When Ash reached out to Ellie, she stepped back from his touch. "I was an idiot," he said. "I ...all I cared about was the next ride—"
Ellie's eyes went wide. "You fuckin' what?"
"The waves, Ellie, the waves."
"Oh. Right."
"I ... I saw you on that beach ... and then at the party ... in the firelight." Ash looked down at her with eyes that reminded her of the deep, deep ocean and the longing, pulse of the waves that filled the Kombi van where she'd slept in his arms, safe and warm. "I thought you were the most incredible person I'd ever seen. I'd been on the road for months, driving around Australia, chasing the ride, the surf, and when I saw you, I felt settled. I knew I had to stop for a while and be with you."
A weariness washed over Ellie but when she closed her eyes and was back in Ash's van, enclosed in a cosy cocoon where no one could find her. They planned to live out of his van and park up at beaches. Ash would surf while she grew her hair long and played her guitar into the wind and the waves. It was what she had wanted back then. She'd dreamed of it. She dreamed of that freedom to be with someone she loved, making music. Living the dream.
"I-I never meant to hurt you," Ash muttered. "Or ... promise you anything. I ... I think I fell in love with the moment. With the whole vibe we had going on. And I think you did too. And then ... I guess, the surf called me back."
"Sure, blame it on the surf," Ellie scoffed, unsure whether she wanted to cry or hit out at him. "You know, I have passions too. We all do. But I would never do what you did. Never. You hurt people, Ash. You really hurt them."
"I understand."
"Why the hell would you even have the nerve to show your face here?"
Ash lifted his eyes to the starry sky before he looked down at Ellie. "I see you everywhere. You're in the papers and on TV. Everywhere. I think ... I wanted to make sure you were okay. I wanted to ... apologise."
"So, apologise."
Ash nodded. "I'm sorry."
"And what about all the other people you did the same to? Are you going to find them, and apologise to them too? Or is it just that my face popping up everywhere that's a constant reminder of what a shithead you really are?" When Ash stayed quiet, Ellie realised maybe he hadn't quite thought through his explanation enough. She folded her arms and tipped her chin towards the van. "Anyway. I'm pretty sure I can hear the surf calling again."
Ash nodded again. "I don't really surf much anymore."
Ellie waited for him to make a move, but he didn't. He shuffled his feet, and glanced at the car next to his van again.
"Can I ..."
"What?"
"Can I give you a hug? I want to ... I want to make sure you have a better memory of me."
A shiver ran through Ellie and she wasn't sure if it was the outside air or because she wasn't sure about him.
But his gaze remained on hers, waiting for her to respond.
He was so opposite to Daniel and his Energizer Bunny aura.
Daniel.
Daniel seemed so far away. A different life. Sound checks and hotels. Passionate kisses in hotel lifts. Whispered confessions in shady corners from someone Ellie was now afraid was way too much of everything for her.
What harm could it do to give Ash a hug?
She could round things out with a nice gesture then Ask could leave and she'd never have to think about him again and she could focus on the band and the tour — the future.
Ellie sighed. "Go on."
"Come here."
Ellie stepped under the light where Ash held his arms wide. She let him fold her into a hug while her arms remained stiff by her side. As he pulled her closer to him, Ellie could smell that salty, sea air on his skin and the sting of tears returned to her eyes. She relaxed, folding her arms around him, resting her cheek against the cool leather of his jacket as he ran his hand over her hair and her earrings.
This is it. She imagined herself closing her notebook on those songs that had caused the empty ache inside and kept her from moving on for so many years.
When she looked up at Ash he stared down at her and she remembered the deep, deep ocean and the longing, pulse of the waves that filled the Kombi van where she'd slept in his arms, safe and warm.
"Ellie," he whispered, his breath warm on her face, "is ... is that song ... is it about me?"
"Which song?"
"The one everyone's singing? 'Green'? It's about me, isn't it?"
Ellie pushed out of his arms. Of course 'Green' was all about him. Every time she sang it, she felt him next to her, breathed with the notes as if they were his breaths.
When she cast her eyes over his face a flash showed in Ash's eyes and the stiff set of his mouth reminded Ellie of some of those 'suit' guys - always leering at her; always wanting more; pushing for more.
An orchestra of kindergarten kids began to tune up in her guts. "What are you—"
"That whole album, it's about me, isn't it?" Ash reached for her hand but Ellie jerked away and she scratched her fingers across her forehead.
"The van," Ash said, waving his hand at the Kombi which cast a long shadow across the car park. "Me and the van - that's the whole album, isn't it? Just tell me."
The aching stab of pain Ash had delivered to her heart all those years ago came back filling Ellie's head with a paralysing shriek, as if her pickup had gone microphonic.
Ellie stepped back. "No."
"I'm right, aren't I?"
"I said, no." Ellie held her shaking palms up.
A sharp noise behind her.
Ellie turned.
In the darkness, tucked behind the Commodore Ash had been so interested in, bending over to pick up a dropped camera lens cover, a photographer stared up at her and swore under his breath.
