"All through history, countries go to war. That's what we normally study in here. But today, we're going to talk about peace and forgiveness and how we get there. Every once in a while, I come up with a good idea" Mr. Matthews says to the class. I highly doubt that he comes up with a good idea though.
"What could it possibly be that I haven't already thought of?"
"Farkle, I forgive you"
"What did I do?"
"I forgive you too" Zay says
"What did I do?!"
"You know what you did"
"I feel better now that I've forgiven you. How do you feel?"
"I'm sorry for every time I've hurt you! What did I do?!" Woah, I've never seen Farkle like this.
"Ladies and gentlemen, today we're going to begin the forgiveness project. Our history isn't just about what we've done. How we grow comes from the repair of what we've done and how we forgive what was done to us" Who should I forgive? I have no grudges against anybody. Riley speaks up
"Hmm. We're in. What do we do?"
"Everyone take out a piece of paper. So this isn't your laptop or your cell phone. You've got unlimited characters here. As many words as you want" he hands us some envelopes
"The impact will last longer than six seconds. And I guarantee you, it's never going to disappear. So pick up a pen. Express feelings. This is one of the most important things you're ever going to do. You're about to forgive someone" I smile
"What's this got to do with history, Matthews?"
"It gives you a chance to change it"
"Like when I forgave Auggie for biting the face off my Beary-the-Bear bear"
"That wasn't forgiveness, honey"
"Why not?"
"Because you haven't gotten over it" she pulls out the bear, damn, I haven't seen it in a very long time
"This is the first thing I see every day"
"So is there anyone in your life that you want to forgive? Change your history. Go" everyone starts writing but I just stand still
"Maya, no one in your life you want to forgive?" I shake my head
"No"
"Don't you think now would be a good time?" I turn around to glare at Lucas, I perfectly know what he's talking about and no, I won't.
"You and your mom are in a good place. You're strong, Maya. Don't you want to forgive him one day? Why not now?" I do fake laugh and hand her a note. Can't she mind her own business?
"Ahem 'Riley, butt out. I am serious. Butt your butt out'." She smiles at me
"I forgive you" the bell rings and we all move to the hallways
"You know, you try to do your best by people. You try to be the best friend you could be. And what do you get? Lucas and Zay give Farkle their letters
"What did I do?"
"Read 'em"
"Dear Farkle, I forgive you for ruining every single movie we've ever seen together.How do I ruin every single movie?"
Ah, read mine. Read mine"
"I forgive you for figuring out the end of every movie and shouting it out before it happens"
Because, see, we don't want to know"
I just want to share my abilities with my friends"
We don't want your abilities"
Your abilities make us want to hurt you"
"Riley, Maya, movie with me?" I frown
Are you crazy?"
Never again"
"She dies!"
"He blows up!"
"She's the killer."
"Nobody gets out of Monkey Town."
Are you crazy?"
Hurt you"
"Well, thank you for forgiving me. Do you think we could still go to the movies if I stop telling you what happens next?"
Do you think you can?"
"Of course I can"
"Oh, let's give him one more chance. 'Hey' Then you chase me, and then I scream"
"Oh, let's give him one more chance"
"Hey!"
"It's just too much fun! Ahh!" Lucas and Zay chase him
*hours later, at Topanga's*
"Really, Topanga, please don't worry about this"
"No, I told you that I would come and help out when I can, and I can today"
"Yeah. No" Topanga wants to learn how to be a waitress and we all know how this is gonna go: she'll probably get mad at the first rude costumer and yell at him or something like that
"This is gonna be good"
"This is gonna be a nightmare" Elliot adds and I laugh
"I can't take my eyes off it"
"If my son can do it then so can I. You don't think I can do this, do you?"
"I think that you are Topanga Matthews, attorney at law, and that might perhaps color the way that you deal with customers, who I don't even think will believe that you're a waitress"
"I could be a fine waitress" she approaches a costumer
"And what will you have, sir?"
