The first person who I kind of like is Dean Ramirez. Maybe since my uncle is the top investor in the academy, he always made sure that my records remained spotless despite my multiple detentions.
"Miller, you know I can't always save you," he said. His aura seems to be more troublesome than worrisome.
"Yeah, you told me that a thousand times, but you always ended up saving me," I murmured. I let my disinterest show without giving his presence any thought.
"Yes, and this time I'm really not going to save you. You know Miss Jamison is the head of faculty here, and she has the very right to denounce you," sambit niya na ikinataas ng kilay ko.
"Miller," he said sighing while rubbing his temples.
"I'm aware of your uncle's investment in this academy, but I can't keep helping you out if you're going to continue acting this way," he said seriously.
"I'm not even asking you to save me," I said coldly. He rested his back on the chair while closing his eyes tightly. Tumayo na ako at agad na dinampot ang aking bag sa katabing leather chair.
"I need to suspend you for a week or two; it depends on the faculty members decisions." I sighed, keeping myself from laughing. Sana pala dati ko pa itong ginawa kung suspension lang pala ang parusa ko.
"In addition, you also have to do cleaning service for the whole day, today." My smiling inner self stops after hearing those words.
"I'm not going to do that," matigas na saad ko, but only he shook his head, sapat para iparating sa aking wala na akong magagawa pa.
"I'm sorry, Miller. It's better this way than kicking you out of this school," he finally remarked and all I could do was start mentally berating him. I'm taking back what I said before. I now despise him over anything.
I was passing the receptionist hall when I noticed the same guy this morning. He is not wearing his fast food uniform, but a dark blue mix with a white and yellow polo shirt indicates the word BSIT at his back. He was talking to the receptionist. As I recall, she's the same woman who gossiped about me from her fellow receptionist about my behavioral issue at this school. She even added overrated stories, which makes me hate her to the bone.
"Ma'am wala po akong 60,000 pesos na pambayad sa tuition fees. Idagdag pa ang books at supplies. May mga pangangailangan din po ako gaya ng pagkain at iba pang living expenses. I can't afford my dorm room. Without my scholarship, hindi po ako makakapag aral. Bakit bigla-bigla naman po nawala and scholarship ko?" he asked the receptionist calmly, but the woman looked up at him with disgust on her face.
"Oo sa katapusan ng buwan dapat mabayaran mo lahat 'yan, kung hindi ay maaalis ka sa academy na ito," she uttered. His face showed nothing but concern. It looks like he's about to cry any moment now.
"Hindi ka sana mamomroblema nang ganiyan hijo kung nag-aaral ka nang mabuti. Bihira lang ang nakakakuha ng scholarship tapos sinayang mo lang. Hay! Mga bata talaga ngayon napaka pabaya sa pag-aaral," sermon sa kaniya ng babae na lalo lang nakapag pa bagsak ng balikat ng lalaki. I rolled my eyes, looking at the woman at the reception desk. Her words don't help people; instead, they bring them down even more to the ground. Ewan ba bakit may mga taong hilig may bigay ng opinion sa mga bagay na hindi na nila sakop lalo na sa buhay ng ibang tao. They will keep saying something as if they are a perfect human being. Sana nananahimik nalang sila dahil wala namang pakinabang ang kanilang mga bibig.
I do not claim to be a saint, nice person, or kind person—I am none of those things. I have trouble controlling my emotions, and the only feeling I can articulate is anger—all other feelings seem to be nonexistent.
My point is, if you just happen to meet someone who is suffering under hardship, just shut the f*ck up and never give them false words. Hindi kana nga nakakatulong nakaka-agrabyado kapa. Just don't say anything unless it's comforting.
"I'm sorry, po," he said, lowering his head. Akala mo ay may ginawa nga siyang kasalanan sa babaeng ito.
"Sorry, naku hijo kawawa ang mga magulang mo, wag kang magtaka kong ikahiya ka nila." Tumaas ang kilay ko sa nadinig at hindi ko na natiis pang hindi lumapit at makialm.
