Seonghwa
We're at the dorm, with a grey mood hanging in the air, from the moment we took Sandra to the hotel.
I honestly didn't want to talk anymore about the topic of her leaving, because I was suffering enough already. Yunho was also down after he came back to the van. His nose and cheeks were red, and that was evidence that he'd been crying.
But the other members didn't seem to want to let it go.
In the living room, I'm actually hugging to my chest the plushie Shiber. Of all things to hold, it was San's plush.
"It feels so strange that we won't see Sandra tommorow. I'd gotten used to seeing her Monday to Friday, besides the weekend we had gone out together with her." Wooyoung sighed, hugging his knees on the sofa.
"I'm really going to miss her so much. She became like a true friend for me. It was just so easy to like her, because she's a likable person. I would love for her to visit again and we could hang out one day." Yunho said, a frown that hasn't left his baby face since we came home. Our happy moodmaker, wasn't himself now.
Yeosang was the next to speak. "She never forces you to make conversation. It's as if just my company, just being there with her, she was satisfied with that. I always felt comfortable when I was with her."
"She's a sweet girl, in that I have no doubt. I'll miss her too, and like Wooyoung mentioned, it will feel super weird to not see her." Hong Joong murmured, fixing his beanie on his head.
"Yeah, I'm going to miss her too. Sandra became like an older sister to me. I agree with Yunho." Jongho mentioned glumly.
"It was fun to dance with her, and everything we did in these two weeks. They went by too fast." San huffed, pushing Wooyoung's legs so he could lay his head on his lap.
"It was so natural to hang out with her, like I'd known her for more than the time we were together." Mingi said softly.
I stared away from everyone in the room, not wanting to utter a single word anymore. Because my throat had been constricted throughout the entire morning and midday, from being on the brink of exploding into more tears than I've already cried.
It was the bottling up of these feelings that allowed me to comment earlier.
But all this speaking of Sandra, was making it nearly impossible to hold all the rising of emotional agony that has incapacitated my brain to think anything else.
I knew I won't be able to contain it any longer.
Already my eyes were brimming with accumulating tears.
While the others were speaking, to which I only heard echo-like sounds from them, I commenced to inhale deeply and then release my breath. But I failed miserably.
Exhaling tremulously, a sob escaped my lips and that alerted Wooyoung and San. They instantly looked over at me.
"Hyung, why are you crying?" Wooyoung questioned me, his eyebrows furrowed deeply.
I shook my head rapidly with a hand covering my mouth.
I watched San stand up from the end of the sofa and came over to sit by me.
Placing a hand on my shoulder, he asked: "Seonghwa, what is making you suffer like this?
Just seeing San, and remembering when I had overhead him confessing to Wooyoung that he admits to having begun liking Sandra, made me feel even worse than how I felt already.
Hong Joong quickly jumped off the sofa and inmediately wrapped his arms around me. That only influenced in me beginning to cry without being able to stop. He held me tighter and rocked me in his embrace.
"You developed feelings for her, didn't you?" San questioned me in a strangled voice.
I buried my face in Hong Joong's neck, sobbing like a child, with anguish and full of frustration.
"I'm in love with her!" I choked at the crook of his neck.
"Oh, Seonghwa. I'm so sorry." He whispered sadly, while he stroked my hair.
I could only weep inconsolably, drowning in the misery and my heart that felt as if it contained a black hole that attempted to suck it inside.
Everyone except the hands I knew the touch of them from San, they tried comforting me.
He already suspected it, I knew from how he would look at me in past few days.
"I tried to yank her out of my heart, but I failed, and now I'll have to suffer this for a very, very long time." I say softly, my face still hidden in Hong Joong.
"Seonghwa, I'll be here to be your shoulder to cry on, just like I have been from the beginning." He promised me.
I then lean back finally, knowing I was hideous from this breakdown, and shook my head slowly.
"It won't be enough, I'm sorry. My heart will be in shards from now on." I whispered with depression and I loosened the hold from the other guys, leaving the room.
I don't know how I'd get through tommorow, knowing that the person who had attached herself to my heart, she was flying far away from me.
◇~◇
Sandra
The night seemed endless, and as I saw the hours passing at the speed of a snail, my mind was like a vicious whirlwind. It reminded me of how the time to leave Seoul, was approaching.
I had spoken to Jennifer earlier, about everything I felt.
Also to admitting what I inevitably have developed emotionally more strongly even before I was able to meet this seemingly unreal guy.
All she could tell me was that I shouldn't have created an illusion, because what I desired, had very tiny chances of being reciprocated.
Whatever I thought I saw, were the wishing of wanting Seonghwa to look at me with different kind of eyes. He was just an immensely sweet person, and exactly that was what I had confused with profound sentimental things.
The truth was so difficult to hear, and it tore my heart in thin strands of nothing.
I was suffering terribly, and all I had in me was to cry.
I wouldn't be able to fall asleep, so I stabbed the painful thorn deeper into myself by watching ATEEZ videos. I contemplated Seonghwa's ethereal beauty.
Once the sun had risen, I began to prepare, with the exhaustion making me move like a zombie.
