"So... Dakota. Time to tell me what really happened."
That sickening feeling when your stomach swan dives to your toes is enough to make you want to vomit. When Lucille rips your lungs from your chest cavity, it feels like that one time you get dared to jump into the swimming hole in January, when your legs don't work and you can't tell which way is up while you count the second before you start to drown.
I quiver frozen in place beside the door to Negan's office. My voice whispers off my lips. A dying noise that ties a noose around my neck.
"Sit down Dakota." Negan gestures sweetly to the couch. Dallas sits beside Negan, leaving oily black pools on the floor.
I stare at the leather couch, my brain incapable of understanding motor functions.
"Sit down!" Negan demands.
My knees take this as an open invitation and I fall. Butt first to the ground. A desperate sob escaping me.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I burry my face into my knees. "I'm a coward, I know! I know, you won't let me forget!"
I reach up to clamp hold my head but my hands drip black. Down my arms, towards my face. The same black that is drowning Dallas beside Negan.
I scrape at my arms. Watching the gore squilsh on the floor but it doesn't come off my skin. "Get it off! Get it off! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault! It wasn't my fault!"
Negan kneels in front of me, grasping my hands, soaking his gloves in black.
"Dakota, knock it off!" He orders.
I shake my head. "I told you! I told you the truth. They came from hilltop, they told us they had the supplies. They lied! It was too late, it happened so fast! I got shot, and I was just a sittin' duck. I faked it. That doesn't make me a coward! It was survival! It was survival Negan you have to believe me!" The pathetic wail of pant pissing terror leaves me on the dark floor of his office, the walls pressing in around me, dripping black with horror.
Dallas grabs my chin, nails digging into my jaw. "Remember it Dakota. Never forget it. You are a coward. You are a sham. A fake. That's all you've ever been since the day you were born. You are nothing."
"I am! I know! Just leave me alone!"
Negan is holding my jaw, his whiskey eyes burning with annoyance and frustration. "Dakota. Shut up! I just wanted to know what happened. I want to know who these men are, and I want to know which one put a bullet through that little shoulder of yours. That's all I wanna know."
I sniffle back tears. Pulling away from his gloved hand to wipe my face with my good arm. "Arrow actually." I mutter into my knees.
Negan smiles softly lightening the darkness in his eyes. "There she is." Negan helps me up. Setting me on the couch before sitting himself down across from me.
I take a deep breath, looking anywhere but at Dallas, lounged on the arm rest beside me. His oily fingers running through my hair leaving stringy strands on my shoulder.
"And they held up this head, this decomposing, face that was meant to look like Gregory. I knew it wasn't but that's when I saw their guns." A knock echos off the office door.
Negan leans back in his seat. Glancing at me just once. I cower farther into the couch, scuffling away from dallas' reach. He slides closer.
"What?!" Negan booms.
Simon leans through the door. "Hey boss. Dr. Carson said he was gonna be here in a sec but I just wanted to pop in. Dakota mentioned that it was hilltop's people. But hilltop wouldn't try, they don't have the numbers to do something like this." Simon defends his town.
Negan looks at me again. "Simon. Dakota here has just filled me in wholly on that little bit of information. These boys where at the compound last night, with s gift, for you. Gregory's head. Care to tell me about that one Simon?" Negan leans foreword, spinning Lucille in his hands.
Simon looks at me, an unreadable look in his eyes. "I-" another knock shakes my head around.
Dr. Carson Step's into the office. "Negan." He greets.
Simon Step's back. Waiting to be dismissed. Quickly.
"Dr. Carson. Dakota here will happily join you in your office. I'll be down in a bit to finish our conversation Dakota." Negan dismisses me. I rise from the warm embrace of the couch, a longing feeling pulling me back. I glance over my shoulder at Negan. Wishing there was something to say before the door separates us. Leaving me behind doctor Carson but alone in the hall.
————-
I lay in dr. Carson's empty office. The hard bed underneath my back not meant from long term use.
My right arm draped over my eyes to block out the light I wish I could go to sleep. Sleep and never wake up but the darkness is worse.
Dallas leers every so often, refusing to let me forget he's there.
"You're dead. Your not real." I whisper. He only laughs.
Footsteps dance on the tiles in the hall, heavy but just one set, more confident than dr. Carson's.
"Dakota." Negan Greet's sliding into the room.
"Hey, slick." I don't open my eyes to see him. "Would you be a pal and shut off the light? It hurts."
The lights flick out with a small click that fills the room. I uncover my eyes, pulling myself up, knees against my chest.
Dallas runs a hand down my back, it might have been comforting but he rests his head on my shoulder. "Your never going to get away with this. Coward."
I flinch, trying to avoid looking back at Dallas.
"So, why are you here?" I rest my head on my knees, staring up at him at the end of the bed.
"Just thought I'd pop down and see you. I think there's a few things we should talk about." He states lowly, a small murderous smirk curling in his deep eyes.
I cower back a little bit, bumping into Dallas. I scoot towards the end of the bed. "Am I going to get the iron?"
A pale look slicks Negans face like the flu. He rubs his beard, shaking his head. "No, no. I won't give you the iron for trying to survive. That doesn't make you a coward Dakota. Your twice most of the guys here."
"Yes it does." Dallas snarls.
I shake my head. "But the compound, they're all-"
"I know what happened Dakota, you keep telling me. Some idiot forgot to do his job. Not you. But I'm not giving you a lieutenant position." Negan sets Lucille down, "I want you by my side, think of it as an assistant position for now." His smile seems genuine, but his offer seems vile.
"You want me to be like one of your wives. One of your bitches to push around." I choke. even Dallas seems to pause beside me. His darkness leeching from the room.
"As one of my wives you wouldn't have to work, no more pain, no more points. You and Mateo can live like royalty. I like you better than any of them. But-" Negan starts.
"But at the price of being a broodmare. No thanks. I'd rather work the fence." I glare him down, teeth grinding together.
Negan sneers. "No dakota your not listening. Take the offer. I want you be at my side. Work with me." He attempts to fish for the words but I don't hear them.
"Go fuck yourself Negan. I'll pass." I spit.
Dallas runs a hand down Negan's face, smearing black war paint. It drips onto Lucille.
"Then you can kiss any other jobs goodbye. You're off work detail until your shoulder heals." Negan draws back before I can lash out.
"You can't do that!" I shout as he steps through the door to leave.
He leans back with a shit eating grin. "I can and I will. Think about my offer." He flicks the light on again, leaving me blind and dumbfounded.
Where did it all go wrong?
*********************
Hey everyone! So I don't know if anyone has actually noticed this but this story and my other walking dead story "America in catastrophe// Daryl Dixon" are written in the same time line and will soon be actively involved with one another but at the moment AC has been under some heavy editing and is quite far behind this story so I'm putting it on hold just until I catch back up. Thanks guys!