"Look who's talking," saad kong bigla habang deretsang nakatingin sa list of updated books malapit sa kanilang pwesto. In my peripheral view, I saw both of them looked at me. Nagtatakang nakatingin lang sa akin ang lalaki habang halos mag dugsong naman ang kilay ng receptionist.
"Ina rin ako kaya alam ko ang mararamdaman ng mga magulang sa mga ganitong sitwasiyon," I smirked, still looking at the peace of paper na paulit-ulit ko lang namang binabasa.
"Well, shame on me," I remarked cynically, keeping my expression expressionless. Humarap ako sa kanila, isinandal ang kaliwang balikat sa pader at nag cross arms.
"How about the perspective of a boy who is aware of his mother's romance with Mr. Ernie?"I remarked, pulling my most unpleasant expression while glancing off into the distance.
I stared at her and shrugged my shoulders, saying, "Nuh, I guess you don't."
"But maybe he does," I said, gesturing with my finger to my schoolmate, the delivery lad.
I conclude that the receptionist is having an affair with my physics professor, Mr. Ernie. Since the professor has been acting like a bitch more often than not since I cursed out of him this week. The receptionist did the same and made sure that the story will reach the whole academy.
"Pa-paano mo nalaman yan?" her face paled as she dropped her nail file.
"Just an assumption, but you just confirmed it for me." I smirked, then turned my heels away from them. The delivery boy followed me, unspoken, until we reached the locker room.
"Bakit mo ako tinulungan kanina?" he asked.
"I don't; I just hate her myself," I said with a heavy sigh.
"But still, thank you. You defended me back there." I open my locker, take my belongings, and load them all into my bagpack.
"It feels great when you do it yourself."
"Hindi ko kaya, I'm afraid to hurt people," he said which made me chuckle.
"Really? You're afraid to hurt people, even if they intend to hurt you?" I shaked my head in disbelief.
"Yeah, does it sound weird?"
"No, that sounds foolish," I answered. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, his phone rang. He's still standing right next to me, his phone nestled in his right ear, as I carry on packing.
"Hello Doc, what's the update on my mom?" he asks sadly. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang mapalingon sa kaniya.
"Do whatever it takes, Doc," he said, sighing repeatedly.
"Well, how much is it?" he said again, trying to keep his voice under control. Mixed emotions have been flastered on his face while listening to what the doctor is telling him. His hands are massaging his temples and he is closing his eyes tightly.
"So I need to have 252,000 pesos by the end of this month?" I heard him say, and I couldn't help but glance at the small calendar on my locker: November 21st. He has nine days to come up with, I assumed, money.
"I'll figure it out," he said as he hung up.
"I'm sorry for making a phone call in front of you. I'm Noah Sanchez, by the way," he said, offering his hands for a shake. A moment passed, and I just looked at his hands until he took them back on his own.
"Ahm- what's your name again?" pag-iiba nito.
"Liv- Liv Miller," I answered plainly. Ngumiti siya ngunit agad ring nawala at bigla itong mapahawak sa kaniyang bibig na tila biglang may naalala.
"Wait, your—you're the woman I delivered at this morning, right?" gulat na tanong nito na mukhang hindi makapaniwala. I mentally laugh at his facades, dahil sa ngayon lang niya napagtantong nakita na niya ako kanina lang rin. But I maintain my flat facial expression, which I believe is a big help in intimidating people.
"Naku pasensiya kana sa pangungulit ko kanina huh," kamot sa ulong paghingi nang paumanhin nito. Tumango lang naman ako bilang sagot saka walang paalam na lumabas nang locker room. Nagulat yata ito sa biglang pang-iiwan ko sa kaniya pero mas nagugulat ako dahil mukhang hindi omuobra sa kaniya ang aking dating.
"Where are you heading?"
"Library," mabilis kong sagot.
"Teka duon ang daan papuntang library ah—wait don't tell me papunta ka din sa lumang library?" gulat nanamang sambit nito.
