In the begging of high school, I did not care much about my grades. I should have, and man do I regret it now, but it was around that time when everyone's hormones started to go absolutely wild and I really needed something ¨special¨ or ¨exciting¨ to happen in my life. I would say I was about 15. I went out with my friends and I always saw them getting asked out to dance, they were always flirting with some attractive young boy and I was always the fat friend who sat on her own at parties, or any kind of gathering for that matter. Being the ugly fat friend who no one ever really took a second glance at was getting pretty old.
Every single day we went out to a party I was tormented even hours prior, during and after about how badly I wished I was someone completely different. How desperately I wanted to be anywhere else. I looked around and all I could see were skinny pretty people. I wanted to be skinny, taller, have longer hair, brighter eyes, longer lashes, a more refined nose, clearer skin. I wanted to be someone I wasn't. I could not stand the fact that people were overseeing my presence and had absolutely no interest or intention in looking past my weight and finding out what my personality was like. That's the one thing I will say I've always loved about myself. I'm outgoing, I have no problem speaking in public, I have absolutely no problem in making new friends. Honestly, once people got to know me, they always knew they'd have an awesome time.
One day, my best friend Emily and I were sitting face to face after the teacher asked the whole class to memorize every country in Europe along with its capital. We had reviewed every single country and we did not seem to be memorizing any of it so we eventually gave up and before we realized it, we were talking about everything but Europe.
Emily: I want this day to be over already. I can't believe how much work we've had to do all day. I'm exhausted! I shouldn't have stayed up watching Grey's Anatomy last night.
Me: I know.
I couldn't say much because I too, had gone to bed way too late because I was catching up on Grey's Anatomy.
Emily: Let's go on Facebook and see if there's anything interesting going on.
She had the biggest smirk on her face as she was pulling out her laptop. As if suddenly going on Facebook woke her up.
Me: We should me memorizing these countries, Emily.
Emily: Oh, come on Amanda, let's get real. How are we going to memorize all of Europe AND it's capitals in these 5 minutes? I don't think it's even psychologically possible.
She made it sound as if the teacher was asking us to do the impossible. But in reality, he had given us more than enough time to do so. Guilt started making its way into my body. But even then, I wanted to know what was happening on Facebook.
And just like that, we were wrapped in the Facebook world. Completely forgetting the fact that we had to memorize and know by heart a lot of information or else we would be getting into big trouble. Looking back, I regret messing up in that specific class. That teacher was awesome. He was one of the few people who noticed I was capable of giving more; of having better grades. He was one of the few people who saw my potential and took the time to tell me about it. Years later he actually ended up writing a recommendation letter for me but I'm getting too far ahead.
After endless scrolling through Emily's news feed on Facebook, I finally pronounced the sentence that changed my life forever. I don't know where the thought came from or why it did. I just know it came abruptly and I blurted it out in the same manner.
Me: Emily! I just had the best idea. We should come up and create a fake profile with someone else's picture and add attractive guys around the world and chat them up and see what happens.
As I was saying these words, I was almost jumping off of my chair. If I could tie something around my mouth to prevent me from saying those words so many years ago, I would.
She gave me a weird look. At first, I thought she must have thought I was a creep. Who would ever come up with something like that? Or was she actually into the idea? I went back and forth with the possibilities in my head. Anxiety was getting the best of me; as always. I was even starting to picture her changing seats after that. I just couldn't figure out what she was actually thinking so I just nodded letting her answer however she saw fit.
Emily: Sometimes you surprise me with how creative you are, Amanda. I never would have thought about doing this but honestly, I think it could be fun.
She got so excited with the idea that she logged out of her account and was beginning to create a whole new profile.
Emily: But who's pictures should we use?
Her face changed. As if she had just realized that it was probably not the best idea to use any of our pictures because we would probably not get the attention we wanted.
I gave her another nod and thought about it carefully. We needed someone who at least spoke our same language so none of her physical traits would give us away. She needed to be attractive so we would have more chance to add men and them not thinking it was weird.
Me: Do you remember Rachel? That girl who competed in beauty pageants years ago? She must be around 24 or 25 now. I think she's good looking and honestly, her body is a ten out of ten AND I have her as a friend on Facebook so we can get her pictures.
Emily: Perfect.
I could see wheels turning in her head. I think she could picture the guys we would be talking to. Looking back, it looks and sounds so simple. Such a short conversation but such a long thread of consequences I was definitely not prepared to deal with at that age. Such a long-lasting domino effect that neither of us ever saw coming.
After having gathered at least 15 pictures of this girl we had chosen, we had finally built up a fake character. Boy did we research this girl and her pictures more than we ever did for any school assignments we should have been working on instead. Now, we had to come up with an exciting life. And this is where our creativities had to come in handy.
She was going to be 23 and had a passion for dancing. She was a model who did advertising for many different brands in her country which made her a little known. She was in the process of graduating college with a psychology major. To this day, I never have admitted this to Emily but this fake girl was everything I was. This person looked like she had her life together and that's all I ever wanted.
Emily: I called her Amanda, too.
This is where the story begins to get twisted. After hearing these words, I should have done something. My stomach turns when I write this down because I know things would have been so different if I hadn't replied the way I did but I really did not give it much thought. I too was already picturing the types of guys who would be lured into our profile. I mean what could possibly go wrong, right?
Me: That's fine.
That's fine!? WHY!? It's everything BUT fine. I look back to measure the amount of stupidity that I let pass.
Once we had a name, pictures, an age, a career and hobbies, we had to find her friends. Because we had to make this profile seem a little more believable. She had to look real. We then proceeded to randomly look for men and some women all over the world because they would never care to verify whether we were telling the truth. What did we add these men based on? Looks. The one thing I was hoping people would bypass with me in real life. Ironic, isn't it? We befriended men in Canada, the U.S, Argentina, Spain, South Africa, France, you name it!
The excitement went on for a couple of days until it completely disappeared. Emily and I even forgot we ever created a fake profile to begin with. I guess it just got boring and eventually, life went back to being normal, monotone and boring and I went back to being once again, the fat friend who no one ever thought of.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. One day, I stumbled upon the fake profile my friend and I had created. It gave me this unexplainable excitement, a jolt of energy and joy that I just couldn't resist and I decided to go on and chat with these attractive foreign guys once again. To this point, we hadn't checked it in months and the friend requests and messages were flooding. I started to get all of the attention I wanted so badly as I was hiding behind a mask. I showed them what my true personality was like and they all seemed to love me for it but I realized it years later and it was too late.
Friend requests kept flowing and pouring in at a stupidly increasing rate and although it was only through chat, I felt I was finally getting what I deserved.