Jillianne was never the friendly type of women. She was totally a bitch in her kind and so obsessed in dramas. I had met her in Senior High School but never had a chance to be close to her. When we graduated, I fled to Cebu to explore and do some things and I accidentally met her there. After that, we were in touch and a year of chatting, we decided to make it to the next level. She was aware of my activities— when we were still chat-mates— that I was flirting with other women. It shocked me to know that she was okay with it at first. I thought she was sport and fine with open relationship but as time passed by, I had known that she was the same as other girls. She was possessive and she was always ranting about her fog of illusions. She was in her room of paranoia most of the time that when I was holding my phone, she’ll suspect that I was texting someone else that in fact, it was friends who were asking about our school requirements.
“I told you, it’s George.” I immediately said as she tried to peek on the screen of my phone.
She glared at me, “If it’s George, why do you need to respond in each messages he sent?”
“Are you gonna throw a fit just because of this petty reason?”
“Petty? You call that petty?” she said mockingly, “If you weren’t cheating, then give me the passcode of your phone and your Facebook account!”
“W-what? You’re kidding me,” I uttered as I shook my head.
I wasn’t really serious in relationship before. At the age of fourteen, I lost my virginity with a sixteen years old grade 10 student. She liked me and she admitted it in front of me. Way back, I was a kid, willing to explore and taste something new. After my first sex, it followed more each passing years. It was normal tendency of a man to have sex, it was our nature so was it okay. Honestly, even I was committed, I was still flirting with women behind my girlfriend’s back. Even when I was committed to Jillianne, I made out and had a sex with random girls that I had met in the bar.
I was no saint at all— but I wasn’t claiming to be one. Girls were easy when they were challenged and thrilled. There were women driven by their curiosity or just wanted to satisfy the thirst of their dominant libido. But after the accident, something had shook the bowl of realization within me. Though, I wasn’t certain if it made me believe about love. My perspective about it was still the same. There was no way would I define love as the powerful feeling and unyielding affection of a particular person to others unless I would experience it on hand. On my mind, I predicted that love was just a word they tried to ensconced with the word ‘lust’. A thinking of a person that he or she could get a 10,000 times of pleasure from that special person than the normal rate of it was pathetic.
But looking at the woman who seemed to oblivious about Jillianne in front of me made me realize how wasteful my life was. She scoffed and walked at my side. She suddenly fell in the abyss of silence when she looked at Jillianne who was now in front of me. Ariellè looked down as she moved away but before she could make the next step, I reached for her hand to stop her. Jillianne looked at my hand that coiled around Ariellè wrist.
“Good thing you already remember me,” Jillianne uttered and walked at my side, blocking my view of Ariellè, “Excuse me.”
My heart walloped my chest when Ariellè pulled her hand. I tried to look at her but Jillianne followed my line of vision just to block my view. I glared at her but before I could utter any word, Ariellè’s sweet voice shook my entire entity.
“S-sige, Alexis. May bisita ka pala.” Her voice was calm and almost a whisper.
“Ariellè—”
“Hey,” I was cut off when Jillianne talked, “How are you?”
“Jill,” I pushed her lightly so can I see, “Arielle wait—”
Hindi ko na natuloy ang sasabihin ko no’ng nakalabas na siya. I closed my eyes tightly, I wanted to chase her but I needed to settle first my issue with Jillianne. I looked at her with unspoken irritation and she receded a bit.
“Who’s that woman? Your girl-toy?” she asked as she glanced to the door where my Ariellè went out.
“Don’t call her that!”
Kumunot ang kaniyang noo, “What?”
“I said don’t call her that!”
“Is that the woman you are fucking while you are here? Not bad.” She rolled her eyes, “The last time I visited, you shooed me away. You didn’t remember me so your Momma advised me to just give you time. I didn’t know that time is to fuck some slut—”
“Shut the fuck up, Jill! Don’t call her that way or else I would call a guard to drag your ass out of this building!” I yelled, feeling the heat of irritation welled up until my head.
Her jaw dropped at my sudden tirade. Just don’t call my Ariellè that way. She was different, she was pure and she was way better than all of you. The way she name-called Ariellè heightened the anger and irritation within me. I was offended and I just wanted to slap the face of whoever called Ariellè that way.
“What the fuck? What is your problem, Alexis?” she asked, still in the process of swallowing what I had uttered.
I heaved a sigh and massaged the bridge of my nose. I needed to make this fast, I needed to talk to Ariellè.
“Let’s end this,”
“End- What?”
