TW: Implications of Abuse
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"Get up, you lot. It's the weekend!" Sirius cried, jumping about thrilled about their discovery last night, and about being back at Hogwarts, and life in general. The last day or two before coming back to Hogwarts had been absolutely miserable. He'd avoided the dementor only thanks to his little brother's interference with their mother.
But he wasn't going to dwell about the past. For he was back at the glorious school surrounded by his wonderfully brilliant friends and completely and utterly free from his family. Most of them, anyway.
Like usual Remus was gone, up before the rest of them could even think about rising. He sure didn't seem to need much sleep, completely different from James who was groaning and begging for mercy as Sirius shook him awake.
"Come on, sleepyhead! There's a fresh blanket of snow on the ground and the day is magical and begging for fun~"
"You're such a twat," James groaned, swatting him away half-heartedly. But Sirius saw the smile he tried to hold back, and whooped at the victory.
"Come on Come on~" he sang, dancing around with the energy that made most adults label him 'unpredictable and hyperactive'. But adults were boring and he was fun and he was back and he was safe and everything was perfect!
"Peter!" he shouted in the sleeping boy's ear. He tickled Peter's foot after waiting a minute of predictably no response from the heavy sleeper. After missing another late-night rendezvous, which at the time they had still been surprised Remus seemed to enjoy, Peter had told them the secret to waking him up. A secret they all swore not to abuse, but this didn't count because he knew ol' Pettigrew wouldn't want to miss this!
He leaped back with skilled precision as the boy flailed, as he always did when being woken this way. This was something he and James had come to realize from experience after waking Peter up at odd times for the hell of it, which didn't count as abusing the power. Sure enough, tickling his feet woke Peter as nothing else would and soon the three of them were bundled up, all in their spiffy new scarves, and headed down into the common room.
Sirius had hoped to find Remus there, curled up on the couch in front of the fire with a book, and a distant look in his eyes that made Sirius doubt he was reading at all. But instead, he found Remus and Patricia of all people playing chess, both of them looking quite equally matched. Not only did this confirm Sirius' suspicions Remus was a much better chess player than he had pretended to be, but also that he was mental to not be even slightly flustered around the prettiest and wittiest girl in Gryffindor!
Not that Sirius liked her, or anything like that. He wasn't as hopeless as James who truly did have a crush on her. No, he was just in awe of her masterful brilliance with pranks. He still couldn't believe Remus of all people had convinced her to show them her ways. He sure was a wild card that Remus was never doing what Sirius suspected him to, and so complicated that he never could seem to figure him out for very long.
Not that he'd ever tell Remus that! As long as the kid believed Sirius had him at least slightly figured out he'd keep getting flustered and making mistakes, which is what he was counting on to figure out his bizarre friend.
"Wotcher, Patricia," he called, mimicking her thick Cockney accent. She shot him a bemused and irritated look he had quickly become familiar with. He threw an arm around Remus' shoulders causing the boy deep in concentration to jump badly. Like usual he pretended not to notice.
"Morning mate. You're up early as usual, hm?"
"I'm more surprised you're up this early? And are you alone? I can't imagine you didn't wake James and Peter," Remus responded easily, with his dry humor, a faint smile on his tired face.
"You bet I did, they are just a bunch of slowpokes," Sirius retorted. Part of him wanted to shake Remus, an impulse he often had to fight. Slowly Remus Lupin was driving him mad, he knew he was hiding something. Those innocent-looking eyes weren't fooling him. James had attempted to tell Sirius that he was reading too much into things, again, but he knew he wasn't.
"Have you ever thought that maybe you want him to be hiding something? Because then you wouldn't feel guilty about the whole letter fiasco," James had pointed out to him during a Quidditch practice they had watched about a month ago. But James didn't know anything, he didn't understand. He knew he knew, there was something else and he'd go mad if he couldn't eventually figure it out.
"We are not slowpokes!" huffed James, coming up behind him. Sirius smirked and counted down from five.
"Oh...oh! Uh...h...hi Patricia," James stuttered, reduced to a moron in the girl's presence once again. It was nice really, how predictable Peter and James were usually, much easier to follow.
"Well, that's my cue to leave. I'll beat you one of these days, Lupin," she sighed and good-naturedly rustled Remus' hair like he was a little brother she'd come to care about.
