Jacquees' P.O.V.
~6 Weeks Later~
After that night at the club, I complstely stopped talking to Jazel. For the first two weeks, I had me and Jay'Miair staying in a hotel room from the money I made hustling a new deal. While staying at the hotel I found a new house to stay in.
No, I'm not kicking Jazel out of the house I had bought. When my son wants to see her, he won't be seeing her on the streets. If he go stay the night, he needs his own room and place to use the bathroom. I'm not going to be childish about our relationship and how it failed, and cause my son to grow up without his hoe ass mama. The bitch gave birth to him.
Technically, it wasn't even my fault how our relationship even ended. I was the one being strung along. She had me believing I had a good woman. The woman I wouldn't ever have to worry about when times got rough. If I was to fall down, I expected her to be there to help me back up. But not everything is what it seems.
I made up a schedule between Jazel and I for when we'd keep him, who takes and picks him up from school, and what time he should be in bed on school nights. She had him Thursday night until Sunday and I had him the rest of the time. She even had a lil' shooter as a car to drop him off and pick him up. It's my job to provide for him, not her, so she only got a 1999 Honda Accord.
I'd quit my job at the construction site and completely devoted my time back to the game. I knew having a child would make things risky, so I was trying to be extra cautious of what I did. I didn't take Jay'Miair to nothing that involved the drug business or around someone who might have drugs on them. The only person he'd been around was Amir, whom he calls Uncle A.
Today was Thursday, and Jay'Miair had just gotten out of school. I had his bag already packed and in the car so he could go stay with Jazel. I stopped him by McDonalds and got him a ten piece, medium fry, Snickers McFlurry, and a medium sprite. I got myself two strawberry creme pies, a Reese's McFlurry, a twenty piece nugget, medium fry, and a large sprite.
"Daddy am I going to stay with Jazel?" I looked over at him and waited. "I meant my mother." I nodded my head and he looked out the window with a mug on his face. "Niggas always have to do shit they don't want to. I don't even like her bitch ass" he mumbled. I smacked him in the back of the head and he hit it on the dash board. That's his fault.
"Since when you started cursing and doing it around me at that? Don't make me punch your head through that glass." He shrugged his shoulders and sat back, leaning his head on the window. "Why you said that?"
"Said what" he huffed.
"Lose the fucking attitude. I'm not talking to you with one." He smacked his hand on his face. "Why did you say you don't like your mom? You should love her."
"Love and like is two different things. She's always worried about Andre punk ass-" I punched him mid-sentence and he stopped to rub his shoulder. "I'm just keeping it real with you. I don't like either of them, I hate Andre. He's ain't my daddy and I'm not gon' pretend like he is for mom sake."
"Look Jay, if you're hating her because we didn't work out, you shouldn't. That's is and always will be your mother. I know she does a lot of fucked up things, but you will not disrespect her ever again. Do you understand what I said?" He nodded his head. "Don't nod your head with all the mouth you got, answer me with them slick ass words you got."
"Fine old man, I understand" he laughed.
"You better cause ya' almost got punched in the mouth, son." He mugged me and I laughed. After riding around, we finally made it to Jazel's house. He looked at me and I looked back, waiting for him to say something, but that wasn't happening.
"I don't want to go there" he complained. "Why do I even have to be here? It's not like she even cares about me anymore. She so stuck on getting another baby by Andre and trapping him-"
"She's your mother whether you like it or not. Respect her or I'm go jack you up in front of all yo' friends. Are we clear?" He nodded his head yea and I left it alone. "Love you lil Jay" I told him.
"Love you too pops" he called getting out and grabbing his bag. Jazel came to the door and held her hand up signaling to wait. I honest to God, don't want to deal with her right now. Like, where's the break big man? I'm on some new shit and I'm chucking my dueces up to her!
I turned the car off and waited about ten minutes. She walked inside and then back out with some denim booty shorts and a tube top exposing her belly ring. Back when she meant something, I'd force her ass to go back inside and change, but she ain't my problem no more.
"Where you going in such a rush that you dropped Jay off early? Your new lil girlfriend got you ripping and running like a dog again?"
"Why the fuck you coming out starting shit bruh? What you want?" Her ass always trying to snoop in my life and I don't understand why. I'm not fucking her, so why she worried?
"I'm just asking Jacquees, no need to get an attitude and pitch a fit. Damn. Who this bitch be? She got your ass wrapped."
