Author Notes:
If you had read this work previously, do bear in mind that I have switched the POV to Garrus'. I will be continuing in this fashion from now on.
Disclaimer: Believe it or not, I do not actually own Mass Effect, so yeah...don't sue me please.
-------------------------
Chapter Premise:
Commander Caleb Shepard presents evidence in the Citadel Council Chambers to a reluctant Council of Saren Arterius' defection, in light of Nihlus Kryik's murder. It's clear that to sway them, Shepard must employ his renowned intelligence and diplomacy, certainly no problem for the man often considered humanity's finest Spectre candidate.
-------------------------
"DIE, YA UGLY BASTARD!"
Commander Caleb Shepard yelled these words as eight hastily-fired rounds from his Elkoss pistol hit squarely in the face of a smug Saren Arterius...and sailed right through, ricocheting off the wall behind him. Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko gingerly spoke up from behind him.
"Commander, I believe that's a video projection of Saren, not his actual body."
"I...know, Lieutenant. Don't give me technicalities."
"I know. It's just that you tend to forget that, so I wanted to make sure you--"
"Kaiden. Just...go and wait in the cab."
"But Commander, I--"
"Now."
The disheartened Alenko looked first to the visibly annoyed Citadel Councilmembers, then to the red hologram projection of the disgruntled Saren Arterius to his left, and then to the apathetic Chief Ashley Williams to his right for support. Finding none, he quietly shuffled off down the Citadel's Council Chamber steps, where he eventually found a Citadel Rapid Transit-owned X3M shuttle to flag down.
Alenko left the scene of a trial more momentous than those in attendance even realized. The rafters were packed with spectators of nearly every advanced Council Space race, consisting mostly of the wealthy and Citadel politicians. They witnessed the scene where our story starts, where Commander Caleb Shepard was to prove to the Council standing before him of the treacherous Saren Arterius' sacrilege of his own Spectre title, following the death of fellow Spectre Nihlus Kryik at his hands back on Eden Prime, the site of a controversial geth appearance. Surely, the task was child's play for the man slated to become humanity's Spectre, a title bestowed only on those possessing prowess and intelligence of the highest echelon.
The momentous trial in question resumed when the agitated Asari Councillor cleared her throat before addressing the Commander.
"Mr. Shepard--"
"Commander."
"Commander, must I warn you again of the Council Chamber's policies on the unwarranted use of firearms?"
"Don't listen to 'em, Skipper," chimed in Chief Williams. "It's just another one of the aliens' ploys to take away our guns"
"I don't think that's what this is about," mentioned the worried Salarian Councilor.
"1776 WILL COMMENCE AGAIN IF YOU TRY TO TAKE OUR FIREARMS."
"Spirits, damn that Ajex Lones," the Turian Councilor muttered to himself.
The ever-patient asari sighed and began again.
"Mr. Shepard--"
"Commander."
"Commander, let me assure you that I am not simply trying to restrict your freedoms--"
"SECOND AMENDMENT BITCHES. READ IT," Williams yelled in a low and husky voice.
"Damn it, that's for America!" said the turian.
"--and THIS is about the man who is currently bleeding out due to your ricocheted shots, Commander," the asari snapped.
Shepard and Williams took a moment to scan the vicinity, finding a young salarian janitor in the far corner of the Chambers, softly sobbing as he attempted to vainly mop up the fresh blood still leaking out of the bullet-fragment wounds he took to the chest. Shepard turned back to the Council, slowly nodding and biting his lower lip.
"Well...custodial work can be surprisingly dangerous. He should have known the risks when he took this job--"
"HE'S A DAMNED JAN..." The turian paused to collect himself before turning to the asari. "Can we just proceed, please?"
"Gladly...Commander Shepard, we have reviewed the evidence you submitted against Saren Arterius, and we find no reason to simply trust the testimony of one terrified, human dockworker," The asari paused before continuing. "Considering he was forced into testifying."
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Shepard said after a moment of thought.
The stern-looking Asari Councillor then pulled up images from her omni-tool and directed Shepard and Williams to a screen where they were projected. They were still-frame images from a video recording on the dockworker's omni-tool, many of them depicting the graphic and brutal methods Shepard employed in forcing the terrified dockworker into testifying.
"Oh, c'mon," Shepard cried, shrugging his shoulders. "This could've easily have been falsified."
The Asari Councillor clicked to the next slide.
"You know how good technology can be--"
*CLICK*
"That could be anyone's N7 armor--"
*CLICK*
"--and anyone in it--"
*CLICK*
"--who looks exactly like me--"
*CLICK*
"He works on a dock, so he probably just slipped--"
*CLICK*
"--on a fishing pole--"
*CLICK*
"--that landed is his eye--"
*CLICK*
"--and neck--"
*CLICK*
"Wait, am I thinking about the right kind of dock?"
"Mr. Shepard--" the asari interjected.
"Commander."
"Com..." The Councilor paused to rub her temples. "A blind vorcha could see that's clearly you."
"I would like an official inquiry."
"WE ARE THE OFFICIAL INQUIRY," piped up the turian.
"And you're just going to take the testimony of one terrified, human dockworker?!"
"GODDAMMIT, WE JUST SAID TH--"
"ENOUGH!" The asari declared, slapping her palms on her podium. "Commander, the Council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the geth. Your petition to have him disbarred from the Spectres is denied."
The smug Saren Arterius chuckled as he looked down upon the Commander from his hologram projection.
"Glad to see justice was served."
"DIE..." the infuriated Shepard shouted, unholstering his Elkoss. "AGAIN."
The Commander fired six more rounds at the screen, only to have them ricochet off once again. The soft, helpless yelp of a young salarian could be heard in the background, followed by a dull, lifeless thud. A small cheer erupted from the crowd up in the rafters as Williams sighed before addressing the Commander.