I don't know why, but it seems like everything was shocking for him.
"Hoy! Saglit wag mo akong iwan!" paghabol nito sa akin ng iwan ko nanaman siya. Sumabay ito sa paglalakad ko at isinilid ang dalawang kamay sa bulsa.
"Sabay na tayong pumunta sa lumang library, takot ako dun e," anito na mukhang naka switch mode yata lagi. Kanina lang parang pinagsakloban nang langit at lupa ang mukha niya pero ngayon parang walang 300 thousand pesos na dapat problemahin.
"Alam moba 'yong kwento tungkol dito sa lumang library?" I give him a weak look.
"Mukha ba akong may pakialam?" he laughed and it annoys me. Kung sana nainform ako na baliw pala tong lalaking ito, hindi nalang sana ako nakialam sa kanila nuong receptionist kanina.
"Kahit wala kang pake sasabihin ko parin sayo para matakot ka rin. Unfair naman kung ako lang diba?" I rolled my eyes at him ngunit baliwala lang ito sa kaniya.
"As if," bulong kong saad at hinayaan na siyang mag salita mag-isa.
"Sabi kasi ng mga estudyante dito may nagpapakita daw ditong multo. Ginahasa daw 'yon ng anim na estudyante at hindi nabigyan nang hustisya kaya hindi matahimik ang kaniyang kaluluwa," kwento niya na mukhang kinilabutan sa kaniyang sariling pananakot. Sakto namang nasa entrada na kami nang lumang library.
The library looks like a hunted building from the horror movie. Cracks on the cement are everywhere, and the black and green stain from the rain and dust has dirtied the white wall; it's obviously been standing for ages now. Mukhang kunting lindol lang ay babagsak na ang gusaling ito. I wonder why they can't just demolish this building.
Noah opened the rusty gate, and I caught him gulping in nervousness. I plastered a smile on my mind while looking at his priceless expression, but I shrugged the thought off when he fearfully looked at me.
"Sabay tayo pumasok?" anito na binigyan pa ako nang pilit na ngiti.
The dried narra leaves are making these eerie sounds in silence, mixing the rhythm of my normal breathing with Noah's murmurs. Ngayon lang ako napadpad sa likod na bahagi ng school dahil ipinagbabawal ang area na ito. Nakakapagtaka lang na ito pa ang napiling ipalinis sa akin ni Dean Ramirez, kung sa bagay I'd prefer this isolated place than cleaning quadrangles or the gym.
"Katakot naman," saad nitong kasama ko na kumapit pa sa aking braso. Ako naman ay pilit iyong inaalis ngunit sadyang mahigpit ang kapit niya.
"Why are you even here, Noah? Takot ka pala sana hindi kana pumunta dito—can you let go of my arm?" inis kong sambit. Nag piece sign ito saka ako binibitawan.
Urgh, so annoying!
"Parusa ko kasi to dahil tatlong beses na akong late sa philosophy." My eyebrow raised hearing that subject; it reminds me of the old hag.
"Alam mo kasi I'm a schollar, but I failed Philosophy because of my absences, so the Dean took away my scholarship, and not just that, I also needed to do cleaning service for the rest of the day. Tsk! Kung pwede lang sa quadrangle nalang or sa gym o di kaya sa soccer field wag lang sa hunted library na ito." Napasabunot pa ito sa sarili at tila maiiyak na.
"Then why don't you ask Dean?" I said, rolling my eyes.
"I did, but he said my maintenance daw para sa mga facilities na'yon dito daw ang wala, so I have no other choice. Ikaw bakit ka nandito?" I sighed.
"Three times, detention this week equals this," I said, saka hinampas ang kamay niyang kakapit nanaman sana sa braso ko. Tumapat kami sa maduming wooden two doors ng gusali and I was about to ask him how to get inside when he pulled out a key from his pocket.
"Where did you get that?" takang tanong ko habang pinapanuod siyang buksan ang pintuan.