"Yeah, give me the cheesecake" her smile falls
"You want to try that a different way, chief?"
"No!" thankfully mom comes to the rescue
"Okay. Hey, Howie" she gives Howie the cheesecake
"Oh, there you go. You know what comes with our biggest piece of cheesecake? Our biggest smile"
"Ha! Don't ever leave me again"
"Aw, thanks, Howie"
"I was talking to the cheesecake" Yeah, I definitely wanna punch him too. I don't think it was that hard to say at least 'thank you'.
"Okay, one more"
"No more ever"
"No. I'm gonna try that guy, right over there" she points at someone and I turn around to see who it is... dad? I didn't think he'd came! I-I-How can this be?
"No, I got him"
"Okay. I'll learn from you"
"Are you okay, you look pale. Did you see a ghost?" Well, almost. Does my dad count as a ghost?
"You're going to want to watch what happens next very carefully"
"Why? Your mother's great at this, Maya. What could happen?" mom walks up to him
"Hello, sir. How are you today?"
"I'm-"
"You a little hungry, are you? Is that why you've come here? Are you a little hungry? Is that-"
"What do you recommend?"
"I recommend the first thing that I can get my hands on. Give me something Topanga"
"Okay" she takes the cheesecake away from Howie
"You should have said please!" this is gonna be bad...
"That's what I recommend!" mom smears it on dad's face and starts throwing at him some breads
"You can do that? I didn't know you could do that. I would love to do that"
"Oh, my gosh, is that him? Is he him? Did you do it? Did you do the assignment?"
"What assignment?"
"I wrote something, and I mailed it. Tell me it was a good move"
"It was a bad move"
"Why?"
"Tried it. It doesn't work! They don't apologize. Forgiveness is for jerks"
"I'm glad you told me in time!"
"I don't understand. Is this guy our millionth customer?" Ms. Matthews asks
"No!"
"Sir, why are you okay with this?"
"I kind of expected it"
"Katy, who is this guy?" I stand up and slowly reach his table. I still keep some distance between us
"Hi, Maya" how can he smile? After all this time? He left for all these years and the only thing he says is 'Hi, Maya'? Unbelievable
"Hi, Dad"
"Hi. I'm Riley. I've heard a lot about you"
"And I'm Elliot, I've heard a lot about you too, and not in a good way" I notice straight away that Riley is trying a friendly approach while Elliot is more aggressive
"You good friends of Maya's?"
"I'm sorry, and please don't take this the wrong way, but what?"
"They are my best friends. But you wouldn't know much about them. Or me"
"Thank you for being Maya's best friends"
"It's pretty easy. Just get her a tuna melt and she'll be fine. Oh, and I forgot to not leave abruptly. She's the best person ever" he rests his hands on my shoulders since he's standing behind me
"Then I'm happy she found you" Riley starts whispering in my ear
"I was picturing a monster. He doesn't seem like a monster. He seems like Frosty the ..snow-guy"
"What are you doing here, Kermit?"
"I was invited" he pulls out the red envelope I sent him
"What?"
"This is all my dad's fault" Ms. Matthews' eyes widen
"Your father had an idea?"
"Uh-huh"
"I apologize immediately. Your food is on the house"
"That's very nice of you, because I wouldn't have been able to afford all of this. May I please borrow a towel and your sink? And I'll take this to go" he points to the cheesecake smeared on his face and then goes to the bathroom to come out some minutes later.
"You said you were going out for a walk and you'd be back in an hour. You're nine years late" mom says to him but he ignores her comment
"Thank you, Katy"
"For what?"
"I know that in those nine years, you protected me with Maya. You never once sold me out"
"Well, a girl should think well of her father"
I was real happy to get your letter, Maya. And that you've got friends like Riley and Elliot"
"These guys here are more of a father to me than you" Riley hugs me
"Yeah, I raised Maya since she was a pup"
"Looks like you did a bang-up job" I decide to ask him the question, the one I've been dying to know the answer of
"So... you left. Why were Mom and I not good enough?"