"Bye Jazel" I said starting the car back up.
"Can I have some extra money, Jacquees? I need to put gas in the car and buy food for Jay'Miair."
"Did I or did I not just give you almost six hundred last week and three hundred two days before that? Lets not forget I gave you the money for the bills already. Where the fuck is the money I gave you?" She always trying to pull a stunt on me and use Jay'Miair as the excuse. That's not about to be how I'm going to live the rest of my life; with a gold digging bitch, lying her way into my pockets when she got a man.
"Jacquees, I was short on some money and I loaned some to Andre. As soon as I did, he got robbed and I had gave him some more. He hasn't been to the house since, and that was five days ago. I don't know what to do anymore, Jacquees. I can't get a job, they're all requiring drug test and diplomas. Can you please, just help me? If not for me, do it for the child we have together" she begged.
I pulled a stack from my pocket and rolled off three bills and handed it to her. She didn't look like she needed the money and I wasn't sure, but I damn sure wasn't going to let my child suffer over her irresponsible actions. "Here" I said passing it her way. "Don't fuck me over again Jazel. Let Jay'Miair come home to me and tell me you ain't feed him and I promise you, you go regret every word that came out your mouth."
"Jacquees, he's my child too. I'd do anything for that little-" I sped out the driveway letting her talk to herself. She swears like hell she's such a good mother just because she gave up school to take care of our son. She swears she such a good mom because she stayed home all his life to cook, clean, and do other lil' shit with him. But me? I don't agree with that shit. A real mother going to do what's best for their child in the long run.
What type of income you bringing in with no job? What type of work you doing for money, when all you know how to do is get on your knees? If you go do that as a living, please make money while you do it. Either way you lose respect, but at least you profiting from it when you charging these niggas.
I pulled off and headed towards the trap houses go pick up the money for the week. It took me about two hours to check all five on the south and then another hour to check the three on the north side. After making sure everybody was doing their jobs, all the money was right, and dropping the money off to Amir and collecting my share, I headed to home to shower, then off to my destination for the night.
It took me another hour and a half before I made it there, a few minutes before I was supposed to be there. I went inside and sat at the table, scoping out the scene playing in front of me. I knew the transaction wouldn't go smoothly, cause in the next thirty minutes, DKY was going to be busting in here and killing the show. The drug trade Amir had done with the Mexicans prior to me coming back was always suspicious to him. I'd been watching them ever since, and now I'd seen why.
These niggas were fucking with our money. They'd shorted us on our supply by a good kilo. Selling crocodile, cocaine, heroine, weed, and molly was making us a fortune. We didn't need all the money we was making, but the shit could come in handy one day.
"Move in, in three" I said into the receiver to Hop Scotch and Mosiah. They were the two in lead when I left of making sure our plans went as planned.
I sat back and watched as a girl made her way over to the dude. Time was ticking, and she looked like she was go be made victim. She was talking to the guy and they were looking pretty serious. She slipped him a piece of paper and then walked off, just as our crew went inside.
I slipped my shades on and watched as the men all started shooting. The leader of the clan, Mejuan, was surrounded by men who started shooting back. They started making their way to the back exit as the men kept shooting. Everyone around was running and screaming trying to exit. Innocent people were being shot, some screaming in agony, while others were dying instantly. Brains started splattering against the walls, luckily none of the members from DKY had been shot yet.
I watched as they all rushed through the back and disappeared, gun shots still being heard in the background. I looked in front of me, at the table ahead, at the man who was clutching to the seat and holding his gun shot wound. He was one of the members to Mexicans and he was about to die with the rest of them.
"Tell me where's the rest of our shipment and maybe I'll spare you" I told him as I walked over.
"Bitch, fuck you" he spoke in his heavy accent. He spit at me, barely missing my shoe. I placed my boot on the wound in his abdomen and pushed down and listening to his petrifying screams.
"Talk or die" I said after a few minutes. He remained silent and I pulled the gun from out of my waistband, aiming it at his kneecap. He kept quiet and I shot him twice, causing him to let out another ear piercing scream. "One more chance or I'll shoot your balls off" I leaned over and waited.
"He said he's going to shorten your supplies every deal you make until he makes a bitch of you. Come on man. Don't kill me, I have a family at home" he begged. I looked at him for awhile before sending one blow to the mouth for keeping quiet so long.