"Commander--"
"Dammit, Williams. Gets me every time."
"But he's, like, red and glowing."
"I mean...what if actually he is?"
"And about fifty feet tall."
"Turians tend to be on the taller side--"
"Councilmembers--," began Captain David Anderson.
"Wait, you're still here?" the startled Shepard uttered.
"--there's still one outstanding issue. Commander Shepard's vision. It may have been triggered by the beacon."
"Oh... yes," The Turian Councillor sighed. "How could we have forgotten about the Commander's dream?"
"Here we go," Shepard voiced eagerly, rubbing his palms together. "Now we're gettin' somewhere."
"Yes, his...vivid recollection of his homosexual turian threesome was...striking. His description of the late Nihlus Kryik's private parts was particularly...enthralling."
An ominously long pause commenced. Williams appeared disgusted and ready to vomit. The Asari Councillor appeared warm and began fanning herself. Anderson held his forehead with his hand and glared over at an embarrassed Shepard.
"Captain, the only instructions you gave me were 'tell the council about the dream you had that night.'"
"DAMMIT, SHEPARD. I SAID VISION. VISION--"
"I...may have missed that part--"
"Commander," the Asari Councilor hesitantly cut in. "How long was that dream, by the way?"
"Well, I was in a coma, so--"
"So," continued the asari, suddenly in a more hopeful-sounding voice. "You're saying there was more?"
"ENOUGH!" bellowed Ambassador Donnel Udina, again startling Shepard.
"Wait, you're here too?"
"C'mon, let's go. They've already made up their minds."
"You can't do this!" yelled Williams to the Turian Councillor. "Just because we're humans--"
"Oh, put it back in the deck!"
Arterius laughed at this remark, again enraging the Commander. Before he could draw his gun, Anderson restrained Shepard. Williams, who was busy flipping off Arterius, was restrained by Udina, and the two were slowly dragged out of the Council Chambers amidst the boos from the previously entertained audience in the rafters.
-------------------------
Shepard and Williams stood with their arms crossed across their chests, staring at the pacing Ambassador Udina. Captain Anderson also stood on the balcony, looking over the passing hovercars and shuttles that darted across the Presidium's common area. It's an area of intense beauty, dotted with trees, parks, fountains, and individuals of nearly every advanced species known to Council Space. Udina, however, appeared too distracted to admire the beauty of such a view at that moment. He took a deep breath before turning to face Commander Shepard.
"Everything. Everything you said...made it worse. You couldn't have SCRIPTED that...to make it go worse. I was going to stop you sooner, but I was too busy imagining you without skin."
"I hardly see how this is the time to be imagining me naked!"
"Not what I meant, you imbecile."
"And you have the audacity to say this to the man who saved the prothean beacon," Chief Williams pointed out.
"He destroyed the prothean beacon."
"SAME DAMNED THING."
"Well, it just sort of isn't--"
"Besides," Shepard butted in, pointing his thumb to the Chief. "I did it to save Clumsy McWilliams over here."
"Sorry, Commander...it...looked like one of those Prothean phallic symbols you see on the history vids."
"God, they were that skinny?" asked the astonished Commander.
"I KNOW, RIGHT?"
"And we wonder why they died out."
"And here I am, wondering why we haven't died out," Udina muttered under his breath.
"WE ARE NOT GOING TO SAVE THIS GALAXY FROM A BALCONY," declared the fired-up Captain Anderson, finally turning around to address the group. "We need to get to work, go over the plan once again."
Shepard cocked his head accusingly to the Ambassador.
"Yeah, focus...UDINA."
"You orphaned, Earth-born sack of--"
"PLANS. Plans, people" interupted the Captain. "We need to find that turian you ran into earlier, the one who said he may have something on Saren."
The Captain was of course referring to a certain turian C-Sec Agent...me.
See, I had previously ran into Commander Shepard before on his way to speak to the Council, but our conversation was cut short (or rather, ceased to begin) when he shoved past me, thinking I was going to write him a ticket for parking the Normandy in the handi-capped wing of the docks. I still had the chance of running into Captain Anderson, whom I had told I would be heading for a medical clinic, following my rather promising leads on my own investigation into Saren. If the crew were to have any chance at stopping the rogue Spectre, then they needed to find me.
"Great... the mall-cop," Shepard muttered to Anderson.
"C-SEC AGENT, Commander. Once again, a C-Sec Agent...I say you two split up and cover more ground that way."
"Nuh, uhh," Williams asserted, shaking her head to the Captain. "I ain't leaving Shepard's side. If I gotta get diseases from these filthy aliens, he's getting them too."
"Relax Chief, most of their diseases don't transfer over to humans. Besides, most of them vaccinate anyways--"
"OHH, GREAT. THEY VACCINATE TOO??"
"Dammit, he said the V-word," Shepard muttered to himself before Williams continued.
"Anderson, did you know that vaccines are responsible for 97% of Kepral's Syndrome cases in drell? An independent, salarian study showed that from 2169 to 2179, a total of 37,821 drell babies who were administered with--"
"Remind me to have Joker block Ajex Lones from the Normany's streaming service when we get back," Shepard said aloud.
"Don't listen to the globalists, Commander! THERE'S A WAR ON FOR YOUR MIND!"
"Both of you!" Captain Anderson snapped, stomping his foot on the ground. "DISMISSED."
With that, Shepard and Williams reluctantly saluted and turned around to exit the balcony area, on their way to find me. Anderson spun around to look over the balcony's edge once again. Udina soon turned as well and walked to meet with the Captain. Placing his hands on the balcony's railing, he looked over to Anderson, with an ominous look of worry painted on his face.