"No, no, no. Maya. That was a long time ago. We're over it" mom slaps dad repeatedly
"Why were we not good enough?"
"Ah! I think you know that wasn't it"
"Ha. You know, I should really go anywhere but here" Elliot stops his sister from leaving
"Nope, we're gonna stay with her. We're her family. Oh, how's your other family, by the way?" Damn, I've never seen Elliot this tense
"Everyone is fine"
"Riley, do you care to explain to me your father's idea here?" Ms. Matthews asks her
"Our assignment was to forgive somebody"
"What does that have to do-"
"It changes our history"
"Oh. That's pretty good"
"So Maya wrote to him and he showed up"
"To forgive him?" I nod
"Yeah, that was the assignment. But I haven't decided if I'm going to pass or fail"
"Maya, whatever you decide, thank you for reaching out to me" I get closer to him
"Do you remember the night the thunder shook the apartment? I was five and I thought- the lightning was so bright, I thought the world was on fire"
"Why bring this up?"
"I'm all under my covers crying and you come flying into the room and peek under the covers and decide to make it a game. We were in Alaska looking for gold. And you said the lightning was the Northern Lights. The Aurora Borealis. You made that entire night an adventure until the storm passed. And I woke up the next morning and it was a sunny day. Don't you remember that?" this is a test, let's see how honest he is
"No, Maya, I don't"
"That's because it never happened. The storm happened but you didn't" I hug mom
"Mom. It was Mom that came in. She made it Alaska and I wasn't scared at all"
"Hmm. I was petrified. Greatest performance of my life"
"Where were you?" Elliot says abruptly
"I wasn't home"
"How could you not be home?"
"Because kids bite teddy bears' faces off, friends ruin movies and fathers leave. You know, sometimes you can let it go, sometimes you can't. Your dad was wrong about that one, Riley" I leave and go home where I lay on my bed, crying. Crying like I've never did before until I hear a knock on the bay window. I can't open it, I don't care who is it, I won't open
"Maya" I groan
"Not now, Lucas!"
"Come on, open it!" I sigh before standing up and opening the window
"Riley told me what happened and Elliot said that I should be here with you. Are you okay?" I sniff
"Yeah"
"Okay then" he climbs in
"I know you're not, so, let me do this" He involves me in a tight hug and I instantly start crying again
"It's fine, Maya. Let it all out" he rubs my back as I let the tears stream down my face, as I sob, as I fight with my own confused and mixed feelings.
"Are you feeling a little better?" he asks me when my sobs tone down a little
"Yeah, I think so" we sit on my bed
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I-I don't know. It was just- everything happened-" he takes my hands in his
"Calm down. Take a deep breath and think about what you're going to say" he's right. I inhale and exhale
"He came in Topanga's after nine years Lucas. How could that happen?"
"Your letter. He read it and now he wants to fix things. Are you ready for that?"
"No, I don't want this thing in my life to be fixed. I want a dad, for sure, but not him. I can't trust him anymore. Not after what he did"
"That's totally understandable. You don't have to forgive him if you don't want to"
"But Mr. Matthews-"
"Screw that. Those are life lessons that you learn throughout your life. Life is long. This might not be the right time. Maybe someday you'll be ready but until then: don't force yourself to do something you don't want to" I rest my head on his shoulder
"Thank you" he kisses my head and gently strokes my hair
"For what?"
"For coming over here and make sure I was okay. For making me understand. For guiding me" I look into his eyes and can see a smile on his face
"I like you" his smile grows wider
"Why are you smiling so much?"
"Because you've never said I like you first"
"That's a lie! I've said it"
"Only in Texas, and after I kissed you" I raise my eyebrows
"I'm sorry, what? I was the one who kissed you!"
"What?!"
"Yeah!"
