I already can't wait for this day to be over. There are some days when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and everything goes wrong—this is one of those days. I was late to school, forgot to do a couple of homework assignments, and I even tripped on the staircase with lots of people watching. I think it dampens my mood even more because I'm already torn up about the drama with Tamara. I don't even bother going to the lunch room today because I don't want to confront Tamara just yet. I don't want to face Ethan either; the look on his face when he saw me with Fergie was unforgettable.
Not even ten minutes into my lunch hour and I see Ethan and Tamara walk into the library. It's the only safe haven I have at school and they decide to waltz in here, knowing fully well that I'm in here. Our eyes meet and I immediately know that they are going to walk over to me. I just want to be alone right now. I don't have a clue what they are going to say to me. Tamara called me out of my name at homecoming and basically stated that we were never really friends in the first place. If we aren't friends, then she needs to keep walking and leave me alone.
I have been thinking about the situation with her all day—it's the reason I want to be alone. I need to find a way to tell her that I'd rather not be friends with her anymore. I'll do it in a respectful way and won't go out of my way to call her out of her name. If I'm going to be happy in life, then I need to stop letting toxic people be around me. I've realized that those years of friendship meant nothing if she can throw it under the bus like that. If she doesn't care about our 'friendship' then neither should I.
As far as Ethan goes, I have absolutely no idea how to confront him about the whole Fergie situation. He literally poured his heart out to me only to see me with another dude at homecoming not too long after . He must feel like the stupidest guy in the universe right now—for falling for someone who honestly doesn't reciprocate feelings. I don't blame him for looking upset at homecoming because I know I'd feel the same way if I were in his position. I just hate for him to feel like what I did was intentional, not that I did anything at all. Fergie asked me to go to homecoming with him, and I enjoyed myself. I'm at this constant war with myself about enjoying my romantic involvement with Fergie and letting other people ruin it.
I don't want to seem like the bad guy and make everyone upset. It's like I can't be around certain people and have Fergie by my side. We can't go around Ethan without seeing the sadness in his eyes. We can't go around Devin without him saying some dumb stuff about how we're not going to work out. We can't go around Tamara without her going ballistic for absolutely no reason at all.
I think that it is absolute absurd that she chooses to act like that when she sees us together. Tamara can be a bit immature at times, and it is annoying. The girl is a work in progress, although it seems like nothing about her attitude is improving. If I could control how people react to the things that I do, then I would. However, I can't control other people's actions or reactions—I can only control mine. Therefore, I will not lash out or allow them to see me in a sour mood. My vibes are good from here on out and anyone who doesn't add to that can kindly remove themselves away from me.
"Oh look, it's the thot." Tamara snickers. "Leading you on just to go thirst after someone out of her league."
Excuse me?
Thot?
Thirst?
Out of my league?
"I'm definitely not thirsting after anyone." I wave her off.
"Oh, but you admit to leading Ethan on, right?" She raises an eyebrow.
"I never said that." I sigh.
"You didn't have to." She rolls her eyes.
"What is yo problem, dude?" I ask her.
"You." She spits in anger.
"Tamara, just calm down." Ethan says to her.
"I knew I shouldn't have brought you in here. Of course you gone take her side, even though she don't even look at you in that way. She's doing you so wrong and you can't even see it." Tamara says to Ethan.
I'm not doing anything to Ethan. I told him that we should remain friends because I don't like him in that way. It is not my fault if I found someone who I do like in a more than platonic way. He can't get mad at me because I don't have feelings for him. I think he'd be doing just fine with dealing with my response if Tamara wasn't putting bad things in his ear twenty-four seven.
"How about you be quiet and let him talk for himself." I say. "You're constantly breathing down his neck. Leave the man alone."
"You know, I really can't stand you." She accusingly points a finger at me.
"I'm going to have to ask you all to be quiet or leave the library." One of the librarians say as she shushes us.
"You can say whatever you want." I collect my things and stand up. "But what you not about to do is disrespect me."
"That's right, run away from your problems as usual." Tamara sarcastically waves goodbye to me.
"Ethan." I say and look up at him.
I don't know why I say his name in particular, I just do. Maybe I say it in hopes that he'll knock some sense into his friend because she clearly isn't mine anymore. He just stands there for a moment, contemplating on what to do. He finally decides to speak up after Tamara hits him on the arm.
"Just walk away." He states, looking at me.
"Wow, you too?" I raise my eyebrows in bewilderment.
Like I said, I really can't wait for this day to be over.
•••
Let me tell you guys that this update has been long overdue! Between work and full time school, I haven't had the time to update. We're on Thanksgiving break and I thought it'd be the perfect time to update!
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!
Thank you so much for supporting my story!