"Is that the kind of person we want protecting the galaxy?"
Anderson turned his head to face the Ambassador in a dramatic fashion.
"That's the only kind of person who can protect the galaxy."
"Umm...excuse me?"
"'Have,' sorry. That's the only person we HAVE to protect the galaxy. Yeah, our recruitment pool's been pretty small since we switched the pensions to 401k's."
Udina sighed as he shook his head.
"But still. I have faith in Shepard," continued the Captain. "He's a good kid with a good heart. His methods can be...unorthodox, let's say. But out of he we got, he's the one. I've seen his work, first-hand. He can get things done."
"Alright, if you say so. See if you can learn anything more about Saren's connection with the geth, I've gotta make a call."
Anderson nodded as he departed, leaving the Ambassador alone on the balcony. Udina glanced over his shoulder as the door closed before using his omni-tool to make a call. It rang a few times before he got through to a man with a gravelly, fiendish-sounding voice.
"Are you alone?" began the ominous man via omni-tool.
"Not to worry. They're gone."
"Good. And you had me concerned in there, Ambassador. At first, I thought Shepard's antics had gone a little too far."
"Hey, have a little faith in me. Despite everything, Anderson is still on board to make him Spectre, but the Council is not yet convinced. It's exactly what you wanted, isn't it? The Commander's now searching for scraps, looking for some turian C-Sec Agent I believe."
"...a mall-cop?"
"A C-SEC AGENT...nevermind...doesn't matter. Probably just chasing after a red-herring anyway. Already sounds desperate to me, so I wouldn't have too much to worry about if I were you."
"Good, good. Keep up the good work, Ambassador. I knew I was right to pick you. Just keep me informed of any updates."
"Thank you...m'lord."
-------------------------
"Goddammit, hurry up."
"No."
Commander Caleb Shepard waited impatiently for Chief Ashley Williams to put her hand sanitizer in her pack. The hustle and bustle of the alien-dominated Citadel lower markets tended to make her nervous. Shops manned by every species dotted the walls, pawning their goods. A visibly upset human man could be heard complaining about a refused refund to a turian shopkeeper in the background. Williams ran to catch up to Shepard before speaking.
"Well, Skipper. Don't come crying to me when you get syphilis."
"YOU CAN'T GET...shut up. Besides, gotta admit, we've made pretty good time around here. We've learned a remarkable amount of information about Citadel history and Council Space race-relations mostly from complete strangers, scanned twenty-one keepers around the Citadel and mended the friendship between the two people who asked us to do it, told that turian general to screw off and stop slandering the asari consort, gave an autograph to a total creep, agreed to be an informant for a journalist, told a C-Sec handler to stop using a teenager to bust a mods-running ring that I then had to bust, agreed to murder two crime bosses for another crime boss, told some zealot hanar to fuck off, and stopped the Presidium from blowing to kindom-come due to a suicidal AI-program. Amazing what you can get done in a few hours around here."
"And most of that time was spent with the asari consort afterwards."
"Hey...Sha'ira offers all sorts of satisfaction for every kind of customer. That does not mean we--"
"Had sex? Of course you didn't, Skipper. Especially considering, ya know, your little 'problem'?"
"I'm going to pretend I have no idea what you're talking about, Chief."
Williams chuckled as an aggravated Shepard placed his hand on her shoulder, signalling for her to stop walking. He motioned toward the sign above them to the left. It was a neon Medic Cross above a doorway, below it reading "Chloe Michel, M.D."
"Wait, this is the place, right?" asked Williams.
"Yeah...where that mall-cop was heading. What's his name again, in case he's still here?"
"Gar-Us Vack-Are-..." Williams struggled to pronounce my name as she squinted at her omni-tool. "Goddammit, why can't these illiterate aliens just learn english already?"
"BECAUSE THEY...nevermind, we'll learn it from him anyway. Just be ready when we enter the door, you never know if we're walking straight into a hostage situation or something."
Williams nodded her head and placed her hand on her assault rifle. Shepard did the same with his Elkoss pistol as he gingerly entered the clinic. Inside, about four armed men harassed a visibly scared woman. They turned to face Shepard and Williams, guns drawn, before the Commander gave a weak chuckle.
"Heh. Lucky guess--"
"Hey!" barked one of the assailants. "This doesn't involve you, jagoff--"
"Nobody panic, okay?" The Commander began, clearly panicked. "I'm just looking for a doctor and we'll be out of your hair. My wife here is, like, extra pregnant, and we're looking to buy some...umm...ultrasounds and...tampons, and stuff."
"Really Skipper?" Williams quietly muttered, looking over to the Commander. "Like they're going to believe I'm pregnant?"
"No...well, actually..."
"WHAT THE FU--"
A well-placed shot from my sniper rifle cut off the Chief's exclamation as it sunk squarely in the middle of the forehead of the distracted gunman standing inches beside the terrified woman. Shepard and Williams quickly sprung into action, taking out the remaining gunmen with ease. Shepard holstered his Elkoss after he saw me stand up from my cover, my smoking sniper rifle resting on my shoulder.
"So...doing more than just writing parking tickets I see," were the first words the Commander ever spoke to me. "Good shot."
"Heh, giving out parking tickets gets more violent than you would imagine," I replied. "Nice distraction, by the way. Quite...elaborate."
"Yep...all planned out. That's what that was."
"Either way, good to see you again...for longer this time. Garrus Vakarian, C-Sec."
"So THAT'S how you say it," uttered Williams aloud.
"Ignore her. Commander Caleb Shepard, Alliance Military."
"DON'T SHAKE HANDS WITH HIM!" yelled the Chief to Shepard with desperation in her voice as the Commander stuck his hand out towards me.
"I'm sorry?" I asked, a bit confused.