"You're a disloyal ass motherfucker. You never give information about your crew" and then I sent one bullet to his dome, killing him.
I walked out of the building and back to my car, waiting for the crew to walk over. We had a good ten more minutes before the police would actually show up. I took my blood stained shirt off and threw it into the trunk of the car and watched as they made their way over to me.
Tonight wasn't my first time killing someone, and it syre wouldn't he the last. In the game, you either lose your heart and do what you have to, or have a heart and get killed yourself. Never let these niggas know your weakness; they'll make a pussy nigga out of you if you do.
"A few of them got away, most of them we bodied in the middle of the street." I nodded and threw the bag filled with a hundred grand inside for the ten of them to split. They'd get the other half when the job was finished.
I got in my car and zoomed off headed home. Today had been a long day for me. All I wanted to do was get in my bed and sleep like a baby. Tomorrow would be just as long, just for the simple fact that I had to go see my mother and seal another deal.
I was skeptical about working with another set of Mexicans. They could be just as phony as the ones we were already fucking with, and I'd hate to start a third war. We'd just finished a war with a small time drug dealer trying to make a way. Made him a bitch nigga, now he working on corners for us.
By the time I made it out of the shower, brushed my teeth, ate some noodles, it was 11 at night. I checked my phone and seen that I had three missed calls and a text message saying 'Yo ugly ass see me calling. Lol. Call me :)'.
"So now you decide to call me back? After I called like... two hours ago? What you been doing?"
"Nothing big head. Working, eating, living life as best as I can. Wassup doee'?"
"I was go ask you did you want to meet up, considering we haven't seen each other in since the club. Plus, we've only talked twice, including tonight. And then we went on that one dinner and to the movies."
"I wonder whose fault that may be, because I recall calling someone and getting sent to the voicemail and not getting a call back until maybe a month later."
"Jacquees, please forgive me for that. I have a lot of personal stuff going on in my life and I didn't have any extra time. I wish I could have gotten to call sooner, but I've got a real hectic schedule at times."
"You know I'm not even mad, but I'm not about to play no games with you. I got a child and still made time to call you."
"You got a child? I never knew that" she mumbled. "Well I'm sorry for wasting your time J."
"Where you want to meet up at Mocha?"
"You don't have to meet up with me if you don't want to Jacquees. I just thought that maybe we could hang out and talk, but I see that you have more important things to do."
"Did I say that or did I ask where you wanted to meet?"
"At the Pier in like thirty minutes."
"Aight, I'll see you then" I hung up the phone. I threw on some sweats and a tank with my matching shoes. I brushed my teeth again; my breath not about to be smelling like Ramen Noodles.
Jazel's P.O.V.
I looked at my son as he slept in his bed, snoring lightly. He looked so peaceful and unworried. I hate I put him in the middle of me and my problems. I wasn't thinking clearly when I stopped messing with Jacquees. I wish I would have actually made a good decision.
Me and Jacquees had an unimaginable type of love before I started constantly complaining about money. Money was my only concern. Money was basically the only thing I had begun to think about at all times. I wasn't actually putting time and effort forth into the relationship that I had built with Jacquees to keep it steady.
When I ran into Andre, I just thought about all the old feelings I had for him and just thought that we could rebuild our relationship. But just because you believe you can make things like they were, doesn't mean it'll happen. Both people have to want the same thing and put forth the effort get there, to be able to make things work. But Andre is more focused on other things.
I hated that I lied to Jacquees about what I'd done with the money he'd given me. In all honesty, I'd use to money to supply my addiction. It started after months of being back with Andre and finding out that I wasn't the only woman he was seeing. I wanted so badly to stop talking and fucking with him, but it's like I feel those old feelings back again.
I'm torn in between the two when it comes to Jacquees and Andre. I know I love the both of them, but I'm not sure who I'm in love with. It's crazy because I've always wondered how a woman could be so confused over two totally different men, but now I'm in that situation and I can't help but question how did I get here?
Andre is truly an amazing man. We argue, fuss, fight, scream and say hateful things, but we're always coming right back together and saying we love each other. I hate being around him, but I love sleeping cuddled up to him. He's good at providing for me financially, but he's not good at always showing his emotions. One minute he's fine and the next he's all aggravated and wants to curse me out. He's one bipolar ass nigga. He'll spend money on me and Jay'Miair, then he takes what he buys back from me. One thing I can never take away from him is that he has a good sex game. Since high school he's grown a few inches, being almost nine and half inches now.
