REAGAN WAS IN a desperate rush as she punched in her time ticket at the Wilson's employee clock out station. She muttered under her breath as she forced the ticket back out and into her hands, practically bouncing up and down with impatience.
"Come on, come on!" she seethed, tugging the paper out of the machine.
Tommy had ventured back inside from the garage, his own time ticket in hand and a curious expression on his face. He watched Reagan whip around and snatch her bag, bolting for the front door. Her hair was falling loose out of her braid, giving her an even more maddened appearance.
"Got some big trick-or-treating plans there, Reags?" Tommy asked conversationally.
"It's for RaeLynn and Kody," she explained, cursing as she dropped her work vest from its draped place over her arm. "Kate and I take them trick-or-treating every year as a favor to our parents, but Kate's got a party to go to and now they're waiting for me."
Tommy glanced out the window. The sun hung low in the sky on that Halloween evening, but it was hardly prime trick-or-treating hours yet. Most kids around town typically spilled into the streets, candy bags in hand once it was dark outside.
Reading his mind, Reagan hitched her bag higher up on her shoulder and balled up her work vest in her hand.
"It's the twins, Tommy. They've got a bedtime, remember? We always do things earlier around my house."
"Right. I forgot. Well, have fun."
She nodded a thank-you in his direction before speed-walking out to her car. Of all the occasions that she was willing to miss with her family, this particular Halloween was not one of them. The twins were finally old enough to comprehend what trick-or-treating was, and better yet, they had picked their own costumes.
Reagan pulled recklessly up to her driveway and hustled out of her car to the front door, completely out of breath as she jangled her keys in her hand. When she pushed her way inside of the house, she was relieved to see her siblings standing in the hallway awaiting her arrival.
"Oh, thank God," Kate sighed. "I thought you weren't coming. They're already pitching fits."
Reagan looked her sister up and down, observing her choice of costume. It was a little more risqué than the clothing that she was used to seeing Kate in, but if the outfit had made it past Richard and Kimberly, then there was really nothing to be said. And besides, Reagan held the opinion that Kate needed to let loose anyways.
"What are you supposed to be? A fortune teller?" Reagan asked, setting her things down.
"A pirate," Kate glared. "Isn't it obvious?" She adjusted her off the shoulder top, a white tunic with long sleeves, before messing with the red bandana tied around her head.
"Wait, are you actually wearing heeled boots? Are you sure you aren't going stripping?" Reagan said mockingly, gasping at Kate's footwear.
Kate smacked Reagan on the backside of her head, a bold move considering Reagan's strength over her sister — Kate was quite petite. Before she could twist Kate's arm into an old-fashioned Indian burn, RaeLynn squealed at their feet.
"Oh my goodness, look at you!" Reagan grinned, squatting down beside the twins. RaeLynn donned a bumblebee outfit complete with sparkly wings, and Kody was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Reagan giggled at her little brother, peering through his mask.
"RaeLynn won't keep the wings on, so watch out. She says they're itchy," Kate advised.
"Itchy!" RaeLynn parroted. She reached for her bumblebee wings, but Reagan swatted her hand away.
"No m'am. You're wearing those wings."
"Are you guys leaving now?" came Robbie's voice as he arrived down the stairs.
He was decked out in an Indiana Jones ensemble, even carrying a leather whip in his hand. Reagan couldn't help but to a smile. It would most likely be Robbie's last childhood Halloween, and she was pleased to see him dressed up and in the spirit of the holiday.
"Yeah. Are you ready to go?" she inquired, standing upright.
Robbie made a face. "With you and the twins? No way. I'm going to go meet up with some friends."
Reagan frowned and immediately guessed that she'd spoken too soon about it being Robbie's last Halloween as a little kid. He'd always gone trick-or-treating with the family. It was odd to hear him claim to be doing otherwise.
"Robbie, you can't roam the neighborhood alone. Mom and Dad would kill me."
"I don't want to go with you guys!" Robbie whined.
"I wouldn't want to either, Rob. I mean, look at Reagan. She's going dressed as a Wilson's girl," Kate said.
Reagan made a move to elbow her sister in the ribs, but Kate dodged the jab and snickered, pleased with her own joke.
"Are we not cool enough for you?" Reagan demanded. She'd always had a tender soft spot for Robbie and though she would have never said so aloud so as not to embarrass him, but his refusal to trick-or-treat with her and the twins had hurt her feelings.
"I'm not a baby anymore Reagan," Robbie replied defiantly.
Reagan began to argue that Robbie indeed was still young enough for adult supervision, but Richard and Kimberly entered the hallway. Kimberly clapped her hands together excitedly.
"You all look adorable! I love it! Oh, Richard, get the camera will you? Kids, get in the living room!"
