Back in the air, Peter calmed down as he got into the rhythm of swinging.
Thwip.
Catch.
Release.
Thwip.
Catch.
Release.
"Hey Karen?"
"Yes, Peter?"
"Is there anything else to go che-hic! on before I reach the Tower? That appliance store, maybe?"
"The scanner is indicating that the police have already arrive at the store, and have everything under control. Other than that, there is nothing that I am aware of."
"Thanks, Karen," Peter said, relieved that he would not have to embarrass himself in front of any more bad guys. Once was enough for the day.
"Hey, could you -hic!- let Mr. Stark -hic!- know that I'll be there -hic!- soon."
"I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Do you mind saying it again?"
"Oh, never mind."
<—>
Arriving at the Tower, Peter was greeted by Friday, who informed him that Tony was in the lab, already working on the suit.
Knocking on the door, he heard a voice call out "Come in," and he stepped hesitantly into the room.
"Hey, kid," said Tony, looking up from the pile of metal in front of him. "How was school?"
"It was fine, I guess," came the muttered reply.
"Just 'fine'? You sure?"
"Oh, Mr. Stark, it was awful!" cried the boy, his resolve to not complain cracking. "First I missed the bus and had to run all the way to school, and then I got the hiccups and made a fool of myself in class. And then when I was patrolling on the way here, I hiccuped while I was catching some vandals, and they laughed and I got kind of mad."
He stopped talking and glanced sheepishly up at Tony. "I'm sorry for complaining. It's probably not that big of a deal."
Just embarrassing, he thought to himself.
"Don't worry about it, kiddo. I've done way more worse things in my life, which means that so far you're doing ok," the older man said with a wave of his hand.
"I was just wondering, though.. do you.. you know, have any idea how to stop me from hiccuping?" Peter asked desperately.
"Well, Avenger-ing doesn't usual result in chronic hiccups, so I'm afraid that I do not personally have any knowledge of how to remedy the current situation."
Peter's face fell.
Looking over at him, Tong noticed his forlorn appearance. "Don't worry, though, Pete, I'm sure Friday can find something to try."
At that, Peter's face lit up again, and two of them set to work.
<—>
"Friday, turn on the lights and my design testing camera. I wanna record the kid in case anything of interest happens."
"Yes, Boss," came the reply.
"Alrighty, then. Take one. What have you got for us, Friday-my-girl?"
"The first search result suggests drinking a glass of water through a straw."
"Hmm... Do we have any straws?"
"No, Boss. It appears that Miss Potts used the last straw this morning for her smoothie."
"Ok, next option," Tony said with a roll of his eyes. Pepper's health smoothies were infamous throughout the Tower.
"The next suggestion is to drink a glass of water upside-down."
"Oooh, Mr. Stark! I can do that one! All I have to do is hang from the ceiling, and I'll be upside-down," cried Peter eagerly.
"You sure about that? It seems awfully... hmm. Well, I guess you can try it," the inventor said reluctantly. "Just don't fall down. I'd hate to have to explain to Pepper why a random kid was injured in my workroom."
"I won't!" came the cheery reply from above him.
"Whoah! Kid, don't do that! You're going to give this old man a heart attack some day," Tony said, jumping in surprise. "Hoo, boy. Ok, here we go."
"Sorry," Peter said, not sounding the least bit remorseful. "Hic!"
Ignoring him, Tony turned toward the camera situated on his workbench. "Ok, Friday, take two. Drinking water upside down. As you can see, the kid made the reckless decision to hang from the roof, so hopefully nothing happens. Alright, kid, here goes nothing," he said, handing Peter a plastic cup full of water.
Taking the cup in his hands, Peter lifted the cup to his upside-down mouth...
And promptly heard a squawk of indignation from below.
"Hey, Pete, gravity still works, ya' know!"
When he had lifted the glass to his mouth, he had turned it upside-down before he brought it to his lip. The result was, of course, that all the water quickly exited the cup and made its way in one large slosh onto the billionaire below.
Ooops.
"Sorry, Mr. Star-hic!"
"Alright, let's try that again. And this time, remember to take gravity into consideration."
A new glass of water in hand, Tony stepped over to the boy hanging off the ceiling from his toes, and handed him the cup, quickly moving back as soon as he had done so.
"Friday, take three."
Peter slowly lifted his torso into an upright position, balancing the cup as he did so. Taking a mouthful of water, he slowly lowered himself till he was upside-down again. Just as he was about to swallow, though, an enormous hiccup burst forth, and water spewed out of his mouth as he coughed and spluttered.
Opening his eyes, he saw a very disgruntled-looking Tony Stark standing in front of him. Why was he all wet? Oh, right.
"The forecast this week was for sunny, not rain," the man said, quirking an eyebrow.
Peter looked crestfallen as he stared at the water dripping off of his mentor.
"Oh, don't worry about it, kid. I'm fine," the man reassured him quickly. "We'll just have to try something else."
<—>
"Alright, Friday, take five. This time, we're trying the pickle juice method."
