His eyes crinkled when he slept beside me and I couldn't help but to stare at him when he was sleeping... That wasn't weird, was it? I was so proud to be with him because he supported me in whatever I decided to do with my life, and trust me, from here on out it was going to be difficult. I imagined how hard it will be for him in the future and how much pain I will have caused him in his life... I had only wished that some hot, fancy, British boy would fall in love with me, and now that it has happened I wish that it would go away. How could I hurt someone to the point where they have to be with me? Of course, Joe could leave me anytime he wanted to, but we have this... connection. He understands me more than anyone ever has - definitely more than Justin. I shuddered at the mention of his name and I looked back at the beautiful naked man sleeping next to me. I gently closed my eyes and prayed for my life, and for his as well.
"Marilyn, wake up babe." God, I could definitely wake up to that voice every single morning. Any American girl would be insane if they thought that British accents in the morning weren't the sexiest thing in the world. I slowly closed my eyes and looked upon the one man that could change my mood in any second. His smile instantly made me smile, which is what I proceeded to do.
"Good morning," I said in a yawn. He yawned in response to my actions and we both laughed. At this point in the relationship I wasn't freaked out that he saw me naked or vise versa. In fact, I kind of liked it. At first it was weird that some famous boy was looking at me and he probably judging me, but now we got over that and we were truly acting like a married couple. I remembered that awhile back he had asked me to marry and I thought that he was absolutely mad, but now I see what he means when he said that. He meant that we could live our life the exact same way, but with a more serious title. Is that really what he wanted? A title?
"So, we have some news," he started to say and then Caspar ran into the room without knocking.
"Are you guys... Naked?" he asked looking at both of us covered in our blankets.
"Well, I didn't hear you knock," I said rhetorically and shrugging my shoulders. He laughed and closed his eyes.
"Well, Dr. Clifford called and asked to move up your surgery. I told him it was okay..." I looked at him with my eyes wide open and I closed them hard.
"Great Cas, thank you," I said with tight lids and a stern voice.
"Like, two days from now.." he said and ran out fast before I could strangle his cute little South African neck.
"I cannot believe he would do that Marilyn, I am so sorry.. We can call back right now," Joe said getting up and grabbing his phone from his nightstand. At that point I had a decision to make, and I had to make it fast -
"No, I'll do it," I said with my eyes closed still. My fists were clentched into balls and I breathed very slowly.
"Marilyn, are you..."
"Yes," I exhaled. I sat up from the bed and opened my eyes. A concerned Sugg was right in front of my face. I smiled at him and he kissed my forehead.
"You are the toughest girl I have ever known. You will do fine," he said moving toward the dresser and finding some clothes to put on. I shook my head at his comment because I was not the only brave one in this relationship... I joined him in finding clothes and we moved from the bedroom to the living area where Caspar was editing a video.
"Are you lovebirds done? I bet you were up all night because its the afternoon right now," he said never looking up from his MacBook. I silently cursed him and sat down right next to him.
"Joe and I like to get naked together, it means that we love each other. I'm sure you and Layla get naked.. actually don't comment on that one," I laughed. He peeped a smile out and laughed along.
This whole time I had thought about the real reason I wanted to move to London and why I even wanted to visit here. This is the reason. I never knew I would meet so many well rounded and beautiful people in my life. In fact, it all started with Graham, which I found out to be Joe's father... Then I met the love of my life, and the man that I knew I was going to be with for a long time... All these reasons I came to London to experience my life and live it were a lie up until now. Ever since I had moved here and faced many adversities, my life had not started until now. Nevermind that, my life really will not have started until my heart surgery. The only thing I can do from now up until that point is pray, and I hope that God isn't too mad with all the sins I have committed...
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Today was the day. Two days went by faster than I had expected and I have been keeping up with my fluids like the doctor instructed me to do. I silently prayed every second Joe and Caspar took me to the hospital, but not just my regular hospital, I had to go to one of those cancer centers. Ugh, the thought of a "cancer center" makes me sick. Quite literally because my radiation has taken an absolute toll on my body.
"You'll be fine." How do you know?
"You'll do good Mary, I believe in you." Do you?
My mind raced as the boys tried to keep me up in spirits. These words of encouragement definitely helped somewhat, but wouldn't you be nervous if some random guy was cutting open your body and playing around your organs? Of course you would. I closed my eyes and practiced my breathing techniques that I had been learning for about a week now in preparation for my surgery. It is very important to be cool during these situations, so I have to do my best to breathe.
As we walked into the center, I could smell death. I hated this place, I hated my situation, and I absolutely hated doctors.
"Marilyn, I love you. I want you to know that whatever happens, I will be here for you and that I love you," Joe said hugging me tightly and kissing my cheek.
"And I love you too, both of you. Caspar, text Layla and tell her that I'm going in. Tell her I love her," I said walking away from the boys and to the receptionists desk. I walked slowly, but I was sure of myself and where this was going to go. After checking myself in, we waited a half hour before my doctor came to get me. I was a little hesitant at first because I didn't see Dr. Clifford, but then I realized he was not a heart surgeon, so he wouldn't be here.
"Are you ready?" he asked taking me away from my roommates and towards a room where I would be prepped for my surgery.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I replied somewhat smiling.
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There I was lying without my shirt on - I only had a dinky hospital gown on - in front of a lot of people. These people seemed to recognize me from the television because they were talking about how I would see my sister after this and how I would be making it out alive.
Or so I hoped.
The whole time the surgeon was getting ready and the nurse was getting ready to put me under a bunch of heavy drugs, I kept thinking about my family. About how my mom felt when my dad was going through the same thing, and now how she will not ever know if I'm ever cured or not. I was definitely hoping that she was looking down from Heaven smiling at me and all that I have done so far. I hope I have not upset her in any way...
I closed my eyes and the nurse was coming over to start the procedure.
"Okay honey, lets count to three together," she said placing a mask over my mouth. I breathed in the mask. What a lovely... what would you call it, a scent?
One.
Two.
Three.
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Hello everybody, I am so sorry that I haven't been updating often. I feel so bad! But when you go to school, work 20 hours a week, play sports, and do clubs outside of school it gets kind of crazy... Thank you all for understanding my situation and not getting mad at me or anything. This is my last year of high school and I definitely have to make it count! So I appreciate everyone reading this! :-)
By the way guys, 28,000 can you believe that. I am seriously going insane right now. This is absoulutely mental! I love you all so much and you make my day with the comments because I absolutely love reading them! <333
By the way: Steal My Girl by One Direction is mmmm. I am absolutely in love!
-Court and Kris (watching AHS: Freak Show)