Seonghwa
Millions of things went through my mind when Sandra opened her hotel room door, and I saw her dressed so lovely. She looked like a cherry blossom tree, even if that sounds so cheesy.
But she really was stunning, and another voice inside me was telling me, Stop that captivation you are experiencing over Sandra. It's a terrible mistake. She's just going to be part of that show! Afterwards, she has to return to her country. What good does it do to develop more than simple gratitude for being so faithful to ATEEZ??? The girl isn't staying in Seoul, Park Seonghwa. Snap out of it!!!
I jolted in my car seat, leaving the daydream I had been in, and stared ahead while I drove to the location of Han River.
My forehead wrinkled, worry becoming a dominant feeling inside me once more.
"Seonghwa? Are you okay? You look pale and you're not if you don't get whitewashed." Sandra questioned in a soft tone.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I assure her, not wanting to give away my reason of the anxiety which took over my entire body.
Maybe it's the jealousy of seeing other people with their companions when me and the group goes out. How happy the people outside look, while all I do is work and work some more.
I love to sing, dance and all that we do, but there was something in my core, that was trying to scream out its frustration.
But it wouldn't matter a single thing because she's an impossible right now.
"You sure?" She sounded really concerned, just the way Hong Joong would sound whenever I'm feeling distressed.
Stop getting sentimental, stop that, I scolded myself. It would be horrific for my fan to see me in this state.
When I came to a stoplight, I took in a big amount of air from my lungs, and then turned my head to look at Sandra. I gave her a warm, genuine smile.
"I'm sure. My wish to spend a day with a special Atiny fan, you make it come true." I tell her, and she gave me in return, the most precious and heart stopping smile. Her eyes sparkled like a thousand stars, that euphoria was so visible to me. I loved being the reason.
"Wow, Seonghwa. I'm so honored." She said quietly, those cute cheeks becoming crimson. That natural blush, it's perfect.
I grinned and then pressed the gas a bit, since the traffic light changed to green.
◇~◇
Sandra
I couldn't believe just how beautiful spring season was in Seoul, especially areas that are covered with trees. They grow such delicately colored cherry blossoms. I wasn't observing it from a book or a photo, I was seeing it with my very own eyes.
Up close is waaay more incredible than looking through an image.
To make things even more special, ATEEZ Seonghwa is here to watch me resemble a little girl going to Disney World for the very first time.
"I love spring." I sighed in wonder, when we were out of the car and strolling at a slow pace through the long sidewalk. The crisp and cool air was like a gentle breeze on my face.
I think that the cherry blossom festival is being celebrated because it was the season for it. I would love to go someday. But for now, I was happy to enjoy Seonghwa's company.
He laughed lightly, while he observed me staring at all the flowered trees and flowers in some areas on the ground.
"It is best time to go outside." He agreed.
"So many pretty flowers! It's like an Eden here." I murmur, standing under one of the flamboyant cherry blossom trees.
"Yeah. Pretty like you." He remarked sweetly, making me want to cry. He's the most heartfelt guy I have ever met.
"I'm dying over here." I giggle bashfully.
"Just saying the truth." He seemed to search for something on the ground.
He had even brought along a large lunchbox with different foods that I haven't seen yet. We'd have a lunch picnic soon at the Han River Park where it has sprawling patches of grass to lounge and relax there.
I took in the gorgeous view of the clear water of Han River, very extensive and knew it had boardwalks to get an even closer look of this famous tourist spot.
I'm startled by Seonghwa when he was slipping off my bobby pin, which I did not know why he's doing this. Not to mention, my bias is actually touching my hair, holy crap...!
"Hmmm. Let me see if I can..." Seonghwa said quietly to himself, and I feel him putting something inside my hair. But what?
He grasped a lock of my hair, and held a satisfied expression on his face.
"Perfect. Look at it." He extended his phone to me, with the camera feature on, so I could see what he had done.