After I had showered, I used excessive concealer for my tired eyes, and started applying makeup, even if I seriously had no desire to do it.
Well, anything to cover my sleepless night, and also conceal the depression.
Seonghwa
She leaves at 10:30 AM.....her departure time was that hour.
That was my constant reminder all night long, as I cried practically the entire night.
I saw my reflection in the mirror, my eyes were kind of swollen, along with my slightly puffy face. I hardly recognized myself. I turned to my other side, not wanting to see myself anymore.
Somebody entered the bedroom, and I reluctantly rolled over slowly again, to see who it was.
"Hyung-nim, I'm going to put some makeup on you, so nobody at the company KQ sees that handsome face in your current state." Wooyoung told me, an eager smile on him.
I groaned loudly, covering myself with my pillow.
"I don't want makeup, Wooyoung. Will you just leave me be?" I complain, my voice muffled under the pillow.
"Please? Just stay still. I'll do everything." He pleaded desperately.
I whined with complete annoyance because he yanked the pillow from me.
"You can lay down." He reassures me, and I noticed he literally already had all the makeup items with him.
I was in a zombie-like state, as this young guy prettied me up, even if I doubted it could cover this devastation.
When he's finished, he shoved a mirror near my face, to display me his work.
I may appear gorgeous, but my haunted eyes were impossible to disguise.
"Do you like it?" Wooyoung had such a bright and hopeful gaze, just wanting to do something to help me out. I didn't have heart to tell him that this was pointless, because what I truly wished for, he couldn't make it come true.
"Are you going in those clothes?" He asks me, referring to the obligated clothing that Hong Joong made me wear. I was just on the bed because I had no desire to get up.
I had an oversized white and red T-shirt and thin black pants. He had even placed a pair of white Vans shoes. Since, if it were up to me, I would've gone in whatever I wore yesterday, which I seriously couldn't even remember what it had been!
I narrowed my eyes and glared at Wooyoung.
"Don't you even dare tell me to change." I menaced through gritted teeth.
He ignored my crankiness and just began fixing my hair, which I still wondered what the hell was the damn point.
"Are we going to some photoshoot that nobody has told me about?" I exclaim exasperatedly.
He just laughed off my question and replied, "No, hyung. I just wanted to make you look more presentable. Also, I've just never seen you look like a beautiful disaster, so I only wish to help. I know I can't do it in the way you want, but I'm telling you that I'll be here for you, even if you'll just say it wouldn't be enough. We're your family too, so you can't avoid us."
"Did you mention that to San, too?" I mumble bitterly, sighing softly when Wooyoung sat to embrace me firmly.
He nuzzled my shoulder and laid his head there.
"I hate seeing you so...lost. I have never seen you this way. It really hurts." He replied quietly, his voice sounding shaky.
As if I had invoked the person's name, San came into the room.
"I seriously do not want to see you right now. Please leave me alone, before I say something I'll regret later. The both of you, get out." I grumbled, staring at the floor, but very stubborn Wooyoung wouldn't release me.
"I confess that I like her a lot, alright?" San tells me, and I sneered. Lifting my head quickly, I gave him the most hateful glare I could muster.
"Oh, I heard you already. This Wooyoung was the person that you confided in to tell him. But you know what? There is nothing that neither you or me, we can possibly do. So, telling me all this crap, it's pointless. Now, can you get the hell out?!" I was becoming angrier by the second, and Wooyoung sensed it too. He rubbed my back, giving me a worried stare.
Now San moved to kneel at my feet, as if he wanted to test my limit on patience.
"Seonghwa, I swear that if I could give up my place for you, I would. I've seen you suffer, and I'm truly hurting inside, seeing you in this horrible state of depression. I know I haven't been an amazing friend on these two weeks. But, I wish you could find that real happiness with Sandra. I'm so sorry, hyung. I hope you can find in your heart to forgive me, because I do love you and I wish I could make everything better."
"Oh, come on! You're going to ruin the makeup." Wooyoung whined, but still held me.
Tears were running down San's cheeks, and I knew his apologizing was sincere.
Wooyoung tightened his embrace when I cried along with San.
"I regret ever falling for her. Because it's hopeless and it's seriously killing me, " I say in a soft whisper, while San sat at the corner of my bed and gently rubbed my leg.
"Okay, time to leave." Hong Joong startled us all, when he unexpectedly opened the door and spoke loudly.
He had an empathetic gaze before turning around and leaving.
When we got into the the van, I crawled to the very back, so I could be by myself.
My phone slipped out of my pant pocket onto the seat, and the screen was activated.
I saw the time, that read 10:00 AM. I instantly broke down and sobbed with my face covered by my hands.
"Seonghwa. Seonghwa! Hey!" Hong Joong called to me, and then I felt him grasping my arm.
"Seonghwa, please listen to me. I don't know if this will work, but before we go to KQ, we will take you to the airport. I spoke with our producer and the driver just now. Go reach Sandra." He told me, as the van began moving forward.
I uncover my face, staring at him with astonishment.
"Mw-mwo?" I stuttered.
