i cant wait to start school again in 10 days lol and literally be working on this in school. lowkey tho im gonna be going to bed at 630 and leaving the house at 715 love that for me. i swear im such a hot mess. im not even a hot mess im just a mess. heres to a new year tho with better friendships and relationships. woo.
Also there will be a trigger warning in bold later on for mention of drugs and alcohol. If you want to skip that there will be a summary at the end of the chapter.
"Hey," Strange said awkwardly, walking into Bucky's room through a portal.
"Aye, Doctor Evil, how many times do I need to tell you to quit doing that?" Bucky asked, sitting quite frightened on his bed.
"Doctor Evil?" Strange asked, raising his eyebrow.
"Yeah, you know... Austin Powers?"
"Never seen it," Strange said annoyed.
"God, you suck," Bucky said, turning his attention back to his laptop.
"Well, yeah," Strange agreed.
"Why are you here?" Bucky asked, still confused.
"You said we were friends, right?" Strange asked a little shyly.
"Yeah, of course. Do you want to talk about something?" Bucky asked, concerned. He and Strange may have a very weird friendship but a friendship nonetheless and Bucky didn't want him to be sad.
"Tony." Bucky knew Strange's tone. It was sad and guarded.
"Oh... okay yeah. Yeah, have a seat," Bucky said gently and sadly, moving over so he and Strange weren't too close. He knew how this was going to go and he knew how Stephen was going to feel. Strange sat down next to Bucky on the bed and pulled his knees to his chest. He looked over at Bucky who was looking back at him. Strange had a questioning expression on his face. "Yes, I know, we have a weird friendship. Are you gonna tell me your problems now?"
"I think I'm falling in love with Tony," Strange blurted out. Bucky felt it. He knew that feeling. Loving someone and not wanting to.
"Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry."
"It's just that, I don't like it when this happens."
"Why not? I mean I know I have my reasons but everyone's different. What's so bad about being in love with Tony besides the obvious fact that he's Tony?" Bucky asked.
"Well, one, he's dating Steve. Two, it's just hard for me to love someone. It comes with this deal of trust that I don't know if I'm able to hold. What if I change my mind? Not that I ever would with him it just tends to happen a lot. And what if I hurt him? Again, not that I would intend to I just know that I already did... and I don't like that he's all I think about and I don't like that he matters so much to me and I don't like that I might- might." Strange stopped to make sure Bucky understood
"Might," Bucky repeated, timidly, a bit afraid, assuring Strange he understood.
"I don't like that I might already love him and I'm friends with him. I feel like I'm betraying him in some way. Though I don't feel that bad he's betraying Steve with Quill."
"What?" Bucky asked, confused.
"Oh, yeah, they're sleeping together. I probably shouldn't have told you that. My bad. Well, I guess I'll be heading out," Strange said, standing up and starting to create a portal.
"Wait, that's it? You don't want to talk about it?" Bucky asked.
"I just did."
"Yeah but, you don't want me to give you feedback or anything?"
"No, I just wanted to tell someone about my problems. Besides you're not going to be any help," Strange said, as if it was obvious.
"I know but hey!" Bucky said, offended.
"Are you not just going to tell me I should tell him and that's it's okay to love someone and it should be celebrated?" Strange asked, annoyed.
"No, that was about all I had planned to say, you can go I guess." With that Strange left through the portal leaving Bucky, once again, stunned and confused on his bed.
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The guys were all strewn around the arcade for their group date. Bruce was currently wandering the bottom floor looking for Thor in the crowded rows of games. He spotted him over by one of the giant claw machines. Bruce slowly made his way over to Thor, wanting to admire him for a moment before he did so.
"Hey," Bruce said, leaning against the large tank.
"Hey," Thor smiled widely upon seeing Bruce. Things hadn't exactly been awkward since the kiss but they had been different. Both men were hurting a bit lately. Thor was disappointed Bruce was just caught up in the moment and didn't really want to kiss him, just whoever happened to be there and Bruce was upset that he had kissed Thor and was still worried it was going to ruin their friendship.
The two stood in silence. Not awkwardly. Just enjoying the other's company. Thor fidgeted with the large claw machine and Bruce laughed as he struggled. Steve stood with Bucky a few feet away, no one was watching and Tony had walked off to go get him and Steve something to drink.
"God, they're so oblivious," Bucky laughed.
"And obvious," Steve smiled back, annoyed with their friends' ignorance to each other.
"You still have that bear I won for you?" Bucky asked as the two watched Thor and Bruce blush and giggle at each other obviously in love.
"Oh, of course. It's in my closet," Steve laughed at the memory.
"You managed to fit it in there?" Bucky asked, knowing why he had to keep it in there but choosing to ignore that.