"You were doing a 'ha-hurr'! I was the one who cupped your face"
"I closed the gap between us though" he rolls his eyes playfully at me before cupping my face.
"Wh-what are you doing?" he presses his forehead against mine and looks at me in the eyes, intensely.
"See? You aren't even able to move when I'm this close to you" I blush
"That's a lie"
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah" he smirks
"Prove it. Kiss me" I can't. I'm unable to move. I'm too nervous. I just bite my lower lip and he chuckles
"That's what I was talking about" he whispers before starting to kiss me. He starts it gentle and slow as always but turns it into a steamy one after a while.
He moves his hands to my hips and pins me down the bed. He's now on top of me as my hands press down onto his neck, pulling him closer to me.
"Kissing you feels like heaven" I say in between kisses
"Same for you"
"Maya! Sweetie!" I hear mom scream when she comes inside the apartment.
"Holy-"
"Where are you?"
"I-I'm in my room! I'm changing!" Lucas stands up
"Go away!" I whisper to him
"Sure" he climbs out of the window but gives me a quick kiss before leaving.
He's definitely boyfriend material.
*the next day, at school*
"How's the forgiveness project going?" I groan
"You killed us, Matthews"
"I gotta say, Matthews, I don't know what you were thinking"
"You think forgiveness leads to peace?"
"It leads to war in a movie theater"
"Lights go down, the movie starts, I made Farkle sit in the other corner of the theater so he can't ruin anything"
"Sounds like good strategy"
"Yeah. Then a cowboy comes on the screen. Farkle yells-"
"Dead!"
"An old prospector comes on the screen"
"Alien looking for a time portal"
"Next comes a cheerleader"
"How is there a cheerleader in this movie?"
"No kidding" woah, that sounds like a nightmare
"Well, I'm sure some of you had a better experience" the whole class shakes their heads in denial
"Forgiveness doesn't work, Dad. I forgave Auggie and he didn't thank me"
"Riley, did you really forgive Auggie?"
"No!"
"Maya, did you forgive your father?" I look down
"No"
"And we didn't forgive Farkle" Zay hurls a rolled-up piece of paper at him
"Ow"
"Well, it sounds to me that forgiveness is harder than it looks"
"I tried. Made it real clear. Want to hear it?"
"If you're all right with it" this would be my very first time opening up about this topic, I'm so nervous
"In school, I'm learning about forgiveness. What you did makes me have a lot of angry feelings inside of me. I don't want to be angry anymore. Why did you leave? Did I do something? Make me understand what I did. Your daughter, Maya." Lucas puts his hand on my shoulder to comfort me and I slightly relax a little
"Did he help you to understand what happened?"
"No"
"Why not?" I frown
"I mean, I guess I never gave him the chance to explain" well, now it's too late. He's probably gone by now
"Riley, why did Auggie bite your bear's face off?"
"I don't know"
"Why not?"
"I never asked him"
"Lucas? Zay?"
"Farkle, why do you tell us the end of the movies?
"Well, because you're good at everything you do. You got that class-clown thing going. All I've got is my mind, so I try to impress you with it any way I can...Oh, Farkle, you don't need to impress us. We love you just the way you are."
"Farkle, we are never going to the movies with you again"
"Ever"
"Guess you missed that one. Huh, Farkle?" he smirks
"No, I didn't" I smile at my little friend
"Oh, Farkle, you don't need to impress us"
"We love you just the way you are"
"Movie?"
"Anytime" Riley and I say in unison
"We gotta get better minds, man"
"Yeah, we do"
"All of you do. Better minds know that sometimes to really forgive someone, it helps to understand them first. It gives the other person the chance to be heard from too" I sigh in defeat
"Why can't you just admit that you're wrong about this?"