"Ohh, for Christ's sake, Chief."
Shepard took the hand sanitizer offered to him from Williams and violently threw it across the room. Williams, annoyed, ran over to retrieve it. Shepard then turned back to me.
"So where's this doctor we've heard so much about?"
"Uhh...I believe that's her."
Shepard followed my pointed finger to find the petrified woman standing right next to him. The side of her face, hair, shoulders, and chest were caked with the blood and brains of the man I shot right beside her. Her right eye was also glued shut from the blood streaming down her forehead. She was clearly traumatized, shaking and whimpering, doing everything in her power to stop herself from sliding over the edge into a complete emotional breakdown.
"Ohh...YOU'RE THE DOCTOR!" realized Shepard. "Jeez, for a med-clinic, you sure keep this place a mess, hah!"
Dr. Chloe Michel shook a little, letting out a small gasp in panic.
"Umm...here, let me help you out a little. Okay, let's see here."
At that moment, Shepard tried to wipe the blood and brain from the face of the frozen doctor. But if I'm being honest...he wasn't much help.
The blood simply smeared to the other side of her face, and when Shepard proceeded to comb through her matted hair with his fingers, a chunk of brain he attempted to remove simply rolled down Michel's face, landing on her quivering lower lip.
"Gosh for a doctor, you'd think you'd be just a LITTLE more comfortable with the sight of blood. Where'd you get your med degree, Barbados? Hah!"
Michel began to softly weep.
"Jeez, tough crowd. Garrus, you wanna handle this one?"
"Umm, yeah," I responded, rather eagerly. "Dr. Michel, could you please tell us what that was about? Why were these men trying to hurt you?"
Dr. Michel attempted to speak, but was interrupted by small bouts of uncontrollable sobbing.
"Damned foreigners," muttered Williams, mourning at her empty hand-sanitizer bottle.
"Here, let me," Shepard offered, proceeding in a slow, loud, and enunciated voice. "HEY THERE FRENCHIE, HABLA USTED INGLES?"
"Shepard, I got this," I insisted, placing my hand on the Commander's shoulder before turning to the Doctor. "Dr. Michel, we are here to help you. Can you please tell us what those men wanted? You can trust u...me."
Slowly, with my charismatic and gentle touch and Shepard's...assistance, Dr. Michel relayed the events of the past moments. The men who assaulted her, working for a man named Fist, wished for her to keep quiet about a certain quarian who came to her and may have had information on the geth, information that Saren would certainly want. Furthermore, Fist defected from his work with the Shadow Broker to side with Saren, a stunning slight against the Shadow Broker that most would not dare.
"That's all we need," Shepard declared. "C'mon, let's talk outside this bloody hovel she calls a 'Med-Clinic.'"
Shepard, Williams, and I turned to leave the clinic. On the way out, Shepard nearly tripped over the leg of a dead gunman.
"And you can't just leave this lying around! It's a goddamned tripping hazard."
Outside, we quietly huddled-up to discuss our plan.
"Commander," started Williams. "Remember what Udina said about you making everything worse with what you say?"
"Yeah, nevermind that. Garrus," he said, turning to me. "Sounds like we gotta go after this quarian."
"Agreed. This your show, Shepard," I responded. "But I want to bring Saren down as much as you do. I'm coming with you!"
I could tell that Shepard had to think about this for a moment. Yes, he knew he could use all the help he could get in defeating Saren, a task certainly to be monumental in scale. Plus, from that brief foray in the clinic, Shepard realized that I had one of the best shots with a sniper rifle in close range that he had ever seen. But...
"Fat chance," declared Shepard and Williams, simultaneously.
"What?" I uttered.
"I DON'T WANT SYPHILIS."
"But--"
"Again, ignore her," the Commander interjected, silencing Williams.
"I don't even know her name--"
"Sorry, but I ain't carting around a mall-cop all day," Shepard continued.
He just had to say it, didn't he?
"I am a Citadel Security Agent," I responded with bated breath, more than a little peeved. "More commonly known as a C-Sec Agent."
"Yes, the utmost authority in halting shoplifting on the Citadel!" he responded in dramatic fashion.
"I mean, we do that, but--"
"Showing valiance and bravery in their efforts to escort drunk asari out of Flux!"
"That's only happened like...four times...or five--"
"Stopping at nothing to prevent me from parking in the Citadel handi-capped spots close to my gate!"
"Well...wait, that was you?"
"Sorry, not gonna happen," Shepard said, shaking his head.
"And, besides," chimed in Williams. "Why do you even want to go after Saren? He's a turian."
"He's...a traitor to the Council...and a DISGRACE to my people!" I stated passionately before clearing my throat, proceeding in a more reserved fashion. "And he swiped the last Cipritine Raiders ticket right out from under me back in the '79 semi-finals."
Shepard looked on, aghast.
"How the Hell did he do that?"
"Invoked Spectre authority at the ticket counter."
"Bastard."
"I KNOW, RIGHT?"
"Aight, welcome aboard," he said, finally conceding.
"UGH," grunted the Chief.
"I'm sorry, who are you?"
"Again--"
"Ignore her, got it," I nodded. "Anyway, what's our game plan, Shepard?"
"We've heard word of a krogan, one who apparently had some sort of bone to pick with Fist. He could be useful, let's snag him first."
"Sure," piped up the Chief. "Let's recruit EVERY GODDAMNED ALIEN we see. Let's rack up those diversity hires? Why not?!"
"CHIEF!" yelled the exasperated Commander.
-------------------------
"Jeez, I knew the krogan had four testicles," I sighed. "Didn't know they had four assholes, too."
"I think we're making a bit of a scene here," responded Shepard.
"I don't think these guys will mind very much," Williams said smugly, smiling and admiring her handiwork.