"Somehow," Steve laughed. He saw Tony leave the concession stand through the cracks between the machines. "I better go."
"Stevie, wait," Bucky grabbed Steve's wrist, his hand sliding down into Steve's as Steve turned back around to face Bucky. "I can't keep this from you. Tony's cheating on you with Quill."
Steve's face fell. He seemed to shake the hurt off quicker than most but still seemed shocked.
"I'm really sorry Stevie, Strange told me the other day," Bucky said softly. Steve sighed and wrapped an arm behind Bucky's shoulders, kissing him on the forehead. Bucky lightly put his hands on Steve's hips, comforting him.
"Thanks, honey," Steve said, pulling away from Bucky and heading over to Tony.
"Wait, you're still going back to him?" Bucky asked, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice.
"Yeah. I'm sorry, Buck," Steve sighed sadly.
"Jerk," Bucky sighed after Steve, letting him leave.
"Punk," Steve smiled back toward Bucky. Bucky stood there and watched as Steve walked back to Tony and kissed him. He didn't understand Steve's reasoning for this and didn't understand why he would stay with Tony but he supposed that Steve had a good reason.
They looked happy. Steve was staring down at Tony and Tony was rambling about something that made Steve laugh. God, that laugh. His laugh sounded so pure to Bucky. He could listen to it all day long and practically did everything in his power to do exactly that.
Bucky loved him. He really, truly did. He had since the thirties, taking care of Steve and Steve not putting up with anything, it drove Bucky to fall head over heels in love with him. He never fell out of love. He couldn't fathom why Tony was even cheating on him. How was Steve not enough? Steve was perfect. He was so perfect, with his blond hair, blue eyes, and muscular body. Not just his looks his personality was amazing. He was an all-American sweetheart. He loved everyone and had more determination than anyone else Bucky had ever met.
God, Bucky really loved him. He loved the nicknames Steve gave him, how he was the only one to call him Buck. He especially loved it when Steve called him baby. He knew he shouldn't feel so much when Steve said it, he only meant it as a sign of affection, but Bucky couldn't help it. He wanted to be Steve's. (lol who doesnt) It just gave him a rush when Steve gave him nicknames. God, he would do anything for Steve. He didn't even have to be with him he just wanted Steve to be happy. He knew Steve wasn't happy with Tony. He was happy when he was with Bucky and Bucky knew it, he just couldn't figure out why Steve couldn't see it.
It hurt Bucky to see Steve doing this to himself. He was being self-destructive, they both knew it wouldn't last with Tony. It also hurt Bucky to be on the other side of Steve's self-destructiveness. It might sound selfish but Bucky was losing his best friend too. As much as Bucky forgave Steve for what he was doing, it wasn't really 'okay' that he was doing this. And Bucky really missed Steve, there's a difference between talking to each other when no one is looking and sneaking around after hours and being able to just lay on top of Steve in the living room whenever he pleased.
Bucky made his way up to the second level and sat on one of the couches meant for parents overlooking kids on the first level. He watched as Steve and Tony played the arcade games and Steve wrapped his arms around Tony from behind and nuzzled his face into Tony's neck, distracting Tony from his game. Bucky felt his heart twist and turn and squeeze knowing Steve was doing that with someone else. He didn't want to be jealous and he tried not to be but it was hard not to be. He'd loved Steve since he was a teenager in Brooklyn. It hurt to see Steve with someone else, to know that he wasn't good enough for Steve. Strange sat down next to Bucky on the couch.
"You alright?" Strange asked, looking at Steve and Tony on the level below.
"Fine," Bucky sighed, lying, not bothering to look at Stephen either, "You alright?"
"Yeah," Stephen sighed, also lying. The two just continued to sit in comfortable silence, watching Steve and Tony pretend to be happy, mutually comforting each other with their presence.
///
Loki stood leaning against a small table, teasing Quill about his pool-shooting skills. Loki's heart beat faster upon seeing Quill's face grow a smile and erupt with a light blush. He ignored the feeling. He might have accidentally caught feelings for Quill and yes, maybe he finally accepted them, but he didn't need to be standing around like an 11-year-old girl trying to get her crush to like her. Instead, he stood around like a 15-year-old boy afraid of his feelings.
"It's not my fault. I have a defective poll thing," Quill pouted after just barely spinning the ball with the stick.
"You mean the cue?" Loki asked, trying to stifle a laugh at Quill's cuteness.
"Whatever."
"No, it's not. Don't blame the cue, you're hitting the ball at the wrong place and you're holding it too far forward," Loki said going up to take his shot.
"Well let's see if you do any better," Quill mocked. Loki took his shot, sinking two balls, and looked up at Quill cockily. "How'd you do that?" Quill asked quickly, trying to distract Loki from the previous events.
