Donghyuck pulled the blanket close to his chest, the light of the TV reflected off Mark's glasses and burned into his eyes as they stared at each other. The noise of the members discussing what they were going to have for dinner in the back went ignored as Donghyuck frowned.
"Just give up," Mark chuckled, his eyes widening as he smiled at Donghyuck.
"Never," the younger replied.
Mark brought a hand up to Donghyuck's cheek, pinching it as he leaned close, his breath fanning against the younger's face. "It's been 30 seconds and you're already ready to break?"
"Shut up," Donghyuck finally let out a groan, slapping Mark's hand away from his face and he blinked painfully, the sting from keeping them open for a while was present. "I'm normally better at staring contests."
"Sure," Mark rolled his eyes, throwing the blanket off himself as he got up from the sofa. Donghyuck's hand shot out to grab onto his wrist as a confused expression masked his face.
"Where are you going?" He asked, feeling nervous at the thought of being left alone in a room with the other members. It was strange since Donghyuck trusted the older members and loved them with all his heart, but at that moment he wasn't prepared to meet any of them. "Are you going to sleep?"
"No, just gonna get some water," Mark said as he ruffled Donghyuck's hair, a fond smile on his face. "I'll be right back."
Donghyuck watched as Mark walked over to the kitchen, casually engaging in the conversation they were having. They were all smiling. Donghyuck felt sick. Had they already moved on from his situation? Then again, did they even care about it in the first place? At the start, they had all been persistent to try and amend their issues, but Donghyuck had been reluctant. And now that he was ready, it seemed as if they had given up.
They couldn't have, could they?
"Donghyuck," he heard his voice from behind him and he slowly turned to face Johnny. "Can we talk?"
The older placed a hand on his shoulder, the touch so gentle and so not like Johnny it felt weird. He pulled him towards himself and Donghyuck caught sight of Mark from his peripheral vision. Donghyuck was sure Mark could practically feel the nervousness radiating from him, and he sort of hoped the latter would come and save him. But this is what he wanted, right? He wanted to talk to the members and now was the time.
Ten's voice echoed in his mind. Communication.
"Yeah," Donghyuck smiled, a little uneasy and Johnny noticed it but returned the smile. "Let's talk."
Donghyuck heard the door to the room close and realised that the others had left to give them some privacy. Even Mark had gone, and Donghyuck didn't know why his heartbeat rose knowing that the older wasn't present.
"Mark gave us an idea why you were so upset," Johnny started, taking a seat beside Donghyuck. He shrunk into the corner of the sofa and that action had guilt seep into Donghyuck's heart. "He told us about how we messed up." Seeing Johnny look scared, or worried — Donghyuck couldn't tell what emotions he felt, Johnny was too hard to read — made Donghyuck feel the same. Ever since Donghyuck was a trainee, Johnny had been there for him, as an older brother that he could always trust.
Being the oldest in the family meant that Donghyuck never got babied much by his parents, and he never took mind of that. If anything, Donghyuck enjoyed being the oldest, having the most authority and being allowed to tell his younger siblings off whenever he wanted to. However, when he got set as the maknae of 127, he had never felt more like a child before then.
Johnny was always dotting on him and choosing Donghyuck for every little thing. Sometimes, he would show his love for Donghyuck through playing games with him at odd hours in the night. Other times, he would take the younger out and buy clothes for him. Donghyuck only realised that everyone had different ways of showing affection after they had a falling out. Not everyone likes hugs and kisses.
"He did?" Donghyuck nodded and then glanced over to the door through which Mark passed through. He appreciated the fact that Mark had already given them a fair idea of why he had been upset. But he had to tell them about how it wasn't only their fault. He was equally to blame for what happened.
"Yeah," Johnny sighed and reached over to grab Donghyuck's hands. "And I know saying sorry won't solve anything if I don't even know the full reason for why you're upset. I'm sure the reason you're upset with Mark is different from why you're upset with me and the others, right?"
