"So Hange, have you decided anything?" Mom asks.
I watch them curiously. "Decided what?"
We are in the living room right now, after that quite eventful dinner. Mom asked if they wanted to watch anything on TV, but they refused. So here we are, sitting together and chatting. Kinda like old times, except for the inclusion of the raven haired mystery man. Well, he's not talking much anyway, at least not voluntarily. So I guess it's pretty much the same as before.
"What to do with the house", mom replies to my question.
"Huh?!" my eyes widen. "What do you mean what to do?"
"Well", this time Hange speaks. "I was thinking of selling it before."
"SELLIN–"
"Let me finish Eren", they say with a smile. I shut my mouth and wait. Grumbling inwardly.
"So, you both know why I never came back here. The death of mom and dad had shaken me up real bad. And the house, it carried all those memories of them. Constantly reminding me of their loss..." they take a breath. "It was suffocating, staying in this place all alone. I needed to get away. I felt like I'd never be able to move on if I didn't. So when the offer came from Stohess, I didn't think for a second. I accepted and left as soon as I could. To say the truth, I fled."
I never thought about it like that. I always blamed Hange for leaving so suddenly. But now, after hearing their side of the story, I actually feel kinda guilty for thinking that way.
"Stohess was a good change. New place, new people, new job. Life was busy. I was happy the way things were. But once in a while, something would trigger me off, and I'd be reminded of this place. Of how happy I used to be here. Eren's laughter, Carla's cooking, the occasional visits of Grisha, mom's scolding, dad's support – I missed it all. And it hurt." Hange trails off. Mom walks over to sit beside them and wraps an arm around their shoulder. I look away, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.
When I look up, I see Hange looking at Levi. He stares at her, nods ever so slightly, then turns his gaze to the front.
"I'd told myself to never look back", Hange continues. "Because I thought if I did, if I ever came back, it'd be too painful for me to bear. So that's what I did. I cut off all the connections. I decided not to keep in touch with anyone. No visits, no phone calls. Nothing. And I suppose that's how life would've went on if this guy hadn't shown up", they glance at Levi. He raises an eyebrow. "Two years after I joined the company, I was transferred to the same department as Levi."
"And that was the beginning of my demise", Levi states flatly.
We stare at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.
"Well, that lightened up the mood", mom says while wiping the corner of her eyes.
I look up at Levi – still laughing – and find him staring at me. Our eyes lock for a couple of seconds before he turns away. But that look in his eyes! I caught it for merely a few moments, but there was something in those eyes. I can't really put it in words. It was the kind of look you give when you want something really bad but can't have it. You know what I mean? Like there's a new album of your favorite band in stores and you don't have the money to buy it. So you watch it longingly through the glass door.
A stupid metaphor. But you understand what I'm trying to say.
Why would he look at me like that? It means he's interested, right? Then why avoid me like a plague? Or... am I imagining all of this?
Perhaps I am. Maybe he's actually feeling uneasy. Considering the way I've been glancing at him every few minutes, I won't be surprised if he is. And even though I'm not looking at a mirror right now, I'm pretty much sure what kind of looks I'm sending him. He shouldn't be unaware of my interest in him. Maybe that's what's making him uncomfortable?
Because he... doesn't... feel the same way?
But all his actions of the previous day tell me otherwise! And even though he's avoiding me today, the occasional looks he's been sending me unconsciously are making me think that maybe this whole avoidance is a pretense. That maybe, just maybe, there's another reason for his behavior.
It could all be just my wishful thinking. Still, I want to believe in this connection I feel between us. I want to believe that he feels it too.
The heavy air seems to have lightened up now and everyone looks more relaxed. As Hange resumes their story, I focus my attention back on them.
"We didn't get along, at all!" they laugh. "And as you all know me, I took that as a challenge. So I'd bug him every day, constantly pestering him about whatever comes to my mind. And he'd run to Erwin every two days, threatening him to fire me or send me to another department."
I stare at the two of them. Surprised, awed. I never would've guessed. I mean, sure, Levi is always hostile towards Hange and Hange is always trying to provoke him the wrong way. But the whole thing is so playful and friendly now. It almost seems natural!