"I hit the ball in the right place."
"And where's that."
"Depends."
"What the hell does the mean?" Quill asked, annoyed with Loki's bragging.
"Come here," Loki said directing Loki to the corner of the table currently housing the white ball. "See that solid red ball by the middle hole on the left?"
"Yeah," Quill answered. Loki crouched down and pointed to a spot slightly to the right of the center of the ball. "You want to hit it right here. If you hit it on the right, if you have good enough aim, you'll hit the ball slightly on the left and it'll go in rather than hitting the wall."
"But that's not my ball, it's yours," Quill protested, confused.
"Of course not, you don't have any balls," Loki teased.
"You certainly thought different last night when you came to my room and put my balls in your m-"
"Hey-" Loki cut him off, blushing furiously and shaking his head, shocked at Quill's come back. Quill just laughed, loudly. Loki thankful for the loud music and dark lighting just shoved his head in his hands, hoping his blush wasn't too prominent. "Okay, okay. Come on you twink, take your shot."
Quill continued to laugh to himself at Loki's embarrassment and bent over slightly, lining up his shot. Loki, obviously, claimed the opportunity to check out Quill's ass with the backup excuse being he was checking Quill's form. Quill launched the poll forward hitting the ball in the right place but slipping and brushing the entire left side of the ball, missing the red ball and hitting the opposite side of the hole.
"Okay, you know what?" Quill asked rhetorically, frustrated with the game.
"You're holding the cue wrong. I told you that."
"There's only one way to hold a stick," Quill said defensively.
"No, you're- here," Loki posed with his cue over the table, showing Quill where on the back of the cue to hold and how to balance the front of the stick on his hand, "See how I'm doing it? Try again." (you knOW where this is going idk what to tell you its cliche what e v e r)
Quill nodded at Loki's question and Loki moved to set up the same shot. Quill stood over the table and took his shot, missing again. He stood up and gave Loki a disappointed and annoyed look. Loki just laughed and lined up the shot again.
"C'mere," Loki said, coming up behind Quill and pulling him into him, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing and whispering into his neck. "Bend over, baby."
"God Loki, do you have to make everything so sexual?" Quill laughed.
"Well, if I'm going to have to show you like this, I might as well have fun with it," Loki smiled. Quill just shook his head and let Loki hold his hands over the cue and aim it. Loki directed Quill's hands to move the cue and hit the ball, sinking it in the hole. Loki let go of him and stood back, crossing his arms and looking at Quill proudly.
"Oh shut up Lo," Quill snarked but laughed.
"Lo?" Loki questioned, amused.
"I literally call you that all the time," Quill sighed at Loki's relentless teasing.
"I thought your brain just couldn't process the rest of my name in those moments," Loki joked, referencing something else he did relentlessly besides teasing.
"Okay, that too," Quill admitted, blushing and taking his second shot.
///
"He doesn't like it when you're forward," T'Challa said, rolling his eyes, offended.
"Right, got it. I got this," Rhodey said confidently, walking towards Sam. Rhodey leaned against the basketball game next to Sam. "Wow, you're good at that."
"Yeah, I know. Just a basketball game, nothing I can't beat," Same laughed, sinking another shot.
"You can beat me," Rhodey said bluntly.
"Well, I don't know about that. I've never seen you play, but probably," Sam said, not catching on as he shot again.
"Not like that honey," Rhodey smiled and moved his hand to Sam's bicep and squeezing lightly.
"Nuh-uh," Sam remarked, walking away with his drink from the table, leaving Rhodey and his half-finished game unattended.
these scenes are so cracky and im so sorry but theyre funny to me and its like my version of the squirrel in ice age at the end of the movie trying to get the acorn. they should do that at the end of the thor movies but with loki and the tesseract.
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Tw: Drugs and alcohol more focused on being sadface and less about like substance abuse but if you have history with that proceed with caution.
Bucky stood sat on his bed, staring at the pills he had moved from the bag into an old, empty, orange pill bottle. He was at least classy enough to have a bottle of pills rather than a bag like he was a rebellious teenager. An empty liquor bottle lay on the bed next to him that had previously held his own concoction of different cheap alcohols. He knew there would probably be some sort of reaction between his sad potion and the drugs but he was so drunk he couldn't even remember what he had bought.
Bucky stared at the pills and as he did he stared at his hurt. It hurt to see Steve, it hurt to be around Steve and it hurt to think about Steve. Bucky's problem was that he was always doing one of those things, mainly the latter. He just wanted to forget the pain but nothing worked. The alcohol didn't do it anymore, it just gave him more reasons to be sad and probably kidney stones. He needed something stronger, something more. It wasn't that he was addicted to the alcohol or the drugs, they just helped. If he didn't need them anymore he could stop. But he wouldn't stop. He still felt the pain.
