Chapter One Continued...
She tilts her head and I close my eyes in anticipation. It's just a kiss I won't let it get any further than that.
"Oh god," Ari pulls away from me and throws her head into the toilet. She retches the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl.
I stand momentarily shocked. What had I just been about to do? She was drunk.
I'm nauseated by the smell and sound, but I force myself to sit next to her on the floor. Though it's a bit late I pull her hair back from the bowl while she continues to hurl up any leftover alcohol in her stomach. I start to rub circles on her back but then I stop.
This moment has happened before, it feels too familiar. Only it wasn't me who'd been holding her hair back and comforting her but James. Then only moments later I'd accused her of sleeping with my boyfriend and ignored her explanation. He'd roofied her.
The room is cramped and too crowded. The guilt is taking up too much space. I can't be in this room with her anymore.
I stand up and turn on the shower for her.
"You should take a shower. I'll go get you something to sleep in." I say before hurriedly retreating.
I close the door behind me before she can respond. I rummage through her things and pull out a soft oversized shirt and sweatpants. I leave them by the door, then make my way across the living room. I make it to the safety of my closet-sized room, close the door behind me, and slunk down; cradling my knees in my arms.
I hate seeing her this way. This wasn't the girl who'd pulled me from the depths of myself. This wasn't my Ari. This was someone different. Someone broken and it was all my fault.
I'd broken her.
If only I'd seen sooner, noticed how much I cared for her. If I hadn't rambled on in the car for thirty minutes about having sex with another person. Maybe she wouldn't have drunk so much at the party.
Maybe when James had offered her a drink she would have said no. She would have been safe with me in my arms. But instead, I was with my...him. Ignorant to the fact that he'd only minutes before been a part of breaking my best friend.
I start to cry. I'm not the victim I don't deserve this cathartic release, but I can't stop the sobs ripping through me. When I'm all out of tears, I pull myself out of my fetal position. I wash in the small sink and change into fresh pajamas before climbing into bed.
I stare up at the dark ceiling and imagine a different line of events. A different timeline. One where I'd pulled over the car during the road trip and told her I loved her. Told her I wanted her and not him. Or maybe the day before in the locker room, when she'd told me she loved me. Why hadn't I seen it then?
What if when we were lying on her bedroom floor looking at the stars pasted on her ceiling, I'd noticed. What if I had kissed her then? I run through every alternate scenario I can think of before my eyes grow too heavy and I fall into a deep sleep.
Tap, tap, tap.
There's a knock on my door.
My eyes open, but all I see is darkness. I don't know the time but I know I'd fallen asleep. There are no windows in my little space. It's pitch black.
The door slowly opens. The light from the living room streams into my room, dimly lighting it.
Ari sticks her head in. I sit up in my bed at the sight of her.
"Yes?" I ask.
I can't hide the tremor of concern in my voice. She'd never come to my room in the middle of the night before. Something must be off. Did she need help? Why had I left her to take care of herself? I should've stayed.
She steps in the room and I can better see her now. She is wearing the oversized shirt I laid out for her but nothing else. Her hair lays in messy waves around her head like she'd been tossing and turning.
"Can I sleep with you?" She asks.
Those words coming from her lips makes my heart stutter and stop, only to start up again but too rapidly to be healthy.
I'm sure she means she wants to sleep and only sleep. But just the words from her lips has me picturing all sort of inappropriate acts. I don't know how long I've been asleep but with how much she'd had drunk there was no way she was sober. And if she laid in bed with me I don't think I could find the willpower to control myself.
"I don't think it's..." I start but she interrupts me.
"Please, Isabella?" She pleads.
Whenever she says my name it's like my world stops and listens.
"I can't sleep." She adds.
I gulp.
I can't make my lips form words so I nod my head instead. I realize stupidly she probably can't see me too well. She approaches the bed anyways. She'd either seen me nod or she knew I wouldn't deny her anything.
She lifts the sheets and climbs on to the single-sized mattress with me. I scoot over and press myself against the smooth wall to make space. I'm trying to get as far as I can from her but even pressed tightly against the wall I can't escape her touch. Her arm is pressed against mine. Her skin is soft and cool. I close my eyes and breathe in her scent. She smells like herself again. Strawberries and spring.
Her arm loops around my waist. My eyes fly open.
Ari wasn't playing fair. I struggle to control my breathing. She scoots closer and presses the rest of her body against mine. Her shirt is made of worn-out flimsy cotton and I can feel every curve of her naked body beneath it. My heart is pounding wildly and thrumming in my ears. It's loud enough I'm convinced she must hear it too.
Then she presses her feet against me curling them slightly underneath my legs. They are icy cold and send a shiver up my spine. The shiver seems to ignite something inside of me because my body becomes keenly alert of every part of her touching me.
A familiar throbbing is building between my legs. I cross them but then quickly uncross them. It had only made it worse. How is she doing this? Her touch is driving me mad and sex-crazed. All I want to do is-is...
What? Hold her? Kiss her? Make love to her? How do I do that? I don't have a...I mean she doesn't have a...? How do girls have...?
I can't believe I'm asking myself this now. It was a bit late for research.
I try to shake the thoughts loose from my head. I'm not going to do anything with Ari. Not after she'd been too drunk to function only a little while ago. I tightly squeeze my eyes closed and try to think unsexy thoughts.