"I didn't give up of course!" Hange's words bring me back to the story. "And Blondie-the-great somehow had a vision that we'd become really good friends. So he decided to make the two of us work in group projects. Levi endured for a while, before running to blondie again!"
"You should be glad I didn't strangle you then", Levi mutters. "Who the fuck takes their partner's design plans and throws them out the window?!"
What!?
"Levi! We were supposed to work on it together. But you decided to go solo and didn't even bother to listen to me!" Hange pouts. "Aaand it was an effective way to get your attention!" they finish with a wink.
Levi stares at them for a moment. "You're mentally constipated."
"Mmm... that's debatable. Emotional constipation is more like your thing I'd say!"
"Hange", Mom cuts off their bantering with a smile. "Stop teasing him."
Hange looks at Levi with a 'what-have-you-done-to-her' look. "Fine, fine. On with the story then."
I suppress a laugh.
"So this time, Erwin takes us drinking. I'm telling you, that guy must be living a secret mafia life or something. He comes up with the weirdest solutions. Effective as hell somehow. But things you'll never think of doing in a sane mind."
To my surprise, Levi grunts in response.
"Okay, so the three of us are drinking. Erwin's paying of course. And the moment he senses that we're loaded, he bolts from there. Imagine, two people who are always at each other's throats, sprawling over the bar, utterly wasted and nobody to take them home."
"Oh wow!" I blurt out.
"Yeah. And the next thing I remember, I'm waking up with a hangover, on an unfamiliar bed, in a very unfamiliar room." They stop for a theatrical pause. "I get up!" Another pause. "I look around!"
Levi rolls his eyes. "You're being too melodramatic."
"Gahh! Don't ruin it shorty! It's a crucial moment", Hange gets into story mode again. Hands moving, eyes gleaming. "So, my life is at stake. I'm in a stranger's house. Have I been kidnapped?! Who could the criminal be? And then, I see something!"
"You saw my photo on the bedside table and knew it was my house. End of story."
"Levi! How could you!" Hange stares at him with wide eyes, probably trying to muster a betrayed look. But it turns out way too comical.
I look at mom. She's clearly enjoying this bizarre performance those two are giving.
"So yeah, it was him", Hange shoots another accusatory glance towards Levi. "Turns out he could handle his booze better than me. So when the bartender woke him up–"
"And failed to wake you", Levi adds with a straight face.
"Grrr!! Okay fine! When the bartender woke him up and failed to wake me, his majesty did a huge favor by not leaving me there and taking me with him to his house. How he managed to drive to his house without running into anything is still a mystery."
"Simple. I have a higher tolerance for alcohol."
Hange sticks their tongue out at him.
"Anyway, so that's how it began. I got out of his room the next morning as soon as I'd freshened up and found him sitting on the couch in the living room reading a book. When he saw me, he just said" – they try to imitate Levi – "Get your shit together. We've got a project to work on."
Levi makes a choking noise. "I do not sound like that", he hisses out.
Hange decides to ignore him.
"And when I asked him how his perspective of me changed overnight, he just said that I was too troublesome to deal with any other way. My guess is, either Erwin talked him into it or I probably charmed him by saying something while I was drunk."
My eyes dart back and forth from Hange to Levi, half expecting him to reprimand them. But he remains strangely calm and silent.
"So, which was it?" I find myself asking.
"Never found out", Hange replies with a sigh. "I asked him countless times, but he wouldn't say a word except elaborating what a crazy shit I was for obsessing over something so insignificant."
"So that's how you became friends."
"Yeah!" they grin widely and throw an arm around Levi from which he flinches away. "That's how I got my buddy here. And Erwin."
I find myself smiling too. Hange and I had been really close friends, and even though I'd been a little upset with them for leaving and never keeping in touch, I was also worried for them. So now that I see them having such nice friends, I guess I feel sort of... relieved.
And then, I recall how this whole conversation began in the first place.
"How did he convince you to come back?"
I'm being awfully curious about this. It's so unlike me. I wonder if I would've shown even half the curiosity if it was some other person and not Levi.
Probably not.
"Have patience snotball. We're getting there", Hange stands up from the couch and stretches their body. "But first, I need another drink. My throat is dry from all that talking."