A cherry blossom was kept in place at the side of my hair, with the bobby pin.
Oh my God, Seonghwa just did something so freaking romantic. I'm about to scream over here.
"I love it." I almost squealed with a big ecstatic grin.
"Take a selfie there." He requested, a wishful gaze in that angelic face.
I was in shock that he was telling me to take a selfie on his own phone. He'll probably delete it someday. But I would love to make the most of this incredible moment.
With eyes watching me, I was kind of self-conscious, but I did a warm expression for the camera.
I analyzed after taking three photos.
While I swiped through the three, Seonghwa surprised me when his hand brushed over mine to touch the screen, that had one of the photo selfies.
It felt like there was electricity running through me.
"This one." He whispered, and I looked at the photo he chose.
I seemed natural and definitely showed joy in this one.
"I'll delete the other two, then." I murmur, and then do so before giving it back to him.
We didn't say anything to each other after that, but our smiles demonstrated the feel of what just occurred.
We returned to the car so Seonghwa could take me to where some of the boardwalks along the Han River were.
The sun's rays shone over us, keeping me warm despite the cool breeze that blew my hair back.
"There is so much to do here. I did my research. It's definitely an incredible tourist spot." I commented, stretching my arms on the wooden railing.
"Totally. Parks, taking ferry, Yeouido Island, Apgujeong tunnel that has art, the pools in Yeouido. The fountain show at night at Banpo bridge, is so amazing. They do it during the day but it's best at night, you see all the colors much brighter." He replied.
I don't know if he did it by accident, or he purposely placed his fourth finger and pinkie on top of my left hand. He didn't remove it away, while he looked ahead at the river. He had me getting internal sensations every single time we share contact.
Then the surprises kept coming, this man disarming me in so many ways.
"I really like your hair, the curls are perfect." He commented, and astonishing the heck out of me when he began stroking my lower hair.
I was literally speechless, my tongue couldn't connect with what allows a human to pronounce words. I was gone after this.
I did manage to lift my head to stare up at him, and the way he looked back at me, had my body imaginatively beginning to descend onto the ground.
My stomach hurt, because those butterflies, I think transformed into wasps. My blood pressure had to be through the roof, and the same with my pulse. I could feel it on my neck, like a strong vibration.
"We should go. I'm hungry, and you must be too?" He asks me, a hand placed on my shoulder, shocking me again.
I can't be delirious, so what the hell is going on? It's his nature, don't get hyped for that. It doesn't mean nothing. My self conscience slammed at my interior.
True, I should not get so worked over this. But it's my bias, my other person whined sadly. Yet, that conscience was a very stubborn woman, tapping her foot with an angry vibe.
"Sandra? You hear me?" Seonghwa moved his hand onto my mid arm.
"Oh! Yeah, sorry. Sure, I am hungry also."
"Wait til you see what I made for us. I hope you like everything." He chuckled, looking nervous.
"If it's you who cooked, I can be positive that I will love all you made." I replied, giving him an encouraging smile.
He flashed me a quick grin, and his face perked up.
"Come on, I know great spot. Hope it is not too full of people."
So that's why he has a mask resting under his chin, just in case somebody recognizes him. I also wished for all to go smoothly.
When we got to the large patches of grass, there was many which were occupied, but we found a perfect spot that didn't have nobody surrounding it so closely. So we would have a little bit of chances that he isn't recognized.
I saw the majority were small families, older ones, or one or two tourists.
I carried the cute blue plaid blanket and Seonghwa helped me spread it out on the grass.
He put the lunch box down, and I watched as he began taking out plastic containers which contained the food he had made.
I recognized the kimbap that were wrapped in I think was seaweed, where inside it has rice with vegetable and piece of pork meat or some other meat.
Then he had taken out everything, along with our refreshments in chilled glass jars with what seemed to be juice.
Although those pearl-like balls at the bottom, I wonder what those are.
