Ouch this topic sounds hard, we have all been there, some of us are still there😭but we have STOP, so here we go.
This are signs u are a people pleaser
People pleaser:
/ˈpēpəl pleez/
"A people pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you know. They never say "no". You can always count on them for a favor. In fact, they spend a great deal of time doing things for other people. They get their work done, help others with their work, make all the plans, and are always there for family members, friends, classmates or acquaintances. Unfortunately, it can be an extremely pattern of behaviour"
Why do we please people? Most of our time revolves about taking care of other people but we forget our own true selves in the process. Why please people? They are never going to be satisified, why please them? We only have one life to live to spend it doing things for others for them to be happy
Your job is to make yourself happy and proud, having your own self identity, the things you like and you don't like, not by satisfying them but forgetting yourself because you think your emotions, feelings are unimportant. Which is not, you matter, your feelings matter, your emotions, you are a pecious human being, you deserve to be happy!
I don't want to be old and later think of my life like: damn wish I didn't spend it doing that for them when I was actually uncomfortable. If you die as a people pleaser they are going to think of you like this: "Ohh she used to do this to me which is what I loved about her, she used to make sure that I was okey with myself which is what I liked about her, putting me always first. But, she forgot to do my homework that one day that she was sick at the hospital, which is what made me mad till this day. However, this is the type of people that make us very happy which is what we want from the world, make it a better place right? Putting our feelings above theirs."
(I know it's an exaggerated situation, but you understand me)
Ask yourself this question: are you happy? Do you enjoy pleasing people? Are you suffering? Why do you please them? Because of fear, being looked bad, losing friends, them answering you bad? Is it that? Do they care about you as much as you do? How often do you put on a happy face when you're really not feeling it? Ask yourself
How do I defeat it?
Realize that you are human and you have choices: you need to learn how to say: NO (we will talk about these in other chapters) at first it will be hard. This is like a muscle practice at the beggining is hard but then it becomes easy.
-You need to set your own priorities: what are the things that you consider important for you, for you only.
-If someone ask you for a favor, your answer should be: I will think about it, not: okey okey I will do it, that is wrong. By making that you get to think: is this going to be stressful? Do I have the time to do this? What am I going to give up? How pressured am I going to feel? Am I going to be upset with this person who's asking
But if the person wants a quick answer, you should say: NO, because if you say yes is like you are stuck.
-Set your time limit: For example I will be available from 5 pm to 6 pm
-You need to think if you are being manipulated: For example, "Can you let me copy your work, the one the teacher said we should have done a month ago, nobody does this better than you".
But deep down u know it took u days without sleeping to do that work by yourself and she is maybe someone who treats you like shit. What do you do in this situation, think: am I being manipulated? Is he/she genuine?
COMMON HUMAN SENSE: I worked hard on this homework why would I be stupid enough to give it to her.
STUPID HUMAN SENSE: Ok, you can have it, you know I love to help people in this type of situations, I work, you copy :)
Most of these people they don't care about you, they just want you to do the things that benefit them and dump you. At the end everyone have goals, you need to focus on achiving yours, not helping them achieve theirs while you are still stuck. You need to help yourself, YOU MATTER AND YOU ARE IMPORTANT
-Use an empathic assertion: You let the person know that you understand where they are coming from, but unfortunetly you can't help.
(Sorry not sorry bitch, you should have done that before,idgf :) ) <<<dont say that lmaoo.
We mostly please people due to the fear on how they will view us, for example I helped people because I wanted them to see me as "nice", but they never did the same, at the end people will take advantage of your niceness and you pleasing people. They will walk over you with disrespect or see you as the girl that is always always available and reliable to help them. So I am learning to focus on me and me only, Enough is Enough!!!!
From there you start to feel much better about yourself, after doing it for many times, I always tell myself that is an experience to learn how people are and what can you do to improve yourself.
Remember that you need to be selfish for yourself, you need to put yourself FIRST! You deserve to be happy
Most people pleaser never show their real emotions, if they are sad they put a plastic smile to please people, their emotions doesn't matter to anybody, their goal is to make people happy, it doesn't matter if they are dying on the inside as long as humanity is happy ,their good with that, which is bad for you. -brownskingal01
Quote: "Allow yourself to feel every emotion. They are all valid"