Your breath condenses on the cool window you sit behind as you admire the ridiculously hot man walking down the street.
Clasping his hand is Peppa pig, a beautiful young pig that loves him with all her heart.
There's a slight problem with this: you love them too.
It would be too awkward to descend the narrow stairs hastily, probably tripping on the way, and race after them to beg them to enjoy themselves with you.
Instead you decide to put on a show that will be sure to bring them knocking on the door, desperate to enter.
First you make yourself a nice, sexy vegan smoothie. Yum yum yum!
You lean against the wall, shlorping sexily. The start of your show couldn't be going better! You wiggle your fat, ugly body in anticipation.
The wall breaks and you fall through to Daddy Pig's apartment next door. The vegan smoothie flies out of the cup and lands on Daddy Pig's bed, where he seems to remain undisturbed. There's no way you can lick up and shlorp any without awakening him. You now understand regret. Despite your best efforts, the wall remains broken, so eventually you just leave it and hope for the best.
Only slightly traumatised, you decide to have a break from vegan smoothies.
Instead you lie on your bed and wiggle seductively.
A minute passes.
More wiggling and this increases to two.
Five minutes pass.
Another five minutes fly by as you wriggle in desperation.
The disappointment is like nothing else before. It fills you up, but leaves you painfully empty. All you wanted was Peppa and your first love Danny boy.
The disappointment is crippling but your lust motivates you, and you race down the stairs, only tripping twice, and chase after them.
Most people would travel quite a lot in ten minutes. Not Danny boy. Danny boy is thicc.
After ten seconds of running, you catch up with them; unwilling to explain your motivation, you grab their noses and pull them back to your apartment.