Shepard, Williams, and I looked around at the dead bodies strewn about Chora's Den, the club Fist owned, as we impatiently waited for Urdnot Wrex to return from the Den's bathroom. Urdnot, the krogan hired on as a mercenary by the Shadow Broker to eliminate Fist would prove a useful asset in our quest...eventually.
"Still," continued Shepard. "A twenty minute bathroom break right before catching Fist does sort of spoil the climax a bit."
I then turned to face Williams.
"Did you have to kill the strippers too?" I asked.
"They could have been asari commandos," she responded.
"That's...unlikely."
"And Shepard," Williams said, turning to the Commander. "By the way, how the Hell did you manage to convince the krogan to follow us?"
"Well, while you were off buying more hand sanitizer," Shepard began. "I found him over at C-Sec--"
"The hand sanitizer you dumped--"
"Yeah, whatever--"
"And?"
"One word. It starts with 'G--,' ends with...umm...'--enophage.'"
"Works every time," Williams said, smiling to herself.
"Exactly. Tell a krogan you're a bunch of armed martyrs looking to right the wrongs of the genophage, they'll be lining up to help you in no time."
"You don't actually intend on curing the genophage while you're out there saving the galaxy, do you Shepard?" I asked sheepishly, turning to the Commander.
"Oh for God's sake, no."
"Thank the Lord," Williams sighed in relief.
At that moment, Shepard put his hand to his ears and dramatically turned to face Williams.
"Wait, do you hear that?"
"What?"
"I think...yes, I think that's the sound of us reaching an agreement on race relations for the first time!"
"Yes!" exclaimed Williams, excitedly. "I mean, seriously? How can you think of curing the genophage? Clearly, it didn't go far enough!"
"Wait...do you hear that also?"
"What?"
"And THERE GOES OUR AGREEMENT."
"Pfft. Liberals."
The sound of a strained toilet flushing prompted Shepard to shoosh Williams and I. Moments later, Urdnot Wrex hobbled out of the bathroom, clearly in pain.
"Oooph. Thank Vaul no one around here is alive to use that."
"Ohh, don't mind us," remarked Shepard. "Just chilling here, not worried Fist is using this time to escape, not a problem."
"Listen. I clearly told that turian at the food stand 'Levo--.' 'LEVO--.' Guess what he decides to give me instead?"
"And you still ate it?" I asked, my mandibles flexed.
"...would you not?"
"Jesus Christ," sighed Shepard, turning his head to face me. "Anyway, Fist is behind that door over there, right?"
"Yes," I responded. "Guns ready, everyone?"
Shepard, Williams, and Urdnot all nodded their heads, drawing their weapons. I nodded back and led the charge, entering the doorway ahead of us. Inside, two armed human warehouse workers stood in our way to Fist, timid but defiant.
"Stop right there! Don't come any closer!"
"Warehouse workers," I stated. "All the real guards must be de--"
The trigger-happy Williams then sank two bullets right into the foreheads of the two workers from her assault rifle, causing them to drop, their blood splatting onto my face and mouth.
"That," I muttered, stopping to spit out the taste of human blood. "Works too."
"No time," insisted the Chief, turning her head to face the struggling Wrex. "We've wasted enough because of SHIT-FOR-BRAINS OVER HERE."
"NOT. IN. THE. MOOD," the krogan painfully uttered.
I shook my head and plowed on, stepping over the dead workers, Shepard, Williams, and Urdnot in tow. We passed through the doorway ahead...and straight into a firefight with Fist and his turrets.
Fist proved a worthy adversary, but nothing the four of us couldn't handle. Following a lengthy hurricane of bullets and shrapnel, he soon lay wounded on the floor, having failed to weather the storm. We slowly approached him, his hand up towards us in a feeble attempt to shield himself from further violence.
"Don't shoot! I surrender--"
A bullet from Shepard's Elkoss then landed in Fist's kneecap.
"GODDAMMIT I SAID I SURRENDER!"
"Sorry, the trigger is a little loose."
"That's what you get for buying Elkoss," chimed in Wrex.
"It was cheap, okay?"
"I can calibrate that for you," I happily added.
Williams, meanwhile, pointed her gun to the stricken Fist.
"Tell us where the quarian is and we won't have to shoot you in...your other kneecap!"
"I told her I'd set up a meeting with the Shadow Broker! He won't be there, it will be Saren's men waiting for her. It's going to be here on the wards, back alley by the markets. She's supposed to meet them right now, you can make it if you hurry--"
Another bullet from Shepard's Elkoss then made its way into Fist's other kneecap.
"GODDAMN. LET HIM CALIBRATE THAT SHIT--"
"That one was intentional--"
"One more thing," continued Williams. "So you work for the Shadow Broker? Then tell me why he's funding a systematic genocide on human colonies!?"
Fist, holding both of his knees in agony and on the verge of tears, looked up to Williams, perplexed.
"I'm...sorry?"
"And who's putting chemicals into Thessia's water to turn all the asari gay?!"
"Look...I don't actually know the Shad--"
"Oh, I can't be bothered," Shepard interrupted, aiming his Elkoss and firing four rounds into Fist, killing him instantly.
"WHAT THE HELL, SHEPARD? HE WAS MY KILL!" yelled Urdnot, distraught.
"We don't have time for my incompetent Chief's alt-right machinations! We have a goddamned quarian to find!"
"YOU CAN'T SILENCE THE TRUTH COMMANDER!" screamed Williams.
"Unlike you, which I can! Now let's go."
With that, we all left for the back alley to find our quarian without a moment's delay.
-------------------------
"Did you bring it?" the assassin asked her.
"Where's the Shadow Broker? Where's Fist?" responded the quarian.
