Sandra
I'm so ecstatic to be brought here to the Secret Gardens inside the Changdeokgung Palace. I wanted to visit ever since I knew about it after I became a kpopper.
I also will do it with my boys in ATEEZ, that's even more spectacular. Dreams coming true in a dozen.
I'm marvelled by the fairytale-like beauty of the Gardens in the Palace. Springtime had it full of flamboyant life of trees, different flowers all about and the grass a vivid green.
As we strolled through this gorgeous place, I contemplated lush gardens, and the numerous pavilions inside.
I liked having pretty Yeosang and the goofy Yunho next to me while we toured through here, too.
The beautiful angel fairy Yeosang was opening up more, and even talked a lot than before. He's just a bit embarassed because of his pronunciation, but I always encouraged him no matter how it comes out.
Then add to this equation---our mood maker that had us full of laughter---with his hilarious antics.
The guy isn't shy either, because when we finally get to the Juhamnu Pavilion, he had his arm over my shoulders like he'd known me his entire life. Not that I was complaining...😂
"Look, Yeosang, those flowers are almost as pretty as you." I point at some that were closest to us, and he gave me a timid grin.
"Sandy is very sweet." He murmurs, gazing warmly at me.
"What about me?" Yunho pouted, and I laughed at his boyish expression.
"Yunho, you're beautiful just like him, and the others too." I reply, winking at him.
He was satisfied with my answer, and leaned his head against mine in appreciation. That perfume had such a nice fragrance, omg.
"Yunho, you are making me jealous." San groaned, when he suddenly turned around to see what I was doing with the two guys with me.
I held back my giggle, purposely putting an arm around Yunho's hard waist.
"Yahh! Stop that!" San whined loudly.
"San, grow up. Please." Seonghwa sighed, sounding like a mother losing her patience with her son.
"But why can he get to do all that and it's okay?" San demanded sadly. I swear if he cries, I will want to squish him in a big hug. Besides me crying also, of course.
"Because he can! San, relax." Seonghwa groaned, now noticeably irritated.
"San, do you want a hug? Is that what you're asking for?" I chuckled.
He shook his head and stepped forward. "I want to do what Yunho is doing."
"Uummm, sure?" I reply, not sure at all. I mean, it's my bias!
He eagerly hurried over to me, playfully pushing Yunho out of his way, and then threw an arm over my shoulder like Yunho previously had done.
"Let's go sit over there, and then later we keep walking." Hong Joong tells us, referring to the border of what contains the pond this pavilion.
I plopped down, my feet dangling and San had a good hold on me. My mind was mixed up, unable to believe I really have this man who is sexy and cute too, so near me.
Yunho sat at my left, while Mingi took a seat by him, along with Jongho and Wooyoung. Yeosang, Hong Joong, and Seonghwa were on my other side.
"It's such a cute pond. The whole place is absolutely beautiful. So ancient and full of history here." I commented, Hong Joong smiling with agreement.
"I would like to live here." He chuckles.
"Me too." I reply, looking at all the live vegetation that grows here. It's gigantic and ancient 300 year old tree, that was a sight to see.
When San rested his head against the side of mine, I almost gasped. It was unexpected, and I even got goosebumps like when Seonghwa touched me.
Speaking of, I stole a quick glance to where he was, his face unreadable.
"Only I can do this, Yunho should not." San teased me in a whisper, and I snorted involuntarily.
"Hey, Yunho is my friend too." I retort back, and San's high pitched, adorable giggle filled the air.
"Why are you so cute, why?" I murmur, grinning at him.
Whoa, those eyes...it's as if they see inside your soul. He has a strong gaze when he looks at me, I seriously can't keep looking back.
"Your eyes are beautiful, Sandy." He suddenly told me, and my heart flipped.
When he tilts my chin to look at him again, that simple yet intimate move made me want to scream like a fangirl.
He smiled softly, and I lowered my eyes, embarassed.
"You're seriously going to make Sandra faint, San." Yunho poked him on the arm, removing San's attention from me.
"I'm not doing nothing bad." San retorts stubbornly.
"Sure you not." Yunho rolls his eyes, scowling at him.
Save me, Yunho.
Seonghwa
I was seething by now, my fists scrunched tightly at my sides. The only thing left was a growl coming out of my mouth.
My breathing was harder, as I tried to control myself from getting up and throwing San inside the pond.
"Are you okay, Seonghwa? You're almost red." Yeosang noted, observing me with concern.
"I'm fine." I mutter, closing my eyes tightly.
"Let's take him for a walk. Come with us, Yeosang." Hong Joong stood up fast, and helped him up.
"Get up." He ordered gently, and I do so with reluctance.
"Where are you going?" Mingi calls out to us.