"Sort of," Donghyuck answered, eyeing the way Johnny caressed his fingers. "You know you don't have to hold my hand if you don't want to."
"I want to," Johnny smiled and tightened his grip on his hand. "Donghyuck, I'm not sure what I did wrong, but for me to fix it I really need you to tell me. I need you to tell me what's on your mind."
"I know, I know," Donghyuck sighed. Mark had already beaten his head about needing to talk about his feelings rather than playing a game of charades with them. "When I told you I wanted you guys to be more open when I showed affection to you, I didn't mean to force yourself to do that. Ever since we had that talk, you would hug me back, but there would be this slight bit of awkwardness between us. It was as if you felt uncomfortable."
"It wasn't that I felt uncomfortable," Johnny hurriedly cleared, his face filled with worry. "It's just I don't express my adoration for someone through hugs, or at least that's not the case when it's with you." When Johnny saw the confusion on Donghyuck's face, he continued. "For example, when I'm with Taeil hyung, I give him hugs and stay close to him, right?" Donghyuck knew that was true because it happened all the time. Taeil would leave his room to get food from the kitchen and Johnny would give him a large hug and snuggle into his side once they sat down. "But do you see me doing the same with Mark?" Donghyuck paused and blinked at him.
"I don't," Johnny said. "And that's because my relationship with Mark is different than what it is with Taeil hyung. We love each other the same way but we're more playful. He hits me on my arm and I do the same to him. I hug him from time to time, but it's different, isn't it?"
That was true, Donghyuck had seen Johnny trap Mark in his arms once because he was in his loving Mark phase. But then there were days when the two would be having a playful fight.
"It's the same for us," Johnny leaned down and brushed Donghyuck's hair back. "We joke around nearly all the time, but there are times when it's different."
"Yeah," Donghyuck finally breathed out.
"I know it doesn't excuse the way I didn't take care of your feelings, but I hope you understand how different our dynamics are. I'll try my best to not reject your affection, but you should remember that it's not the only way we show our love for each other."
Johnny reached for his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. Donghyuck pressed his head against Johnny's chest and sighed. He hadn't thought about that. He hadn't thought about how the members could be showing their love for him in a different way, his mind was too focused on his own method. Donghyuck felt even more guilt wash over him at the realisation that this problem could've gotten solved if he just spoke to them in the first place.
"Donghyuck," Johnny said into his hair. The younger hummed and Johnny continued. "Don't feel guilty."
Donghyuck's eyes welled up but before the tears could fall, Johnny pulled away and cupped his cheeks, a smile on his face as he rubbed the tears away.
"It's over now, right?"
"Mhm, it's over."
Donghyuck watched as Johnny began to make his way towards the door. He let out a sigh and leaned back in his seat. He managed to fix things with Mark and Johnny, he just hoped it was going to be easier to mend ways with the others. Donghyuck didn't get much time to dwell on that thought for long, as the door to the room opened once again and Doyoung entered, a determined look on his face. Donghyuck almost wanted to laugh at how serious Doyoung looked.
"We need to talk as well."
It was going to be a long night.
-
After the few hours that Donghyuck spent with the older members, he came to the conclusion that they had all practised some sort of speech before talking to him because there was no way in hell that they knew some of the words they said. It was hilarious watching them all stutter a couple of times, then pause and continue speaking. It was a little heartwarming to know that they had put a lot of effort into talking to him.
"Finally," Mark scoffed when he saw Donghyuck enter his room at around 3 am. "They should've let you sleep and then finish in the morning."
Donghyuck rolled his eyes at the comment but didn't try fighting the urge to smile. He stared at Mark, who was sat up on his bed with his notebook in his hand. The lights were dimmed out and Donghyuck could barely see where he was going. The bed opposite Donghyuck's was empty, which meant Jaehyun had still not come to bed, and Donghyuck gave a wary look as he climbed his bed.