When had they grown so close?
Over the break, of course, it was the only option. Remus still hadn't said one thing about it, avoiding the subject in his skillful typical fashion. But Patricia had given him a wonderful opening and he wasn't about to squander it.
"You must be pretty awful at chess then, Patricia. You see, Remus always loses to me, well after the first few games anyway. Guess I'm just that good," he bragged.
"Watch it, you firstie. I'm amazing at chess. I'm betting Remus here has just been letting you win."
Remus went red and looked between them guiltily, caught at last. Sirius made his eyebrows raise in a look of surprise, only enjoying Remus' discomfort a little more than he should have.
"What? Surely not!"
Perhaps he was laying it on a bit thick because Remus shot him a look that said he knew Sirius wasn't surprised by this. Patricia now seemed amused and despite her threat to leave hadn't moved from her seat.
"I...well...uh..." Remus stammered, thoroughly uncomfortable.
"Wait, you really were just pretending to lose? No wonder you beat Sirius the one time you were almost asleep. I can't believe you were letting us win!" James exclaimed, coming around at last. Someone letting him win, and henceforth hurting his massive pride, trumped a girl any day.
"Well no...I mean sort of...I just..."
Now Sirius felt a little bad as Remus had the fearful wide-eyed gaze he'd had the first day he met him. What had then irritated him, now filled him with guilt. He knew he ought to be nicer to him, it was just so tempting to tease him and it was oh so easy to and such fun!
"Well, I think this requires a rematch!" James declared, eager to restore his wounded pride, or no doubt wind up with it more wounded.
Patricia rolled her eyes but stood up and let him sit in her seat rearranging the board with a flick of her wand. Sirius had wanted to start a snowball fight, maybe even lob a few at some annoying Slytherins, but that could wait. He was excited to see Remus' true potential, he whispered to Peter that James didn't stand a chance.
"Course he does," Peter whispered back, rising to the bait.
"Five galleons that Remus wins."
Peter hesitated but James had puffed out his chest and ran a hand through his messy hair like he did whenever he felt confident.
"Deal," Peter whispered.
The chess game lasted about ten minutes and it was the easiest five galleons Sirius had ever made. Peter was, in all fairness, a good sport about it. Which was more than could be said for James, who was a bit peeved when he found out Sirius had bet against him.
"Oh come off it, Potter. Anyone ever tell you that you're a right sore loser, you are." Sirius teased, earning him a playful, yet bit harder than necessary, punch on the shoulder from James.
"He sure is," Patricia laughed, having watched the whole match with detached interest. Then Frank Longbottom, who was in her year, came downstairs and she rushed to greet him.
Apparently, fellow fourth years were more interesting than "icky firsties" after all.
"Come on, mates! There's no point staying cooped up when there's fresh snow calling our names!" he shouted happily, glad he was a first-year and it was acceptable for them to play such childish games. All the other years were much more boring, he promised himself he'd never be that boring.
"What are we going to do outside?" Remus asked, confused and relieved to put aside the chess thing for now.
Oh, poor poor Remus!
Sirius realized that he had much more fun growing up than his friend had, and basically all fun had been banned for Sirius growing up. It really made him worry how much worse Remus' home life had been and possibly still was.
James clasped Remus' shoulder with the air of one imparting serious wisdom, "Oh, dear Lupin, our sweet little chick. Haven't you had a snowball fight before?"
"O...of course...," Remus insisted defensively, but this time he wasn't fooling any of them.
"Don't worry. We will show you the way. You're one of us, after all," Sirius declared, and then they were all headed outside, Remus firmly in front of Sirius in case he tried to make a run for it. Remus seemed to have realized long ago that this was useless, but one could never be too careful with him.
Then they were outside and Sirius was running through the snow falling into it and rolling around in it like it wasn't freezing. He sat up only to have James throw a snowball in his face.
"Traitor!" he shouted passionately, reaching quickly for his own arsenal.
It was so on!
He was so caught up in eventually tackling James and shoving his smug face into the snow where it belonged, that he had momentarily forgotten all about the other two. Peter's aim was a little wonky, but thinking back, Sirius realized he had gotten in a few clear hits and was now building a fort, but he was worried Remus had sneaked off since he couldn't see him.