The sex between Andre and I, is mind blowing. It puts me in a blissful mindset and causes me nothing but joy. A war could be going on, but after we have sex, I'd feel like I was skipping through a field of dandelions.
Jacquees is such the total opposute of Andre. He's sweet, caring, and was always complimenting me on how beautiful I am. He doesn't degrade me on my actions and accepted me with my flaws. He always encourages me to go back to school, so I can better myself for the sake of our son. I just don't feek like I'm capable, so I always dismiss the subject. He beats Andre in the sex department, standing at eleven inches even.
I honestly miss him. We have a child together, for God's sake. I miss us being the happy little family we were. I miss Jacquees coming home at night and making love all night to me. I miss him hitting it from the back, yanking me by my hair back, and having me scream his name. The fact the his name is tattooed under my breast doesn't make it any better.
The fact that I cause all of this, my fucked up feelings, my son hating me, Jacquees dissing me, is all my fault actually hurts me more than anything. I never thought my life could get worse then what it was. After my parents found out about everything, they cut me off completely. We hardly ever spoke anyways, but now we don't speak at all. Everything finally started weighing down on me. I turned to my addiction.
Jay'Miair hates me because of everything I've done. I don't like the way our relationship is turning. I want my son to look up to me and be able to say "I want a woman like my mommy" but I know that won't happen. When he's around, he doesn't even acknowledge me with a smile. He's always frowning and asking how much longer it'll be before Jacquees comes back for him.
I honestly find myself contemplating on giving up life. My son hates my guts. It seems like Andre is only with me for the sex. Jacquees will never take me back and now he has a new woman in his life.
What else could possibly go wrong when nothing is ever going right?
I walked to the door as I heard the sound of the doorbell go off. I looked through the peephole and then opened the door and stepped to the side allowing him to step inside.
"You cooked?"
"No" I stated shaking my head. "My son ate before he came, so I didn't see no reason in cooking. You're more then welcome to fix a sandwich and get some chips if you'd like" I offered.
"What you called me over here for?"
"I know you're his friend and all, but can we just reminisce and go back to the old days? It can be our secret."
"Jazel, you know you real fucked up right? That nigga my fucking brother and you talking about a damn reminisce. Man the fuck is wrong with you? What happened back in high school when we fucked, is left in high school. We did that way before you and him, but I refuse to go back down that road with you. How many niggas out of our crew did you fuck bruh?"
"Are you really judging me right now? I just asked one simple question. You're trying to make me out to be some type of whore and I'm not, I'm just a big fuck up. Can you just, please, get over it?"
"You're more then a big fuck up. You set your own self up for failure, and I don't blame my nigga for being how he is. Hell if I was Andre, I'd keep fucking around on yo ass. And if I was Jacquees, I'd keep ignoring your ignorant ass, unless it involved y'all son."
"You can leave if this is all you're going to do is judge me, label me, and shame me for my flaws. I know I'm not perfect, but neither are you. You've always known about what goes on, but kept it on the DL and hid it like a lil bitch. You a bitch made ass nigga."
"Bye Jazel" he said walking out.
I followed him to the door as he walked out and left. As my body started itching, I shut the door and locked it, then looked at myself in the mirror by the door.
My entire appearance had changed. My skin seemed to have become somewhat pale. I had began to get blotchy red spots over my body, and the only way to cover them was if I consistently used Aveeno body wash and lotion. My hair was starting to lose its shine and thin out in certain areas. If you paid close enough attention, you'd see the scars I'd caused myself to get from cutting myself while high. I'd cover them daily with makeup, but that only helped so much.
I headed to the kitchen to my secret stash and started shooting up until I felt my body go numb. I wanted all of my pain, suffering, worries, and problems to all just vanish. I was sick and tired of stressing over how much I'd ruined my life due to my idiotic choices of living the fast life. I'd chosen to go down this path and now I'm dealing with all the consequences of not being able to take it back.
As soon as I felt my high, all of the tension left me body. Somehow, I made my way to my bed. Or at least what I thought was my bed and then passed out. I was in need of a get away.
Mocha's P.O.V.