"Mom!" Kate cried. "I'm going to be late for my party! Amanda wants me there early so I can help her decide on a costume! She's going to be here to pick me up any minute!"
"Pictures first," Kimberly asserted firmly. "Everyone in the living room now."
Reagan smirked at Kate, finally having seen her sister get some payback for her sly comments. Kate stuck her tongue out and crossed her arms.
As everyone proceeded into the living room where Richard awaited with the family camera, Reagan took a seat on the couch. She figured that with no costume on, she'd be able to sit the photo session out. Robbie spluttered angrily as he watched her sink down onto the seat cushion.
"How come she doesn't have to take pictures?" he shouted, pointing a finger Reagan's way.
"She's not dressed up," Richard said.
"She looks dressed up to me. She's wearing the same scary mask that she wears year round as far as I—,"
Reagan snatched up one of the couch pillows and hurled at her brother, smiling triumphantly as it hit him in the face and knocked off his Indiana Jones hat. One thing would always be for certain, and that was that she had the final word when it came to her younger siblings.
"Stop," Kimberly warned, shooting daggers over her shoulder towards her eldest. Reagan's jaw dropped at her mother's accusation.
"He started it!"
"You are twenty-one years old Reagan. He is twelve."
"Shut up so we can take these pictures and I can leave!" Kate barked.
Richard and Kimberly listened to Kate's command and fixated their attention on picture-taking. Reagan watched appreciatively, approving of her mother's behavior besides the reprimand that she'd given. Kimberly cooed and squealed while Richard snapped away, looking happier and more pleasant than she'd been in awhile.
Reagan had hoped that Kimberly would be agreeable that night. She assumed that her wish would come true since Richard and Kimberly had splurged a little extra on their kids's costumes that year. With money being as tight as it was and Richard still remaining jobless, Reagan was surprised to see her brothers and sisters wearing the kind of store bought costumes that the Abner family had struggled to afford in the past.
It didn't really matter, she supposed. Everyone was happy and that was what meant the most to her. Reagan guessed that her extra shifts at Wilson's had been a contributing factor to the Halloween celebration. She could accept that knowing it made her siblings happy.
"Okay, I think we got enough," Richard announced, lowering the camera away from his face.
"Thank you," Kate said severely, setting down Kody. Robbie did the same with RaeLynn, though she was more keen to get out of his arms and scrambled down to the floor before taking off running.
"Reagan, you've got the little ones?" Richard asked.
"Yep. Around the block and back. I bet they won't even last six or seven houses in," Reagan said.
"Well, what about Robbie? He may want to trick-or-treat for a bit longer than that," Kimberly pointed out.
"I'm not going with them! I want to find my friends!" Robbie argued.
"You can find your friends only when they decide to show up at our doorstep first," Kimberly snapped. "You're not walking around by yourself."
Reagan stared at Robbie with an 'I-told-you-so' look on her face, but regretted it when she glimpses into his forlorn eyes. He was disappointed.
"If we find your friends, you can go off with them. Just meet me back here by eight," she whispered to her brother as they got ready to leave.
He gave her a small smile which she returned. That was the kind of thing that she was there for, after all. Reagan knew her place within her familial unit. She was the person who always made everything better.
And that's what she would do for Robbie.
________
More people were emptying out of their houses and onto the sidewalks as Reagan and her troupe reached the end of their street. She held RaeLynn's hand while Robbie manned Kody, the four of them lumbering along as daylight faded and the crisp
coldness of nighttime entered the air.
RaeLynn and Kody swung their candy baskets and bubbled with happiness, their sugar stash already starting to brim high. Robbie was using a pillow case, but even he had a decently sized amount of sweets to his name. Reagan could tell by the hulking mass swinging along at the bottom of his pillow case.
"The neighbors got way better candy this year," Robbie said, tearing open a pack of Skittles and stuffing a handful of the candies into his mouth.
He was in a much better mood knowing that Reagan had struck a bargain with him. If he helped with RaeLynn and Kody until they got tired, she'd wait up for him while he spent the rest of the evening with his school friends.
"You consider Skittles to be a better candy than chocolate?" Reagan asked.
"Oh yeah. These things are the best. Especially the red and purple ones."
"That's funny," Reagan mused. "I know a girl who only eats green ones. Weird, right?"
"Weird," Robbie agreed, continuing to jostle his Skittle bag around while searching for his desired color choices.
They continued to walk in silence, the only sound in the air being that of their footsteps and the shouts of excited kids yelling "trick-or-treat" at front doors. Reagan held tight to RaeLynn's hand, waiting for the moment when her little sister would beg her to carry her the rest of the way.
"You should have worn a costume," Robbie said.
Reagan looked down at her clothes, blinking as she took in her blue jeans and v-neck black shirt. It was nothing out of the ordinary.
"Why?" she asked, wondering what Robbie could have possibly found wrong with her outfit.