Standing in front of the camera, Peter held a small shot glass, filled with a suspicious looking liquid. Beside him stood Tony, holding another shot glass, but the contents of that one looked significantly less dubious.
"Cheers," said the billionaire, raising his glass.
"Uh, Mr. Stark, you sure this is a good idea?" asked Peter, eyeing the potentially toxic substance in the glass. "Cause, you know, I wouldn't want to die of food poisoning or something."
"It'll be fine, Pete. Friday found the method on the internet," the man replied confidently.
"Yeah, but like, where on the internet?"
"This particular remedy is from WikiHow, although several other sites also recommend it."
"That's not very reassuring," came the dubious reply.
"Oh, come on, kid, just pour it back quick and it'll be done. Hiccups gone!"
In demonstration, the billionaire lifted his glass and downed the liquid inside it in one gulp, letting out a satisfied "Ahhh" at the end. "Now that there is some seriously good stuff, Pete," he said, eyeing the glass in approval. "You'll be fine."
"Yeah, no offence, Mr. Stark, but you have a real drink, and I have... pickle juice."
"You wanna try something else?" the man asked incredulously. "Whatever, kid. Hey Friday, can you look for a different cure?"
"Er, that's ok, Mr. Stark," Peter said hastily, lifting his glass again. "You never know what Friday might come up with otherwise," he muttered under his breath.
Here goes nothing.
With that, Peter tilted his head back and poured the pickle juice down his throat. No sooner had he done this, though, than he spit it back up, coughing and spluttering at the acidic, eye watering taste.
"Blech! Blerg! Mr. Stark, I am never doing that again!" he said in disgust.
Squishing up his face, he stuck his tongue out and breathed frantically in an effort to get the taste out of his mouth. Seeing his distress, Tony grabbed a glass of water and thrust it into his hands. Grasping at the offered liquid (that was thankfully not of a suspicious nature), Peter took several large gulps, finally stopping when the taste of pickles and vinegar receded from his throat.
Squinting up at the ceiling, he addressed the AI. "No offence, Friday, but that was a terrible idea. I'm gonna have the taste of pickles in my mouth for a month."
"None taken."
Hands in his pockets, Tony watched protectively as Peter took a few more sips of water, hiccuping in between.
"Yeah, Friday, scratch the pickle juice method."
<—>
"Take seven. On this occasion, the objective is to tickle Peter, thereby stopping the hiccups," whispered Tony conspiratorially to the camera.
Stepping away, he carefully tiptoed up to where the boy sat on a chair, tinkering with some electronics, and wiggled his fingers along the base of his neck.
This resulted in....
Nothing.
Peter swivelled his chair around, an amused look in his face.
"Um, that's never going to work, ya' know?"
Disappointed, Tony dropped his sneaky stance. "Why not?"
"It's my spider-sense. Ever since the bite, I have been completely and totally immune from tickling. I always kind of, I don't know, sense that I'm gonna be tickled before it happens, and so I don't feel tickly."
"Well, that's not ideal. For this situation, I mean. It'd be kind of useful, I can imagine, when you have to fend off old ladies who think that every child wants to be tickled when they're hugged."
"Erm, right," came the skeptical reply, followed by a resounding Hic!
<—>
An hour later, the pair had gotten no further in the quest to cure Peter's hiccups.
Tony had gone back to tinkering on some new suit upgrades, humming songs under his breath. Peter had drifted over to another bench and was looking over some science and technology magazines. While he was doing this, however, he still continued to emit the occasional delicate hiccup.
After a while, however, Tony started to lose his concentration whenever Peter hiccuped, no matter how quietly he did it. Noticing the slightly exasperated glances thrown in his direction, Peter tried to smother his hiccups in his shirt again, but this made no difference. Eventually, Tony set down his wrench with a clank, and turned to Peter.
"Kid, I swear, I'm gonna get Thor to come down here and zap you if we can't figure out a way to stop those hiccups."
When the only response was a subdued "Hic!" from the boy, Tony turned around with a sigh and went back to tinkering with the pile of electronics in front of him.
Wandering around the workroom and hiccuping quietly, Peter noticed a new robot sitting beside DUM-E. It had what looked like a Ping-Pong paddle attached to one long appendage, and an ice-cream scoop attached to the other. One whole side of the robot was open, with wires and electronic boards visible where a side panel hung loose, and an occasional spark arcing across the components.
Peering closely, Peter poked his finger at the robot. "Mr. Stark, is this a new robot?"
"Yeah. I was playing around one day a thought maybe I'd make something that would play Ping-Pong with DUM-E," Tony answered, not turning around. "It needs a bit more work, and I haven't decided on what to call it yet."
"What about DUM-E two-point-oh?" said the boy absently as he poked at the wires in the robot. "It could be the next in a new line of bots, kind of like the Mar-hic!," - a small arc of electricity jumped onto Peter's hand, making the skin tingle uncomfortably - "suits. Mr. Stark, your robot attacked me!" he cried out in surprise.