"Kay Dean," sabi niya at tuluyan na kaming nakapasok sa loob.
"Dito ka, duon ako sa may mga book shelves," utos ko dito ngunit hindi niya yata alam kong tatango nalang siya o hindi. Iniwan ko nalang siya duon dahil hindi kami matatapos kung hindi pa namin sisimulan ito. Isa pa, gustong-gusto ko nang umuwi.
"Can we just clean this place together?" pasigaw na tanong niya. Medyo malayo kasi ang pwesto ko dahil sinimulan ko sa dulo ang pag lilinis. Isa pa ay masyadong malawak ang buong silid aklatan. Kung ikukumpara sa ginagamit naming library ngayon ay doble ang laki nito. Nag e-echo nga ang boses tuwing magsasalita at kahit kaunting ingay na gawin ay aalingawngaw sa buong paligid.
"Nuh! we can't do that. It's better this way, mas mapapabilis tayo."
Wala itong nagawa at napakamot nalang sa kaniyang ulo. Palingon-lingon ito sa paligid habang nag pupunas ng mga lamesa na akala mo ay biglang may bubulaga sa kaniya duon. Nag simula na ako sa paglilinis ng mga libro. Malakas na ipinagpag ko muna ang dalawang libro sa isat-isa para kahit papano ay mabawasan naman ang makakapal na alikabok bago ko pupunasan ng basahan.
"Anong course mo?" he ask, maybe trying to brake the silence inside the room.
"BA Psicology," maiksing sagot ko at pinagpatuloy ang ginagawang pag lilinis ng mga libro ng may mapansin akong kakaiba. Nakakapag takang may kaisa-isang libro dito ang malinis samantalang karamihan sa mga libro ay natatabunan na nang alikabok. Ang iba nga ay hindi na mabasa ang cover sa subrang kapal nang dumi. Ngunit itong kulay pulang librong kaharap ko ngayon ay malinis at walang mababahid na kahit kaunting alikabok.
"Talaga? I'm from BSIT department, graduating na rin kaya hopefully makaraos lalo na ngayong wala na akong scholarship."
I'm not even looking at him because I'm too occupied with this book. Kinuha ko ito at pinagkatitigang mabuti.
It's a mystery and thriller book, sobrang nakakapagtaka na matagpuan ito dito sa loob nang library. Puro academic book naman kasi ang nakikita ko dito kanina pa, ito lang yata ang nag-iisang hindi. Maaaring may nakaiwan lang nang librong ito dito. Maybe some students left this book inside dahil alam kong tumatambay dito ang iba. Marami rin naman kasing estudyante ang hindi sumusunod sa ipinagbabawal nang school heads. Ibedensiya na ang mga nakita kong upos nang sigarilyong nagkalat sa paligid ng gusali. But how can this book be in here? Samantalang kita kong naka-lock kanina ang pinto nang library. Inilibot ko ang paningin sa paligid at wala naman akong nakikitang pwedeng pasukan. Yes, the building looks old, but there are no holes that can be a passageway inside. Wala ring ibang entrance and exit, kundi ang pinasukan lang namin. Ibinalik ko ang paningin sa libro.
It's a Tom Pawlik book titled Beckon. Hindi ako pamilyar sa kwentong ito, kaya binuksan ko nang saglit ang ilang pahina.
"Ano yan?" Noah suddenly dulged beside me. Curiosity flashes through his face when he sees the book in my hand.
"Saan mo nakuha yan? Wala ka namang dalang libro kanina ah," he said, which made me look at him.
"What do you mean?"
"Obviously, hindi naman yan galing sa loob ng library na ito, and by the look of it, it's still new. The cover is hard, unlike the other books in here; na kulang nalang ay mag hiwa-hiwalay na sa kalumaan." He then rubbed his index finger to the book cover and looked at me again.
"No signs of dust either." Tumaas ang kilay ko at itinago ang amusement.
"Paano kong napunasan ko na?"