*THUD*
"Fuck," Shepard muttered under his breath.
"Dammit, what was that?" I asked, looking around.
"Sorry, my shoelace."
"Christ, Skipper," Williams sighed.
Shepard, Williams, Urdnot and I all huddled around the corner of a wall in the darkly-lit, red alleyway by the markets. Having followed Fist's lead, Shepard leaned around the corner to get a look at the quarian and Sarens's assassins who were harassing her, and leaned back to discuss a plan with the rest of us. We proceeded in hushed tones, not wishing to be heard as we strategized.
"Alright. What's the move?" started Shepard.
"We go in there, quick and clean," I responded.
"Agreed, no crazy ideas people. No sacrificing yourselves for this quarian. Let's do this by the books. Everyone ready?"
Williams, Urdnot, and I all nodded our heads, checking our weapons for a final time.
"Aight," Shepard nodded in confirmation. "On my count. Three...two--"
"Sorry I'm late, Commander."
All four of us then swung our heads around to find a wheezing and panting Alenko, red and clearly dehydrated from having waited in the sweltering shuttle for several hours.
"GODDAMMIT LIEUTENANT," Shepard exclaimed, quietly but stunned. "What happened to 'wait in the cab?' You could have scared the shit out of me!"
"No risk of that here," Urdnot muttered to himself.
"Sorry Commander," Alenko continued. "But I feared you may have forgotten me in there by mistake."
"No...that was not a mistake," Shepard remarked.
"And that your life may have been in danger."
"No, but yours is."
"Commander, I just wandered the entire Citadel looking for you. I just want to make myself useful."
Shepard thought quietly to himself before sighing and shaking his head. All of a sudden in a much more friendly and warm mood, the Commander placed his hand tenderly on Alenko's shoulder and smiled.
"Alenko, are you kidding me? You are always helpful."
"With all due respect, Commander, just last week you told me I was about as 'useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm'...your words, sir."
"Lieutenant, you're kinda killing a good moment here."
"Sorry, Commander. I won't let it happen again."
"It's quite alright. Now, speaking of useless--"
"Useful--"
"Why don't you go and introduce yourself to those nice men over there?"
"Umm, sir?"
"Now."
"Sir, you don't happen to be planning another Antibaar, are you?"
"What? I wouldn't dream of it," Shepard replied, taken aback.
"Understood, Commander. Sorry I ever doubted you."
"Again, no harm done. Now go make your country proud, Lieutenant."
"Country?"
"Alliance...whatever. Don't contradict me."
"Yes, Commander."
With that, Alenko stood up and gingerly walked around the corner, approaching the assassins. As soon as they saw him, they turned their attention away from the quarian to him.
"Hey! This isn't your show, homie. Get outta here--"
As soon as Alenko opened his mouth to respond, Shepard reached his Elkoss around the corner, firing three rounds right into the Lieutenant's back. Alenko gave a helpless yelp as he fell to the ground, bleeding. The assassins, confused, scanned the dark alley but found nothing, so they turned their attention back to the fallen Alenko.
"Holy shit, dude! You okay? Somebody get some medi-gel--"
As soon as one of the assassins reached into his pack, we sprung into action on Shepard's lead, easily killing the distracted assassins. One of them fell directly on the stricken Alenko. Shepard proceeded to fire an excessive number of rounds into that assassin to make sure he was dead before holstering his Elkoss and angrily approaching the fallen Lieutenant.
"AND THAT'S WHY WHEN I TELL YOU TO WAIT IN THE CAB, YOU WAIT IN THE FUCKING CAB. OTHERWISE, YOU RISK GETTING SHOT IN THE BACK."
"Comm..." Alenko paused, giving himself a moment to cough up blood underneath the weight of the dead body that was crushing his windpipe. "Commander. That...that's exactly what you did on Antibaar."
"WELL SOMEONE HAD TO TEACH YOU ABOUT LEAVING A NOTE WHEN WE RUN OUT OF MILK IN THE MESS HALL."
"That...was Pressly."
"OH, AND NOW YOU'RE SASSING ME?" the Commander exclaimed, unholstering his Elkoss once again.
"Umm...could someone explain what's going on here?" the quarian finally cut in, a bit puzzled.
"Just saving the day as usual, ma'am," the Commander casually remarked, suavely turning to face the quarian.
"Aaaaand we're also here looking for evidence against Saren," I chimed in, taking the opportunity to get to the point. "I'm Agent Garrus Vakarian, C-Sec Agent. We were told you may have some evidence?"
"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. And yes, I do. I attained it on my pilgrimage. And, by the way, I appreciate the..." nar Rayya paused to look over at the slowly dying Alenko. "....backup...Fist must have set me up."
"Ugh, I just hate it when people mislead you," the Commander scoffed.
"Yeah....let's just get you to the human ambassador," I said, my hand on nar Rayya's shoulder.
"Just makes my blood boil," Shepard continued.
"Right this way, Tail."
And with that, Shepard, Williams, Urdnot, nar Rayya, and I departed for the Presidium, leaving everything unimportant behind.
-------------------------
"In the next requisitions order, I'm gonna have to write in some cabinet locks," Shepard said casually to Williams, rummaging through a cabinet above the sink.
"Why's that?" the Chief asked.
"Else I'm going to be ordering a fuck ton of Fruit Loops every week."
Williams chuckled before taking a sip of whiskey. Shepard took the empty box of cereal he retrieved from the cabinet and threw it in the sink basin. He then turned around, resting his bottom against the sink and crossing his arms in the mess hall kitchen, looking over the empty tables and lockers across from him on this darkly lit level of the Normandy. He yawned, unsurprising considering the long day he's had at the Citadel.
