•••
ALEXA WAS ON a solo mission for the weekend, and she was supposed to be coming back later on in the day. bucky was laying on his bed, him looking up at the ceiling. he then sat up, resting on his arms. he looked over at his dresser, a photo of him and steve during the war in a frame. he slipped out of bed, going to grab the photo.
he sat back on the bed, him scanning the photo. he had his arm wrapped around steve's shoulder, pulling steve close to his side. he was able to see steve's hand laying on his side, pulling bucky close to him.
they were in their uniforms, and the photo taken by a man called "dum dum dugan" who according to steve, was apart of the howling commandos with them, and their friend during the war. bucky's hair was short and gelled back, steve telling bucky he loved to keep his hair gelled back.
bucky brought a hand up to his long hair, pulling on it slightly. he sighed, placing the photo back on his dresser. he tied is long hair into a man bun, sick of it always being in his face.
he wrapped his arms around his body, him being cold. for steve, the serum made his body temperature run a bit higher then normal. for bucky, the serum made his body temperature run lower then normal, one of the reasons why bucky loves being cuddled.
he walked out of his room, seeing steve, sam, wanda and natasha on the couch. he gave a small smile to the bunch, making himself some coffee.
"hey, lex called in not to long ago. she said she'd be home in less then a hour. she also said, and i quote 'tell barnes not to even think about taking his hoodies back.'" natasha said, making bucky chuckle.
"thanks nat. do you know how the mission went?" bucky asked, not knowing the location cause it was 'top secret'. he grabbed the full cup and sat down next to steve.
"it went great. she had a minor setback but she got it fixed, and finished the mission sooner then she expected." natasha said, bucky nodding in response. he took a sip of the hot coffee, the liquid warming up his body immediately. he sighed, paying attention to what was playing on the tv.
"what's this?" bucky asked, sam's jaw dropping. bucky cocked up an eyebrow at sam's reaction.
"its stepbrothers, and you're staying for the second one."
•••
bucky was feeling anxious all day, his heart pounding in his chest. he had a sudden outburst after the second stepbrothers down in the lab, him slamming his fist down on the table, leaving a fairly large dent.
bruce and tony slowly calmed him down, and had friday scan him. friday said he had anxiety with dangerously high blood pressure. bruce taught him some techniques that he uses to help calm down and the two told bucky to take it easy until alexa came back.
he had his head hanging down low as he walked back to his room, locking the door. he crawled back in his bed, sighing. he blinked, and his vision got blurry. he blinked back tears he didn't know he was holding. he just wanted alexa to come home and tell him things we're gonna be okay.
as if god answered his wish, his phone dinged. he groaned, reaching over to his nightstand and grabbing it. he turned his phone on, seeing a message from alexa.
alexa
hey buck! i'm on my way home, and in desperate need of a shower and nap. i've missed you, hope you're doing okay. see you soon:)
he smiled softly at the text, responding back quickly.
bucky
hey lex, glad you're on your way home safely. currently cuddled into like five blankets. might have taken one of your blankets though. i've missed you too, see you soon sweetheart.
he shut his phone off, his small moment of happiness turning back into the depressive episode he's been having for the last 48 hours. he wanted to scream, he really did.
"hey friday?" he called out softly, scared to speak up.
"yes, sergeant barnes?" friday responded, bucky looking around as if someone was watching.
"are my walls soundproof?" "only if you ask me to make them soundproof. would you like to turn on the soundproof option mister stark installed?"
tony made everyone's walls soundproof, for certain reasons. bucky liked that, him being able to scream and cry as loud as he wanted to without anybody bothering him.
"please." he whispered, urgently. the walls around him became a light blue for a moment before they turned back to the off white color.
"your room is soundproof until you tell me to turn it off." bucky nodded, as if friday would see him. he took a deep breath, closing his eyes.
he cried for a good twenty minutes.