Bucky stared at the pills and as he did he stared at his pain. He stared at the pain of Steve. The pain of love. The pain of not being loved back. The pain of guilt. The pain of want. The pain of need. The pain of the memories. The pain of Steve still sneaking around to see him and not breaking up with Tony for him, even though he and Tony didn't love each other and they both knew it. Tony didn't know that Steve knew Tony didn't love him and vice-versa.
Bucky stared at the pills and as he did so he stared at how easy it was to love Steve and how easy it was to fall in love with Steve and how easy it was to be in love with Steve and how easy it was to stay in love with Steve but how hard it was to deal with loving Steve. The pain came in knowing it would never be reciprocated. Knowing Steve didn't love him like that. Sure he loved him as a friend and Bucky felt guilty for wanting more but he couldn't help it. He wanted to say as long as Steve was happy he was happy but that wasn't true. In reality, if Steve was happy he could be content and he could be happy for him. It gave him a sense of comfort but what he wanted, what he needed was Steve in his life. He didn't know who he was without Steve. He was lonely without Steve.
Bucky stared at the pills and as he did so he stared at what was probably the biggest mistake of his life. Those pills were would change things. They would screw with Bucky's head. They were going to make him hurt less.
Bucky stared at the pills and took them. He didn't know how many he should take. He couldn't remember how many the man said to take. He couldn't even remember what they were.
Bucky took the pills and probably took too many.
Bucky took the pills and couldn't remember what happened after that.
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Nothing good happens after 2 am is the best episode in how i met your mother idc what you say
Bruce moved closer to Thor in his sleep. Thor just moved his arm tighter around Bruce. He had fallen asleep while he and Thor had been watching a movie. In the doctor's defense, it was after 2 in the morning and if it's after 2 in the morning, just go to bed, because as we all know, nothing good ever happens after 2 am. Thor had turned the movie down quite a bit for fear of it waking Bruce. Thor looked down at Bruce and smiled. He loved Bruce. He was so sweet and precious.
Thor just wanted to keep him safe. It wasn't anything more than that. Well, it was a bit more than that. He wanted to be with Bruce. He wanted more than just a close friendship. He wanted to be Bruce's and he wanted Bruce to call Thor his. Thor was only human, well, actually he was a god but Bruce made him and his emotions weak enough to be human.
Bruce stirred once more in his sleep, slowly becoming conscious again but not wanting to leave the warm embrace surrounding him. Bruce opened his eyes and smiled upon looking up at Thor. Thor didn't want to freak Bruce out so he went slowly, trying to be as gentle as possible in his movements.
Thor looked Bruce in the eye, slowly moving his body down the bed to be even with Bruce's. He maintained eye contact and made sure not to look away or hesitate. He needed to do this. If he messed it up later he might not be able to talk to Bruce, no matter what. If Bruce did have feelings for him he would only push Thor further and further away. And then Thor's words wouldn't reach him. Words mean little when they're too little too late.
Thor slowly leaned closer to Bruce, glancing down to his lips and back into Bruce's eyes. Still slow as ever, careful not to scare Bruce. Bruce seemed still dazed and confused, only just woken up. Thor moved closer. The room was completely dark and silent aside from the soft talking on the television and the light glow of shifting colors illuminating the boys. Bruce could now feel Thor's breath on his lips.
So close. They were so close. But both boys, being timid and scared, knew they would never bring it up again. They were so close but of course, they blamed fate and came to the conclusion it should never happen when they heard the loud cry from across the house.
They both rushed out of bed and raced across the house to where they were now hearing the blood-curdling screams. They rushed down the hall and stood behind a very tired and sad Rhodey, Strange, and T'Challa standing in the hall with their faces in their hands. Loki was leaning against Quill's doorframe with his face drained of color and his jaw dropped. Quill had his arms wrapped around Loki's arm, and his face buried in his bicep, silently crying.
Sam stood in Bucky's room at the end of the hall on the phone with what Thor presumed to be 911.
Their Bucky. The Bucky everyone loved, except maybe Tony, but even he still had a soft spot for the man. Bucky was always so bright and cheerful. He was the life of everything, always happy and soft and bouncing around.
Steve sat a sobbing mess on Bucky's floor, holding Bucky's head in his lap. His forehead pressed to his unconscious friend's. He was rocking back and forth mumbling a mix of 'oh my god' and 'my baby, precious baby' and 'no no no' and 'Bucky Bucky Bucky Bucky.'
Steve couldn't even process what was happening he just continued to scream and cry, holding Bucky and the empty orange pill bottle.
Bucky, while trying to get high to forget the pain of Steve, accidently takes too many pills and becomes unconscious and some of the boys find him and call 911.