said, smiling.
"Hmm, let me think about it," Calum
said, and then said, (right after, like he didn't want my feelings hurt) "I'm kidding. Of course I want you to be, silly."
"Silly?" I giggled.
"What do you want me to call you? Darling? Sweetheart? Honey? Baby?" He raised his eyebrows at me.
"Just Vicky," I replied.
"You're so boring, baby."
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im goin to disney world with vicky and calum so if u wanna come on down come on down!
this chapter is ugly and messy but hey!! calum finally grew some balls and apoligized lets all golf clap for him
HALLOWEEN IS THIS WEEK....IS THERE A WORD TO EXPLAIN HOW
IM FEELIN....NOPE....IM SO
EXCITED TO GET SPOOKy im bein a tmnt with my best friend!!! (im raphaeL) so if i dont update before then hope u have a super duper halloween m8!!