"Hey, no fair!" he laughed and charged toward Peter's impressive fort planning to kick it down, and that's when he finally spotted Remus watching them with a mix of wonder and horror from a distance. He reluctantly stopped his charge and earned a snowball in the face from an ecstatic Peter.
"Time out! Time out!" Sirius shouted, then jogged over to Remus who took a few steps back. Honestly! Weren't they passed that by now?
"Here, duck down. Come on. See how I'm scooping the snow. You got to pack it real tight otherwise it will fall apart when you throw it, alright?"
Remus nodded and copied Sirius' motions forming a perfect snowball. There was a moment of hesitation on his face before his features hardened and he repaid Sirius' kindness by shoving the snowball in his face before he took off running and laughing louder than Sirius had heard before.
That little bugger! It was so on!
"Raaah, I'm an abominable snowman!" James shouted, launching himself at Sirius tackling him back into the snow preventing him from enacting his revenge on Remus.
"Help help!" he shouted between his laughter.
"I'll save you! I'm a Gryffindor" Peter called, mocking James' usual tone he took when taking pride in being a Gryffindor. Peter even held up the invisible sword James always did and they all roared with laughter, James included.
Both Peter and Remus teamed up, which only seemed fair with how talented James and Sirius were. So three teams versed each other with plenty of friendly jibes and laughter. The boys of floor-seven-room-one threw snowballs and wrestled in the snow for hours before worn out and soaked they trampled into Hagrid's hut.
The massive man was all too pleased to have them and soon was brewing them that nasty tea.
Right, Sirius had forgotten about that nasty stuff.
They talked about their respective Christmas breaks, all but Remus. James saying the most seconded by Peter.
Sirius told the good parts, exaggerating them enough to actually be good, but he didn't want to think about it much and was glad Peter and James both seemed to have enough good stories for two. After a while, the conversation lulled a bit and Hagrid talked about his break and expressed how glad he was that they visited again.
"Nice of all yer to stop by. Been worried about you, Remus. You sure seemed awfully sick last time I saw you."
Remus froze his cup almost to his mouth. Why he insisted on drinking the disgusting tea was a mystery to Sirius.
"I'm much better now. Sorry for worrying you," he quickly recovered and responded calmly. But it was too late, Sirius had caught the momentary look of panic.
He wasn't about to let this go either!
"When was this?"
"Huh, why over break o' course," Hagrid responded, not noticing Remus' pleading look.
"You were sick again, Remus?" Peter asked worried, his cup empty since he'd given it to the giant dog when Hagrid wasn't looking. Sirius ought to do that himself but he was a little too preoccupied with Remus now. His squirly roommate shifted and looked away.
"It wasn't that bad. Just a cold."
"A cold! That weren't no cold, yer were as sick as a dog! Had Madam Pomfrey awfully worried, you did," Hagrid thundered in disbelief.
Ah, good old Hagrid. Sirius loved the big oaf, he did!
Remus looked trapped. Realizing Hagrid was a hindrance, not a help, he drained his tea, forgetting apparently what was in his cup, then gagged and spluttered loudly. Peter thumped his back and Hagrid looked concerned as Remus struggled for breath.
"Hmm, you get sick an awful lot, don't you Remus?" Sirius interjected before anyone could change the subject. James was watching Remus, his head leaning slightly against his hand, which Sirius knew meant he was calculating things again. James too, deep down, knew the pieces just didn't add up with Remus.
"Not...not that often..." he insisted nervously.
"It's ok, Remus. My aunt gets sick loads. Nothing to be ashamed of," Peter pointed out kindly. Hagrid seemed to have come to the conclusion he shouldn't have said anything about Remus being sick again, for he was being awfully quiet and looked unsure of what to say.
"Yeah so why not just admit it? If I didn't know any better I'd say you were acting like you had something to hide."
Remus went his usual shade of deathly pale.
"Course not," he whispered hoarsely.
Inside Sirius's mind, Dumbledore's warning not to give Remus cause to push them away echoed back at him. But he had been too curious for too long, so he ignored it.
"Really? Because you disappear a lot and you get sick a lot."
"I already explained that," Remus whispered. His eyes were filled with tears which was uncommon and which never seemed to actually fall from his eyes. The boy always blinked them back with impressive self-restraint before they could.