"It doesn't make sense, Liv. Kung napunasan mo lang 'yan walang dudang may ilang alikabok parin ang maiiwan. Look at the rag."
Tiningnan ko sa aking kamay ang basahang punong-puno na nang alikabok, hindi ko na nga makita ang natural na kulay nitong puti dahil sa kadumihan.
"Using the same fabric, hindi mo malilinis ng hundred present ang kahit na anong libro dito. Kahit ilang pagpag pa ang gawin mo, sa kapal ng alikabok ng mga libro paniguradong may maiiwan parin. I can say that you didn't even place your right hand in this book and used only your left hand, because if you did, I'm pretty sure mag-iiwan rin iyan ng marka ng dumi," he said seriously.
"Impressive," I honestly said, giving him a small nod. He smiled very jolly and moved his eyebrows up and down.
"So, where did you get that?"
"Here," I said.
"Siguro may nauna na sa atin kanina dito at sinadyang iwan 'yan."
"Why is that?" I asked.
"Hmm, hindi kasi pwede na kagabi or kahapon pa 'yan naiwan dito, if that happens, walang dudang maalikabok na rin 'yan ngayon. Look, dito pa siya nakalagay sa masyadong lantad na area. Ilang oras lang na iwan mo 'yan dito madudumihan na agad. Look at the ceiling." Sabay pa kaming napatingala at sabay ding tumungo nang parehas kaming mapuwing.
"See? Kusa ng bumabagsak ang mga unos ng kisame sa pwestong ito, kahit nga ang buhok mo meron na rin e." Automatikong napa hawak naman agad ako sa aking ulohan at tama nga siya.
"But the room is locked, paanong may nakakapasok dito?" kunot-nuo kong tanong na maging siya ay nagkibit-balikat lang rin.
I feel wretched about this all of a sudden, and I can't take my eyes off the book. When I turn the pages, I don't see anything strange or noteworthy. But for a little moment, my heart stopped when I flipped it over.
"Isla," turan kong bigla habang paunti-unting gumagapang sa buong kalamnan ko ang kaba at takot sa kung ano mang nabubuo sa utak kong konklusyon. Agad na binitawan ko ang libro at hindi na ako nagdalawang isip pa na iwanan ang ginagawa, saka nagtatakbo palabas ng lumang library.
"Teka Liv! Wag mo akong iwan dito, saan ka pupunta?!" Humabol sa akin si Noah at tila nagulat sa aking kinilos. However, I'm out of time to stop him. Now, getting my ass out of this school is the only thing that matters. I have to make sure Isla is okay even though I have no idea what the heck is wrong with that book or that library. Masama ang kutob ko.
Tuluyan na akong nakalabas ng library ng biglang higitin ni Noah ang kamay ko at hinila ako sa ibang dereksiyon. Gusto ko sana siyang sigawan dahil wala na akong oras para sa kaniya, pero hindi ko na tinuloy ng matanaw ko ang lumang gate sa may gilid lang din ng library na siyang itinuturo nito. Medyo tago ito sa makakapal na damo at malalaking puno ng acacia. Hindi na ako nag pa tumpik-tumpik at inunahan ko na siya sa pagtakbo.
Sarado ang gate ngunit marami sa grills nito ay sira na. Pinagkasya ko ang katawan upang makalabas lang duon saka agad na pumara ng taxi. Hingal na umabot si Noah sa sasakyan habang hawak ang dibdib.
"Ang bilis mo tumakbo, babae kaba?" aniya na hindi ko pinansin.
Nangingilig ngayon ang aking mga kamay dulot ng labis na pag-aalala. Hindi na ako mapakali kaya naman ng huminto ang sasakyan sa tinitirhan kong apartment ay nagtatakbo agad ako papasok. Nag kandarapa pa si Noah sa pag habol sa akin sa hagdang matarik, pero hindi ko na siya nilingon pa.
"Isla!" tawag ko sa aking aso ng makapasok ako ng aking apartment.