Today is a new day.
Gray's stunning prismatic light show blew me away. It was better than any Winter Formal proposal I could ever imagine. I can't wait to attend my first high school dance with him. Before I met Gray, high school dances just seemed like another silly teenage ritual that I didn't understand. Now, I can't stop picturing me and the love of my life slow dancing under the disco ball and I wish time would fasten.
Yesterday, Nessie and I swung by the mall to pick up my tuxedo. It fits perfectly, and I'm eager to see what outfit Gray's picked out for tonight. No matter how many times I pester him, he refuses to tell me as he wants it to be a surprise. By now I've conceded to his wishes, though my curiosity refuses to dissipate.
When I get downstairs, my dad is already at work and Nessie is in the kitchen baking cinnamon rolls. The sweet aroma makes my stomach grumble and I parade into the kitchen cheerfully.
"Morning early riser," she quips sarcastically. I roll my eyes at her and sit down at the kitchen table. She brings a plate of cinnamon rolls over and I eagerly take it.
"So, are you excited for the dance tonight?"
I nod, clouded by sleepiness. I try to stifle a yawn, but it comes out loud and over exaggerated. Nessie laughs and unravels a cinnamon roll, eating it like a long coil.
"Be careful tonight, okay?"
I give her another nod, too tired to comprehend what she means.
"Do you need condoms? We can swing by the store and buy you some."
Suddenly I'm wide awake, and my whole face lights up like the Christmas tree sitting in our living room. Nessie, Dad, and I put it up last weekend. It's the first time we've had a Christmas tree in years.
"I...I think I'm good."
"Paris, don't be embarrassed. I'd rather you be safe."
"I know, Nessie, but, really, I'm fine."
I hope this is the end of that conversation, but she keeps pestering me. It reminds me of my mom, but not in a fun way.
"Have you two had sex already?"
I set down my half-eaten cinnamon roll and leave it there, too nauseous to eat another bite. Why is she asking me all these questions? I don't know what to say. Should I be honest with her, or lie and move on like it's no big deal.
"Well, I think I just got an answer."
She smirks before carrying her empty plate to the kitchen and dumping it in the dishwater.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You hesitated. Remember, Paris, I'm a teacher. I work with teenagers almost every day. I know when one doesn't wanna tell me something."
"Maybe I'm different," I protest with an exaggerated frown, crossing my hands over my chest.
"Fine. I'll ask you again. Have you two had sex already?"
I take in a deep breath and let out a huge, annoyed sigh.
"Yes," I muster, mumbling at a hauntingly quiet whisper.
"I was right," she replies, followed by a swift giggle.
"What's so funny?"
"It's just," she lets out a soft, delicate laugh, "you're face is so red."
I can feel the heat in my face and my skin is hot to the touch. Is she really amused by all this? I'm certainly not!
"I just want to make sure you're being careful," Nessie adds, her snicker falling away.
"I am - we are!" I stutter, assuring her everything's alright. I'm desperate to finish this brutally awkward conversation and move on.
"Are you using protection? What about lubricant? Has Gray been tested? Have you been tested?"
"Ugh, stop! You're going to make me die of embarrassment!" I shout, heading toward the staircase to make my way back to my bedroom.
"Well, don't come crying to me if you get an STD! I teach biology, Paris, I've had the sex talk many times!"
I stop at the first step and turn around, at a loss for words. I know she's just looking out for me, but my breakfast has bubbled up to my throat and I feel like I'm about to throw up all over the carpet.
"We're very careful, I promise. We don't use condoms because Gray and I are exclusive and he's been tested for STDs. Also, we always use lube. Are you happy now?"
"Yes. I'm glad you two are being responsible about your sexual activity."
There's a moment of silence before I come clean about something's that's been on my mind these past few weeks.
"Well, we haven't really had sex since my accident."
I can't believe I'm having a conversation with my aunt about my sex life! I never thought I'd see the day.
"Is there a reason you haven't been sexually active recently?"
She sounds like a doctor, and sometimes I wonder if her real dream was to become a sex therapist instead of a high school biology teacher.
"No. I mean, I don't think so. I guess we just haven't gotten around to it yet."
"Do you want to have sex?"
"Yes, maybe, um...can we stop talking about this?"
I'm stumbling over my words like a runner who's tripping on all the hurdles. Of course, Nessie ignores my staggered pleading and keeps going.
"I think Gray might be nervous to initiate intercourse because the last time you two were that intimate was before your accident. He probably assumes you're not ready yet and he won't make a move until you tell him."
My mouth is open and I feel like a whale shark standing there in my living room with my lips gaping and my hands fluttering in embarrassment. Is Nessie really telling me to spread my legs and tell Gray, "have at it"?
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I'm your aunt and I care about you. Also, I may have received a call from Erin wondering if I was comfortable with my nephew, a minor, renting a room from her."
Now my face is even redder.
"You said to make a move. I guess I was already one step ahead of you."
"Mhmhm," Nessie shoots a squinted glare at me, "You're lucky I said yes and didn't cancel the reservation. They're fully booked tonight."
"Thank you," I mutter, unsure what else to say.
"You're welcome. Next time, just ask me or your dad first. What'd you think we'd say? 'Save yourself till marriage?' I certainly didn't. Nor did your dad. Or your mom."
"Ew!!! I do not wanna hear about any of your sex lives."
"Paris, aren't you happy that we can have such an open dialogue about sex?"
"I'd be happier if you stopped talking!" I tease, though truthfully I'm trying to hold back the tears forming in my eyes. I'm incredibly thankful for Nessie's awkward sex talk. She only reaffirmed my suspicions. Every time we kissed, it seemed as if Gray was holding back a little like he was afraid I would break in half or something. Gray needs to know I'm okay before we take that next step. It's like our first time all over again, and I'm ready. I hope he feels the same.
"You know, if you ever do need a condom, I think I have some in my room that you could take off my hands."
"NESSIE!" I yell, unsuccessfully trying to hold in my amusement. The two of us laugh our asses off, practically falling on the floor. It feels great to grin and chuckle in this house that for so long had no joy in it. It's as if things are back to the way they were all those years ago. Maybe my mom isn't alive anymore, but her spirit lives on.