He opened the lids of two lunch containers, and pointed to one of the meals.
"Yubu chobap, and in case you don't like it, I made little sandwich." He told me what the first container was.
Then he showed me paper wrapped small sandwiches cut in portions, and loose red ribbon tied to protect it until we eat them. They had meat and vegetables inside, like lettuce and cucumber slices.
He thought out every single detail, I was so amazed. Seonghwa is definitely a sweet boyfriend type that won't let his girl go hungry while she's with him.
This also reminded me of the video clip to impress fans in Codename Is ATEEZ.
His cute lunchbox with Ryan bear and surrounded by other ingredients. The guys were dragging him, but I still think it was so adorable.
Especially when he sang a song after he showed the lunch box. 🎶Oh, baby. Oh, baby.🎶
I was hysterically laughing and crying inside my head while I was thinking about it.
"Some sweet bubble tea to drink, too. I'm nervous you won't like my lunch." He admits, and I could see him blush with the sunshine illuminating his gorgeous face.
"Seonghwa, all of this is so perfect! You really put a lot of effort in the details for everything. I'm truly amazed." I insisted, and gave him a big grin.
"It's cute like your aegyo video. Would you sing me a song too, while I eat?" I asked him, and he looked so embarassed, but I loved it.
"Aish, don't remind me. That was terrible." He laughed, covering his face.
"Well, I thought it was the most sweetest thing. The others were just jealous." I murmured, and almost panic when I saw chopsticks.
"Hmmm, fine. I believe you." He giggled.
"Seonghwa, I'm a disaster with chopsticks. What could I do?" I tell him, and sounded ashamed.
He shakes his head once and replied, "That is okay. Your hands work too. I could even feed you some of the food."
The way he got shy when he said this, stole my heart.
"Awww, that would be nice. Umm.... where to start? Yubu chobap." I decide at last.
He grabbed a pair of chopsticks and took one of them, then moved it towards my mouth.
He's really going to feed me.
I could cry right now.
I opened up, and he inserted the food into my parted mouth. As I chewed, I'm blasted with diverse flavors that tasted delicious.
"Mmmm! It's really good. I have never eaten this before." I say, savoring it.
Seonghwa looked ecstatic and proud, which made me feel even better than I am already.
"I'm so happy to hear that." He said gleefully.
Then he began singing an Exo song after he had fed me another yubu chobap. I was about to seriously cry when I heard it's Heaven. 🎶Hello, angel!" An angel singing about another one with that precious voice of his.
He skipped the rap that went after and went to the next lines.
I think some tears managed to brim over because he sang but also wiped lightly along my upper cheekbone.
"Why you cry?" He then stopped singing, looking worried.
"Because you sing so beautiful and the song you chose." I answer, giggling with embarrassment.
His face softens, and an appreciative smile was on his perfect lips.
"You really sweet, Sandy. Now, we eat." He announced, and got down to munching on all his delicious food that he brought. We had a conversation of me mostly, telling him things about myself. So he could know me better.
I sipped through a fat straw, tasting the bubble tea and it was so divine. Fruity fusion of flavors, so heavenly. One of the little pearls literally popped inside my mouth, surprising me.
My expression was funny to Seonghwa because he began snickering.
"Juice ball. It pops." He explained, smirking with amusement.
"This tastes so delicious. Wow." I sighed, feeling refreshed and very full at the same time.
I had even tried one of the sandwiches. He made an ordinary food look and taste gourmet.
"I feel happy that you enjoy all this." He said softly.
I seriously made his entire day, I was the proudest fan ever today.
While I'm digesting everything I ate, Seonghwa played with my hair and asked, "Want to go to Yeouido? There are way more cherry blossom trees and I can you show around there."
"Of course. I would love to." I was pretty excited, and it showed.
He grinned and after we pick up all the stuff to store inside the lunch box, he helped me get on my feet.
We headed back to the car, and Seonghwa drove over to be closer to where Yeouido is located.
