Christmas is and always will be my favorite holiday. Everyone becomes so cheerful and nice. Going to the mall in December is a whole new experience as opposed to going any other time of the year. You can even spend outrageous amounts of money and you feel like you didn't because it's for those you care about or even for yourself.
On Christmas day of my sophomore year in high school, I got a message from a very good-looking guy in New York asking for my phone number. His name was Brody. He was tall, had black flowy hair, the best-looking nose I had seen in my entire life and from what I could see in his pictures, he was very tall. I went through his profile and I saw no signs of him having anything close to a girlfriend. Because come on, I had limits. At least one thing I respected.
Mind you, that was the first time anything like that had ever happened to me. An unbelievably attractive guy was asking for my phone number. Completely ignoring the fact that there would probably be terrible consequences for my decisions because duh, the pictures, I gave him my real phone number. He then proceeded to text me.
Brody: Hey, Amanda.
I can't explain the excitement I felt. I wanted to come up with something witty and memorable to answer because I wanted him to be lured in.
Me: I'm assuming this is Brody.
Brody: What? Were you expecting anyone else? Anything less? Yes, it's me, Brody.
And just like that, Brody and I had a day long interchange of text messages. I don't know if it was the fact that it was Christmas or the combination of that and the fact that he was actually a gentleman but it was one of the best conversations I've had to this day. This had never happened to me. He was into me just as I was into him. He kept messaging me and I didn't even know how to handle all of the attention this guy was giving me. Not only that but he was also very attractive. I was ecstatic. Weeks went by and along came New Year's eve.
Brody: Good morning, Amanda. Are you ready to receive the new year? What are your goals and resolutions?
When I got this text, somehow, I completely forgot who I was pretending to be and I answered honestly.
Me: I am ready to get into the new year. I want to lose weight.
Brody: Lose weight? Your body is literally perfect. Why on earth would you want to lose weight?
FUCK! I almost gave myself away with that one. I went numb for a couple of seconds and realized how much of a dumbfuck I was for almost burning myself.
Me: Oh no no, I mean I want to tone up.
Tone up? Who even says that? But as stupid as I sounded, I thought I was off the hook.
Before that new year arrived, we were still texting. And then, I got the text message that actually made me tear up.
Brody: You know Amanda, I wanted to mention something to you. There are a lot of things I'm thankful for in this past year. Many good things happened in my life. But without a doubt, one of the best things that happened was getting to know you. I feel like you've been around in my life for so long even though we've only been talking for a couple of days. I hope you stay in my life for years down the road. I feel good and comfortable talking to you and that is a lot more than I can say from anyone else.
Was this too much? Should I have told him the truth right then and there? I probably should have. He would have been mad at me, probably, but I wanted to keep this game going. I was having fun. Anyway, this story wouldn't be the same if I had told him the truth.
These texts eventually led to phone calls and they went from being friendly and cute like they were in the beginning, to romantic and sexual. After having spoken with him a couple of times, this is the conversation I remember most distinctly.
Again, these seem like such innocent conversations that probably wouldn't have led anywhere if I hadn't let them.
Brody: Amanda, we have been talking for a while on and off and I really am attracted to you. When do you think we would be able to maybe talk on camera? I want to see you. You know, and eventually meet each other. I want to be able to hold you and talk to you face to face. Take you out on dates, do things right.
I could hear in his tone of voice that he was smiling. As if he had just come up with the idea that would probably maybe enhance a long-distance relationship which were very popular back then. If only I were Rachel. I remember feeling a huge hole in my heart and a violent tornado in my stomach. How on earth was I going to turn on a camera and let him see that I'm not who he thinks I am? I'm not ready to give this man up. Think Amanda, THINK!
Me: Oh my god! I would love to talk to you on camera but my wi-fi connection is honestly not the best down here and you honestly won't be able to see me or even hear me. I've tried it before and it completely sucks.
Brody: Amanda, you don't have to be nervous. Just turn on your camera for at least 5 minutes. I want to see your beautiful face. Please.
Nervous? I was terrified! I didn't know how to shake this off. Up your game, Amanda. You can do it. I had to bring my A game when it came to acting.