•••
bucky started to hate his long hair. it reminded him of the killing machine he was before; the winter soldier, and he was not the killing machine he was known to be. tony had called in a favor, from the king of wakanda. king t'challa had a genius younger sister, named shuri who was able to help him.
the trigger words were coming out in late january.
he was standing in the bathroom, the same picture frame he was holding earlier now in his left hand. bucky's eyes had always drawn to his old hair. it was short, and clean cut. he liked it.
he started to hate his long hair cause it reminded him of the winter soldier. the times he was tortured, beaten, abused, and killed people with no mercy. the man in the photo looked genuinely happy, yet he couldn't come to terms that the man was him.
he didn't remember the photo being taken. he didn't remember a lot of things, and he blames hydra. in his other hand held scissors, and when he thought about the lost memories, the lost life that he could have lived, he clenched his fist around the cool metal, his knuckles turning white. he's shocked himself when he realized he didn't cut himself.
he slammed the scissors down on the sink, and carefully placed the photo down. he gripped onto the edge of the counter. he slammed his eyes shut, gripping the counter harder then he thought he could. he then took a deep breath, letting go. he looked at the broken man in the mirror, the man starring right back.
that man was him.
"sergeant barnes, miss micheals has arrived. she's in the elevator coming up now." friday annouced, pulling bucky out of his thoughts. he wiped the hot tears off his cheeks as he nodded, leaving his room. steve exited his room shortly after, not having seen bucky since this morning. it was now almost three in the afternoon.
"hey, you alright buck?" steve asked, a hand clasped on his shoulder. bucky shrugged, eyes on the floor.
"just had a bad day i guess, that's all." he said quietly, steve frowning.
"it's okay to have your bad days buck. we all have them. now c'mere." steve said, bucky gladly accepting the blond's hug. he held onto steve tight, clinging onto him. steve released bucky from the hug, seeing the grateful look on bucky's face.
the elevator door opening made the two look away from eachother, seeing a tired, yet smiling alexa.
"i've missed you boys." she said, stepping out of the elevator. she placed her bags down, her still in her skintight suit. her hair was a mess, and she still had blood; thankfully not her's, still on her body. the soldiers smiled, bucky letting his lips quirk up.
"i'd tackle you two in a hug but i'm kinda covered in blood, so let me shower, and then i'll greet you two properly." she said, the two nodding. she did though place soft kisses on their cheeks, making them smile. they sat on the couch, and turned the tv on.
alexa carried her bag into her room, then immediately stripped down to nothing. she grabbed her robe, and hung it on the door before she stepped in the shower.
she saw red rush off her body and into the shower drain. she washed her hair and body, her now smelling like lavender. she stepped out, drying her body.
"i know you missed her." steve said, bucky's eyes going from the tv to steve's knowing eyes. bucky nodded, a tint of red on his cheeks.
"yea. i did."
alexa walked back into their living room in a long sleeve and leggings. the two men stood up, steve hugging her first. he placed a kiss on her forehead, alexa smiling softly.
"we were a mess without you." "i could only imagine." alexa laughed against his chest. she released the hug, meeting bucky's eyes. she could read right through him, and bucky hated it at sometimes, but other times he's glad she could.
"hey." she softly said, arms wrapping around his neck. he immediately accepted the embrace, face buried into the crook of his neck. she held him tight, knowing that something was wrong. she kissed his cheek, letting go of the hug.
she looked at the men infront of her, with a smile on her face. she sat in between them, legs crossed.
"so, please tell me i won the bet that clint had to kiss sam under the mistletoe."
•••
bucky's patterned knock was on alexa's door at around eight. she got up out of bed, opening the door to see him looking very upset.
"hey, what's wrong? come in." she said, bucky walking in. she noticed the scissors in his hand, confused. she shut the door behind him, the two facing each other.
"can you cut my hair?" he asked softly. alexa eyes widened, stepping closer.
"what? why? i thought you didn't want to cut your hair." she asked, bucky shaking his head.
"i'm trying to recover, from the bullshit i went through. the hair," he tugged on it for emphasis. "reminds me to much of it." he said, tears in his eyes. so that's what was bothering him.
"please cut it for me doll." he pleaded, alexa feeling her heart break slightly.
