(Alexis' pov)
************
Its been very quiet recently. The chat isn't as active. Maybe everyone is just busy with their videos and stuff. But I don't know.
Its been much longer than weeks since I've last heard from Aksel. And it's not like he went on a trip somewhere, or else he'd talk nonstop about how excited he is.
I'm not sure what's happened, and I'd really like to know, I'm getting a little worried.
I've texted him, many times actually. And that may seem annoying because he could just be taking a break, I know social media can really affect your mental health, and he really does seem to be a big advocate for that, he was always telling us to take care, so maybe I should just leave him alone.
But I don't know, something seems off, he'd tell us if he was taking a break. It just seems like he disappeared out of nowhere.
I sighed deeply, thinking too much is always a bad thing. Maybe I'll text him again, or wait, I should just let him be, I don't want to bother him.
I'm gonna go get dinner now.
(Aksels pov)
************
I haven't left my bed for awhile.
This isn't like me, I don't really feel like me anyway.
And I know it seems dramatic, nobody has a heartache to this extent. And I really could just tell him, but somethings stopping me, the distance, the others opinions on it, and of course, he's not gay.
I mean, he never really disclosed that he's straight, but he's only ever dated girls. And I don't want to hurt him somehow, by telling him. Because if he doesn't like me back, then it'd ruin our friendship. And I don't want to feel anymore alone than I already do, I don't think I could take it.
And even if we dated, there would be immediate problems, the distance especially. I mean, I would move to his place, but it already seems so full. And I don't think he'd really want to move to my place, he'd be far from his family by a long distance.
Why am I even thinking about if he liked me back, obviously he doesn't, why in the world would he like me back? He deserves better anyway.
My phone has been tucked into the bottom of my dresser, I had turned off my ringer and notifications, but even then if I entered an app, I'd have a million texts, and I don't know if I could answer any of them, so I feel guilty.
It's been, actually I don't know how long its been since I last talked to anyone.
I mean, I really could just talk to someone, say hi or something, just to let them know I'm not dead.
I tugged open my dresser drawer and pushed away all the clothes covering my phone.
Shit, who am I even supposed to text? Does anybody actually care whether or not I left? I feel like they're probably just faking it, they don't really mean it when they say they're "worried". If I texted anyone, they would probably just think I'm being overdramatic, anyway.
Scrolling through my phone was getting boring, nothing really matters when I'm feeling like this, I guess.
...
I set down my phone and took a deep breath.
I have to stop feeling like this, it fucking sucks.
I have to get out. I'm going for a walk. A walk outside to the park. It's a little while away, so that'll give me enough time to clear my head a bit.
Looking over to my right, my yellow hoodie hung off of the arm of my chair, I carefully stepped over the junk that had spread about my room.
I slipped it on, picked a beanie up from the floor and put that on.
As I was about to leave the room, I realized that it was too sunny at the moment to wear a hoodie. Whatever, I'll keep it on anyway.
I walked through my house slowly on the way to my doorway, I'm not sure why. It's not like I'm scared or anything. What would I be scared of even?
I took a small step outside my house, the fresh evening air shifting through my body. It was soothing, the atmosphere around me was joyful and easy.
I continued walking, the grass was greener, the sky was bluer, and the world felt colourful. For a second, I even forgot what I was sad about.
Oh right.
As I kept walking, I felt my stepping turn into trudging. Oh fuck, that sunken, heavy feeling, again.
Why is it always like this? Why? God, can't I get one moment of escape from this horrible burden of a feeling? Can't I just forget about him and move on? I hate it, I wish I could just go back to when I didn't like him, or even when I first liked him, when it wasn't controlling my life.
Just one moments peace.
And it's like, all around me is beauty, and I won't even notice it, my brain is turning the world grey, in a way.
Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up!
Will I just be quiet? God.
As I lumbered through town, my head down, my steps getting heavier, my mind filled with millions of little thoughts, I looked up for a moment, looked around and smelled a familiar smell. I spotted the local pub beside me.
I mean, you already know what happens next.
(5 hours later)
(Alexis' pov)
************
I'm in my kitchen, I don't know why I came in here. I've been sitting on my counter top, thinking for awhile.
It's strange. So strange, how he just disappeared. What happened? Where did he even go? Where could he have gone? I've been texting him for so long now, no answers, I'd even be okay with him leaving me on read, or something. Anything, I need to know if he's okay.
Suddenly, I heard a ding and a notification for Twitch that took me from staring at the same screen, I hadn't noticed that I've been sitting here staring at our texts for so long.
The notification read out "Aksel is now live!"
My heart skipped a beat, I quickly tapped the icon and saw his oh so beautiful face.
Or, back of his neck I guess? He wasn't talking much, all I can really see is his back, I think he's laying on his desk.
The chat is filled with messages right now.
hey aksel its gonna be okay!
its all good man💕💕
aksel we love you!
its okay to cry aksel!! get it out, remember we will love you forever!!!💖
Wait, is he crying?