After we got to the place, I'm impacted by the even more of the iconic white blooms, and we walked along the park.
I saw the 63 building that shimmers bright gold and could be seen from afar. That's where a plaza type area is at. You could sit at cement benches that was part of a big fountain.
We actually did sit for a while, to rest our feet.
Crossing my leg over the other, I watched some people pass by, and observed the view of numerous buildings. I think there's a swimming pool nearby too. That's more for a boiling hot summer, though.
We stayed for a few hours, and I didn't want to go back to the hotel. I could actually go to Seoul to buy something or just sleep. But going out while solitary, is pretty boring.
"Did you have fun?" Seonghwa asked, placing an arm around my shoulders, and of course it made goosebumps reappear along with a shock-like energy that passed through my veins or something like that.
"The best time ever. Truly." I answer quietly.
"I'm really happy that you had a good time today." He whispered, almost leaning his head against mine, but probably changed his mind.
I know this is simply a little excursion to give me a tour of Han River's charms. Nothing more than that, so I should not even expect Seonghwa to act as if he likes me. Why would he? The man can have any girl he wants, I'm nothing special...
My heart felt heavy, and all the joy I had had from this day spent with my bias, shifted into a deep sadness. I hope I don't cry, because that would be mortifying.
The way he rubbed on my arm now, though...it just made me feel like the impossibility was being rubbed harshly on my face.
Seonghwa's phone suddenly began ringing, startling us both.
"Oh no. Who could it be?" He groaned loudly.
"Annyeonghaseyo." He answered, not removing his arm from his place on me.
Korean is ridiculously hard to understand. I didn't understand shit of what he was saying.
I thought I heard San's name. Oh shit, he shouldn't know I'm with Seonghwa...
By his tone, he sounded aggravated, in his facial expression also gave it away.
He sighed a few times in the conversation, showing his distress.
When he ends the call, with his free arm, he pushed his hair back with frustration.
"What happened?" I ask quietly.
"That we had to do a live today and I'm late now, because it had to be an hour ago. But Hong Joong not mention it, so that why I went out today." He muttered.
"Then we should go now." I say gently, wanting to calm his anxiousness.
I rubbed his arm once, although he flinched when I did it, so I didn't continue. My disappointment strongly slammed my heart.
"Yeah. We should." He exhaled, taking his arm off me in a hurry.
I stood up and followed a step behind him even if I was beside where he is. The gloom overwhelmed me, as I quietly walked with Seonghwa.
It's sad how an amazing day can be rapidly ruined in seconds. The excitement and euphoria I had earlier, disappeared. All it left in its place was a somber, and dull aftertaste.
I didn't speak inside the car, just staring out the window, seeing everything pass by at a fast pace, while I felt my reality moved like in slow motion.
"Sandy, I'm really sorry. Please don't be sad or I going to feel worse than I do already." He pleaded to me, sounding sorrowful.
I held the strong urges I had of bursting into tears. I inhaled through my nose, hoping my voice doesn't betray me.
It wasn't because we had to end our hangout.
It was the way he quietly rejected any physical expression of how much I adored him.
After a moment that I took to make sure I wouldn't have a trembling voice, which would give me away, I respond to him.
"You don't have to say sorry, Seonghwa. They are responsibilities you have to do. I'm okay with that." I tried smiling a smile that could look genuine.
He had a glum gaze, before turning to watch the road.
"I don't want to go either. I would rather stay longer with you." He admits sadly.
That was a pang to my heart, making it more difficult to keep myself from crying. I practically didn't breathe, holding desperately these tears inside of me. They can't come out!
"Me too." I whispered, going back to looking out the window.
I heard him sigh softly, and felt heartbroken. I knew it wasn't the same way you feel when you like somebody. He just wanted a break from idol life. But I gladly would be that angel that saves him from it, even if it breaks me in the end.
Because I'm so sure that it will.