Stinky garbage, creepy crawlers, rotten cabbage, dog poo...
Her hand caresses my chin.
I open my eyes again. She is leaning over me her face only a hair's breadth away from mine. My eyes have adjusted to the dim lighting. I can see in detail every feature of her face. Her thick eyebrows, her striking eyes, and her pouty mouth. I've never seen a girl more gorgeous than her. I'm in awe of her every time I look at her.
She bites her lip and drags her teeth along the supple skin. Her mouth parts leaving an inviting space between her lips. I stare at it. I can't take my eyes away. My breathing has grown loud and ragged, and my heart had lost its sanity minutes ago.
Fudge it!
I lean up, quickly closing the gap between our lips, and taste her mouth. I moan even before our lips can touch. She slips the tip of her tongue into my mouth. Her mouth is warm and minty. It feels good. Really really good.
I've given up on trying to control the want. I need her.
I move my lips with hers, then suck on her bottom lip. Her hands move from my chin to my head and she intertwines her hands into my hair.
Then the sexiest sound I've heard escapes her mouth. It's a mix between a gasp and long sigh of pleasure.
"Mhhmmm...oh god, Isabella." She moans.
She will be the death of me. I know it. My heart can't take it, my body can't.
Ari slides her body further onto me and lays herself on halfway on top of me. Her breasts press against my own. It feels like nothing I've ever felt before. She is both soft, hard, warm and cool all at once. I feverishly devour her mouth and her tongue. I reach my hands around her waist and pull her down closer to me. I need her.
She positions herself completely on top of me. She lifts my leg and slides her body in between my thighs. Ari gyrate her hips against me. Rubbing against me. Causing the dull ache to build.
Her rhythmic grind is driving my body insane with need. I can't stop myself from meeting her thrust.
Then her cool hands slide under my shirt. And this time I moan.
"Aurora, please..."
I don't know why I'm begging just that I need it. She pulls back from the kiss, separating her lips from mine. I can't stand the distance and kiss along her jaw and neck. Anything I can touch. My hands find her waist and lightly digs my fingers in. Grasping for anything.
Her hands slide low into the waistband of my pants. The tips of her fingers stop just above the throbbing.
"Look at me, Isabella." She whispers.
I force myself to stop kissing her and look up into her eyes. Then she smiles the slow creepier, only it's a little off. A little clumsier.
Her hand teases and slides a little further down. She leans forward hovering her face centimeters from my lips. I lean up to meet her again, but she pulls back; far enough that I can't reach but can feel her breath on my lips. She is teasing me, taunting me with her lips...
Just like Cameron used to.
The wound in my heart feels as if tearing open again. The pain freezes me. Surprises me.
I take in the situation. Behind the smell of her strawberry shampoo, there is a lingering smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke. She'd been drinking in seedy bars all week. It was in her pores, hanging around her like an ominous rain cloud. She is still broken.
What was I doing? Did I really want our first time to be while she is under the influence? How could I have let it get his far?
I roughly push her hands away from me, stopping them from reaching their intended destination, and start to sit up. I scoot from underneath her and as close to the wall as I can get. I need to get away from her. I can't touch her again without losing it again.
"Wh-What's wrong?" She asks.
Her stare of confusion turns to hurt. I can see it in her eyes; the rejection. It hurts to watch but I can't do this. I won't. Not after everything. Even in her simple question, I could hear the slight slur in her words. She still isn't sober.
Ari needed time to heal. She didn't need me to take advantage of her. How could I be so insensitive? How could I have let my urges get the best of my brain? I wasn't any better than those fraternity boys.
"I'm not ready," I say.
It's the first thing that comes to mind. It's a lie. I am ready, so ready.
I don't think she is.
And am I wrong for wanting our first time to be special? Not drunken leftovers after a night of drinking. I'd done that once before with...him and look how'd that turned out. I wanted to do things differently this time; right.
Her face searches mine. I'm not sure what she sees. Hurt flashes across her face again, then she buries it behind her mask. Her face goes blank, stoic. She's hiding her feelings from me like she does whenever she is hurting or feeling too much.
"I see." She purses her lips and then she smiles. "If you're not ready then we won't. I won't make you don't anything you don't want to."
"Thanks." I nod my head and attempt to return her smile. "I think it's for the best."
"I want to go cliff-diving." She says.
Then she stands up removing herself from my bed and my sheets.
"What?" I ask unsure. Her statement was rather random considering the circumstances.
"Tomorrow, I think we should go cliff-diving."
Then she walks out of my room and closes my door behind her.
I'm left in the dark to contemplate my life choices. Had I made a mistake? Turning her away? Should I have taken a leap of faith, jumped in, and hoped everything would work out?
But it seemed she was okay with my decision. And she wanted to go cliff-diving tomorrow. That is terrifying but a least different than the usual schedule of booze and barhopping. Maybe she is feeling better. On to the next step of healing?
Yes, I'd made the right decision. I'm sure of it. Being cautious is always better than diving in headfirst. It's much safer.
TBC...Chapter Two next.
Thanks, everyone for reading the first chapter. I sometimes put music at the beginning of the parts that really feel like they need it to set the tone. Be sure to check them out, I'm a big fan of cover artist...sometimes they do it better.