"We'll be back, I want to see something. Stay here. We won't be long." Hong Joong reassures him, and almost yanks my arm off, my fists now slightly sore from the force that I had them scrunched.
When we're a considerate distance away from the others, that they wouldn't be able to overhear anything we say, Hong Joong speaks up.
"You have to get a hold of yourself, Seonghwa. Just remember that we're her idols. Yes, he's her bias, but...it's not good for you to be so angry."
I laughed sarcastically. "He's doing it on purpose."
"Why do you think that, hyung?" Yeosang asks me.
He doesn't know the problem, but by now, he'll definitely understand everything.
"Are you jealous of San?" He continued to question.
I exhale quietly, and think of a way to explain all this confusion that I also feel.
"The problem here is that...I think I like her, and way too much. Even if I know I shouldn't." I confessed, beginning to feel exhausted and not from the walk over here.
Yeosang's beautiful eyes became two orbs, his mouth opening wide.
"Jinjja? Oh no, that could be really bad for you. She has to go after we are done with the show."
I hated that reminder...
"He knows. But, things are becoming complicated." Hong Joong murmured, staring at the ground while we walked slowly.
"Wow, hyung. I don't want your heart to get broken." Yeosang gave me a sad gaze.
That damn lump in my throat was returning. His cuteness doesn't help either.
I hugged him closely, whispering to him, "I'll be okay, don't worry about me. Alright?" My voice was hoarse.
I inhaled his scent from the perfume he put on this morning, not letting him go yet.
"But I don't blame you. She is really nice and has a fun personality." He commented quietly.
I chuckled, nodding into his neck.
"Yeah, she is all that." I remark.
Sandra
"Chill, boy." I was trying to make San stop trying to tickle my belly.
When I manage to stand up, he also does and attempts to capture me.
I ran from him, giggling as I try to escape his grasp.
Maybe Yunho wanted to actually save me, because he tugged me away from San's hands, so I end up in my buddy's arms.
"I'll protect you." Yunho whispered to me, holding me firmly.
"Thank you." I say breathlessly.
"Awww, but I want to hug her too!" The voice of Hong Joong came out of nowhere, and in a blur I'm engulfed into a new set of arms.
"Group hug!" Yunho exclaimed happily, and I now have him and Hong Joong holding me, along with the other guys who had me squished inside this circle of sexy guys. I love them so much, I really really do.
After we had left the Palace, we went to get something to eat. Spending hours at the Gardens made us extremely hungry.
I'm taking a bite from my pizza, delicious like which they've eaten when they were at that water park.
This Italian restaurant made one of the best pizza I have ever eaten. I was on my second, and I probably won't be able to fit anymore. They're kind of huge, the slices.
So after I finish it off, I'm sipping soda while I watched Yeosang saying something to the hyung and my handsome bias. He hasn't really spoken practically anything since Saturday. I couldn't hold my disappointment.
Maybe that is why I enjoyed San so much. He paid a lot of attention to me, although sometimes I get shy when he throws in a compliment or something in that same line.
Yunho kept me company, though. We had been doing some playful games, just being our random selves.
But I still would glance over at where Seonghwa sat beside Yeosang, wanting to telepathically scream at him that I wanted to get some of my bias' attention.
My moping was probably too obvious, because Yunho startled me from my mental screaming.
"You miss Seonghwa?" He asked in my ear, so that the oldest wouldn't hear him.
I lowered my eyes, nodding silently.
"Just say something." He suggests.
"No, I understand why." I mumble.
He just didn't want to. I guess Saturday was uncomfortable afterwards, so he didn't want to be awkward with me.
"Why?"
"It's nothing, Yunho. Excuse me. I have to go to the restroom. I'll be back quickly." I sighed, hurrying before he continued to interrogate me.
Seonghwa
I saw a rapid movement pass by, and realized it was Sandra. She was walking quickly in direction of the bathroom, but I observed in her posture that she was angry for some reason.
"Seonghwa." Yunho called from the end of the table.
I turn to look at him, questioningly.
"Come here." He motioned with his hand to follow him.
What the hell?
I pushed my seat back and went to see what he wanted.
When we're in the lobby area, where the front desk to ask for a table is, I stare at him with confusion.
"What?" I question.
"What's up with you with Sandra? She's so down because you didn't talk to her in the whole entire time we were in the gardens. What the hell is happening?" He demanded.
I stared at him incredulously. He just cursed at the hyung. How rude.
"First of all, don't ever curse at me. Second, I don't get what your problem is." I lied, knowing perfectly well why Sandra is upset with me.
