I woke up, mouth dry and my hair a mess. I could seriously use some water right now. My back felt sore as I realised I was lying down on the bathroom floor, dried up blood surrounding me.
Did that really happen? Did I really cut myself with a razor?
I stood up, wincing as I accidentally touched my cut. I can't really blame anyone for what i did to myself. Ignoring the sting of my cut, I quickly took a shower, feeling weird cause of how many tablets I took.
"Why did I take so many?" I mutter to myself, examining myself in the mirror.
I never thought I ugly but I never thought I was pretty either. I considered myself just below average when it came to looks. I guess you could I was lucky I had a boyfriend to begin with...but now I didn't.
I didn't see what Will saw in me. I was 5'5 with brownish black hair and an average body. The only thing I liked about myself was my eyes. They were two different colours: one blue and the other brown. Some people liked it and some people thought I looked weird with it. I didn't mind.
I skipped down the stairs, trying to put myself into a good mood. Today I was meant to go roller skating with Will since we hadn't ever been before, then after we'd grab some Mac Donald's and snuggle on his couch watching Netflix.
Now as i went downstairs, it hit me really hard that things have changed. It's not going to be that way anymore. I'd have to get use to making my own plans.
My mum entered the room looking scruffy like she usually does. She had booty shorts with sequins all over it. She also had a hot pink crop top on which didn't leave much to imagination. Sometimes I wished she could dress her age and maybe, just maybe...act her age.
"What have you been up to?" She asked me, looking like she had a hangover. Instead of pouring herself some coffee like normal parents do, she went straight for the vodka, pouring it into a tea cup.
"You promised me you'd at least stop drinking mum." I say in a quiet voice.
She rolls her eyes, "I'm only having a little bit, don't act like you kids don't drink as well." She says, gulping the entire cup down.
"Mum, could you please listen to yourself! You're not sixteen anymore, you can't keep doing this." I say.
I loved my mum but hated her at the same time. I just wished she would quit drugs and alcohol so I wouldn't have to worry if something happens to her one of these days.
"Why can't you just leave me to it, it's not affecting you." She pours herself another cup as I stood there fuming with anger.
"It's not affecting me?! You don't think I don't wake up everyday wondering whether your home or if you're drunk out of your mind on the streets? You think I don't worry whether you've overdosed on those stupid fucking drugs you take everyday?! You don't think it's affected me that the fact dad left was because of your stupid addiction?!"
I take in a deep breath, feeling like I would cry any second now. Mum stays silent for a bit, her face not giving anything away.
"I thought we agreed not to talk about your father again Rachel." She says quietly, looking at me straight in the eyes.
I scoff, not wanting to speak to her anymore. "I won't be back tonight." I hiss, slamming the door shut.
I didn't know why, but my feet were leading me towards Will's house. I didn't know what I was going to say or do but it felt right.
I stopped in front of his door, memories of us being here rushing back. I shook my head, gaining enough courage to ring the door bell, so I did. The noise echoed through my ear, making me feel very nervous all of a sudden.
No one came. I sighed and turned around, ready to walk away when the door suddenly opened, making me freeze to the spot.
"Hello?" A female voice said, her tone coming of a little rude. I turned back around, seeing a very pretty looking girl dressed in an oversized t-shirt standing at the door.
I knew Will didn't have any siblings and I'd already met him mum so it wasn't her. Who was she?
"Um, hi." I say politely, staring into her aqua blue eyes. They were very beautiful and reminded me of the ocean. She had shoulder length blonde hair and a petite nose.
"What do you want?" She sighs and looks at me as if she was uninterested about anything I had to say.
Maybe she was a cousin?
"I'm looking for Will, is he in?" I ask her, noticing her features turn angry at the mention of Will's name.
"Oh so your the slutty ex girlfriend who cheated on him! How nice to meet you!" She says sarcastically, a fake smile plastered across her face.
"Excuse me?" I say, lost for words.
"Well, I'm sorry, he's not available right now. Me and him are...busy." She says with a smirk.
I see a figure walk up to the door and soon realise it's Will. He snakes an arm around her waist and then our eyes connect. We stay like this for a while, my heart aching with pain.
He finally breaks out of our trance. "Rachel...what are you doing here?" He questions, his voice sounding different. It was almost like I was a stranger to him...
My eyes flicker between the two of them as time seems to slow down. I feel another stab at my heart.
Had he already moved on?
"I actually came to uh...get some of my stuff." I lie through my teeth, stopping myself from crying and embarrassing myself. In a way it was true since I'd normally leave spare clothes at his place when I came over.
"Yeah, of course." He said, moving along to the side so I can get in. I could see from the corner of my eye blondie glaring holes through my head.
"No, it's fine Will, I'll come back another time." I say, feeling awkward. Coming here was such a bad idea. It's like my heart just broke all over again...
"Just do it now Rachel, get it done and over with." He says, looking uncomfortable in the situation.
"No, you guys are clearly busy and I don't want to disturb you." I say, the hurt evident in my voice.
I walk away, hearing the door slam shut seconds later. In all honesty, I didn't want to get my stuff because it would make our breakup feel more real, as if it was really over but I didn't want to believe it even though deep down I knew it was.
As I'm walking down the pathway, I hear a familiar voice call out for me and turn around to see Zane in his car, his window rolled down.
I ignore him, walking faster. What I was I feeling right now was too much for Zane to just make a joke out of it and make me feel worse...if that's possible.
"Rachel!" He shouts again, slowing the car down so we're side by side. I didn't understand what went on in the idiot's brain, couldn't he get the message that I clearly wanted to be alone.
"Rachel, what's the matter, I'm trying to help you?!" He shouts, frustrated.
"I don't want your help Zane, just leave me alone!" I shout harshly, regretting it the moment it happens.
He looks hurt for a second before masking it over with his usual cold face.
"Zane, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I just-" He cuts me off.
"It's fine, I'll leave you alone like you asked." He snapped, speeding off without a second glance.
What is it with me always pushing people away...
*A few hours later*
I lost track of time as I sat in a little café, reminiscing on how shit my day had been. I ordered a cup of tea, waiting on its arrival.
Not only did I not have a place to sleep right now due to arguing with my mum, I had completely lost Will's interest and the one person who was kinda helpful throughout it..Zane.
Normally when me and my mum argued, I'd stay at Will's and it wouldn't be a problem. I shook my head at how reliant I was on him.
My entire life revolved around him...and now life seemed pointless.
I scrolled down my contact list, landing on Zane. I knew I needed to ask him since I practically had no other option. I then typed my message.
I'm sorry about what I said earlier today :(
He responds almost instantly.
It's cool, it's all in the past now x
My heart did a little somersault but I ignored it, typing.
Is it okay if I crash at your place tonight???
I hoped it didn't come off the wrong way but I still hoped he'd say yes. I could almost imagine him sighing before answering my text.
Where should I pick u up? x
I smiled as I read his message again. I adored the fact that he didn't ask any questions or turn me down. I needed a friend like this right now.
Since when did I become friends with Zane?!?
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Hope you enjoyed <3