"Sirius," James said in his cautionary tone.
"James," he shot back sarcastically, irritated.
"I think Remus explained enough. His mom is sick."
"Then why is he the one always sick? What's going on with him?" Sirius asked angrily.
Remus jumped and looked to the door as if debating if he could make a run for it or not.
Then the teapot was screaming curses, and Sirius had half a mind to shout at Remus and his stupids secrets. Hagrid jumped to his feet, nearly breaking the table in his hurry.
"Second pot o tea is done. Yer all welcomes to have some," the big man spoke up, rather awkwardly, nearly breaking the tea kettle as he lifted it off the fire.
"No...no thank you, Hagrid. I remembered I promised to study with Lily," Remus responded quickly, already halfway to the door. He shot them an upset and nervous look before he ran away.
"Now look what you've done," James sighed.
"What? I was just asking!" Sirius protested loudly in his defense.
James gave him a look that plainly stated what he thought of his line of questioning. Sirius thought about running after Remus but realized he was much more likely to get details from Hagrid than the tight-lipped boy.
"So Hagrid, how sick was Remus? Really?" The Black heir pressed expectantly.
Hagrid paused, looking uncomfortable.
"Oh well...I don't think I ought to be telling you that. Didn't sound like Remus liked it much."
Sirius appreciated Hagrid's kindness and loyalty, he really did. Just not about this.
"Oh don't mind him, he's just embarrassed. Takes everything too personal. I'm sure you know the type," he sighed dramatically, hoping James would help him out. He shot his partner in crime a look. James rolled his eyes but came to his rescue anyways.
"That's right. Remus is just a quiet sort, you know? But we're all his friends and we're just worried about him. Honest."
Hagrid considered them for a few minutes before he sat down.
"Well, he was awfully sick. He was in the hospital wing for at least five days. Missed the Christmas feast and the New Years' one. Patricia and I visited 'im in the hospital wing and he was awfully polite and happy about it. But he seemed very worn out. Madam Pomfrey would only let us stay for a few hours at a time since ee needed his rest."
James and Sirius shot each other a look.
"Thank you Hagrid, you've been very helpful," James said politely, going so far as to pretend to take a sip to show his gratitude.
"Yeah, thank you. We best be going now though. Figure we ought to check up on Remus and make sure he's alright."
"That sounds like a good idea. You lot come visit again soon," Hagrid called after them as they left, and Sirius realized he must be awfully lonely living in that dismal shack by himself.
Once they were out of earshot and sight, James sat down in the snow looking thoughtful.
"You reckon he has what his mum has?" he asked after pondering for a long while.
"Don't say that, James! He can't be dying!" Peter shouted distressed.
"Well it sort of explains things if that's the case, doesn't it? I mean why else would he look so guilty over getting sick."
Sirius could think of a reason. He thought back to his mother screaming at him, shouting that Blacks don't get sick and that he better stop making up excuses to get out of dinner parties. He had been six then. Even though he had a fever, his mother still insisted he was doing it just to ruin her day. He sighed heavily, wondering if maybe it was like that. Surely that was better than Remus dying?
"You're right, we shouldn't pry," he admitted, getting an odd look from both Peter and James.
"A little too late for that, isn't it?" James pointed out dryly. Sirius groaned, realizing once more he had gone too far.
"Reckon he'll talk to us again?" he asked worriedly.
"I'm sure he will," Peter offered, though sounded unsure and equally worried.
"Eventually. We should give him space for a bit. You really did it this time, Sirius," James muttered. Sirius hung his head accepting the earned chastising with dignity.
"He'll come around. He has to."
"Still we have to agree: no more snooping. Whatever it is, Dumbledore knows about it. That has to be good enough for us...at least for the time being. Agreed?"
"Agreed," Peter pipped up quickly, but he wasn't the one James was looking at.
"Sirius?"
"Agreed," he muttered reluctantly. He knew James was right, but he really hated it when he was.
The twat would get too arrogant at this rate. So he picked up a snowball and chucked it at James' head.
"It was getting too large," he teased, ducking as the snowball flew past him and hit Peter. They all grinned at each other, needing once more a distraction. Thus round two commenced.