"I truly hope that you get there in time, and that she is able to stay." Hong Joong said softly, and also mentioned which flight Sandra would be on.
"This is crazy, Hong Joong." I sigh while shaking my head.
"Seonghwa, I wish you the best of luck." San said from the front row, he had a downcast expression, but it also showed sincerity.
"I don't even know if we'll make it, San. She leaves at 10:30. It's 10 already." I reply miserably.
"You will. I'm so so sure." He tells me with a supportive smile.
Sandra
The packed airport of Incheon was so stressful. This was my feeling as I'm giving the employee who checks your flight ticket and then when it is approved, I'm able to move forward to go to the next area where's it's destination was the airplane.
I turned around for a moment, my eyes watching the bustle of people heading to different locations, while some arrived or other dashed to get to other airlines.
So many people, yet not one familiar face.
It was really over, the fantasy and show had come to an end.
I'm bumped by someone in an apparent hurry, and that action was what snapped me out of my distraction.
I spun back, to accommodate my purse and take steps to continue walking.
Seonghwa
My lungs were seconds away from exploding, as I raced through the massive crowds, dodging them left and right.
I knew Sandra had to be minutes from mounting that plane, if it hasn't flown off already.
My ribs hurt terribly, but I willed myself to keep moving and not slow down.
Once I got to the area that verified the flight tickets, I almost plummet to the floor, but the female employee was able to steady me in time.
Heaving in a choked manner, and with urges of throwing up right there, I manage to get some words in.
"Has...Sandra...Sosa...passed...here?"
"Oh! Yes, she did, sir."
My heart was crashing down as soon as I hear those words.
I hear complaints of the line of people waiting for the employee.
They can wait, because this is more important! My future is at stake here.
"Please...let...me go...her! I...have...to stop....from leaving me!" I gasped breathlessly, to the point that I cut words out because it was painful to breathe.
"I can't allow you to pass through, I'm sorry," the girl tells me, as I'm about to just fall to the floor and weep in agony.
"Wait, aren't you from ATEEZ?" She gasped quietly, looking at the line to see if they heard. Those people are getting very annoyed...
Maybe my fame would save me, so I had to try it.
I nodded quickly, as the world begun to spin through my eyes.
"Um, I could lose my job, but go. I love ATEEZ. Go, go! Before my boss sees you." She says in a rush, pushing me frantically.
I gave her a quick deeply thankful glance because I had no time to say it, and then dizzily begin sprinting.
I feel as if I would die, when I spot the long ramp that's where it leads to the entrance to the plane.
I suddenly saw the familiar curly hair and when the girl looked to the side, it was Sandra's face that confirmed it's really her.
"SANDRA!!" I shout with the little amount of oxygen I had left, and almost colliding with an older man in front of me, giving me a dirty glare. I couldn't even bow to apologize, because I'd fall to the floor if I do so.
I felt that I'd faint right then and there, but she spun around inmediately at the sound of my voice, and I weakly waved my arms to be seen by her.
Her jaw dropped and her eyes enlarged in shock, unable to believe I was here.
"Seonghwa?" She gasped in total shock.
The others behind her were whining and arguing that either she moves or let them pass because they're going to miss their flight.
Awkwardly, she pushed through them, and reached to where I was leaning against the wall.
"Why are you here? I'm going to lose my flight." She tells me anxiously.
I dropped my hands on both of her shoulders, to keep myself from falling and also to prevent her escape.
I swallowed back bile, and the intense urges of throwing up, then pushed myself to talk.
I fell on my knees and Sandra let out a frightened gasp.
"Sandra, I beg you to stay. I won't be able bear if you go away. I need you in my life. I was unable to not fall for you and I need you, Sandra. Don't go! Please don't leave me!" I pleaded with despair and began crying intensely, because the horror of her leaving had taken its toll on me.
"Don't leave me, Sandra!" I continued begging, cupping her face, while she now held onto my shoulders.
"Oh, Seonghwa. I've always adored you, but how will we even be able to be a couple? I don't even know how I could live here." Sandra questioned anxiously, while she tried wiping tears that constantly fell, so she'd given up and stroked my hair instead.
"We will help you. But please stay." I whisper, my breathing strongly erratic.
"That wouldn't be fair. I don't wish to be a burden."
I gazed at this girl who had managed to transform my world in 2 weeks, this face that showed her indecisive battle if she should go or not.
"Miss, the plane is about to leave. We are waiting for you." A flight attendant informed Sandra, who then turned her attention to me again.
When she locked her arms around my neck, my exhausted heart fluttered instantly.
Without glancing up at the attendant, Sandra responded: "You can depart without me, I won't be entering the plane."
I exhaled shakily, feeling that I was actually dreaming all this up.
A grand euphoria took over my interior, even though I felt I'd just crash onto the floor.
"Okay, miss. As you wish. I'll let the airport know so that you can take back your luggage." The attendant murmured to Sandra, who had a smile beginning to develop from those lips that I had strong desires of wanting to kiss them.
But that could be after I recuperate from the marathon I had ran for this love rescue mission.