"I dunno'. It's Halloween. Everyone dresses up for Halloween."
"I'm not exactly a kid anymore, Robbie."
"Oh. I forgot."
He sounded honestly confused by the reminder that Reagan was an adult and not the same thirteen year old girl who'd ran around with him on the playground in their childhood. Reagan wondered if it was hard for Robbie to see his older sisters grow up. She had no idea how to tell him that it was not as fun as it sounded when you were in middle school, vying for freedom.
She nudged his arm and smiled. "What? Do I still look like a sixth-grader or something?"
"No," Robbie said. "I just forget that you're more like Mom and Dad than you are like me now. You're like . . . a real grown-up."
There was a touch of melancholy in Robbie's voice and it made Reagan's heart ache. The thing she dreaded most in the world was an invisible barrier being erected between her and her younger siblings. She didn't like that Robbie associated her more with their parents than with his own self.
"That's not true. I may be older, but I'll always be your big sister. I won't ever boss you around or act like your parent," she told him gently.
Robbie thought about this for a moment, popping another Skittle in his mouth as they strolled down the sidewalk.
"So . . . you won't tell me what to do?"
Reagan laughed. "I might have to, sometimes. But that's only because I love you."
"Now you really sound like Mom and Dad."
They made it on to the corner of the next street over before both RaeLynn and Kody were begging to be picked up. Robbie managed Kody in his arms while Reagan scooped up RaeLynn, juggling her bucket of candy. It was finally dark out, the sun having turned in for the night. The only source of light came from the houses that lined the streets.
"Reagan?" Robbie asked quietly as they turned around, heading back home with the two sleepy twins.
"Yeah?"
"Are you going to leave us?"
Reagan almost stopped walking, taken aback by Robbie's question. She had heard her brother say plenty of strange things, but that question had to have been the strangest yet. It didn't make sense when she repeated it in her head.
"Leave you? Why would I leave you?" she said, moving RaeLynn around in her arms so that the little girl's head laid on her shoulder.
"Well . . . you're going to get older, right? And when you get older, you leave home. And you find a new home. And you get married."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Married? I think you're getting ahead of yourself, Rob. I'm twenty-one, not thirty-one."
"But you have a boyfriend."
This time, Reagan did stop walking, nearly tumbling over into the grass with RaeLynn. She tried not to gasp, blinking several times as she looked over RaeLynn's head at Robbie in disbelief.
"Where did you hear that I have a boyfriend?"
Even in the darkness, Reagan saw Robbie's face go red. He looked guilty of something as he fingered the hem of his pillowcase, glancing down at his tennis shoes.
"I kind of heard you and Kate talking about it one day. And I've seen you on the phone. Plus, you're not home a lot now."
I'm not home a lot? Reagan thought. She had never contemplated that before.
"Robbie, I don't have a boyfriend," she said. She could barely believe that she was reassuring her little brother of this, but it felt necessary. For the first time in almost two hours, Dave popped into her head again.
He, Kurt and Krist had wrapped their tour in Britain on the twenty-ninth and were coming home shortly. Reagan had corresponded with Dave over the phone once, in which he'd told her about the gift he'd gotten her and said he couldn't wait to see her again.
Just the memory of their conversation made her stomach knot. The last time she'd seen Dave, he had almost told her something very important. If he still meant what he seemingly felt, then he would be telling her that important thing when he returned. She couldn't even blame him. She was the one who told him to wait.
"It's okay if you do," Robbie said. "I know you've never had a boyfriend before so I get that it's important to you."
"Uhm . . . thanks, I guess."
"If you want to marry him someday and leave, I get that too."
"Robbie." Reagan wheeled her gaze onto her brother and forced them to stop on the sidewalk. Even while holding RaeLynn, she stooped to Robbie's level so she could look him square in the eye. "Even if I did . . . er, have a boyfriend, that doesn't mean I'm about to get married and run off. Why are you so worried about this?"
Robbie swallowed and bit his lip. He looked so young, wearing his Indiana Jones costume and carrying a slumped Kody in his arms. He was growing up too fast.
"Because our house wouldn't be the same without you," he whispered. "I wouldn't want to live there if you didn't live there. We need you, Reagan."
Reagan felt like her lungs had been sucked inside out as Robbie confessed what he was feeling. She already knew that she was needed in her household, but to hear it from her younger brother made the meaning different.
With one free arm, she pulled Robbie into a wordless hug, holding him tight as kids milled all around them swinging their candy baskets.
Although she was touched by his sentiment, she couldn't deny that a pain was stirring in her chest over what Robbie had said. It was the pain of guilt. It was guilt over knowing that no matter how badly her family wanted her tethered to them, she was desperate to break free.
They may have not wanted to let her go, but yet, she was dying to escape.