“Let’s break up,” I began, “Look, I am so sorry for what I did. I am a total jerk. Our relationship started without feelings involved. You knew that—”
One slap on my face, I felt my cheek sting. I accepted her wrath, I will never complain about the twinge it sent on my skin. Her eyes welled up with tears but she managed to stand still and remained in her classy posture.
“You’re such a fucking asshole!” She yelled, “I hate you, Alexis Del Castro!”
I deserved the slap, I knew. I watched her walked out of my room as her eyes welled up of tears. This wasn’t the first time I had seen a girl crying because of my actions. Way back, when I was breaking up with girls, they always ended up crying or ranting about my actions. However, it did not give any sense of remorse within me. Even now, as Jillianne walked out of the room, I hadn’t any remorse but the only thing that existed was pity. When I met Ariellè, I wanted to be a better version of me. I wasn’t proud of what I had been in my life before I met her. That part of my life was flawed and it gave a chill of affright thinking that it might lead Ariellè on hating me.
Change had never been in my vocabulary before. If they wanted to flirt or be my girlfriend, they needed to be aware of my actions. Relationships don’t require any changes— or changes weren’t forced to someone. But right now, even we weren’t together, I felt the extreme pull of the urge to change. I knew that Ariellè might not have feelings for me— it there was, it might be just for friends.
Minutes later, after being drowned in own reverie, I’d decided to go out of the room. I needed to find Ariellè. I needed to explain about Jillianne. I had a feeling that she didn’t really care about Jillianne. Nor to me for having a woman aside from her. Though, I wanted to see a reaction, I wanted to see if she was jealous or something. The thought of Ariellè being jealous tickled the sensitive part of my heart, making it seemed to swell.
Though I knew that this was just one-sided. All I was thinking just a product of my delusional thinking. My actions seemed so eerily desperate. I halted before I could ask a nurse where was the room of Ariellè. I wanted to explain everything from her but she might have a lack of apparent interest on my explanations. I took a deep breath and shook my head— pain mixed with disappointment slowly crept on my veins as I looked at the deserted hallway. Something was pulling me to go but a part of me holding an unyielding restraint stopped me to do so.
For the last time, I glanced to the hallway. After that, I turned around and ambled back to my room. As the beauty of the skyscrapers dazzled me awhile, the essence of it had slowly subsided as I stared blankly to the clouds that were slowly rolling in. I tried to pull the venomous thoughts out of my head as I looked at the door that had creaked to open. Rose of excitement had sprouted as I waited for that person to show up. At the little span of time before showing up, I prayed that it was Ariellè. But then, the heat of disappointment had crawled on the pit of my heart as I looked back to the outside vicinity.
“Son,” mom called as I noticed her nearing towards me.
“I’ve heard from Ariellè that you have visitor. Who’s that?”
“Jillianne,” I answered without energy.
Mother did not speak for a minute. I heard her heave a sigh as he caressed my forearms.
“What happened? You look sad.”
I shook my head, “I broke up with Jillianne,”
“I see.” She retorted, “You love her?”
Tumingin ako sa kaniya. My forehead crumpled, “No,”
Tumikhim si Mommy, “Then why do you look sad?”
I shrugged, “Ariellè saw Jillianne,”
She did not speak anymore. My mom was never inquisitive. She kept her thought and queries on her mind even she was bothered on my activities with women. I knew she was worried about my reputation especially the stain I might give to my Father’s name. And because my Father was so fine with his life and so drawn to the peak of fame of medical industry— well, he was included as one of the wealthiest men on the pinnacle of the society. He was obsessed with power and fame that I had to be secretive regarding my activities because I might get punished by freezing my bank account.
Hours had passed and I was still awake— thinking that Ariellè might swing by. But as the time fell off, the apparent sadness was slowly looming in my chest. Mom went out of my room because she needed to visit her patients. She also told me to get rest but I didn’t. I want to see Ariellè this time but I didn’t know how. I wanted to respect her privacy by not knowing her room. But I couldn’t just stick my ass on my bed and wait for uncertainty. I was momentarily looking at the door, hoping the creak would resound in the room. But my disappointment magnified once the dusk had begun to clothe the firmament with a faint shade of orange and red.
I took my laptop and logged in on my Facebook account. This was what I hadn’t done before. Well, it had been months since the last time I checked my Facebook account. When I finally opened my account, the usual random messages I got from girls popped out on the screen. Ignoring those messages, I searched her name.
Ariellè Kelsi Tejano.
No account found.
I tried to type: Ariellè Tejano.
But still, no account found.
I tried to type her nickname.
A Tejano.
Smile of triumphant appeared on my face as I looked at her profile. There I found it! I instantly clicked her profile but I was fazed when I saw her bio.
It said: “Miracles are for people who believe in it. Hence, I am waiting for my miracle.”