"of course. i occasionally cut natasha's and i used to cut steve's. go get your hair wet, then come back when you're done." she said, bucky nodding. he left alexa's room momentarily to quickly step into his shower and soak his hair. he walked back to alexa's room, shirtless and a towel around the back of his neck.
alexa led him into the bathroom, her grabbing a stool as she waited for him. he sat infront of the mirror, alexa behind him. her hands ran up and down his arms, soothing him.
"how short do you wanna go?" she asked, grabbing her brush. she started to brush his long hair, for the last time in a while.
"the way it was in the 40s." he stated, alexa nodding. she knew what it looked like by memory. she loved his short hair, it was quite attractive. she finished brushing his hair, grabbing the scissors.
"last chance to back out. are you sure?" alexa asked, bucky nodding.
"please." with that, the sound of the scissors cutting his hair and the humming of alexa filled the bathroom. bucky closed his eyes, alexa wondering if he was just scared, or wanted it to be a surprise.
bucky tensed up as he heard alexa put the scissors down. with the towel, alexa wiped the back of his neck and shoulders from any hair. she then ran her fingers through his hair, parting it to the right.
"alright buck. you can look." when bucky opened his eyes, she saw tears come to his eyes immediately. alexa thought he didn't like it, yet a huge smile formed on his face. he ran his fingers through his now short hair, a broken chuckle escaping his mouth. he stood up, to face alexa.
she then realized how handsome he was with short hair. it suited him so well.
"thank you." was all he could say. he brought alexa into his arms, holding her tight. she hugged him back, smiling against his bare chest.
"i'm glad you like it. it suits you really well." alexa said, bucky smiling. it was trimmed along the sides and top, but kept the top a bit long, the way bucky liked it.
she released the hug, running her hands through his hair. all alexa wanted to do is kiss him. she really did. little did she know, bucky was thinking the exact same thing. they looked at each other, alexa stepping closer. her hands left his hair to cup his face. bucky leaned forward, their nose's brushing. as soon as they were about to close the distance, friday interrupted them.
"mister stark has summoned everyone to the common room. he wants to, and i quote, "watch christmas movies and drink eggnog." bucky and alexa pulled back, the two a rose red. trying not to make things more awkward then they were, alexa threw bucky a shirt that she stole from him, bucky slipping it on as he walked out of the bathroom.
"let's see everyone's reaction to the hair, especially steve's."
•••
a chorus of 'holy shit barnes' and 'damn you look great' was head amongst the team. bucky turned red like a firetruck, alexa chuckling. the two walked out of the elevator, everyone asking questions.
"i thought it was time for a change. lex should open a hair salon." bucky nudged her with a smirk on his face. god damn he was a hundred times hotter with the short hair. alexa rolled her eyes, nudging him back.
"alexa micheals, avenger and part time hairdresser." everyone laughed, alexa leading bucky to the kitchen for eggnog. he took a sip, realizing there was alcohol mixed in. he couldn't get drunk, but alexa could. drunk alexa was fun, loose alexa. she was bubbly, affectionate, and cuddly. bucky loved it.
steve walked into the kitchen, getting more eggnog. his hand clasped bucky's shoulder, a smile on steve's face. he saw his best friend even more now with a hair cut and he had shaved earlier today. he truly looked like the james buchanan barnes he knew back in the day.
"you look really good buck. you look, happier." steve complimented, alexa smiling. bucky smiled widely as he nodded.
"the hair reminded me of the past 70 years. i feel like a different person with my old hair back." steve grinned, stoping the tears of happiness from flowing down his cheeks. the three walked back into the living room, sitting down. alexa sat inbetween natasha and bucky, bucky wrapping his arm around alexa's shoulder.
"you think you'll grow it back out?" bruce asked, bucky shrugging his shoulders. aimlessly, alexa raised her arm and ran he fingers through his short hair. she knew she would miss him napping with his head on her lap as she played with his hair, and the hair braiding.
"i might, just not that long. i know lexa misses playing with my long hair." bucky smirked, alexa rolling her eyes. everyone chuckled at the comment.
"short hair suits you buck. it really does." the two grin at each other, thinking back to them almost kissing less then ten minutes ago. they talk some more, before peter put on rudolph the red nose reindeer. tony cracks jokes about loki all night.