After I spent the day following his rather...unorthodox methods, Commander Shepard attained the information we were looking for: evidence that incriminated Saren with the geth attack on Eden Prime. In the form of a data cache nar Rayya extracted from a stray geth, it also pointed to a likely accomplice, one the Asari Councillor named as Lady Benezia, a prestigious asari matriarch. The two seemed intent on recovering something called the 'Conduit,' a device that would supposedly lead them to the Reapers, a sentient machine race worshipped by the geth that, according to the data cache, are responsible for the extinction of the entire prothean civilization.
This proved too irrefutable for the Council to deny any longer, prompting them to denounce Saren and name Shepard a Spectre. Given the trail on Benezia, we were supplied with two additional leads, one involving Benezia's daughter and another involving a planet also ransacked by geth.
Clearly, the galaxy as we knew it was at stake. But, all things considered, it had been a successful day for us. It was a day to be toasted, and Shepard and Williams were doing just that. At that moment, the Commander looked over at the Chief, who was leaning her elbow on the kitchen counter with one arm, a glass of whiskey in the hand of the other.
"Wrex got into them, Commander?"
"I didn't know the krogan had such a sense of smell. He made a beeline for it. Hasn't even been an hour and now all I have is Alenko's stupid cornflakes...and even Wrex didn't touch those."
"Well, at least he's settling in. And not touching MY shit."
"Oh good, I'm so relieved," the Commander retorted.
"Where did you put him by the way?"
"Where do you think?"
"Kaiden's room?"
"Bingo."
"Hehe."
Williams reached up to take another drink, but Shepard snatched the glass right from her and took a deliberately long sip. Williams swiped it back before giving him playful glare.
"Hey! Gotta be nice to me now. I'm a..." Shepard paused to dramatically clear his throat. "...Council Spectre, now?"
"Yes! I've heard you the SIXTY-THIRD time you said it!"
"It'll never get old."
"Is it too late to transfer ships, Commander?"
"And leave the man who saved you back on Eden Prime?"
"Point taken," Williams conceded, putting her glass down. "But seriously. Good work out there today. Sure, we've learned the galaxy's about to catch fire, but humanity gets a Spectre, and the morsel of respect that comes with it. Saren's been proven guilty, and Council now has less of a stick up their collective ass. Kudos to you, not an easy thing to do."
"Yep. What can I say? My brilliance knows no bounds," Shepard replied, brushing off his shoulder in all his smugness.
Williams shook her head and smiled as she threw the rest of her whiskey back, proceeding to pour herself more. Shepard gave in, reaching for a glass behind him and lining it up next to Williams' for a round.
"Let's see. How's our 'Galactic Dumpster Rat' doing, by the way?" Williams continued.
"Who?"
"Oh sorry, I meant the 'quarian'?"
"You mean, 'Tali'?"
"Yeah, 'whats-her-face.' Oh wait, she doesn't have one."
"Damn, you're drunk," the Commander retorted.
"YUP. What gave it away?"
"Well...the compliments for starters."
"Dick."
"Look she's sober now!"
Williams snorted at this as Shepard downed some whiskey. He exhaled in satisfaction with the crisp burn it gave him before looking back at the Chief.
"And as for Tali, she's fine. Took all of the sterilizing and cold meds out of the cabinet though. Damn it," Shepard sighed. "Another thing for the requisition order."
"Yeah...taking them back for her..." Williams paused to make "air-quotes" with her hands, spilling her whiskey in the process. "'Pilgrimage.'"
"Well," Shepard started, pausing to narrow his gaze upon the Chief. "Wait, what are you on about?"
"Nothing."
"Chief..."
"Did you not even wince when she requested to be stationed in the ENGINE CORE?!" Williams exclaimed in a hushed voice.
"CHIEF!"
"DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN THIS THING CRASHES IN A FIREBALL ON ALCHERA OR SOME OTHER SHITHOLE!"
"I think you've had enough!" Shepard remarked, snatching the Chief's glass from her.
"But Commander--"
"No buts. We've got a long day tomorrow. I need you in tip-top shape."
"Fine," Williams sighed. "I'm just glad it won't involve recruiting more aliens."
Shepard took a deliberately long sip out of his glass, not making eye contact and ignoring Williams' comment.
"WHAT THE HELL, SHEPARD?!"
"Relax! She's just a scientist, specializing in prothean history and technology."
"Oh...okay."
"Who also may or may not also be an asari..."
"THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD ENOUGH," Williams shouted as she threw her hands up in the air, turning around to face the elevator. "If you need me, I'll be ejecting myself out of the airlock."
"Sounds good, night Chief!"
"Night, Skipper!"
Shepard chuckled to himself before downing the last of his whiskey, setting the glasses in the sink next to the cereal box as Williams departed. Walking away, he made a mental check, remembering if he got all of us newcomers settled in well on the ship. Urdnot Wrex was fine... Tali'Zorah nar Rayya was good to go...me...
"Shit...the turian," the Commander cursed to himself.
Shepard hurried and made for the elevator, realizing he had completely forgot to get a place for me squared away. He took the elevator to the lowest level, the hangar being the last place he saw me go. Knowing what lazy shitheads everyone else on this ship were, he imagined I had to make myself right at home. To him, if I wasn't stealing all of the food and all of the medicine, I was probably stealing...whatever us turians wanted. Probably...tattoo ink...or...corsets...or...
"...Alliance military vehicles?"
Shepard whispered this to himself and looked on, aghast as he saw the entire rear suspension unit of his beloved Mako disassembled and me underneath it, tinkering away. Hastily, Shepard hurried over.
"What in the Hell..."
Shepard stopped himself when he realized I was not simply taking apart the Mako to be meddlesome or thieving, but making a repair. Every bolt, nut, and lug laid out in perfect order before me, intense care and scrutiny clearly being applied in this unusual form of meditation of mine.