"Are you blind? The poor girl would look at you whenever you were talking to someone else, with those pretty, yet sad eyes. Staring with hope that you would notice her. I swear I thought she was about to cry before she got up to go to the bathroom. Give her some idol treatment. She really adores you, that's why you're her bias. She stares in amazement at you, like you're the most incredible guy ever. I don't think she even looks at San like that."
I am the one who is going to end up crying here, from the guilt I feel to be hurting Sandra just by ignoring her.
"To be honest, I wish I were the bias. I wouldn't ignore a sweet Atiny like that. But, I guess not everybody is the same." Yunho glared at me before returning back to the group table.
I threw myself onto the small couch in the corner of this lobby, covering my face. He's so right. But if only he knew it's because I don't want to become more attached to her...
Sandra
I'm sitting on a toilet, heavy amount of tears wetting my face, most likely ruining my face makeup.
I want to go home, I don't want to be here anymore. I fucked things up, just by being sweeter than usual to my bias. I adore him, it's obvious.
But I'm kidding myself, thinking that the most handsome man who is an idol, would ever notice the likes of me and actually find me as more than a damn fan.
How will I go out there, now? My entire face will give away that I was crying, and all I'm going to do is make a fool of myself.
This is for a show, just that! Remember this! It's the only way you'll get through this reality show. I think to myself, which just made me cry harder.
A knock on my door scared me, and I am confused when I see the same shoes as Hong Joong had on.
Is that....him? Why is he in the women restroom?!
"Sandra, I know you're there. Please open." He insisted gently, and I unlock it with total embarrassment.
"Why are you in the girl bathroom?" I ask him without looking up.
He locked the main door to the restrooms, and then leaned against the corner of my stall, staring with empathy.
I couldn't stop crying, even if I hated that I was doing it in front of Hong Joong, and they're not happy tears.
A pair of arms that earlier had done the same, now gave me a consoling embrace, rubbing my back gently.
"It's okay, Sandy. I know why you cry." He said, stroking my hair now.
"I shouldn't like him, I know. Hong Joong, I think it's better if I go home. I won't be able to do this with how I feel, just pick one of the other competitors. I can't do it." I sobbed.
"Sandy, I know it's hard. Atiny fans really do adore their idols. But we can't do this show without you. We picked you because you were who stole our hearts. What will I tell the others? They'll be really sad. The fans know who you are too, and I saw positive comments about you. You're the main person here. We can't change you." He tried convincing me.
"But, Hong Joong..." I whimpered quietly.
How will I be able to do it?!
He cupped my face with both of his hands, gazing with soft eyes.
"You will be able to do it. I know you can. Just don't think and enjoy our company. All of us. Even him. Don't cry, you break my heart." He pleaded, wiping my cheeks.
"Everybody will know I was crying now." I muttered.
"Nobody will say anything, don't worry."
He moved momentarily away from me to go grab some paper towels, patting it along my entire face and under my eyes very carefully, trying to fix my makeup. He's such a sweet soul, the ideal leader for ATEEZ. He's like the father truly.
I'm shocked when he takes out a lip tint and with his finger he applied it on my lips!
"There. Now you look pretty again. Even if you always, even when you cried." He complimented, my cheeks warming up.
"Thank you, Hong Joong. You're an angel." I reply gratefully.
Kissing the top of my hair, he holds out a hand to help me stand.
"Time to go." He says with a warm smile.
I nodded, also smiling.
"That color nice on you." He mentions, and I get all shy.
He giggled at me, who couldn't help smiling because of this cute bean.
He didn't let go of my hand, even after we left the bathroom, passing over to the table where the guys prepared to leave. I saw that Yunho had my small acorn purse.
"Is she okay?" Wooyoung asked, glancing at me with worry.
"Why did she cry?" San also sounded worried.
"Let's go, guys." Hong Joong ignored their questioning, and I give him a grateful gaze.
After he helped me get in the car, in the same front row seats, where Yunho didn't allow San to ask me anything, the leader drove in direction to the hotel.
I felt safe and comfortable in Yunho's arms, where he held me against his chest. My heart was melting at how thoughtful he is for others.
He would whisper words of comfort, that began to make me sleepy.
I wasn't able to take even a small nap because Hong Joong had arrived before I could shut my eyes.
"We're here." Hong Joong announced gently, and twisted halfway to wave goodbye to me. I returned the motion, and smiled big at him.
Almost everyone said their warm goodbyes to me, except Seonghwa who was a silent sculpture from an art museum.
Yunho got out after I did, and would escort me to the hotel. San was about to, but if looks could kill you, the guy would be dead. Our bunny actually gave him the death stare, as if saying 'don't you f*ckin' dare, San'.
I let my buddy take me back to my room, decided to not trouble myself for these two weeks. I would enjoy ATEEZ, and ignore the rest.