I deleted my call and text message history, then threw my cell phone down and looked through ny closet for something to throw on. I knew it was dark and probably chilly, so I just put oh my red crop top sweater, my leather high waisted tights, and my white and black boots to match the word coloring in my sweater.
I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and then put some water on the end of my hair making it puff up and curl. I placed a hat on top to cover up my my new growth. That was some serious new growth.
I grabbed my phone and the keys to the black Audi and left. It took me at least twenty minutes to get there and I seen he was already standing at his car waiting. Women take so long just to get ready, but we're honestly worth it.
"It's about time yo' ass made it, girl. I been standing out here for some time" he jokingly complained as I stepped out. "You look good" he told me giving me a hug.
"Thanks, so do you. And you know, just like I know, that the wait was well worth it. You know you wanted to see all this" I said gesturing to myself. We both laughed at how ghetto I had said it. "How you been?"
"I'm ok, just been wondering was going on with you. Why you was ignoring me and then all of a sudden you hit me up talking 'bout 'meet up'?"
"Why you never told me that you had a child? How I know you not with your baby mama?"
"This ain't got nothing to do with that or them. Yea, I do have a son, but me and his mama haven't been together in over two years. We not go ever get back together, so answer my question."
"Jacquees I really did want to see you, you have to believe that. It's just, my life isn't what you'd normally expect for a girl like me. I have a lot that I deal with and I'm not trying to bring you into my drama. I didn't want to ignore you like I did, but I had to get myself situated before I could do anything else" I explained without going into details.
My life truly is like living hell. You'd expect my life to be an LMN type of movie by the way everything happens to me. I have no family, no type of love, and no guidance in this world. The only person I have is my cousin, Mar'Kaylin, and we haven't talked in so long because of my situation. She's always been there for me and tried to help, but in all honesty, there's no helping me out of my situation as of right now.
(A/N: Mar'Kaylin comes from another one of my books called Goddess. Please, read the book and you'll find some insight as to what's going on with Mocha. As of now, it's a mystery.)
Some times I wish I could go back to when we were both 14 and uncle Messiah was taking care of us. We never spoke on what happened those years ago, due to what happened between my father and I. I just wish things wouldn't have been like this. We have a fucked up family.
"Look Mocha, I'm not into playing games. If you really have an interest in me like I have one in you, you'd be able to figure out how to fit me in your hectic little schedule. If not, lets just call it quits right here, cause I'm not about to go through the same bullshit with you that I went through with my baby mama" he stated.
"I'll make time for you Jacquees. I promise" I told him. We talked for over three and a half hours before I took my phone out of my purse to see that I had an incoming call. When I looked at the caller I.D. I felt my entire chest start to tighten and my breathing quicken. "Let me take this" I said walking away. He nodded his head and I went up the steps to make sure my conversation was private. "Hello" I answered.
"Where you at Lee? I been calling your phone and looking for you for almost two hours."
"Umm... I went out to the pier to get a fresh breath of air and think about what we talked about earlier" I stated, halfway telling the truth. "I didn't want to seem like I wasn't considering what you'd been saying, so I came out to think".
"Well come back so we can discuss this."
"Ok" I hung up the phone and walked back. My entire mood had changed and I was now beginning to feel depressed. I wish I didn't have to leave right now. "Hey Jacquees, I'm sorry, but I have to leave. I have to handle some stuff, but I'll be sure to keep in touch with you this time."
"That's fine Mocha; it's getting late anyways and I need to catch some rest before my long day starts" he said giving me a hug. His tall muscular frame towered over me by a couple inches, making me look up at him after he pulled back. I couldn't help myself, and made a decision I'd eventually regret, and kissed him. "See you later beautiful" he said closing my car door after we walked back.
"See you later J" I said starting my car and pulling off. All I could think about on the drive home was what me and Jacquees discussed at the pier. He'd told me so much about his son, Jay'Miair, and I could just hear the pride and joy the boy brought into his life by the way he spoke of him. I wish I had that.
"It took you long enough" I heard as soon as I walked inside of the door. "Why your lipstick smudged out of place?"
"I'm not wearing lipstick" I lied, trying to hide how scared I was inside.
"You smell like cologne, your lipstick is smudged, ans you're lying. Were you really even at the Pier, Lee?"
"Yes" I answered honestly.
"I bet you were" was the last thing I remembered hearing before I felt myself blacking out.