Tony, who had glanced over toward Peter for a moment, had seen the spark that had crackled and jumped over Peter's hand.
"Ha!" he crowed delightedly. "See, I told ya you'd get zapped if you kept hiccuping!"
"Well, you should tell Thor not to let his lighting powers come in contact with unreliable robots," said Peter, rubbing his still-tingling hand.
<—>
Despite the zap of electricity that may or may not have been caused by Thor, Peter's hiccups were still in full swing, and had in fact only increased in pitch, and Tony's nerves were starting to frazzle.
"Boss, I have observed that Mr. Parker's hiccups are causing you some distress," said Friday cheerfully.
"Yeah, you got that right," Tony muttered under his breath.
"Do I have your permission to try another method? I understand that surprising the person afflicted with hiccups can be an effective method of terminating those hiccups."
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Anything to get the poor kid to stop beeping like an alarm clock."
"Alright, here is what I have in mind...."
<—>
An unsuspecting Peter was still on the other side of the work room, poking away at various prototypes and original designs, and trying very hard to ignore the constant hiccups that bubbled out of him with alarming regularity.
All his attention was focused on the lines and numbers of a holographic blueprint projected in front of him, and he paid no attention to where Tony was or what he was doing. He was so focused, in fact, that he didn't even hear the muffled giggles coming from the direction of Tony's main workbench, and thus did not see the inventor tiptoe carefully up behind him and place something on the floor.
A few seconds later, Peter heard a faint clicking sound, and noticed something moving out of the corner of his eye. He glanced over, and noticed a large creature of some sort crawling on the edge of the projector table. Going back to his work, he heard a clicking sound and suddenly realized what it was that he had seen. Whirling around again, Peter found himself face to face with a huge, absolutely monstrously hairy tarantula.
Peter's heart skipped a beat as he stood there frozen for a second, then started up again just in time for the boy to let out a piercing yell.
"Aaaaaaaaah!!!" he shrieked as he vaulted backwards over the table and launched himself onto the ceiling, knocking down several trays of tools as he did so.
At the Peter's cry of distress, Tony looked up just in time to see the boy's spectacular leap onto the ceiling, where he hung there upside-down, panting for breath.
"Mister-Mister St-Stark! There's a huge, a huge spider down there!" came a tremulous whisper from above.
"Is that all? Kid, you got your powers from a spider, I thought that would make you all buddy-buddy with creatures of the eight-legged variety," Tony said in an exasperated voice.
"But, but, it was enormous! Like Shelob-from-The-Lord-of-The-Rings sized!"
"I seriously doubt it," Tony whispered. "But there was a benefit, Pete. Just listen."
Peter cocked his head to one side and listened hard. "I don't hear anything, Mr. Stark."
"Exactly, Peter. No hiccups! You're cured," Tony said with a smirk. "Guess that drone-hologrammed-to-look-like-a-spider idea of Friday's actually worked."
"What? You mean that-ugh-tarantula was just a hologram?" Peter shuddered at the memory.
"Yep," answered Tony as he walked over and picked up the now harmless-looking drone. "It was all this little guy."
"It was awful... but... I guess it did get the job done. Nothing else worked, that's for sure."
"It was all pretty funny, though," Tony said, mouth quirking into a smile. "You should have seen your face after you swallowed the pickle juice."
"Yeah, it was pretty funny. Pretty gross, too. I am never doing that again, no matter how many hiccups I have," Peter said with a laugh.
"And, and that time when you turned the glass upside-down and all the water fell out? The look on your face. Kid, that was priceless. Now that I've seen that, I can die happy."
Chuckling at the memory, Peter didn't notice at first when his phone started ringing. "Sorry, Mr. Stark, it's my Aunt. I should probably be getting back soon. I have to study with Ned, and I want to get some patrolling in before it's too late."
The phone had stopped buzzing, and soon Friday announced that May Parker was calling the tower.
"That's your cue, kid. Don't want to keep Aunt May waiting."
"Okay. Bye, Mr. Stark! Thanks for your help!" Peter called out as he grabbed his backpack and headed to the stairs. "See you later!"
As he bounded down the stairs two at a time, hiccups gone, Peter cracked a smile. He had done well in school, nabbed some bad guys, and had lots of fun with Mr. Stark. Maybe today wasn't so bad after all.
————-
This story was inspired by and is dedicated to my sister, Alakeatmydoorstep.
For a very long time, she has inexplicably gotten hiccups which come in batches of two or three at a time, and then go away for a while. Our family finds it hilarious, as does she, and the situation is made even more funny by the fact that her hiccups sound like she is saying "Beep" or "Eeep" in a very high-pitched voice. Not your usual hiccup sound, that's for sure!
After the tragic events of Endgame, my sister and I needed some Peter and Tony fluff, and somehow Peter being afflicted with hiccups came up, and this story was the result.
I plan on writing a 5+1 story focused on Tony and Peter, so keep your eyes out for that!
Thanks for reading this little story.
I hope you enjoyed it.
~ EG
@TheRoadGoesEverOn