"Oh my God," Shepard noted, his breath taken away.
"I know," I responded, still underneath the Mako.
"I've never seen anything like it."
"Right?"
"Indeed."
"The puncture in this shock is impressive."
"What...No, not that."
"Oh. You mean...the amount of omni-gel holding this thing together?"
"NO, not that either. I meant...you."
"A turian?"
"NO, DAMMIT."
I chuckled with how flustered Shepard was becoming, finally poking my head out from underneath the Mako to take a look at him. I could see a slight smirk of his forming as soon as he saw my blackened face, greasy from the shower of hydraulic oil I was currently taking.
"I meant, like, people making themselves useful for once on this ship," Shepard continued.
"Yeah," I replied. "I don't think I've actually seen anything I'd call 'work' being done since I got on this ship."
"Hourly contractors work with more passion than half the drones on this ship. But...you...you just jumped right in. It's staggering...but refreshing."
I was pleased to see Shepard impressed, turning around to marvel at the matrix of Mako parts I had placed in perfect order. But then...
"I mean the level of care you put into this is clearly--"
My eyes lit up in panic and my heart skipped a beat to see Shepard reaching down to pick up a bolt.
"DON'T TOUCH BERT," I shouted, reaching out in desperation.
"...what?" he asked, puzzled.
"BOLT. Don't touch bolt. I mean...the bolt."
"Do you...name your parts, Garrus?"
"I mean, some turian men do, but that's a little personal for me--"
"THESE PARTS."
"Ohh...uhh, yeah. It helps me keep track," I weakly continued. "Please don't judge."
"YOU'VE...YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME," Shepard cackled, failing to hold back the laughter.
"Well, I have to when so much stuff on this damned thing needs to be replaced!" I snapped. "I mean, seriously, who drove this last, a hanar? It looks like the aftermath of a damned oil refinery explosion under here."
"That was...probably Kaiden," Shepard responded, his laughter abruptly stopping. "Yup. That's who did it, definitely."
"Well, I'm going to have to have a word with him."
"Yup...total maniac when he drives, that man. Just...so reckless...and churlish."
"But, seriously Commander--"
"Definitely not me--"
"--I try not to have people find just how...particular...I am with how I repair and calibrate stuff..." I began, stopping to take a deep breath.
Although not an aspect of my personality I wasn't used to having to justify for others, my penchant for pedantry was still a sore subject for me, apparent in just how gingerly I tried to explain it to others.
"It's sort of like...ohh...what's that charming human affliction...'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder'?" I continued, regardless. "If you wouldn't mind Commander, could you keep that little slip-up of mine with the bolt off-the-record?"
"Are you kidding?" he cried. "With what I owe you for these repairs, give me your damned diary. I'll keep all your secrets safe."
Shepard blushed a little, not quite sure if that came out as manly as it sounded in his head.
"Ahh...well, good. Thanks," I replied, my mandibles slightly flexed and slowly nodding.
Shepard, not wishing to draw attention to the fact that he was blushing for reasons I didn't quite understand at the time, quickly changed the subject. He deflected by unholstering his old Elkoss pistol before hesitantly holding it out in front of me.
"Well, if you want EXTRA reassurance, you can make good on your promise from earlier."
I took his Elkoss and examined it with a discerning eye, with an intensity not unlike that deployed by collectors when ascertaining the authenticity of ancient coins and artifacts. This pistol of his, an inexpensive make and model typically seen as "disposable" by military officials, had a dull and worn finish, tell-tale of years of hard use. I took the trigger between my talons and gave it a good shake. Loose indeed, with it's share of cracks and indents. There must have been a reason the Commander had looked after a pistol like this for so long, but I didn't wish to pry.
"This old thing?" I finally say. "Not a problem."
"Thank you."
"Sure. But seriously...Elkoss?"
"Garrus, you're kinda killing a good moment here."
"You can get better knock-off Kassa Fabs in Hong Kong."
"It was cheap, okay?"
"You couldn't just wait for Hahne-Kedar's Black-Friday sale?"
"Step off."
"Like a hundred credits more."
"Do I look like I'm made of money?"
"No...but you sound like a Volus."
Shepard couldn't help but smile and chuckle a bit at that.
"That's harsh."
We laughed together, letting it naturally die down with ease. I turned around to place his Elkoss with exceptional care on my workbench, in a spot that Shepard could see was high on my priority list.
"And thanks for checking in on me," I continued.
"Sorry, Garrus. Meant to do that earlier. You okay down here? Sorry, I would offer something a little cozy-er, but--"
"Seriously, don't sweat it, really. I like it down here, it's warm and close to my work."
"Alright," he sighed. "Well...let me know if you need anything--"
"And Shepard, honest," I interrupted, holding him back. "Thank you for bringing me along. I know it's not easy just taking on another person like this on short notice. If there's anything, ANYTHING I can do to make myself more useful...Hell, if you gotta kick me off the ship even...just say the word."
Shepard shook his head, and turned to face me head-on. He placed his warm hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes.
"Garrus. Don't be ridiculous. You earn my trust, and you earn a spot on my crew. I don't play favorites, and I treat everyone respectfully. I don't betray my crew, and I certainly won't just throw you away--"
It was at this moment the elevator opened. Our heads spun around to find a bloodied and wheezing but otherwise content and ready-to-serve Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko hobbling over to us. He also appeared severely frostbitten, presumably from the hour he spent attempting to find a way into the Normandy from outside in deep space.
"Sorry I'm late Commander."
"God--" Shepard gasped, petrified.
"Oh, and before I forget...here's the receipt for the seven-hour cab fare."
"--DAMMIT!"
-------------------------