What's going on? Is he alright? Oh my god what happened?
I typed into the chat.
hey aksel what wrong? what happened?
Soon the chat exploded with
alex is here!!
quackity is watching
alexis help him
quack you better help ur friend😤😤
I don't know what to do, how do I help him if he doesn't get up, or answer my texts? What am I supposed to do? Oh god I'm so worried about him, and it's probably nothing.
I bit my lip harder and harder, until Aksel finally sat up, he looked so broken, I had never seen him like this, not for the 6 years I've known him. He always looked the same, upbeat and happy with his life. I've only ever seen him sad when he went through breakups, but none if those came close to the pain in his eyes at the moment.
It's almost like my heart was shredded, just looking at him. I typed again.
hey man, whats wrong? are u okay?
I think he saw it, maybe, hopefully.
The tears kept streaming down his cheeks, I still don't know what to do.
I wish I was next to him right now, I wish I could just give him a big hug and tell him everythings alright.
He finally spoke, after what felt like years.
"Oh god I'm so drunk, sorry guys"
hey aksel its okay to cry!
yeah aksel we love you!! drink water okay?
get a glass of water man💞💘💗
we love you aksel! its okay to cry
"I just..." he paused "I just... I don't know what to do, oh my god I wish I would get over it"
get over what?
i know you can get over whatevers hurting
whats wrong my guy??
He glanced at the chat, tilted his head far back on his chair, looking at the ceiling and said "Fuck! It was such a bad idea to stream! God will I just shut the fuck up, I'm so stupid, fuck." He sniffled, then broke down again, laying his head on his table, then shot back up saying "No! Shut the fuck up! Will I just shut the fuck up!"
This went on for longer, him breaking down, sobbing, then telling himself to "shut the fuck up", I wanted to tell him it's okay, to tell him that I'll always be here for him, and I wish that I knew what was going on, what exactly happened.
"Ugh! And all of this over one, stupid guy! Why the fuck do I even like him this much, I'm so annoying I wish I'd stop crying and I'd stop liking him." He slurred slightly on some of his words.
Wait, who's the guy? I swear to god, once I find out who he is, I'm gonna beat the absolute shit out of him. How dare he hurt Aksel like this, what kind of person would do that to such a loving and kind human being.
"Shit, I wish I would get over him, with his perfect face and his perfect personality, god I hate him," Aksel paused, then fell into his hands,
"so why do I love him so much..." he sobbed quietly.
aksel its gonna be ok just breathe and drink some water
who is the culprit?
yeah who did this??
its just a crush youll get over it soon! its alright!
"You guys are so nice, shit." Aksel said, he sounded like he was in so much pain. I really do want to kill whoever hurt him like this, though.
"Fuck, fuckkk, fuck! I hate myself so much! Will I just shut up for once! I'm going to regret going live in the morning. Ugh I don't know why I love this boy so much, and I just know he'll never love me back, why would he like me anyway? Fuck my life, god it's so shitty, I wish I would just get over myself and forget about Al-... him, I wish I would be quiet and forget about him." He rambled, I really fucking want to kill the guy that hurt him, if I knew who he was.
I typed into that chat.
Aksel what happened??
The chat, soon after exploded with people saying
quack help him!
alexs still here
alexis do something!!!
quackity is still here :0
alex help!
Aksel looked down at the chat.
"Oh shit, is Alex here?" he spoke, almost in a whisper. I could see some worry in his face.
The live then went blank, thanks for watching!
Did- did he shut off the stream because of me? What did I do? Did I say the wrong thing?
I texted him as quickly as possible.
Alex: hey man whats wrong? are u okay? who hurt u? what happened?
No answer.
Alex: did i do something wrong?
what happened??
Still no answer.
Alex: is it something i said?
what did i do?
Alex: please answer
Alex: are you ok??
Alex: I don't know what to do
Alex: who hurt u? i will kill them for u
Alex: answer me please i dont know what to do i hate to see u like this
Alex: say something, anything
No answer.
Alex: please
I sat, waiting, I have never been so worried, usually when he likes someone its nothing, he gets over it quickly, or they start dating.
It's different this time, somethings off, I'm not sure, I've never seen him like this.
I wish I could hug him so bad right now, I wish I could have his arms around me, to have him whisper in my ear to let me know that he's doing okay. I wish that I could do the same to him. I want him to be okay so badly. I fucking hate to see him sad.
Alex: are u okay?
You are blocked from this number, you cannot, receive or send messages, phone calls, or facetime this number.
What?
Wait, what? I'm so confused, what is going on?
Fuck, I'm so worried, is he okay? Whats going on?
Does he hate me? Did the guy he likes make him hate me? What did I do? Did I say something wrong? What am I supposed to do? Is he embarrassed? Why doesn't he want to talk to me? What did I do?
What happened?