"Because forgiveness is one of our finest qualities as human beings, Maya. You have to understand each other before you can even begin to know what comes next. Go understand each other. See what happens. Your assignment hasn't even begun until you do"
*hours later, at Topanga's*
"Forgiveness does work, Maya. You just have to do it right"
"Can I go play with my friends now?" Poor Auggie, Riley is forcing him to stay on her lap
"No! All you have to do is listen to the other person"
"Can I at least go to the bathroom, Riley?" she pokes his cheek
"Quiet. I'm talking" I chuckle at their cuteness
"Auggie is there every day, Riley. My dad couldn't get out of here fast enough. I mean, he's halfway home by now. Forgiveness doesn't work for everybody" Just as I finish saying my sentence he comes in and Elliot rushes in front of him
"What are you-"
"I am not hungry, so please don't throw anything at me"
"I thought you left"
"I did. I did. I was in the car on the way back. And then I looked at this thing again and it says you don't want to be angry anymore" he looks at the adults
"I know what you all are to Maya. Thank you. I just need to borrow her for one second, if it's okay" I look at mom who silently grants me the permission and start walking out with dad
"You are not going with him"
"Elliot" Ms. Matthews warns him and he sighs
"I'll be watching you though" Dad nods and we finally sit at a table outside.
"This wasn't you, Maya. This was all me. I couldn't provide comfort for you in a lightning storm. And I was no good for you on a sunny day, either. I blew every paycheck instead of providing food for the refrigerator. And when you know you're not good for people, you start not showing up and then you don't show up enough times, and it begins to feel like leaving until you do" Damn, I'm starting to cry again. I hate feelings.
"You're there for your new family, aren't you? What did they do that I didn't do?"
"You never did anything, Maya. You were just a little girl. I was who I was. And there was nothing you did or could have done. I just- I wasn't ready for you or anyone. But I think I've changed. These people believe that I am capable of something. They don't know who I was. They believe in who I am now"
"Who are you?" he faints a smile
"I found a job. And I've managed to keep it. I came back to tell you that I am grateful for what you wrote. And I am sorry for what I did. I'm glad you're okay"
"You found a job?"
"I did" I take a deep breath
"Your job was to stay. Thank you for telling me your side. My teacher thinks if I forgive you, it'll bring me peace. And he's usually right about these things, but I don't see how he's right about this one. And I can't. Your job was to stay. You don't think I had it in me to allow my father to grow? I'm happy I wrote to you and heard what you had to say. And it makes me feel better knowing that I had nothing to do with what you did. I always thought that this was my fault somehow, but it's not. I didn't do anything" I get up from the chair
"I'm sorry I wasn't there. You- you turned out great" I sigh
"Wow"
What?"
"I've been angry for so long. I'm not angry anymore"
"You're very lucky to have a friend like Riley and a boyfriend like Elliot, I like him, h-"
"He's my friend" I notice Lucas looking at us as he goes downstairs
"Thank you for coming. And I hope you get home okay" he stands up
"Bye Maya" he stands up and leaves
"Lucas" I say in tears as we hug
"It's fine, Maya. Let it all out" He caresses my cheek
"You know what? I know exactly how to-"
"I like you"
"You what?"
"I-I like you. I said it first this time" he slightly chuckles
"Yes, yes you did" he kisses my forehead
"Will you be my girlfriend?" did he really asked it? For real? I nod
"Yeah?"
"Yes, Lucas. I would love to be your girlfriend" he wipes my tears away and gives me a quick kiss
"Are you ready to go in?" I nod
"Yeah" we walk in holding hands. I hate disappointing Mr. Matthews but I couldn't do it. I can't even look at him in the eyes
"I'm sorry. I failed. I know you wanted me to forgive him, but I didn't. I couldn't do it. You were wrong about this one, Mr. Matthews"
"I never expected that, Maya. That kind of forgiveness, it doesn't come so easy. But life is a long time. And I hope you get there someday. But that's never what I was looking for right now"
"What did you want from me?"
"Maya, did you forgive yourself?" I start crying again as I realize that I still haven't and hug him. I know it's not my fault but there's a part of me that believes it is and I can't stop that. I can't forgive myself yet.