"You know," he started as he poked Mark's arm. The older boy stopped doodling into his notebook and glanced down at him. "Your eyesight gets worse if you read stuff in the dark."
"Too late for that," Mark smiled, showing off his bright teeth before taking his glasses off. He reached over Donghyuck and placed his stuff on the dressing table. "I already have bad eyesight."
"Why are you in my bed, by the way?" Donghyuck asked when Mark shuffled around with the sheets, trying to get comfortable. Mark ignored the question for the moment and turned to face Donghyuck. Their knees brushed past each other and their noses were only a few inches apart. This was a lot closer to what Donghyuck was used to. Mark never faced him whenever he slept in his bed. "Hey, I asked you a question."
"If you don't want me to be here so badly, I'll leave," Mark huffed and made a move to get up, but then Donghyuck threw his arm over him and pushed him back onto the bed.
"Stop being dramatic," Donghyuck mumbled, getting comfortable with the way Mark gently caressed his back. It was strange, their level of proximity. It made Donghyuck feel the strange twist in his stomach again, but this time a smile came to his face. "You think everything's going to go back to normal."
Mark stayed silent for a while, quietly observing the way Donghyuck looked at him. The lack of response scared Donghyuck, but then Mark placed his hand on his cheek and chuckled lightly.
"Hyuck, it won't go back to normal," Donghyuck opened his mouth to tell Mark to get out because what kind of comforting answer was that? However, Mark was quick to beat him. "It won't go back to normal because it'll be better than before. The problems you had when things were considered normal wouldn't be there anymore. Okay?"
Donghyuck felt his cheeks heat up and he nodded slowly. A long silence stretched between them and Donghyuck felt more aware of the hand on face and the fond look Mark was giving him. The only sound they could hear was of each other's breathing and the quiet chatter of the members in the living room. Donghyuck averted his eyes to his hands and cursed internally. Why was he so affected by the way Mark was staring at him? He had given Donghyuck the same look in the past and it never caused him to feel this way before.
"Hey," Mark said softly, and Donghyuck tilted his head up to look at him. There it was again, Donghyuck thought, the warm smile on Mark's face. "Are you okay?"
The question was so simple, but Donghyuck couldn't find himself to answer it. Instead, his eyes travelled down and onto Mark's lips. They weren't as smooth as Donghyuck had thought they were, and from this distance, Donghyuck could see all the places Mark had chewed off. He really needed to tell Mark to start taking care of his lips.
"You're distracted," Mark said, causing Donghyuck to snap his head up to look at him. He thought the older might've been a little annoyed, but instead he had the same grin on his face from earlier. He was looking at Donghyuck as if he was special. "What's got you so distracted?"
"You?" Donghyuck suggested, his eyes dropping to Mark's lips once again before meeting his eyes.
"Me?" Mark sounded smug, and Donghyuck could see the glint in his eyes. "How so?"
Mark definitely knew what he was doing when he leaned closer to Donghyuck, the tip of their noses were touching and Donghyuck was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.
"You know exactly why," Donghyuck answered, feeling embarrassed, but he wasn't going to let Mark know.
"I do?" Mark's breath fanned Donghyuck's cheeks and his eyes were still wide open. The temperature had suddenly gone higher and Donghyuck could hear his heartbeat in his ears. "Wh-"
Before Mark could finish his sentence, and perhaps finish whatever he was suggesting, the door to Donghyuck's room opened and Jaehyun burst in. Mark jerked himself back and hit his head on the dressing table as the other two in the room watched him with concern.
"Are you okay?" Donghyuck asked, hoping the disappointment wasn't heard in his voice. Mark looked up at him and nodded enthusiastically before nodding at Jaehyun and rushed out of the room. Jaehyun stood by the door for a moment before turning to Donghyuck, who opened his mouth to explain.
Jaehyun put his hand up with a knowing look. "No need."
Donghyuck hid his red face under his blanket.