Ellie shoved Ash away as he moved toward her. She pointed a wavering finger at him. "Did you do this?"
"It wasn't what I—"
"You need to leave me the fuck alone!"
"Ellie—"
"You don't get a second chance!"
Ash took a step back.
Ellie reeled around to the photographer. "Give me those photos!"
"No way, baby, I got the shot," the photographer called from a safe distance. "Front page!"
"Don't you dare publish them!" Ellie shouted, stalking towards him, fists clenched.
"Who's gonna stop me?" The photographer sneered, pulling his cap low as he backed away from the approaching whirlwind that was Ellie Devine.
"Why?" Ellie called as he turned from her and jogged towards the loading gate, the fat slap of his trainers echoing around the empty car park. Ellie threw her hands in the air and bawled after him, "Why the fuck would you be so ... cruel?"
Behind her, Ash said, "Ellie —"
Ellie was done with him, too.
"Piss off, you sleaze-bag dipstick," she hurled at him before storming back to where the security guard held the door open for her. Before she slipped inside, she turned and yelled into the car park: "And don't expect me to fuckin' say goodbye this time."
The last thing Ellie heard from Kombi Van Man was the engine of the van chugging into life.
***
Ellie stormed through the brightly lit backstage corridors not even sure where she was headed. The last thing she wanted to do was go back into the Green Room knowing Daniel would be there, all beautiful and pouty, reminding her of that kiss, promising to wait until she was ready to be with him.
She had to forget him.
She had to focus on the band.
She couldn't afford to have Kim get upset with her.
She couldn't bear to imagine what everyone — especially Daniel — would think of her if photos of her and Ash came out.
Maybe she could find Brenin? Maybe he could stop it being printed? But Ellie couldn't bear to think that Slider's new manager would know she'd dropped the ball and ... got distracted. She couldn't bear to have Brenin's steel-grey eyes on hers, looking at her with his all his intellectual managerial know-how like she was a fool for getting herself into something so ridiculous.
She'd go back to the hotel and keep working on her album. That's what she'd do—
"Baby sis!"
Ellie swung round to see Coral hurrying behind her down the corridor.
"Been looking for you," Coral said, wrapping her arm around Ellie's shoulder. "I gotta bail, dude. Everyone's goin' clubbing but surf's up at four. Can't miss it."
Ellie frowned up at her sister. "You'll be in Port Lagan, though, right? For my birthday?"
"I'll be there," Coral confirmed and hoicked Ellie closer under her arm, almost lifting Ellie off the floor with her strength. "And hey, hope you don't mind, I invited everyone else too—"
Ellie pushed out of her sister's grip. "You did what?"
Coral shrugged her off and checked her watch. "Meg and me. We invited all your mates. Meg's bludger bass player friend. That guitar nerd in the stripey top. Your manager—he's gnarly, huh? All the crew. That bitchin' singer who seemed pretty weirded out when you bailed with Ash—"
"I didn't bail with ..." Ellie blurted before realisation set in and she clenched her fists to stop herself punching her sister. "What the hell, Coral? You can't invite randoms back to the olds' house!"
"I know what it's like on the road all the time and it's pretty chill in old Port Lagan. Give 'em time to regenerate. They were stoked on hitting' up the beaches. Stockin' up on home-cooked meals—"
"Oh my fuckin' god!" Ellie shook her head at Coral's lackadaisical attitude. But then it was Coral. Ellie shouldn't have expected anything less. She turned her sister around and pushed her back towards the Green Room. "Go back in there and uninvite them—"
Coral pressed her boot heels to the floor and spun gracefully, slapping at Ellie's shoulder. "Cool your jets, sis. You're cuckoo tonight. It's your twenty-first. It'll be rad." Coral glanced around the empty corridor. "What happened to Ash anyway?"
"Had to go deliver a vacuum cleaner."
Coral gave her a look and Ellie pinched her lips together, pressed her palms to her forehead, still in disbelief that Coral had invited the entire Glue show to Ellie's home town.
"They won't come, will they?" she said, her eyes pleading with Coral to tell her what she needed to hear. "They all said no, right?"
With a hearty laugh, Coral shrugged. "They're all in, sis. Easy as. We'll have a bonfire on the beach. Megsy and me'll sort it, no dramas. Just rock up and make that blonde fella who's obviously crackin' a fat over you, happy you're not off rootin' Ash in the bogs—"
"Coral!" Ellie groaned. "Fuckin' hell."
"Anyway," Coral grinned, pulling Ellie in for a bear hug, "gnarly gig, sis. Glad you're not rootin' Ash. Few kangaroos loose in the top paddock that one. I gotta get a taxi—"
"I'll come with you," Ellie said, glad to have an exit strategy to avoid seeing Daniel again.
"Not gonna stay and party?"
Ellie shook her head. "I'm done. Tired. Busy."
Coral wrapped her arm around Ellie's shoulder. "I get it. Sometimes you just need to take a night off." She squeezed Ellie close. "You can't be a friggin' rock star all day every day, can you, huh?"