Me: I know. It's just that there's also a little crack on the camera on my phone so you won't be able to see me very clearly because of that either. Just give me some time, I'll get myself a new camera so we can talk for as long as you want. Back then, these excuses were acceptable. Cameras on phones were not that common. If you try to date someone you met online, they'll ask for a video call within minutes of first getting to know
I couldn't hide it anymore. I was giving myself away with these stupid, unbelievable excuses. In that same conversation I gave him the most absurd list of excuses.
- My Wi-Fi sucked
- Camera was broken
- My brother had taken my laptop
- I was out for the day
- My dad got mad and took my phone away
- My dad got mad and took my computer away
- My phone got stolen
- My computer was stolen
- I was sick
Eventually, Brody realized that I wasn't going to give in so he gave up. I could feel it. We were having conversations where he was no longer present. He was talking but I could tell he was paying attention to other things. I could feel him slowly letting me go. I couldn't take it. I had to take more drastic measures. This is one of the things I regret the most out of the whole story I'm in the process of telling you. I was determined to ask my friend Emily for help. I didn't know what else to do.
Early the next morning, I got up earlier than I usually do because I had to plan things out. I got ready for school and asked my mom to drop me off a little earlier because I knew Emily would be there early as well. I had to ask for help.
Me: Emily, I need your help.
I'm assuming I had the most worried look on my face because Emily's face completely changed as those words came out of my mouth.
Emily: Are you okay?
Me: Yes. I need you to text this guy who has been messaging me on our fake profile. I need you to tell him that I had a car accident and that I'm in critical condition at the hospital. I've been doing anything I can so he doesn't find out I've been lying but he's not buying any of the bullshit lies I'm feeding him.
She must have thought I was crazy. These words came out of my mouth faster than any other words ever had. She looked at me in a way she had never seen me before and we had been friends almost since we were born. I didn't know whether I was going to be able to count on her or not. But I was so determined to doing this that if it wasn't Emily, I was going to find someone else to do it.
Emily: Amanda, are you out of your fucking mind? What are you doing with this guy? Why don't you just fucking block him?
Me: Emily, if we block him he's going to freak out and try to find me. And if he does, odds are he finds Rachel and tells her. And if he does, we're really fucked.
Emily: Okay, okay you're right. I'll do it if you promise me that this is going to be the end of all of it. You have to get rid of this fake profile. You have to find a way. I didn't know you were so invested in it. Why didn't you tell me any of this?
I could tell she was actually worried. I went silent for a minute. I had to carefully choose the words so that she would actually help me. Even going through the possibility of being caught wasn't enough to stop me. Even after everything she said, I was trying to come up with something to manipulate her into doing what I wanted. I wasn't ready to give Brody up. I needed the texts, phone calls, attention in my life.
Me: Okay.
And just like that. I made my best friend play a key part of my deception. I got her to lie to Brody too. All of this was starting to look like a freaking telenovela. A Mexican telenovela.
Emily: Hey, Brody. My name is Emily and I'm Amanda's best friend. Last night her and some of our friends got into a really bad car accident and she's in critical condition. She had been mentioning your name before all of this happened a lot so I figured she would be very happy if I let you know.
Brody: Oh no! What happened? We were talking fine last night and then she just stopped out of nowhere. I thought something was up.
These messages gave me a little relief because I could tell he was worried and that meant he actually cared about me. As little as he cared about me, it was more than enough for me to have something to hold on to.
Emily: She's really hurt. The doctors are trying to figure out what to do. Some bones are broken and she has not regained consciousness since it happened.
Brody: I feel so bad. The last conversation we had was when we had an argument because she didn't want to turn on the stupid camera. I was so damn insistent and annoying. I feel so bad!
HA! There it was. All I wanted. I wanted to make him feel guilty and buy myself some time before he asked to see me on camera again. And it worked. With everything that we made up, we postponed him finding out the truth a little longer. With that, the snowball kept getting bigger and bigger until I completely lost sight of reality. I started to make up diseases, more accidents and more lame excuses. He eventually gave up asking and just kept talking to me on the phone.